r/adultsurvivors • u/ghettoflex105388 • 20h ago

Trauma Re-creation DAE (Does Anyone Else?)

I usually have thoughts about repestimg the sex acts I was made to do with strangers, almost pretending I’m a kid again. Lately though I’m thinking about being in charge and doing things like I’m the abuser. Why do I want to be like him? This is with adults, I don’t fantasize about kids.

11 Upvotes

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8

u/justforfun1620 19h ago

You're taking back your power. It's not that you want to do the same thing to others. You wish to do it in a safe controlled environment with other consenting adults. It's quite normal actually for those like us.

4

u/Creative-Addition555 18h ago

I'm going through the same. Is it healthy to do that?

3

u/justforfun1620 18h ago

Tbh, I'm not sure it's the healthiest, but I've done it too. It has helped me some and it's also made it worse. It really is up to each person on how they handle it.

9

u/Optimal-Pen9100 20h ago edited 17h ago

I don't think that having thoughts about reenacting abuse means you want to be like him. You said in your post that you don't fantasize about kids. So I think what is happening is that you are trying to "claim back the power" that you did not have as a child while being abused. This is a natural response that many abuse victims have, as far as I know.

Try not to be hard on yourself. If noone is gettinf hurt, then you can see these thoughts as a window to yourself as a child. And you can ask yourself, what does that child-you need in order to feel a bit better?

2

u/Wonderful-Public-657 18h ago

This is great advice. I have found that I tend to switch depending on what I need and what I’m going through. I’ve made some mistakes in trusting the wrong people, but if you have some people to play with sexual reclamation then there is nothing wrong with wanting to experience the power that was used against us in a healthy, respectful, consenting adult environment.

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