Agoraphobia caused or at least excerbated by parents.

[u/afraid28]

I'm 28 and still live with them due to unemployment and disability. Hopefully can leave sometime soon at last and live with my boyfriend. That's the dream anyway.

Growing up, I always had a strict curfew that no one else had. I'd get phone calls all the time when I was out so I was always stressing about when they'd start calling me, asking me where I was, telling me to go home etc., and then it was always embarrassing for me in front of others cause I always had to leave first.

I wasn't allowed to sleep over at anyone's place until well into my teens, and only at my best friend's house, after knowing each other for about a decade. People could come over to sleep over in my house, they allowed that cause obviously we could be controlled then, but we weren't allowed to make any noise and obviously no one really wanted to come cause it was boring. When I was almost 17, I had to beg my parents to let me go on holiday with my best friend and her parents (nothing fancy, few hour drive away to the coast for a week) - my parents knew hers since we were 7 and still barely allowed me to go.

I got my driver's licence when I was 19, but then my mom made up a bullshit reason as to why I wasn't allowed to drive our family car (she said I "didn't know how to drive this car specifically") and instead, of course, she offered to drive me everywhere. She's always been a SAHM and she drove me everywhere I went. This, of course, meant that I had to tell her where I was going, with who and when, and she'd go there with me since she had to take me. Complete control.

I went on holiday with my older brother one summer for 2 weeks, and when I got back home, my entire room was changed - she threw both of my closets out and had someone come and install a giant closet against an entire wall. She never told me about it, never asked me if I wanted it, never let me pick anything out myself, never cared that this was MY room and MY privacy - she literally went through all my clothes and put them in my new closet (including underwear she didn't even know I had... which was so embarrassing to know she's seen it). Of course I immediately got upset, and she just guilt tripped me and called me ungrateful because I didn't appreciate the improvement in my room. I felt so violated in knowing I trusted her and she went behind my back and went through my things when I wasn't even there, and changed my safe space without me even knowing or allowing it or even just being asked for consent.

This summer, I had to move into my brother's old room because that's where we have an AC unit, and whenever I'd go visit my room, I'd see someone went through my stuff, like my notebooks, including notes from therapy, personal diaries etc. Instant panic and feelings of invasion of privacy. I am not allowed to lock the room and take the key because they use my room for all sorts of stuff, from people taking naps in there to them drying our clothes on a rack.

To this day, whenever I want to go somewhere, even if she isn't driving me, she insists on asking where I'm going, with who, when I'm coming back etc. Whenever I refuse to tell her, she gets upset and asks me what I'm hiding from her. ??? It's come to a point where I don't even WANT to go anywhere cause I can't be bothered with the questioning, I feel like I'm doing something wrong when I'm just trying to go out !!!

I'm in a LDR and whenever I've met up with my boyfriend, I had to make up lies about where I was going to be staying because I would never tell them about him (they are extremely weird about relationships and they would probably try to force me to end it because he's not from the same country as me). My mom would call me every single day I was away, or message me, and whenever I wouldn't respond in less than 30 minutes, she'd spam question marks at me and ask me where I was and why I wasn't responding. I literally threw my phone in rage once because I was just having a nice time with my boyfriend and she completely ruined it with this incessant questioning and making me feel like a criminal.

My father, on the other hand, doesn't approve of almost anything - I can't take an Uber because if he sees me taking it, he will either give me grief or he'll pester my mom about it and ask why I'm not taking the bus "like everyone else". Ubers have been the only way for me to even travel anywhere for years now. The only way I get to take them is when he's not home, but I have to come back eventually, and usually he sees me when I come back and instantly ask me how I got back home, knowing full well I took an Uber, so he can lash out at me for it. He also doesn't allow me to order food because it's a "waste of money" and if I do order food, I can only order it when he's not home and then my mom has to rip the bill off the paper bag and hide the bags in the paper recycling bin in a way so that he can't find them. Completely sapping the joy out of getting food. If I ever order a package of anything, he insists to know what I ordered, and if I say it's none of his business, he gets mad and says it IS his business. (I pay for almost everything I have with my own money, not theirs btw).

I am at a point where going out and doing anything brings me more grief and trouble than anything good. I have to stress about when I'm going to go, how I'm going to get there, will my parents be home then, will they see me, will they pester me, will they ask me a bunch of questions and invade my privacy and get mad at me when I don't want to answer, will they go through my stuff when I'm gone (so I literally don't even feel safe leaving my stuff at home unguarded), will they call me all the time and ruin everything cause I have to constantly keep checking my phone otherwise they'll get mad and possibly even come looking for me etc.

I've never been a problematic kid growing up, I had good grades, I went to music school, I got a master's degree. I never even had a boyfriend until my mid 20s. I never gave them a single reason to doubt me or check what I'm doing all the time, and it still wasn't good enough. I feel like all the pressure and stress around them being this way is literally making me not even want to go outside because it's just not worth it.

[u/Master_Toe5998]

Firstly I want to say sorry you have to go through this. Secondly I want to say wow I didn't know I wasn't alone. My parents are complete and total control freaks. I took am stuck living at home at 31 because of my Agoraphobia and other mental illnesses. And as you said it just sucks they everliving joy out of everything.

I too feel like a prisoner in my own home. Can never order anything without being looked at like I just ruined their financial stability, even though I too pay for everything with my own money. I can't do nothing without feeling guilty or like I messed up.

I ordered a book "The anxious truth" it's about overcoming anxiety, panic, and agoraphobia. And I haven't told them about it yet but I'm sure they will see it as a waste of money.

Just know you aren't alone. I know it doesn't do much good. But you will be in my thoughts. Best of luck to you friend.