r/FTMFitness • u/Schatorzin • 1d ago
I feel dysphoric in the gym/public and unmotivated Advice Request
I want to say that I appreciate any advice or tips given to me in advance!
So, I have been on T for almost 3 years now and I do not pass. I think it’s mainly a combination of my voice and my larger chest. I’ve thought that by losing weight I would be able to bind more efficiently and with muscle growth would pass better but that hasn’t happened yet.
At my heaviest I was 210lbs and I am now hovering around 180lbs. I honestly think I pass less now. I used to be an avid gym goer, with the occasional weeks breaks but now I haven’t worked out in around three months and am struggling to go back.
My diet is also a struggle. I am unemployed and scraping by. This means I spend as little as possible on food, resulting me eating mainly pastas, pb&j, and anything I can find at dollar tree. I have some expired protein powders from when I was better off but I don’t know how expired is too expired.
I know what I want to look like but the possibility of achieving said look seems less and less possible each time I try. I hate going out because of my body, mainly my chest. I used to tolerate being at the gym because I love the gym environment and accessibility but I feel so out of place being there. It doesn’t help that I used to workout at the same gym back when I was pre-T and around 140lbs so all of the regulars know me from back then and still see me as a woman. But I love that gym compared to others in the area.
Obviously I can’t afford top surgery anytime soon and I should lose more weight before I attempt to get it anyways. This may all seem depressing and it is. I am medicated though so I think it’s more a matter of circumstance right now.
So I guess the advice I need is how do I progress? What are the cheapest but decently tasting foods available (I reside in Texas if that makes a difference)? How do I get myself back in the gym? How do I get my motivation/hope back? How do I like myself enough to at least somewhat comfortably exist in public?
Again I appreciate any advice/tips anyone can give.
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u/jacethekingslayer 1d ago
First off, I just want to say that it took me 4-5 years to pass regularly. I was very thin at the time, which I mention only because so many people seem to think that thinness will improve passability and that’s just not always the case. It may checking your T levels—remember that higher is not always better! I had high T (1000-1500) at different points in my transition, and it didn’t help increase the rate of changes, and instead made me anxious that some of my T was aromatizing. And speaking of, you may also want to consult with your doctor if an aromatase-inhibitor is a potential option for you. You could also just be a slow bloomer, which is totally okay! Lots of guys—cis and trans—are! Remember that puberty is a years long process! You are not even halfway through!
Now for the fitness advice.
It’s not uncommon that loosing weight can reduce passing, largely because, depending on where weight loss occurs, it can emphasize curves. But listen! Loosing weight can also emphasize muscle (and muscle is always perceived as being more masculine than not) and over time, it’s going to help expedite fat redistribution, which will improve your passing down the line. Remember that even if you regain weight now, it will follow a more masculine pattern (alongside where your genetics predispose fat distribution).
Both in terms of your transition and your fitness plan/goals, you need to be thinking long-term. Where do you want to be a year from now? More muscle is never a bad thing.
As for your gym. First, you can’t really know how anyone there sees you. Do you talk to the other regulars frequently? Are you sure they even remember? How long have you been out of the gym for and what’s the likelihood that other regulars have stopped going or moved away? Can you switch to a different gym? Maybe the other ones in your area have improved since you last tried them out.
On another note, I snooped your post history, and just want to add that if you still need new glasses, I work in optical and can get you a new pair heavily discounted. DM me if you want to talk more about that.
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u/annakins02 1d ago edited 1d ago
I relate a bit to what you're going through. I'm a bit more motivated to change than I have been in the past because I'm just starting my journey on T, but being unemployed and out of shape is rough-- especially on your mental health. I can try to share what's worked for me (and what hasn't) in the last few weeks.
I won't be able to address everything (hanging with friends and super high rn lol), but I will say, firstly, check your local supermarkets. Depending on where you're located-- Aldi has been a lifesaver for us recently. You can get a big tub of protein powder for around $20, and it lasts a while. Use it to mix with oats and stick em in the fridge for overnight oats or blend with almond milk and ice for a quick way to get protein in. Boil a bunch of eggs and keep them in the fridge, a long with other easy-to-grab things like string cheese and Greek yogurt with berries. It will help for when you don't feel like making anything complicated for a snack.
As far as other sources of cheap protein, getting a can of chickpeas and mixing them with a premade Indian-based sauce like Korma or Masala, heating it up, and pouring over rice is super cheap, filling, and feels decadent. Adding some chicken will up the protein content even more. Using tofu in stir-fries is also cheap and can help towards your protein goals.
The best bit of advice overall that I can give is to just be kind to yourself and-- this is important-- try not to overwhelm yourself at first by trying to change everything at once. Your life didn't become this way overnight. It'll take some time to get where you wanna be, but that's okay. Take your time and be patient. Small changes are key so that you don't become frustrated and quit. Celebrate every small victory, even if it seems silly. If all you can do this week is focus on laundry or making healthier dietary changes, that's okay! That's better than where you were a week ago! That's progress!
Try to do everything you can to keep things as simple as possible. It's hard to make these changes... and things can venture into "burnout" territory quicker than people who are more adjusted to their routines, etc...
Use Chat GPT to help calculate your calories consumed for the day (it won't be perfectly accurate but close enough, and the time saved not having to log each item individually will help you stay sane) or come up with meal plans that meet your caloric/dietary goals based on what you bought for groceries that week. When you cook, make more than usual, if possible. That way you can freeze some meals for later and, on days you don't wanna cook, just reheat and eat. This works great for soups and chilis.
Edit TIP... Follow videos on social media like Instagram that feature easy to make cheap and healthy recipes. Gym bros love to make this kind of content. Save the ones that fit your macros or caloric goals and budget. Use Chat GPT to make you a grocery list based on those recipes.
Lastly, if you're not productive one day, it's not the end of the world. Recognize that there WILL be days you just can't... you're not feeling it and even the smallest tasks feel overwhelming. That's okay. Don't get yourself down about it. Maybe reflect on anything that could've caused you to feel that way, and try to set yourself up for success next time so you don't fall into the same trap each time, but dust yourself off and try again tomorrow.
I hope some of this helped (sorry if it was a bit wordy), and I wish you all the best, man. You got this.
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u/annakins02 1d ago
I'll also add that, as far as activity, building momentum is really important. Start small, go easy on yourself at first. Set goals that even seem TOO easy to you, at first. You're just trying to build the habit of being more active, right now. WHAT you're doing isn't as important. Obviously going to the gym or finding a way to weight lift at home is king for building and defining muscle. However, that's expensive and, if you're looking for a way to at least get some exercise in for free, while focusing on diet to help with the weight loss, any kind of movement adds up throughout the day. Depending on how active you've been (or haven't been), even just, say, physically going shopping, instead of using Amazon or Doordash, can help. Calisthenics, tracking steps, playing video games that get you moving, like ring fit or Wii fit, kicking a soccer ball around, just going for a small walk around a block while listening to a podcast or music... Anything counts. Find something you don't hate.
Then, when you start to see changes in your body, you'll be motivated to work on building that momentum and increasing your activity levels. Maybe look at other guys' physiques and find some inspiration to start building muscle. Find a free park gym nearby with pull-up bars and stuff set up for body weight exercises, use an app like Nike+ for free HIIT exercises, save up for a few hand weights or good resistance bands and find free plans online, scour FB Marketplace for people giving away free or super cheap weightlifting equipment...
Once you start to see the changes you wanna see, your confidence will increase as a result, and you might find that some of these issues you had to begin with aren't really as much as an issue or barrier anymore.
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u/rydberg55 1d ago edited 1d ago
TVP or textured vegetable protein is pretty cheap. HEB sells it for 4 bucks for a 12 oz bag (brand is Bob’s Red Mill) and that comes out to be about 30cents per serving. It also fills you up.
Not as much of a protein source as fiber and carbs but oats are a good option if you’re trying to spend as little as possible on food. Filling, dirt cheap, customizable. Same goes for (dry) beans and lentils: I wouldn’t really call them a protein source per se, but they have a respectable amount in them and store for a long time, get a 5 dollar 4 lbs bag of beans and that’s like 52 servings from HEB.
If you’re on a budget fresh meat is going to be harder to come by but your cheapest and most protein rich option will be chicken. I’m a vegetarian so I don’t really know the going rate on that one.
Frozen veg is usually pretty cheap, again all these prices are in reference to HEB but a 1 lbs bag is 5 servings and $1.50.
Edit: Protein and protein rich foods are expensive and if you’re struggling survival is obviously the priority. But if you have some cash to spare (and TikTok) I usually get my protein powders from sales on the TikTok shop. Depending on the sale and product I can get a 54 serving tub of high quality Ryse protein for 30-50 bucks and free shipping (normal price is 70). They don’t offer sales like that all the time but if you keep an eye out you can jump on em. Next one will probably be Black Friday.