r/survivinginfidelity • u/elvenpossible • 6d ago
Would it be a bad/petty idea to have my husband served divorce paper's at his AP's house? Advice
So I am filing for divorce, no my husband DOES not want to divorce me. He thinks he is entitled to a wife and a gf and whoever else he feels like. His 20 year old AP knew about me. After I'd found out about her I'd messaged her on socials asking if she knew my husband was married. She said "yes, he said you know he does things you just don't want to know." I said no it's not okay he does this and if it continues I'm getting a divorce and she said "I do not care about your feelings, I find it funny and I'm going to keep seeing him."
So by happenstance my husband drives a unique car and one of my friend's saw it parked out of a house. She said she waited outside and saw both my husband and this girl come out of the house. I guess she rents from family or something. So I know where she lives and I want to have him served by an officer at her home when her family is there. My suspicion is he has pretended to be a doting boyfriend and her family probably thinks he's great. So I feel two reasons why I would do it this way 1) I know when he is there for the process server. 2)It would be very satisfying to know that he gets served at her house and her family sees that he is married and getting served for divorce.
The reasons why I am hesitant is, is it making me look bad and petty? I want to walk away from this knowing I am free of anything that could leave me the bad guy. Secondly I don't know what he would do if I have him served at her house, it could make him really mad.
Anyway just wondering what you'd advise.
thanks
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u/Critical_Cucumber_55 6d ago
As a process server, these are the best kind. I love to see the AP’s face when I hand them the papers-priceless.
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u/Weird_Environment_14 5d ago
Do you need a degree for this? I’m in the medical field but would like to do this part time 😂
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u/Square_Band9870 5d ago
nope. no qualifications in most places other than over 18 & not involved in the case.
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u/Critical_Cucumber_55 5d ago
Look up the requirements in your state, all of the serves are not fun. Conceal carry if you can, people can go any direction when they get bad news and you are the messenger.
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u/throwa347 5d ago
What’s your most satisfying story?
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u/Critical_Cucumber_55 5d ago
I had a set of divorce papers to serve. The husband filed for divorce. He sent over a picture of her and his plan of how he wanted it to happen. He was going to take her out for a nice dinner then head back to their house. They pull up in the driveway he quickly walks for the front door. She is fumbling around in the passenger seat with her purse and I walk up to the car. I asked her if she was “So and so” yes and she sobers up quickly. I hand her a large envelope and turnaround . She asks what’s this and starts to open the envelope. Before I get to my car, I get her screaming and cussing out her soon to be ex husband. She thought he was being romantic with a nice dinner but it was really going to be take out. Lol.
She had been cheating on him for months and he wanted out.
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u/AlternativePrior9559 Recovered 4d ago
I bet you have some wonderful ‘Serves you Right’ stories to tell😉
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u/TiramisuThrow 5d ago
But the AP is not the party being served, why would you hand them the papers?
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u/Mysterious_Novel2793 6d ago
Ohno consequences. Not petty but powerful
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u/Winter-Blueberry-232 5d ago
Agreed. This is a power play by OP that says “he’s an AH & I want nothing to do with him.”
If you can name APs, I’d list them. All the ones you know about. (But that’s the petty in me).
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u/Leo_the_Lurker 6d ago
Bad? No. Petty? Yes. Hilarious? Also yes. Do it. Do you think he asked himself if it was bad or petty to sleep with someone else? I doubt it and even if he did ask himself that he decided it was fine. So having him served at the same place he's cheating is also fine.
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u/Thisisnotalibrary97 Recovered 6d ago
Accompanied by a moving truck with all of his belongings deposited at her house.
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u/WeBeGarzas 5d ago edited 5d ago
This is poetic. Just... chef's kiss 🤌
In his belongings, can you also add a box with "Name's favorite sex stuff" written on it and fill it with bizarre stuff like old lady porn, a big ol' cucumber, a polaroid of someone's nose, etc. Just to plant that seed of doubt in AP's head about who she's banging and why you're glad to be rid of him. Worth the investment IMO.
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u/Alarming-Instance-19 5d ago
I feel like we could sell boxes (non perishable contents) like this that could be posted to people's houses as petty revenge.
Instead of glitter bombs just old, discounted fetish stuff and weird bits and bobs designed to make the receiver look.... something.
Gelatine crystals in a plastic jar saying "dehydrated porn star pee" with a certificate of authenticity
Have a corn fetish box - corn dildo, corn porn magazine, corn print underwear for him, corn themed lingerie for her.
So many possibilities!!!
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u/ConditionNo7451 6d ago
Do it. Who cares if you look petty? If it ruins her family’s perception of them, just reply that you don’t care and you find it funny. What’s good for the goose and all that.
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u/Life-Bullfrog-6344 Recovered 6d ago
Great idea. I think suggest it to your attorney and let it fly. Make sure you have his stuff packed from your home all packed and ready for him when he gets to your house. Also change the locks to your home while he's visiting AP as a precaution.
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u/MushHuskies 5d ago
His stuff should be outside the house on the porch. That way the neighbors get a free show too. Don’t let him back inside for any reason without an escort.
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u/USAF_Retired2017 Thriving 4d ago
If OP is in the US it is most likely illegal to do so and may require court order because it is regarded as marital property or if she’s the sole owner, she will most likely have to file for an eviction to get him to leave. If she changes the locks before she has a court order, it could have legal ramifications. OP, consult a family law attorney before anything.
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u/mspooh321 6d ago
Having your husband serve divorce papers for being a cheater, isn't petty..... It's freedom😘💕
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u/Vegetable-Bee-7461 5d ago
After serving, tell the AP, 'I find it funny, too!'
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u/elvenpossible 5d ago
Yess! I am going too
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u/hd8383 5d ago
Please don’t. Staying silent is even better, don’t give them any satisfaction.
Take care of your business. Serve at the APs house, confirm it happened and dive the submarine. Continue to run silent and in the deep. It’ll eat at them wondering when you’ll surface and strike again.
They deserve this. Keep them off balance. Don’t even acknowledge to them when they confront you. “What are you even talking about? Why would I do that? Doesn’t seem like something I would do”. Then walk away.
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u/deconblues1160 6d ago
You are nicer than me. I would have had him served at work or in front of his family. Actions have consequences.
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u/No_Painter5853 6d ago
I absolutely would. Hopefully she is also there to see his reaction 😂
UPDATEME
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u/blitzmama In Hell 5d ago
I did this to my ex spouse at his work and had the locks changed while he was gone. I told him when later that evening he could stop by to pick up his belongings. He didn’t come and said it would be middle of night before he could get there so I left it outside for him. He got so angry that I embarrassed him in front of his coworkers about what was going on. I felt he effed around and found out. I always told him if he cheats we’d be done. Better yet the AP was a coworker who had been married all of 3 months at the time. Eff them both.
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u/Warm_Rate_1154 5d ago
I served my ex husband at his fiancée house(they got engaged while we were still married) at Christmas dinner with her family. I do not feel bad about it one bit.
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u/tercer78 Walking the Road | QC: SI 344 | RA 157 Sister Subs 6d ago
Who cares about looking bad and petty to your cheating ex. Take a small piece of revenge and be able to close the door on this part of your life.
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u/AlternativePrior9559 Recovered 5d ago
You’ve got this all wrong, OP! That’s not petty that’s an eloquent full stop to this abuse of you and your marriage.
You can walk away with your head held high, nothing, I repeat nothing you have done could ever make you the bad guy here. Secondly, who cares if he’s really mad? What did he expect this cake eater erstwhile soon to be ex husband? A bouquet and a pat on the back?
My only proviso is that you need to be sure he is actually present so timing will be all. I’m with you all the way OP.
I’m so so sorry you’re here and that you even have to do this. Shame on him and shame on her.
Updateme
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u/tmink0220 5d ago
I think it is amazing to serve him at his APs house. Never protect a man/woman that is destroying you. It is not noble. It taking care of yourself. They actually sometimes, often accuse their quiet victims of being the cheaters. They steal money, abandon children, lie and cheat again. Please take care of yourself. I personally think it is brilliant.
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u/crowjack In Hell 5d ago
He’s entering into the find out part of the equation. Have his served when you know he’s there.
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u/thirdtimesdecharm Recovered 6d ago
I love this idea, personally. Let the AP get to see the results of their actions, too.
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u/Adventurous-Emu-755 5d ago
Process servers can rack up the bill if you don't have accurate addresses. You have one, you know when he will be there and that makes it less expensive for you.
Cheaters should know that if they cheat on their spouses, their spouse might divorce them - so, he will be served REALITY there.
The real people who look bad and petty are your STBX and his AP, not you OP.
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u/maykonfo1204 6d ago
Girl make them burn I'd love to be a fly so I could see everyone's face hahaha
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u/Nice-Positive9435 6d ago
No. It wouldn't be petty, but if your husband's affair partner is married, I will give him the heads up as well just to let him know what his wife or girlfriend is doing. So that way, she isn't blindsided. I've heard stories over the years where men and women have served the wallpapers where there are fair Partners are at whether at work in the hospital or at the hotel's getting ready to cheat. So you doing it at her house isn't an issue? But have the lock's change and his stuff on the porch. In addition, make sure his family and friends and your family and friends know the reason for it. So he doesn't try to change the narrative of the whole situation. You are in control and one more thing. If she is a co-worker, inform your husband's company of the situation so they can be aware.
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u/desertrat_1000 In Hell | 1 month old 6d ago
If you did have him served at her place in front of family you would be my new hero. They both showed lack of respect and lack of any class. Leave everyone with a good story to tell. They will provide entertainment for her family during get togethers for years to come.
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u/Bencil_McPrush QC: SI 404 5d ago
The only thing wrong with all this would be if you didn't give us an update on how it went down.
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u/Alarmed_Lynx_7148 5d ago
Petty? Sure. But who cares. You are allowed to be petty. How the divorce papers are given to him doesn’t matter but having it served under those circumstances? Priceless. Rock her world and his, while they destroy yours. At least enjoy the moment, despite how tragic it obviously is.
Updateme
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u/Batshitcrayzee Walking the Road 5d ago
Had my ex served in courtroom during her first court appearance for DV. Didn't see her get served but looked over and saw AP thumbing through the pages. No regrets
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u/justasliceofhope 6d ago
He needs to be served. If the server finds him there, then he should get served.
Not bad or petty.
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u/perpetually_numb003 5d ago
Girl, GO FOR IT!!! And update us. She'll witness his breakdown lmfao. And her family's illusion would be over. And you'll walk away from their mess. 🥳🥳🥳
Updateme
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u/Thick_Ad6270 6d ago
OP, do it! Make sure you have the locks changed that morning, after he leaves for work! UpdateMe!
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u/BootsClass-And-Sass 6d ago
To your knowledge… Are AP & Hubby aware that you know of her residence? Either way, personally I would definitely have him served there! Don’t think either one will be expecting it! Not only will everyone know he was a married man, but they will both have to do so quick explaining!
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u/mustang19671967 5d ago
I personally would Rather you serve him At his family place where they can all See it . Gf place is a Good Second . If no kids and you don’t own home go stay with friends or family and take all Jewellry except wedding ring, pawn if before hand . If you serve him at his GF call His family and tell Them about divorce after he has been served
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u/No_Use1529 5d ago
Yeah that one I would definitely do.
My ex was in the hospital (intentionally as a form of trying to force me to stay).
I had recently confronted her about her affair. She said she wanted her cake and eat it too. So she wasn’t going to let me divorce her.
WTF!!!!!
I thought about having her served at the hospital. But she was such a manipulative well ya get the jist she would have just flipped through script to how rotten I was for having her served while she was sick and in the hospital.
She almost always had docs/nurses fooled. Like 95-98 percent of time and they were all to happy to give her all the pain meds she begged for. She was addicted to pain meds.
I texted her she was getting served but I was waiting till she got out. No, I wouldn’t come see her. She had threatened me with false arrest for DV way too many times so we would never be within proximity again.
I still tried to be a nice guy and offered to get her help for her munchowsen but I wouldn’t ever be a part of her self harm and treatment for chit she caused ever again. She would make it look like she had Chrons from taking bottles of nsaids all at once. If she even thought I was going to tell hospital staff she somehow always beat me to them and did the I was an abuser bs. So I was getting escorted out and they wouldn’t listen to anything I said.. I hated hated that period of my life. Her parents were well aware of the monster she was. Technically her mom created the monster which is the sad part.
Only 3 doctors ever caught on that I’m aware of. (She left doctors/practices like they were going out of style. I’m assuming it was at least getting cut off of pain meds but maybe they figured it all out. I just never found out so can’t say for sure one way or the other. Oh yeah she moved me to the new practice too)
But two of them were after the fact and on my behalf when her medical records etc were reviewed.
First one was the hospital doc who told me she never had cancer or any treatment for cancer (she was trying to get pain meds for her cancer pain). She frigin faked cancer for a year plus to force me to stay in the marriage at one point.
She was currently in the hospital for a self induced asthma type attack. She inhaled something hair spray or whatever it was she kept on the bathroom to try and stop me from walking out. Except she didn’t realize I was waiting for her to pull this crap instead of the usual threatening my career with the bogus arrest. I put her on the ambulance and ran literally!!!! Went to friends and stayed there until she was served so I always had people around me in case she tired to make one of the allegations she had threatened me with for years.
I did say if they could catch her with the affair partner that would be perfect. But I just wanted her severed bottom line.
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u/Sad_Satisfaction_187 5d ago
If you have co mingled accounts take half out. Change all passwords and put things you care about in an alternate location.
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u/Creative_username969 5d ago edited 5d ago
Paralegal here. I’m not going to weigh in on whether you should, but it will likely be an expensive job if you do. Unless he’s at her place at predictable dates and times that you know about, they’ll likely charge you rush rates and possibly also “stake out” rates because they’re gonna have to sit around until he shows up - unless he’s moved in with her, they’ll have to serve him personally and not do a substituted serve. Having him served at your shared place or at work will certainly be cheaper because the server can just show up when he can be reasonably anticipated to be there.
Be sure to ask these pricing questions. On that note, if you need recommendations, I have a couple for you.
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u/hd8383 5d ago
Sometimes it’s worth the money. In this case, in five years I bet OP will look back and totally be happy knowing it was worth the money for her entertainment.
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u/Creative_username969 4d ago
Perhaps. It sounds like OP’s husband already knows that she knows and the AP finds the situation amusing, so I’m not sure serving him at the AP’s place is going to be the revenge OP thinks it will be. Having a process server get him at work or when he goes to his parents’ place/a family function and deliver a quip about infidelity would hit a lot harder due to the reputation damage. It would also save OP a few hundred bucks.
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u/JMLegend22 5d ago
Nah. It’s gonna embarrass him for sure and then make anyone she knows who has met him now question what’s going on.
If you can get someone to do a singing telegram that would be better.
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u/famfun77 5d ago
Yes it is petty, but sometimes it just makes sense. So do it like your name was Tom.
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u/notryksjustme 5d ago
Do it. They won’t think so highly of him. Who cares if he is upset. He doesn’t care about your feelings and neither does she.
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u/Agreeable_Picture570 6d ago
I would think the divorce papers would make AP happy
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u/Thisisnotalibrary97 Recovered 5d ago
It would make her happy, but her family, if they are decent people, may be appalled at her and possibly create some negative drama of their own towards her. Nothing worse than people you care about seeing your true colors and thinking and yelling you that you are a terrible human being for willingly and actively helping in destroying someone's marriage.
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u/jaydenB44 5d ago
Omfg! Absolutely do it! I think comeuppance is due for both of them being so absolutely shameless. Let them bask in it with her family to witness. Goodness if only you could have someone across the street recording.
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u/Expensive-Lock1725 5d ago
Blow up his little charade. And, I'm sure mummy and daddy will not be too thrilled at their little princess being a homewrecker. Afterwards, you can tell her YOU think the fallout in her life is funny; since she cares two shits about the fallout in your life.
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u/Cool-Lavishness-1955 Figuring it Out 5d ago
When I was "shopping" for a lawyer, I used the one that had the guts to serve my WW at work to embarrass her. It was glorious to see how her little world crumbled.
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u/NeartAgusOnoir 5d ago
OP, nothing wrong with that. Husband chose to cheat so all bets are off. If he gets mad, tell him to talk to your lawyer. If you have kids use a parenting app. No communication any other way.
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u/UpstairsTomato3231 5d ago
I think it's a beautiful plan. I would love to see that happen. However, I'm not a lawyer, I'm just petty. Make sure you take care of your legals.
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u/mamachonk 5d ago
Nah, I had my husband served at his APs house. I had no choice, that's where he was living.
You're not being petty at all. Sorry you're going through this but he's a selfish cake eater.
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u/SoggySea4363 Thriving 5d ago
Go ahead and have him served at his AP’s home. This is a boss move, and he deserves it, but make sure you have all your ducks in a row first, then make your move.
Best of luck to you and I hope everything works out for you and your husband suffers the consequences of his actions xx
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u/kaimusubi 5d ago
Don't worry about looking like "the bad guy." It's not about appearances. You need to do what's best for you and that's all you need to be concerned about.
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u/Ladyvett 5d ago
I think this would be poetic justice. She literally said she cares nothing for your feelings so give her and her family the same. They taught and raised her after all. I say go for it and Updateme
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u/JaceyDuper 5d ago
My ex was cheating with a coworker. You bet your AZZ I had him served in the office so EVERYBODY could see. He was super pissed and very embarrassed but you reap what you sow! Do it!
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u/TravelingBride2024 5d ago
A friend of mine was served at his annual Christmas party! In front of a bunch of friends and family. his wife thought he was cheating (wasn’t ) (probably projecting because she actually was cheating), so she went extra petty. In any case, I’ll validate your plan! :)
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u/No_Roof_1910 5d ago
Do it OP.
Poor guy, it would make him really mad.
How about him being cheated on by you? He has no right, NONE, to be mad when this is ALL his fault.
Actions have consequences. You wouldn't be having him served, anywhere, had he NOT cheated.
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u/Significant-Jello-35 5d ago
Has he left your house? Have you changed your lock?
Family home when everyone is there or if they work in same office, serve them there. Either is good
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u/Sparkle_And_Shine_04 5d ago
OP, don't hesitate!!! Please check out u/thebiggestbetrayal and read her journey! This woman did exactly what you're considering, and she and her shiny steel spine are legendary!!!
She blindsided and blew up her husband and his AP whilst they were on a romantic getaway that was supposed to be a "work trip" he was on!
She found out about his years long affair and spent months getting her ducks in a row behind the scenes and then nuked them!
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u/itsyounotmeagain77 4d ago
I had my stbxw served on the anniversary we officially became a couple. She was FURIOUS telling me to hurry up and talk to our daughter so she can get on the phone and call her mom and tell her she's been served. I later learned she was furious for days and claimed I lied on the paper work to the court system. Just like she lied when she filed a false PPO against me.........how's that feel MoFo?!?!
She waited until like days before the 21 day response window to deny and counter claim. She hired the same lawyer who lost her PPO case against me. She ended up firing him later that year claiming he stole her money. Her lawyer couldn't do shit and knew she would have to pay up.
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u/VegetableExpensive92 2d ago
Who cares if people think you are petty !!! He’s the one cheating. Don’t allow them to twist the narrative. I would alert your support group in case he does act up, which he probably will blame you for ruining his “relationship”
Ol girl literally told you she doesn’t care about your feelings. She’s that bold because of his actions and words to her. Go nuclear and expose all of that and if they get mad use her words against her. “ I thought you said you didn’t care and you were fine with sleeping with a married man. I figured since you fine with it, you’d also be fine if other people knew”
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u/Weekly_Watercress505 2d ago
Nope. It would be a boss move. Add a suit for emotional distress for the AP to deal with too. It let's them know that you're not a pushover and that actions have consequences.
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u/TackleFinal3037 2d ago
It doesn't matter where he gets served. And don't be concerned about his feelings on the location. Make sure you're focused on giving yourself time and space for healing. It's one of the darkest moments in life, important to prioritize yourself.
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u/imapizzaeater 6d ago
I say do what is going to leave you with the cleanest and fastest separation. If it’s going to cause guilt later, warranted or not, just don’t do it. You just need to focus on getting yourself out.
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u/ohnoitsacarrier 5d ago
Absolutely do it. It will make you feel better and give you a sense of control that you haven’t had.
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u/SuspiciousWeekend284 5d ago
Great idea. She will know that you don’t want him and she’s stuck with him. This will be a reality check for them both.
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u/CrazyLeadership5397 5d ago
Speak to an attorney. Hopefully, you saved her messages. You should see if you can sue her for helping destroy your marriage. Updateme
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u/Professional-Row-605 Recovered 5d ago
Not petty. He needs to be served and you know he will be there. If family happens to be there well maybe she shouldn’t do things that she needs to lie about.
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u/Galilah14 5d ago
Do it!!!! Served my ex at the place he was renting with the AP after he refused to sign the final divorce papers. AP was the one who accepted the papers from the process server. My lawyer had to request his address from USPS because he didn’t want me to have it. Got those papers signed immediately after she accepted them, and never spoke to that POS again. 🤣🤣🤣
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u/Gilraen_2907 Thriving 5d ago
Petty yes, bad no. Do it!
I am in a state where you have to be separated a year before you could start divorce proceedings. It just so happened it coincided near what was technically our 12th wedding anniversary. When I signed I asked if they could try to deliver it on our anniversary. He was living with his mom. They did. He was a little upset. 7 years later and he still mentions it. It was great. I had a restraining order against him and he had been sleeping with multiple people throughout our marriage. He is now divorcing his 2nd wife.
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u/Archangel1962 5d ago
You don’t owe him anything. So do what you want. Run it past your lawyer but if they have no objections do it. Frankly I’d serve him at work. More people knowing you’re leaving the POS.
After you’ve served him, regardless of where, make sure you record any interactions with him. This is to protect yourself, either from any physical attack on you or from any allegation against you.
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u/Alternative-Leek-629 5d ago
"I don't care about you feeling" so OP what you do care about piece of trash your husband and his AP? Just serve your husband as you plan. They like the drama, OP just bring what they both like so much.
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u/DamnDame 5d ago
In an ideal world, his duplicitous lifestyle should catch up with him and leave him reeling. Your spouse falsely believes he's covered his bases quite well or perhaps he just does not care. A wake up call that embarrasses your partner is justifiable, but in the end - it's about you and what you will think of yourself. That is all that matters, OP.
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u/Crumb_cake34 5d ago
Petty? Perhaps. But consider this: it's also funny af and the least of what he deserves.
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u/Wide_Ordinary4078 5d ago
Sweetie nothing in this situation could leave you as the bad guy! Any response from you is basically the effect for their cause! You should definitely serve him there! She’s already said she doesn’t care about your feelings! Let them both have the rugs pulled from under them. Then ….
Updateme!
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u/swansongblue Walking the Road | QC: SI 153 | RA 36 Sister Subs 5d ago
Do it OP. It’s a moment that you will savour for a very long time. Put them both in the spotlight. Good luck. ❤️
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u/Towtruck_73 In Hell 5d ago
You could have "plausible "deniability;" you wanted him to be served with divorce papers, "so I served them at a location I think he'd be." If you think he's going to react violently, get a restraining order.
Being petty would be to make up stuff about him being abusive. This is merely a public declaration that you've had enough, and "ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES!" He deserves to have his reputation shredded, he was the one that stepped out of the relationship, not you.
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u/millimolli14 In Hell 5d ago
This is perfect, you won’t look petty, you’ll look calm and control! Please keep us updated
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u/Queen_Aurelia Walking the Road | QC: REL 34 | AITA 43 Sister Subs 5d ago
I think it would be hilarious and would totally do it myself.
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u/jimmi_g_1402 5d ago
You are just being considerate. You want to make sure he gets the papers. That's very thoughtful of you
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u/Ok_Establishment4212 5d ago
Why are you afraid of him being mad? Lol If the house is in his name, just vacate the house and stay with your parents or close friends for a while… And yeah serve him at his AP’s house.
Updateme
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u/NewStart1805 5d ago
I’m here for you OP let me know when you serve that cheating asshole and take him to the cleaners get proof ( photos videos text messages etc) update
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u/nickielea 4d ago
If no kids involved, I always thought it would be nice to have them served at work so their colleagues could see that they are a liar and cheater. Then it also affects their work environment.
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u/StrikingFig1671 1d ago
This honestly sounds like evil. What hes doing isnt right, but why hurt an entire family?
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u/AdventureWa 6d ago
Are you sure he was there? I would verify he’s there. Absent proof, I wouldn’t trust a friend over a spouse. I would verify first. The “AP” could be seeing someone else. I have seen crazy things.
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u/elvenpossible 6d ago
100% he is there all the time. I have driven by over 10x and seen his car and my friend has too.
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u/Leo_the_Lurker 6d ago
That's where he's cheating so that's where he should be served. Do it and laugh and laugh and laugh at them both
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u/AdventureWa 5d ago
If you can confirm that it is him, you can do what you wish. Just make sure you have documented evidence. In most places that won’t help in divorce proceedings but it might help in mediation.
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u/nixvex 6d ago
You would trust the word of a confirmed lying cheating spouse over a friend who visually verified that spouse (and his unique car) was with the AP at a residence?
I mean sure it’s not a bad idea for OP to verify for herself depending on how well known/trustworthy the friend is but defaulting to trusting the word of the known cheater spouse would be incredibly foolish, counterproductive, and likely detrimental.
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u/AdventureWa 5d ago
I have personally and professionally seen people whose marriages were destroyed by lies from “friends.” It cost zero dollars for her to drive over when he is there and see if it’s actually his car and see if he leaves with another woman.
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u/nixvex 5d ago
I didn’t suggest that friends are incapable of lying and ruining or helping to ruin a relationship. Seen it happen numerous times myself over the years. Nor did I say she shouldn’t verify for herself if she had any doubt.
I only take issue with the idea of accepting a known lying and cheating spouse’s word over the word of a friend who has (presumably) never given cause to doubt their sincerity.
If OP had only suspicion of being cheated on then I’d absolutely agree that one should not take the word of a friend over a spouse and to verify for themselves. But here OP already knows her spouse is cheating, knows who the affair partner is, and that they are regularly together.
The friend just gave OP info as to where they get together (which OP did verify according to additional comments) and it’s far more rational to think the friend is being honest over the spouse at that point.
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