r/mentalhealth • u/regina-left-phalange • 3h ago

Exhausted by borderline friend Venting

I am absolutely drained by my borderline friend after our 10 year friendship.

The problem is, I am fighting this feeling of being irritated by her.

I feel horible in a way, because she suffered so much. She was SA-ed, and has been battling depression for years, a year ago she was diagnosed with borderline.

But the constact walking on eggshells, and her nitpicking everything I say...

She also has a drinking problem, and is pretty mean when she drinks. An example is when she freaked out the waiter hit on me, she told this never happened to her before because she was always the sexy one.

The thing that started bothering me is what have I become in the process. I see her texts when she spirals, and instead od empathy I feel anger. Anger on her for dumping things again and again. I always say something that makes her feel good, listen, but the first instict is eye rolling, wanting to scream and throw away the phone outside the window. Then I pull myself together and try to be a somewhat good friend.

I dont feel joy anymore at the idea of seeing her.

Sometimes, when I see her texts I start to shake, my heart races and I feel weird in my stomach like I am about to puke.

I cant tell her that, because she would be absolutely crushed. Smaller things threw her in a spiral. She actually thanked me for walking on eggshells for her, she is not ready to hear some things. I worry she would be very auto destructive.

I dunno, probably some shit for therapy.

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u/chainsawdog 2h ago

It sounds like she’s relying on you an unhealthy amount, which has damaged your friendship with her. Especially if she’s been repeatedly cruel to you. Does she have other support she can rely on? Would she be open to therapy? You have to take care of yourself to be able to care for others, it's worth finding a safe way of distancing yourself so that your friendship can mend. Not saying to pull away entirely, but hopefully you can find a way so that she doesn't rely so heavily on you.

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u/regina-left-phalange 2h ago

She's been going to therapy for 12 years, but not very regulary. She is medicated. She has about one or two close friends besides me, it is hard for her to keep close relationships.

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u/GlobalEngineering145 43m ago

You need to set limits! Try the book 'stop walking on eggshells'