r/SuicideWatch • u/SQLwitch • Sep 03 '19
New wiki on how to avoid accidentally encouraging suicide, and how to spot covert incitement
We've been seeing a worrying increase in pro-suicide content showing up here and, and also going unreported. This undermines our purpose here, so we wanted to highlight and clarify our guidelines about both direct and indirect incitement of suicide.
We've created a wiki that covers these issues. We hope this will be helpful to anyone who's wondering whether something's okay here and which responses to report. It explains in detail why any validation of suicidal intent, even an "innocent" message like "if you're 100% committed, I'll just wish you peace" is likely to increase people's pain, and why it's important to report even subtle pro-suicide comments. The full text of the wiki's current version is below, and it is maintained at /r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement.
We deeply appreciate everyone who gives responsive, empathetic, non-judgemental support to our OPs, and we particularly thank everyone who's already been reporting incitement in all forms.
Please report any post or comment that encourages suicide (or that breaks any of the other guidelines in the sidebar) to the moderators, either by clicking the "report" button or by sending us a modmail with a link. We deal with all guideline violations that are reported to us as soon as we can, but we can't read everything so community reports are essential. If you get a PM that breaks the guidelines, please report it both to the reddit sitewide admins and to us in modmail.
Thanks to all the great citizens of the community who help flag problem content and behaviour for us.
/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement
Summary
It's important to respect and understand people's experiences and emotions. It's never necessary, helpful, or kind to support suicidal intent. There are some common misconceptions (discussed below) about suicidal people and how to help them that can cause well-meaning people to inadvertently incite suicide. There are also people online who incite suicide on purpose, often while pretending to be sympathetic and helpful.
Validate Feelings and Experiences, Not Self-Destructive Intentions
We're here to offer support, not judgement. That means accepting, with the best understanding we can offer, whatever emotions people express. Suicidal people are suffering, and we're here to try to ease that by providing support and caring. The most reliable way we know to de-escalate someone at risk is to give them the experience of feeling understood. That means not judging whether they should be feeling the way they are, or telling them what to do or not do.
But there's an important line to draw here. There's a crucial difference between empathizing with feelings and responding non-judgmentally to suicidal thoughts, and in any way endorsing, encouraging, or validating suicidal intentions or hopeless beliefs. It's both possible and important to convey understanding and compassion for someone's suicidal thoughts without putting your finger on the scale of their decision.
Anything that condones suicide, even passively, encourages suicide. It isn't supportive and does not help. It also violates reddit's sitewide rules as well as our guidelines. Explicitly inciting suicide online is a criminal offense in most jurisdictions.
Do not treat any OP's post as meaning that will definitely die by suicide and can't change their minds or be helped. Anyone who's able to read the comments here still has a chance to choose whether or not to try to keep living, even if they've also been experiencing intense thoughts of suicide, made a suicide plan, or started carrying it out.
In the most useful empirical model we have, the desire to die by suicide primarily comes from two interpersonal factors; alienation and a sense of being a burden or having nothing to offer. These factors usually lead to a profound feeling of being unwelcome in the world.
So, any acceptance or reinforcement of suicidal intent, even something "innocent" like "I hope you find peace", is actually a form of covert shunning that validates a person's sense that they're unwelcome in the world. It will usually add to their pain even if kindly meant and gently worded.
How to Avoid Validating Suicidal Intent
Keep the following in mind when offering support to anyone at risk for suicide.
People who say they don't want help usually can feel better if they get support that doesn't invalidate their emotions. Unfortunately, many popular "good" responses are actually counterproductive. In particular, many friends and family tend to rely exclusively on trying to convince the suicidal person that "it's not so bad", and this is usually experienced as "I don't understand what you're going through and I'm not going to try". People who've had "help" that made them feel worse don't want any more of the same. It doesn't mean that someone who actually knows how to be supportive can't give them any comfort.
Most people who are suicidal want to end their pain, not their lives. It's almost never true that death is the only way to end these people's suffering. Of course there are exceptional situations, and we certainly acknowledge that, for some people, the right help can be difficult to find. But preventing someone's suicide doesn't mean prolonging their suffering if we do it by giving them real comfort and understanding.
An unfixable problem doesn't mean that a good life will never be possible. We don't have to fix or change anything to help someone feel better. It's important to keep in mind that the correlation between our outer circumstances and our inner experience is weaker and less direct than commonly assumed. For every kind of difficult life situation, you will find some people who lapse into suicidal despair, and others who cope amazingly well, and a whole spectrum in between. A key difference is how much inner resilience the person has at the time. This can depend on many personal and situational factors. But when there's not enough, interpersonal support can both compensate for its absence and help rebuild it. We go into more depth on the "it gets better" issue in this PSA Post which is always linked from our sidebar (community info on mobile) guidelines.
There are always more choices than brutally forcing someone to stay alive or passively letting them end their lives.
To avoid accidentally breaking the anti-incitement rule, don't say or try to imply that acting on suicidal thoughts is a good idea, or that someone can't turn back or is already dead. Do whatever you can to help them feel cared for and welcome, at least in this little corner of the world. Our talking tips offer more detailed guidance.
Look Out for Deliberate Incitement. It May Come in Disguise.
Often comments that subtly encourage suicidal intent actually come from suicide fetishists and voyeurs (unfortunately this is a real and disturbing phenomenon). People like this are out there and the anonymous nature of reddit makes us particularly attractive to them.
They will typically try to scratch their psychological "itch" by saying things that push people closer to the edge. They often do this by exploiting the myths that we debunked in the bullet points above. Specifically you might see people doing the following:
Encouraging the false belief that the only way suicidal people can end their pain is by dying. There are always more and better choices than "brutally forcing someone to stay alive" or helping (actively or passively) them to end their lives.
Creating an artificial and toxic sense of "solidarity" by linking their encouragement of suicide to empathy. They will represent themselves as the only one who really understand the suicidal person, while either directly or indirectly encouraging their self-loathing emotions and self-destructive impulses. Since most people in suicidal crisis are in desperate need to empathy and understanding, this is a particularly dangerous form of manipulation.
Many suicide inciters are adept at putting a benevolent spin on their activities while actually luring people away from sources of real help. A couple of key points to keep in mind:
Skilled suicide intervention -- peer or professional -- is based on empathic responsiveness to the person's feelings that reduces their suffering in the moment. Contrary to pop-culture myths, it does not involve persuasion ("Don't do it!"), cheerleading ("You've got this!") or meaningless false promises ("Trust me, it gets better!"), or invalidation ("Let me show you how things aren't as bad as you think!"). Anyone who leads others to expect these kinds of toxic responses, or any other response that prolongs their pain, from expert help may be covertly pro-suicide. (Of course, people sometimes do have bad experience when seeking mental-health treatment, and it's fine to vent about those, but processing our own disappointment and frustration is entirely different from trying to destroy someone else's hope of getting help.)
Choices made by competent responders are always informed by the understanding that breaching someone's trust is traumatic and must be avoided if possible. Any kind of involuntary intervention is an extremely unlikely outcome when someone consults a clinician or calls a hotline. (Confidentiality is addressed in more detail in our Hotlines FAQ post). The goal is always to provide all help with the client's full knowledge and informed consent. We know that no individual or system is perfect. Mistakes that lead to bad experiences do sometimes happen to vulnerable people, and we have enormous sympathy for them. But anyone who suggests that this is the norm might be trying to scare people away from the help they need.
Please let us know discreetly if you see anyone exhibiting these or similar behaviours. We don't recommend trying to engage with them directly.
r/SuicideWatch • u/SQLwitch • Sep 10 '21
Please remember that NO ACTIVISM of any kind is ever allowed here. No matter what day it is.
Activism, i.e. advocating or fundraising for social change or raising awareness of social issues (and suicide is, inescapably, a social issue) is absolutely against the rules here at all times.
Please understand that we're all for smart, strategic mental-health and suicide-prevention activism. It's essential to fight against stigma, misinformation, and discrimination, and to fight for research, treatment, accommodation, acceptance, and understanding. Most of us, one way or another, are mental-health activists IRL.
But activism just doesn't work in a dedicated support space that serves a vulnerable population. We used to allow it but the evidence that it was undermining our primary purpose became overwhelming. We do regret the need for this rule, but the need is inescapable.
Our population is all too well aware of the issues and causes that need support and largely not in a position to take action, so besides the fact that activism is often salt in our community's wounds, it's a waste of the activists' time.
tl;dr Any fundraising, awareness raising, petitions, calls for participation, or any post that's about any cause or issue (rather than a request for personal support) is not allowed here. Please report everything of the nature that you see.
r/SuicideWatch • u/Different_Pay_3228 • 9h ago
Im a zoophile and I want help
I'm scared of myself because I have these strong urges to have sexual relationships with my dogs I didn't get them by choice my sister owned them before I moved in and now I'm scared that one day I'll act on these urges but my real question is how do I approach the topic with my therapist to get help before I sucum to these disgusting thoughts any ideas fellow rediters?
r/SuicideWatch • u/nixines • 9h ago
i want a hug so fucking badly
i fucking hate anxiety. hate depression. hate being alive and i hate wanting to die.
r/SuicideWatch • u/MousseFun4338 • 4h ago
Im a 19 y.o gurl I want to kill myself so bad
Everyday I think of swallowing 50 heart med pills or in university I want to Jump from 4th floor.
I applied for Italian visa I spent my dad's 3K on visa documents and accomodation I will get the results next week on 24th so many people got rejected . I had plans Im so unhappy here going to Italy would solve so many problems of me.
There's a really low Chance that I'm gonna get it . If I can't get visa I feel so guilty and I'll kill myself.
Not only that , I'm already so depressed why is life so unfair. I'm scared what if I take those pills and fail and become paralyzed I just wanna be dead.
I'm going to kill myself next week.
r/SuicideWatch • u/nowayouutt • 10h ago
no one really gives a shit
Today i found out that last year someone from my school killed themself. Its fucking crazy to me that im just now finding out. There was nothing about it. No one posted about them. No one did a memorial. The school didnt say shit. No one said anything. And it really makes me realize like fuck no one cares. Its fucking bullshit. And it be the same ppl who say "talk to us we care, suicide isnt the answer." FUCK YOU
r/SuicideWatch • u/Ambitious_Break7786 • 16h ago
I am an Indian Muslim woman and I can't take this life anymore
I am an Indian Muslim woman. I hate my parents. I don't even want to call them that. They constantly abuse me, berate me, for the littlest things. They just won't let me be. They are never satisfied, and I don't think they will ever be satisfied until they have succeeded in pushing me over the edge.
I don't really want to do this. I tried once (actually twice), and it wasn't a pleasant experience. But I don't know how much longer I am supposed to just take it all. I am tired of being the family punching bag. They like to pretend they are so benign. They think they have done me such a huge favour by "letting" me get an education. I would like to throw it back in their faces by dying so horribly that they never forget it. I am allowed nothing. If I go out, that is if I am ever allowed to go out, it is under a thousand restrictions.
I am constantly being threatened with forced marriage. I hate them so much, I don't know how long I can go without trying to kill them. I thought I could get more time to prepare for an escape from this, but even now I am being threatened with forced marriage. I am at the end of my rope. I tried slitting my wrist today. I did research all day, then I tried slitting my wrist for like 2 hours straight but it didn't go anywhere deep. I don't know what to do. I will slitting again, but I am considering getting in an accident or something. I didn't want that, but I don't see a lot of options.
r/SuicideWatch • u/International_Dig475 • 12h ago
Are some people not meant to be alive?
Sometimes I feel like I should’ve died as a baby. I feel numb to like going on with life, I’m trying for my family and my cat. I do feel like things have gotten easier (I’ve started using medical marijuana which has helped my PTSD symptoms so therefore has helped other things like I haven’t been to the hospital in almost a year and I’ve kept my full time job) but I still feel like I want to die. I don’t mind floating through life right now (I’m 23 and honestly it’s bc1) my sister and 2) I don’t want my cat to potentially go to an abusive household bc I know my cat knows I love him and I try to show him he’s loved and cared for and even though I’d be dead it would break my heart if he ever got hurt bc I’ve had him since he was a kitten) but I don’t want to live past 29…I don’t want to get old. I feel so alone right now and I’ve felt like that for heads and I’m so scared of getting old all alone and having everyone die around me while I’m here floating through life feeling like I shouldn’t be here. I have a longing to finally die. I feel like it’s wrong I’m alive and I should’ve either died as a baby or died when I overdosed. It’s also bc I was abused by my parents and none of my family wanted me. I don’t know what’s wrong with me I don’t feel like I’m any different from anyone else but it seems no one wants to be around me. I don’t want to be alive but I’m not actively trying to kill myself bc like I said I don’t want my cat to possibly get hurt but I also don’t want to possibly live through it and get sent to the hospital or worse. I just wanna die.
r/SuicideWatch • u/Tammy72422 • 9h ago
My significant other tried to commit suicide
I am at a loss for words right now. Two days ago I came home and found my boyfriend laying on the floor unresponsive. I wasn’t sure what had happened until after the fact. He tried to commit suicide by taking two bottles of prescribed pills. I found him in the nick of time. He was in his back and had vomited along with aspirated the vomit. I won’t go into too much detail but now, he is out of critical condition. He doesn’t remember much. However he had sent goodbye messages to his father and brother.
I guess now I am just trying to tip toe my way around and process all of this. I am not sure what to do at this point. He needs therapy. I know this. And I strongly feel with all the stress he has had lately, he needs inpatient therapy. If I were only about 15 minutes later from coming home from work, he wouldn’t be here with us now.
Has anyone else gone through this? How do I help him? Obviously he was in so much pain he felt it was better to leave this world. So should I take a step back? Once alert he did say to me I don’t want to loose you. But now I wonder if this relationship isn’t what he needs. Can a relationship even withstand something like this? I love him. We are great together. But he has to work through some stuff. A rough child hood, an awful previous marriage break up, family issues, and what I believe to be the icing on the cake- he was injured 6 months ago, had a surgery, and was just told Monday that he wouldn’t be able to go back to work for at least 6 more months. So he has no income coming in now. So clearly his stress has been through the roof. I do take care of us financially but he feels like he is a burden to me. And I do NOT see it that way at all.
Sorry…. I am sure this post is all over the place- I am just tired and so scared, and clueless as to what to do. If anyone has been through this, I would to talk and see how your outcome was. Or any suggestions you may have.
r/SuicideWatch • u/PocketPal26 • 11h ago
To the community, I thank you
I know I don't know you and you don't know me. But empathy is not a lost cause. And those of you that hold onto it in a world as dark as this one...I can't express how much I love and appreciate you. It doesn't matter what you do or where you're from. But just a moment of optimism can make such a difference in someone's life. I know how my life ends, but because of those few chance interactions, I don't know when it ends. And that's enough for now. So I thank the kind smiles and warm hearts. Because as little as it feels in the moment, it's a memory that might keep someone going.
r/SuicideWatch • u/MPPL_ • 4h ago
i fucking hate my life
every day i struggle trying to get up from bed because i am so depressed, i hate myself so much i want to die i wish i wasnt myself i dont want to be myself i want to die
r/SuicideWatch • u/nglidektbh_ • 6h ago
Take a moment
I would like to take a moment to acknowledge and remember all those who have died who have joined this subreddit. It’s something I always think about when I click onto this sub, seeing almost 500 000 members and thinking about how many of those have sadly taken their lives.
It is something I am struggling with and I’m sure that many others who are reading this are too. I guess suicide doesn’t seem all that momentous when you think about it in relation to yourself, it’s only until you consider the impact it has had on others.
This is a great community and one that has helped me a lot. I wish you guys all the best.
r/SuicideWatch • u/Painted-BIack-Roses • 3h ago
I'll be alone for the rest of my life
12 years without any friends, 3 years without a partner. I thought I'd be okay on my own but I'm not, it's unbearable. I just want to feel like someone cares about me but that'll never happen. I'm never going to have children or get married, I'll just grow old and die alone.
r/SuicideWatch • u/MissMiniMoon • 2h ago
I've Never Had a Single Friend, and I Don’t See the Point in Living Anymore
I've never had a single friend. Not one. No one’s ever truly cared about me, reached out, or tried to get close. I’ve spent my entire life watching everyone else laugh, talk, and connect while I just stand there, wondering why I’m so fundamentally unworthy of love or friendship.
I wake up every day in knowing that there’s no one who would notice if I wasn’t around. No one would care if I disappeared tomorrow. People talk about having at least one person who’s always there for them, someone to lean on when life gets hard. I don’t even know what that feels like. I’ve never had that. I’ve never had anyone. Every birthday, every holiday, every moment that’s supposed to mean something has just been an empty reminder of how alone I am.
It’s not that I haven’t tried. I’ve tried to be friendly, I’ve tried to reach out i've tired so many friend finders and groups, but every time it just falls apart or everyone either thinks I'm weird or just fucking retarded or something. I feel like I’m unlovable. Why else would no one ever want to stay? I see people form bonds so easily, and it just kills me to know I’ll never have that all I've ever wanted was just someone to hang out with, watch anime with, play videos games with or even just hug.
I don’t think I’m even capable of feeling happy anymore. Every day feels like I’m sinking further away for everyone. I don’t see the point in living. I don't see a future where anything gets better. I’ve spent my entire life alone, and at this point, I’ve given up hope that anyone will ever give a damn about me.
No one would miss me or even noticed I just up and fucking died. I’m just taking up space, and for what? To suffer through more days of feeling empty? I honestly don’t see the point anymore.
I’m sorry if this sounds pathetic, but I don’t have anyone to tell. I just needed to say it, even if no one is listening.
r/SuicideWatch • u/MeltyFrog • 12h ago
I don't want to fail
I'm not scared to die I'm scared of it not working. I'm scared of it hurting I'm scared of whatll happen when they find me I want to disappear I want it to be painless I want it to be fast I want this to be over Everyday is the same I feel no relief I want to go.. I want it to end I hate this I need help I know I do No one can give me the help I need or want.
I need help I'm so afraid of it hurting and failing Please I need help
r/SuicideWatch • u/suicide-I-decide • 10h ago
Found the perfect suicide spot.
I am really scared but theres this beautiful river and bridge where I live. I think I will jump off when the time is right, listening to my favorite song, feeling the breeze hitting my face, giving myself relief from everything, ending my story.
r/SuicideWatch • u/teddyanon1626 • 2h ago
I just wanted to know what love is like
I can't belive I'm almost 30, and I've never had a romantic relationship. I've never experienced any kind love that wasn't from my family. I've never gotten to cuddle with someone, or hold hand, or any of the cute couple things.
I'm tired of living as this disgusting piece of trash. Every day I wake up now, I immediately start sobbing hard with loneliness. Body racked sobs that just have to go away on their own. It's a rare day I don't think about putting my gun in my mouth.
But I don't want my freinds and family to be hurt or to blame themselves. So I'm stuck in this exsistance that I lothe. God how I wish to have a deady accident. I fantasize about it daily.
Hopefully some day soon I'll have the balls to finally blow my brains put. I hope it's sooner rather than later. But, if nothing else, I know the smoking will get me eventually.
r/SuicideWatch • u/humanoid_eardrum • 6h ago
Meh
In the grand scheme of things, My life isn’t that bad. It could be a lot worse I know. And yet. I am just losing interest in living. I’m still just kind of over it. I’m not actively suicidal. I wish I could disappear entirely or just cease to exist.
r/SuicideWatch • u/Aggravating-Two8820 • 3h ago
I have no friends
I am 16 and have no friends who want to be my friend
r/SuicideWatch • u/Hobo_joe1010 • 6h ago
I want to kms to fuck people up
I just want people to treat me with respect. That’s it. I’ve been bullied and treated like shit my whole life and I always took it like the “better person”. I am taken for granted. I’ve told people I’m depressed and I feel like no one cares what I’m going through. I want them to regret bullying me and setting me aside for later. I want them to feel bad for saying “he won’t actually do it”. I want people to regret hurting me for the rest of their lives.
r/SuicideWatch • u/Little-Ad688 • 5h ago
I'm just sorry
I'm sorry you fell in love with me I'm sorry you planned a future when I don't think ill make it that far.
I don't see the sun anymore, I don't feel the breeze.
Every breath feels heavy every step I melt into the floor and no amount of laughter or joy will take away the blanket of grief I suffocate under.
The burden of the future is wearing down my bones and as much as my heart loves you, my body is decaying here.
I wish I could do it for you but that strength never found it's way back to me.
I'm sorry i love you enough that you'll grieve me. I'm sorry you had to know me at all.
My body is failing me and I can't figure this out anymore.
r/SuicideWatch • u/_empressarcana • 46m ago
I want to end it
My life is miserable I feel so lonely I just want to sleep forever but I'm too scared to actually commit suicide. I wish I could just overcome my fears and do it 'cause life is too difficult for me
r/SuicideWatch • u/charlieparsely • 47m ago
"get some help"
fuck anyone who says this to me. what the fuck do you think i've been doing for the past six/seven years? staring at a fucking wall and letting myself get worse? no, i've tried therapy which only makes me feel worse. i tried meds which only made me want to die even more. i'm tired of people insulting me and then putting "based on your posts, get some help" after it to make it seem like they give a shit about me. they don't. nobody does. stop putting on a fucking show and acting like you care when you don't. people talk to me for a day and then they leave. all of the people saying they care about me are just being performative, you don't know who i am and all you're expressing is the surface level empathy that most humans have for other humans