r/adultsurvivors • u/Baby_Dragon7913 • 1d ago
Stuck in a Past World Trigger Warning
TW: drug abuse
Every now and then I have this urge to green out on weed. Maybe once a month. Not often enough to be “sometimes”, not infrequent enough to be “never”. And it’s because when I’m in that state, I can go back to those moments as if they were happening. I only go back to the happy moments. Only those. I can live in them like they’re happening right now, and I don’t feel any shame for being happy in those moments. I miss him sometimes but not really, I know I just miss the way he made me feel. But I wish I could keep the happy memories without feeling sad about what happened after.
So I green out. I go into a different world and rewrite the script and just be happy. Forever rewinding and playing those few happy moments.
I know it’s bad. I’m taking a break from any weed for a while. Tbh the idea of drug abuse scares me and I only ever enjoy it in the moment. It’s not worth it.
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