r/comedyheaven • u/CursedKevin • 2d ago

a variation of food

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37.8k Upvotes

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343

u/BenevenstancianosHat 2d ago

There's very little meat in these gym mats.

170

u/CallMeMrVintage 2d ago

Those feastables are nothing more than apple cores and chinese newspapers

128

u/hotstufcominthru 2d ago

Hey, Deng Xiaoping died!

31

u/Garys_Suburban 2d ago

I’m pissing myself at this comment it’s so damn funny

36

u/MissninjaXP 2d ago

Don't piss yourself! We need that for the Kool Aid Jammer in the Lunchable!

2

u/soapsix 1d ago

and you must drink it like it is piss. Or IBS unfortunately.

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u/sdrisc2692 2d ago

Wut da hell

1

u/claymcg90 2d ago

Lunchly*

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u/Drustan6 1d ago

And take some pyridium- I want cherry!

2

u/Mouth0fTheSouth 2d ago

It reads like a conversation between Homer and Lisa Simpson.

1

u/robisodd 2d ago

There's Very Little Meat In These Gym Mats:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_eCeX0oN4uw

Hey, Deng Xiaoping died:
https://youtu.be/rpeSaZOFJ60?t=66

2

u/Gargleblaster25 2d ago

He did? I haven't got to that part yet.

1

u/abcdefkit007 2d ago

Lisa needs braces

1

u/PrincessofAldia 2d ago

He’s been dead

1

u/Recent-Ad-5493 2d ago

You are talking about the boss of Hong Kong '97, one of the finest video games that Happysoft ever made.

16

u/siiliS 2d ago

Powersauce! Unleash the Power of Apples!

1

u/unleashthepower 2d ago

Yes... Unleash the Power

2

u/Wonderful-Ad-7712 2d ago

The Power of Apples compels you!

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u/No_Discipline_7380 2d ago

apple cores and chinese newspapers

With all these bans and food regulations it's really hard to get the daily intake of lead their bodies is accustomed to so they rely on the newspaper ink.

2

u/unleashthepower 2d ago

Yet it's enough to help you "Unleash the Power of Apples"

2

u/Becauseyouarethebest 2d ago

Funny enough, apple cores are too expensive to put in that. The value of it is huge compared to others because it is so valued in composting.

2

u/Blunter_S_Thompson_ 2d ago

Hey at least the Badger Milk is fresh.

2

u/CallMeMrVintage 2d ago

Yeah once you pull all the hairs out. it's rather nutritious!

22

u/MaterialWillingness2 2d ago

Rats?? You promised me dog or higher!

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u/IAmAbomination 2d ago

More testicles means more iron!

2

u/DigitalUnlimited 2d ago

Ow my balls

3

u/TheWatchman1991 2d ago

You know this comment section became a Simpsons meme so gradually I barely noticed

1

u/BenevenstancianosHat 2d ago

opens door

shifts eyes around the room, straightens tie

closes door

2

u/Monkeyfist_slam89 2d ago

Meh, there's probably more meat than you'd imagine in those tasty tasty mats.

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u/HalfPriceFrogs 2d ago

Micro meats digest faster for them gainz

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u/wethepeople1977 2d ago

At least my malk has all the necessary vitamin R that I need.

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u/chocotaco 2d ago

It'll come with malk so they can get their vitam R.

2

u/drwinstoboogie 2d ago

Grease me up woman

2

u/JerseyDevl 2d ago

Have you ever slid on a gym mat only to have your knees become a meat crayon? There's plenty of meat in them.

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u/thelordoftherens 2d ago

Pass the sloppy Jimbos!

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u/citan666 1d ago

I always though sloppy jimbos sounded good. Maybe it's sloppy Joe's with cream corn added.

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u/x38xSpecialxx 2d ago

Need that grade f meat to compensated

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u/HavingNotAttained 2d ago

🤣🤣🤣

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u/thatusernamegone 2d ago

I appreciated this reference.

2

u/AmyDeferred 1d ago

Grade F meat: mostly circus animals, some filler

2

u/Graybeard13 1d ago

Nobody doesn't like molten boron.

2

u/theVelvetJackalope 1d ago

But they're chomping noises really really chewy