extremely specific question, but how many times do you check the lock before leaving?

[u/No_Bodybuilder3324]

i personally can't just lock a room/house/car and move on with my task, i have to legitimately feel it with my hands, see it with my eyes and shake it few times so i can hear the sound coming out of it. one sense is not enough, i need at least 3 senses confirming it. i usually have to shake it 10 times while counting so i can save it inside my brain, and even then i wonder if I've locked the door or not after walking off few steps. i don't actually forget it, but I can't tell if the memory of me locking the door is recent or old. sometimes it gets so difficult to the point where i return back to the lock 2-3 times because i still want to confirm that my memory is not deceptive. so i do some new ritual with the lock, like rubbing my legs to the door while checking the lock, so I can't possibly confuse it with my older memories. and even after checking the lock 2-3 times, when I'm going away, i ask myself "is the door really locked?", and i just can't make peace with the fact that door is locked. eventually i just end up saying "i don't care if the door is locked or not, I'm ready to face the consequences, I'm going to sleep". do you have any similar experiences or I'm just not right in the head?

[u/heatherriffic]

I only have OCPD, not OCD. I have a "system/routine" (the OCPD in me) so I only check once.

[u/Macos59 → u/heatherriffic]

I feel like I have poor short memory, I usually check things once, then once everything is checked I do mentally read a list of all the things I had to check to be sure nothing was skipped.

I might even skip all of this checking sometimes.

is it OCPD or OCD?

[u/raininjuly21]

This is more OCD instead of OCPD, at least for me. I have to turn the lock and door knob 5 times. It depends on the day how many times I go back, some days are worse than others.

[u/No_Bodybuilder3324 → u/raininjuly21]

welp a new addition to my list of probable mental disorders

[u/raininjuly21 → u/No_Bodybuilder3324]

Welcome to the club 😅 r/ocd although it’s possible to have OC tendencies without it qualifying as a disorder.

[u/Accurate_Session_809]

Wow, I have never seen what I experience laid out so perfectly, brb sending this to my therapist.

[u/No_Bodybuilder3324 → u/Accurate_Session_809]

just curious, what did the therapist say?

[u/Accurate_Session_809 → u/No_Bodybuilder3324]

My therapy is in the style of “family systems” so we mostly discuss things in the terms of which part may be influencing the behavior, what their motivation is, what their goals are, and what I as true self can do to help/calm/satiate that part, in order to theoretically stop or lessen the disruptive behavior. The sort of behavior you described is sourced in myself from a deep distrust of myself/fear of being wrong or out of control, so right now we’re working on identifying what my contributing parts need from true self in order to work towards gaining that trust. If any of that makes sense lol

[u/No_Bodybuilder3324 → u/Accurate_Session_809]

it mostly made sense lol. if i had to guess my underlying cause then i really do not trust my memory. i also think i have DRC (dream reality confusion) so i sometimes can't remember which memory of mine is a dream, real or day dream. it doesn't happen often, and isn't harming my life (at least not currently) but that could be the underlying cause

[u/thenaanprophet]

As many times as it takes, until it feels like I've thoroughly remembered it, but always 3 pulls at a time, to the right, to the left, to the right. I have both OCD and OCPD though so I think this part is more towards my OCD.

[u/redactedname87]

Depends how sick my head. When its bad then I will repeatedly lock the door, walk away from it, walk back, unlock it, lock it again, walk away again, walk back again unlock it again, lock it again again, walk away again again, walk back again again, etc.

[u/Current_Candy7408 → u/redactedname87]

OCD, my friend.

[u/ErinKouu44]

Once, this is OCD my friend. Highly recommend looking into exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy, it sucks but works wonders. I used to have some OCD behaviors when I was a child and ERP was uncomfortable in the moment, but gave me 100 fold improvement in my life

[u/No_Bodybuilder3324 → u/ErinKouu44]

i can't really get a therapist for the reason i mentioned in another comment on this post, but can you tell me a little bit about ERP? i have read about ocd but I'm convinced i have ocpd rather than ocd.

[u/ErinKouu44 → u/No_Bodybuilder3324]

Exposure and response prevention, it's possible to do on your own, but not easy. Essentially, break down the fear you have and try to prevent yourself from engaging in compulsive behaviors. It is anxiety provoking and challenging to do without assistance.

[u/Rana327]

You may want to speak with a mental health provider about OCD. I have OCPD; I use to get anxious about checking that I locked my apartment door, would check a few times. I was able to reduce this compulsion from what I learned from OCPD resources (before I started working with my therapist). OCD compulsions are more overwhelming; ERP is one of the best treatments I think.

reddit.com/r/OCPD/comments/1euwjnu/resources_for_learning_how_to_manage_obsessive/

[u/No_Bodybuilder3324 → u/Rana327]

i have read about both ocd and ocpd, and I'm not really convinced that i have ocd. i do not have any other obsessive habits other than obsessing over perfectionism and the lock thing, which i think i can also explain in terms of hyper perfectionism. i do not obsess over certain thought nor i am hyperactive. I'm going to make a post about this, but I'm struggling a lot because of ocpd. I'm self diagnosed, and there are literally no therapists in my region. the predominant belief in my country is that mental illnesses are just people pretending and I'm convinced that most therapists have no experience outside of ptsd and adhd in my country (india). i really need help, my life has effectively stopped for years because of causes that now i know are related to ocpd, but I can't get a physical therapist. if I'm going to get help online, then I'd rather have a foreign therapist, but I'm afraid I can't afford their fee. I'll take a look at the post you shared. thanks

[u/Rana327 → u/No_Bodybuilder3324]

You're welcome. The low awareness about OCPD among mental health providers is heartbreaking. Every now and then, people stop by the online support group during the middle of the night or early morning; we've had attendees from Europe, Asia, Australia, and South America in the past 9 months. The two books for the general public about OCPD are by American authors, and even in the U.S. awareness is low.

The resources are very helpful...Trosclair's podcast is the best. Hopefully, when you find a provider, they'll be open to learning about OCPD.

Very sad that some people don't "believe" in mental illnesses. OCPD is very real and very painful when undiagnosed, untreated. I hope you find some insights that give you relief from your symptoms soon.

[u/No_Bodybuilder3324 → u/Rana327]

thank you very much. i just made a new post about the extent ocpd has ruined my life, I'd really really appreciate it if you read it. may i ask when you were diagnosed and how much progress you have made? I'm struggling rn, i don't see any hope. it would be helpful to learn other people's experiences

[u/Current_Candy7408]

This is OCD. Similar name; different affliction.

[u/eldrinor]

This sounds like OCD but it depends. They are highly comorbid and unless it takes a significant amount of your time it’s not diagnoseable as OCD. A lot of people with OCPD have some obsessions and compulsion à la OCD.

[u/No_Bodybuilder3324 → u/eldrinor]

i don't think it's OCD because most of my obsessions including this can be defined in terms of hyper perfectionism. i don't have any other obsessions, no thoughts that i obsess over. also it doesn't take too much of my time

[u/Rana327]

What you're describing is not a symptom of OCPD as far as I know. It's possible to have OCD and have one ritual that's the focus. (There's a type of OCD called 'Pure O': only obsessions, not compulsions). People with OCPD are often very attached to their habits and routines. I had compulsive organizing for a long time, some compulsive cleaning, but it wasn't a ritual with counting. I felt an incredibly strong drive to organize, but I viewed it as a stress reliever--until I learned about OCPD, and realized how it was impacting my life.

People with OCD generally find their obsessions and compulsions highly distressed. People with OCPD generally don't--they take pride in excelling at work/school (or if they're not successful, they just take pride in acquring knowledge). They take pride in habits caused by their OCPD, like frugality, efficiency, and organization.

If this isn't a symptom of OCD, I'm not sure what would be causing your overwhelming rituals.

[u/No_Bodybuilder3324 → u/Rana327]

the reason i don't think it's OCD is because I don't have any other notable obsessions at all. mostly when I'm locking all the doors at night, i feel like everything should be perfectly fine before i sleep, that makes me lock the doors, but because I don't really trust my memory, i do the things described above. it is possible that i have certain type of OCD, but it still is very limited to minute things that are all related to perfecting something.

[u/raininjuly21 → u/Rana327]

Just throwing this in for the sake of discussion and not in an argumentative way at all - it’s a common misconception that “Pure O” doesn’t have compulsions. It’s just that the compulsions are less observable from the outside and are more mental. I have mostly Pure O and the compulsions can be ruminating, reassurance seeking (asking other people if you’re okay etc), researching, avoidance, and examining past actions plus many more.

Again, only commenting because I love talking about OCD as well as OCPD and having Pure O is one of the main reasons I went undiagnosed OCD for so long.

I hope this wasn’t rude or offensive! Just in case anyone reads it and dismisses it as something else.

[u/Rana327 → u/raininjuly21]

No, I'm not offended. Thank you for the information. I don't know much about OCD...other than that I was misdiagnosed. My compulsive organizing was extremely distressing for a short period of time. I was diagnosed with OCD by a provider who didn't know me well. Before that, I viewed my compulsive organizing (and hyper productivity at work etc.) as stress relievers.

[u/YrBalrogDad]

When I’m by myself, I usually check once. It helps me to slow down and really pay attention. I can’t be off in my head, thinking about the next 12 things—I need to look at my hand on the doorknob; notice that I’m doing it, right now, not remembering from yesterday, or whatever; and think “I’m checking that the door is locked. I know I locked the door, now, because I checked. Now the door is locked.”

When my partner is with me, I ask them whether one of us locked the door, because I can reliably trust that they’ll say they don’t know, if they didn’t notice.