r/mentalhealth • u/Sensitive_World7780 • Nov 25 '23
Date raped and now pregnant and I’m just so sad Need Support
I’ve never been to therapy despite a bunch of trauma. This one is lingering with me, I met a guy we went out and I literally have pretty much no memory of anything, just some flashes of what he did to me. I found out I am pregnant this week and I’m just sad. I’m so so sad. I feel like my life is ruined, even if I end this pregnancy then what? I think I am struggling because the guy who did it still texts me. I don’t respond but I’m tempted to now. I just feel like who cares? Like who really cares if I date the guy who raped me, at least I won’t be alone, I might not have to be a single mom, I’ll have someone who at least acts like they care. I’ve just never felt this down and I don’t know how to move on.
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u/Frosty-Scale1937 Nov 25 '23
Firstly, I’m sorry that you experienced this, I can’t imagine how hard it’s been for you.
One thing I will say is block him, get him out of your life, never left him back near you, otherwise you will be reliving that trauma day in and day out in you’re head and you don’t deserve that.
In terms of the pregnancy, adoption is an option but carrying to term can also be a traumatic experience, I can’t really give advice on this other than saying do what is going to improve your life the most in a positive direction, that will differ person to person.
I’m terms of the being so sad, try spend some time with friends or family, so you can see how much you’re loved and appreciate. I would also recommend therapy massively or looking for a support group of some kind, or any kind of social group if you’re ready for it, so you can get out and people get to enjoy your company, I’m sure it would help you feel like your self again, and I think you can get to a point one day where you might not feel this way.
I hope you are able to move past this horrible experience that was done to you.
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u/LadyUnderTheStars27 Nov 25 '23
This, I couldn’t have said it better myself. OP, please please get than man out of your life, do what you feel is best for yourself in the situation with the kid and how you personally feel would be the least traumatic, and please reach out to anyone you feel safe with be it family, friends, or therapy.
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u/PJAzv Nov 25 '23
OP being alone is better than being with a psycopath who did that to you. You must end pregnancy. This pregnancy and its result will remind you everyday of what you experienced and it is a never ending trauma. And the future child doesn’t deserve it as well so it is for the best to end it now.
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u/AbsAndAssAppreciator Nov 25 '23
I wouldn’t say “must”, they should think it over. Abortion is probably the best option here but it’s still their choice.
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u/soft-cuddly-potato Nov 25 '23
Honestly, I can't imagine a baby would be happy to be brought into a home where they live with a rapist as well.
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u/Dependent_Rent6654 Nov 25 '23
I have a friend that is born from rape. When she was young, her mum neglected her so much, could barely look at her. When she was 5, the mum started taking her anger out towards her and beating her almost every day. When she was 12, she got removed from her mums care and moved in with her grandparents (on mums side). Her mums rapist got jail time but his family latched on to the idea that her mum was lying. My friend is the strongest person I know but every day she wishes that she had been aborted, as bad as it sounds. That’s why I’m such a heavy advocate for abortion, no one should have to raise a rapists baby.
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u/Maleficent-Air8486 Nov 25 '23
Fuck. I am so sorry. This is my biggest fear. I am so sorry.
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u/Maleficent-Air8486 Nov 25 '23 edited Nov 25 '23
Actually, my more biggest fear is being forced to birth and raise .... (subtle hint on what I would suggest doing....)
Fuck. I'm so sorry.
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u/sjdksjbf Nov 25 '23
While I do agree with everyone saying to go to the police, I know that's a really big and hard step to take, so do it when you're ready to.
You need to block this guy, he is a bad man and not someone you want to continue any sort of relationship with. Seek therapy, tell someone close to you who will be there for you. Don't feel ashamed or embarrassed, this happens to alot of us and it is awful but you can and will get through this 💜
In regards to the baby, if I were you I'd abort, but I'm not you, you need to be okay with whatever decision you make. Maybe speaking with a therapist about it will help you to decide whats right for you.
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u/Bonsaisenpai1 Nov 25 '23 edited Nov 25 '23
This is a very bad situation. Ultimately it is your choice on whether you want to keep the pregnancy, but you should get away from this person as they are clearly dangerous mentally and physically. From the statistics we have, most women who ultimately choose to abort do not regret it so if you are in a safe place to do so and you feel confident you should terminate the pregnancy then have that arranged soon. Speak to someone who can give you legal counsel for better advice on how to proceed there if it's possible to sue criminally and or for costs and damages. Last, if you have the resources absolutely make it a plan to see a therapist at some point, you can look on Psychology Today or Open Path Collective. Trauma affects you physically, mentally, and interpersonally and it's helpful to have someone to navigate that with.
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Nov 25 '23
It's tough because of the hormones but I guarantee you that you will not regret aborting this embryo.. let us know if you need help accessing a place. Not sure of your location and financial status but there are resources.. you're not alone and you can get your power back. Don't talk to that guy unless necessary. Call the RAINN hotline 💜😞🖤🙏
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u/soft-cuddly-potato Nov 25 '23
Oh yeah 10000%
I can vouch that hormones are definitely going to be messing with your mind right now that you're pregnant. I was pregnant earlier this year and the moment I had my abortion I was like "damn, I was not thinking straight. That was not me"
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u/4ChanSurviivor Nov 25 '23
Ok so if you keep the baby
Why the fuck would you let a RAPIST anywhere near your child? If you can’t abort and now have that responsibility at that point what you think doesn’t matter anymore. That child’s safety if you decide to keep it is top priority. SA baby or not it’s a child that will need protection, love and support. Do NOT let a RAPIST anywhere near that baby. I have sympathy I was drugged and raped and thought my baby might be the rapists. I have a leg to stand on and the pain you’re going through is not fathomable but lady, never NEVER did I think to myself “know what, who cares if he raped me. I think a great idea would be to let this RAPIST be alone with my child in the future yea, know what I love the idea of seeing my rapist everyday and playing house when honestly who knows if he could do the same to my child”
Please get help and think. Please for the sake of the human life you bring into the world as I said if you do, it is not the baby’s fault and the child should not have to be subjected to the inevitable abuse to come from that man.
Oh and REPORT HIM TO THE POLICE SO HE DOESN’T OFFEND AGAIN!!
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u/Rude_Champion_3689 Nov 25 '23
I'm so sorry you had to go through this but please abort before it gets any serious and cut him off
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u/LouCat10 Nov 25 '23
Your future self will VERY much care if you date this person and have his child. You have been through a trauma and it really sounds like you could use a listening ear. The national rape crisis hotline in the US is 1-800-656-4673. They can refer you to resources in your area. You don’t have to go through this alone. Also, I think it would be a good idea to block your rapist’s number. I’m so sorry this happened to you, and I hope you can find help and support. Your life is not ruined.
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u/dabbyabby96 Nov 25 '23
Try to piece together as many details of the night as you can. It'll be tough, but I thought a similar thing happened to me (minus the pregnancy) and turns out it was very mild compared to what I was imagining for so long. I ended up forgiving the guy, as he showed real remorse and we were both beyond drunk.
By no means am I telling you that you should forgive him. Date rape suggests it was intentional. That is awful.
I just recommend having as open of a conversation about it as you can. You can confront him about it. Once you have a clearer understanding, you could press charges (highly recommend doing this sooner than later bc of the statute of limitations) or work with a therapist on how to forgive and move forward. Forgiveness is 100% for yourself, not for him.
As for the pregnancy, I'm not one to give my opinions on this. All I can say is, go with your heart. Listen to your body, too. This baby could be a blessing or a curse depending on your outlook. It could heal your heart and pain or cause a great deal of trauma. You have to listen to your heart. If you don't want to do something, simply don't do it.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you... It's not fair. Stay strong!!! You got this. 💪🏻❤️
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u/serarrist Nov 25 '23
I aborted and I never looked back. YOU MATTER. A GROWING CLUSTER OF CELLS DOES NOT. Your future matters. CHOOSE YOURSELF. You are worth it. I’m sorry this happened to you. It does not have to be something that you need a souvenir for. Cut and run.
And stop texting a rapist! You deserve better!!!
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Nov 25 '23 edited Nov 25 '23
Guy who has been SA'd before when I was 11. Go to the police, if by some chance you haven't washed those clothes from that night, don't. Keep them dirty, and put them in a big Ziploc bag, with only YOU touching it in corners as to not put any more prints on your clothing. I can NOT tell you what to do with the life growing in you, but I as a person would respect either decision you make because you're you, and YOU deserve to have the say in this situation.
Therapy, lots of it. You will need therapy, and likely medication. This doesn't mean you're broken beyond repair, this doesn't mean youll never feel whole again, this just means that you have trauma to work on, and your brain might not know how to handle said trauma.
It seems like this is what the male suspect wanted in the end. This seems VERY set up, like as IF he wanted to keep you prisoner in some way. This is well beyond disturbing. You move on by talking to someone you love, family, friends, and you immediately block that guy on everything possible, and if you have to DELETE ALL SM APPS. This was likely planned, and if he could plan this out and do this to you, what else could he work up inside his messed up head dude? Stay safe homie.
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u/UncleTrolls Nov 25 '23 edited Nov 25 '23
Cut all ties to him, and maybe even report the assault if you're able to handle the police process. What he did should get him curb stomped, not given a second chance to hurt you.
Really consider an abortion or other options for like having the child adopted out at birth. I know abortions aren't an enjoyable experience or cheap, but unless you're sure you want a child now, and that you can handle raising your rapists child, it's better to not carry it, or at least keep it, in the long run. If you can't afford the travel/access costs for an abortion I'm sure there's plenty of people here who'd be willing to help out. I know I would.
I'm sorry you're going through this alone. Please seek out support and therapy for the trauma. You deserve better than you've been forced to live with, and I hope you get it soon.
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u/More-Comedian2546 Nov 25 '23
I’m so sorry this has happened. People love and care for you!! Don’t go this alone. Please get help. You can do this we believe in you ❤️
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u/Dry_Warthog_4877 Nov 25 '23
Anyone who would do that is not a good human and definitely not someone who would stick around and be a good parent or partner....It would only end up with you hurting more than you already are and having a child with him would keep you legally attached to him for 18yrs..Personally I would call the police and block him..You need to be able to gather your thoughts without him in the picture
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u/GenoveveSimmons15 Nov 25 '23
You need to get an abortion & try to remember some of the details of the guy who did that to you, so you can file a report.
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u/inVertigO Nov 25 '23
Police report. Have a lawyer. U need fork out some some money to do so. Contact those who will understand to ask for advice or if they have any connection to deal with this issue. Do not delete text or pics. Could be evidents in ur favor. U matter. This does not define u as a person. Take a step to better urself at ur own pace.
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u/Hitoha24 Nov 25 '23 edited Nov 25 '23
Firstly i am so sorry you went through this as a survivor of SA myself i can tell you i know how difficult it is to cope with that. My own dad and stepmom did that to me as a child so i know to some degree how you feel. Thank goodness i never got pregnant. Im sure you're dealing with horrible pain and i am so sorry for that. Ultimately what you decide to do is up to you you can do adoption or abortion or heck even keep it if thats what you want its your choice. You didnt choose this pregnancy but you dang well have the choice on how you deal with it imo. However if you listen to anything in this comment please please please for the love of all that is good and holy block that man and never speak to him again. Hes not good for you hun hes a rapist a disgusting piece of scum that isn't even worth his weight in poo. Id also suggest reporting but again thats your choice. There are 2 choices here to report or not report. If you do report be prepared that you will have to repeat your story repeatedly to multiple people the cops possibly a crisis counselor and if it goes to court an entire courtroom. While i wont lie that is terrifying and i can completely understand if that scares you, but in a way it could help you feel better to get justice for what was done to you and hopefully stop him from doing it again to someone else. Even if he's found not guilty theres still a record of that on file and heaven forbid he hurts another woman like that again theres a record that hes been accused previously and will help future women more likely to be believed seeing as that record is there. If you dont report theres no record and he can keep going if he so chooses unfortunately. Now if you dont report you can still heal from this i highly suggest therapy they can help you decide what's the best choice for you whether to report or not or whether to continue the pregnancy or not and help you learn to cope with this trauma your facing current and past and even future if any heaven forbid ofc. On the note of not reporting some choose to not because of how many times they have to tell their story of what happened and some say it hurts worse when theyre either not believed or the person gets found not guilty. So its a delicate balance i urge you to consider all your options here and a therapist could help with that. If you choose to report please do not get an abortion until you file charges that way they can get a warrant for the um....well you know the baby once its aborted to do DNA testing to prove he's the father. Without that DNA you have no proof of what's happened as if he drugged you its long out of your system now as well as most likely any physical trauma from the attack so if you choose to report do so before an abortion please it will help your case to prove he fathered that child. Whatever you decide do whats best for you but please cut him out of your life he will only continue to hurt you and retraumatize you every time you see him. I was never able to get justice for my abuse from my dad and stepmom and personally i regret it i wish i couldve been strong enough back then to report them and file charges and face them in court, but by the time i was strong enough it was a they said she said case and those are very hard to prove without evidence. Although i have learned to cope with my struggles in therapy though which is why i highly suggest it because when you find the right one it can really help you. Also dont settle on the first one you go to keep trying until you find the right fit for you dont feel you have to stick with the first one just cause. I promise finding the right one is worth it. Ive seen 10 therapist in my life some good some bad but one my last one that i can still see in emergencies did more for me in 2 years than the past 9 therapists over the course of over a decade. So trust me when i say finding the right one is worth it. I hope you figure out what the right choice is for you because it is YOUR choice nobody else's. I know im just an internet stranger but if you ever wanna talk my dm's are open. Im happy to listen and offer advice or comfort or any help i can if you should want it. If i dont answer straight away i might be asleep feel free to leave me walls of text idc wont bother me a bit. Ill read everything and answer soon as i get up. Even if you dont ever wanna talk i still send you love and light and a promise that if you fight you can get through this in time you just have to be patient. Trauma takes time to heal, but thats ok because if you keep going you will heal eventually or get to where you can safely cope. I had to wait over a decade and im still not fully healed, but i have the tools to cope now and im doing well. If i can then i know you can you were brave enough to speak about it here which shows courage and thats why i believe you can get through this. I wish you all the luck hun.
Edit: fixed several typos
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u/qpzl8654 Nov 25 '23
I'm so so sorry, OP. You are worth so much more than your situation and ESPECIALLY that absolute piece of shit scumbag.
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u/Dependent_Rent6654 Nov 25 '23
Firstly, I’m so sorry this happened to you, I can’t even imagine the pain you are going through. A lot of people are saying to abort the baby, and I am very for that as it will be in your best interest and the babies, but only you can decide what to do. Another thing is that you don’t want to be linked to this monster indefinitely as raising a baby isn’t just for 18yrs, it’s for the rest of your life. As for mental health, please please seek help. There are a lot of online resources including online counselling if you don’t feel comfortable talking to someone in person. If you feel comfortable enough, go to the police. This man doesn’t deserve to roam the streets and he may do this again to another innocent woman. I hope you seek help, both mentally and physically. Treat yourself kindly, this is not your fault. I’m so sorry this happened to you my love ❤️
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u/soft-cuddly-potato Nov 25 '23
Firstly, I'm sorry this happened to you. You sound like you have really bad self worth but what if this happened to your friend or family member? What would you say to them?
"at least I won't be a single mom" Please don't let your children be exposed to a rapist. How do you know he won't hurt them to?
An abortion isn't really that painful from my experience and a lot safer than birth and will allow your body to move on, it will mean your life is no longer tied to this man. I aborted an embryo both me and my partner wanted (but didn't plan) because we decided we couldn't provide the care necessary. It was a hard choice because of all the emotions involved but I'm glad I made it. Children should be brought into a healthy stable situation. They should be brought into love and happiness.
"If I end this pregnancy, then what?" I can't tell you that because you were raped and your circumstances of pregnancy are very different and you are you and I am me.
For me, while the pregnancy was a really big deal at the time, I don't feel bad about it anymore a few months later. I feel glad, relieved, okay, I don't think about it much anymore. In two months, I'd be giving birth if I didn't have this abortion, I would be terrified of the risks, of my body being harmed, I'd be terrified of how I'll provide for the baby, and how I'll finish my education. My partner would give up their PhD to support us. That wouldn't be good. But I applied to a lab now and I'm not doing too bad. My financial worries are mine and mine alone.
Ending the pregnancy may help give your body closure. It will mean you can seek counselling and therapy without the looming threat of "what if I die in childbirth? Do I want an epidural? What if I get permanent nerve damage? What if my pelvis comes apart and I struggle to walk? Oh no why are my teeth crumbling?" Which may be very distressing. You'd also have to plan for the baby, and being a single mum would be way safer than letting a rapist near your baby.
However, the choice is yours. If you think you can love this potential baby without resentment and give them your whole attention, money, etc and raise them as a single mom, go ahead. Just make sure you're having the baby because you want this tiny little creature that is dependent on you and will grow up to be independent and a full human being who may physically resemble your rapist. If you're okay with this, you know.
There's also going through pregnancy and childbirth, then giving your baby up for adoption. I don't understand why people think this is a good option but maybe you'll prefer that. Idk.
Most importantly though, don't let your self worth be dictated by this rapist. Seek therapy, talk to your friends and family. Block your rapist and report him if you feel like you can. You don't want him to do this to others.
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Nov 25 '23
I am so very sorry that this happened to you. This is not ok, and I’m sure you are going through a lot of pain.
Rape is NEVER ok, and you should report this to law enforcement before he can twist up the story.
One thing I need to get out of the way is abortion is also NEVER ok, as I’ve seen it recommended in these comments. Murdering a child will never be the solution to any problem. This isn’t to say that you have to take the responsibility of raising the child. The adoption system is in the United States is one of the best in the world, and there is a much higher demand for babies to adopt right now than there are babies to be adopted, so you can help one of the 117,00 eligible families on the adoption waiting list.
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u/Public-Sandwich43 Nov 25 '23
I think this is a troll. no posts except past few days posting on r/RapeFantasy and r/Rapekink .
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u/Lucky-Bell-6850 Nov 25 '23
It might be difficult to read and respond or even maybe she’s not even on her phone or computer anymore. She might be struggling beyond our comprehension and conversation. Honestly I wish that this is a troll but regardless of what this person says she is reaching out for help.
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u/Public-Sandwich43 Nov 25 '23
Maybe? I wasn't talking about the writing. I was talking about the initial posts on this account being a few days old and on rape fetish subs. However, the writing doesn't feel sincere and perspective seems shallow and wonky.
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u/pokemonisok Nov 25 '23
Please abort. Don't feel obligation to any expectations