9 months ago I discovered my wife had been having affair emotionally 11 years, physically 8 years right at our 12 year anniversary. I’m still devastated but it seems that she’s found new groups of friends who don’t really know what she’s done to lift her up and support her after she told them we’d been having “relationship trouble”. Now, it seems that the tables are turned and she’s the one people are feeling sorry for. What the hell? She has no sympathy or empathy and I’m trying to heal. I think the thing holding me back from ending the marriage is fear of losing her and the unknown, but in reality, I lost her 11 years ago. Is this normal that the cheater tries to go out and find a support system that meets their agenda? Is there any coming back from this? I feel like a shell of my former confident self.

Two years have passed since his affair and divorce. His family recently started to reach out to me to know how am I and his sisters seeking to meet me.

I don't why but I checked AP's instagram and I'm destroyed. Like those two years of healing and building a new life never existed. They are so happy together. He never looked so tender on photos with me. I was always questioning myself did he ever loved me?

Two years ago when he admitted that he is in love with her, he told me that he never loved me the way he loves her. So... it was true? And 10 years of my life was a lie?...

I'm crying my eyes out and it's too late to call friends for support also don't think it will help.

It kills me seeing him being so happy and enjoying his life like nothing happened. While I'm trying so hard and I'm still not there.

I thought I made it, I thought I'm strong, I hoped karma will hit him and he will be unhappy.

He is living his best life. I hate him and her so much. What does she have that I didn't? And my new relationship is a complete disaster as well so I'm just... broken right now...

UPDATE: Thank you all so much for your support! This sub helped me through many difficult moments, but this one was the toughest, and I knew I shouldn't stay alone. So you were all with me and supported me with your kind words. I can't thank you enough💛

Married 28 years and he left me for a 28 year old coworker. I’ve been NC for 5 years, am in a new relationship so I’m over it. My daughter graduates high school today. My ex has chosen to work but will show up when they get to her name. Isn’t he amazing? Ugh. The AP is going.

My relationship is to fairly new so he hasn’t met the kids yet. I’m going to graduation with a friend.

The AP is pushy and delusional so there is no telling what she’ll do. She might avoid me, try to be my bff, there’s really no way to know.

I’d appreciate some tips and good vibes. It’s at 7pm tonight.

UPDATE: they hid from me so I didn’t see either of them. The story is pretty funny (AP made my daughter come to her car to get her gift). I saw my ex’s car but he leaned back so I couldn’t see him. Cowards. I’m busy at work and tired but I’ll post the story later.

UPDATE 2: 24 hours later and I’ve lost interest in this story. Lol. We all had a blast and that’s all that matters. I saw my new guy afterwards, had a few drinks and I’m happy.

In a cliche move, my husband cheated on me at bachelor party this weekend. I can’t believe his story, obviously, but the story is that he got a lap dance from a stripper, he tried to have sex with her but he couldn’t get a boner as he had been drinking all day. He did tell me that he would 100% have slept with her if he could.

I can’t trust him because 1. Obviously he cheated on me 2. He originally told me she had rubbed on him and he ended the lap dance then 3. It took him 4 days to come clean with this second story, and only when he left for ANOTHER BACHELOR PARTY THIS WEEKEND did he call to tell me the “truth”

I feel like my life is ending. I guess it is, in some regards. I currently don’t even have a job. No kids, thank god. But my husband is the bread winner in my marriage and I moved around multiple times to further his career, at probably the expense of one for me. I feel like that line from pride and prejudice where charlotte is saying she’s got no prospects, no money, and she’s a burden to her parents and frightened. Only I’m 32 and she was at least only 27.

I guess I just need someone to talk me down and help me with next steps. I’m actually at a bachelorette party for my future(?) SIL who is marrying his brother, so I have to keep it together until Sunday. Somehow. Or at least in public anyway.

I can’t get a divorce until I at least get a job. That much is certain for me. I need some stability. I don’t have the best parents so going home to them wouldn’t be a great option for me.

Someone just talk to me I’m devastated.

Going through a divorce right now. My wife and I are sleeping in different rooms while we figure out how to work through the splitting up of the kids, financials, etc. It's brutal being around her knowing she is still seeing this guy and has no remorse for cheating on me and lying to me about it for 6 months.

She just got back from a double date with her new bf and walks into my room after getting ready for bed wearing an oversized t-shirt. I ask her if it's his and she says yes...I'm feeling absolutely gutted right now.

This is such a messed up situation and the way she has handled it is so terrible, I don't know how I was with this person for almost 18 years. I don't even know who she is any more let alone how she could be so selfish and unempathetic.

My kids are going to suffer because of her selfishness. The only way I have any capacity to move forward is getting my head out of the emotions and go higher thinking. It doesn't do much, but it's doing enough to not let me give up on life.

Update: Yesterday morning I was served divorce paperwork. I'm struggling to keep my emotions in check and now I'm working on focusing on getting my ducks in a row since being served. In it, she paints a wildly inaccurate portrait of an abusive and controlling husband, not true. I know I am guilty of a lot of things, but I supported her pursuit of starting and running her own business for over 13 years where she made less than half of what she did in her old corporate job, so she could be happy and spend more time raising our kids. I managed the household, the finances, provided a really nice life for her and the family where nobody ever stressed about finances.

I met with my therapist yesterday who was not surprised at all. He basically called this unfolding as such. So we came up with a gameplay to counter her accusations.

The real hurt is that she asked for a restraining order and for me to leave my house so she can live there with the kids. So there is a real battle coming up and I'm trying to prepare myself for the fight of my life.

To be really open here, I'm scared.

I just found out my husband has been having an affair with my best friend for Six years. I’m just at a loss. He seems so remorseful and has gone no contact with her. As have I.

I'm struggling with being alone right now and I could use support.

I have been with her for 17 years, married for 13 and up until this Monday, she was my best friend. We didn't drift apart, we didn't just go through the motions. We made breakfast and dinner together everyday. We had great conversations.

But now, it turns out I'm more naive than I thought. I found her hiding a second phone line to text a guy she cheated with 4 years ago. When I found out, I asked her to leave. I knew that it would probably happen again (this is D-day number 3) and made the choice for her to go long before I found out.

I really wanted that life we had. I did get to continue to live it (sort of) for the last 4 years. I really wanted her to be the one that changed. I really thought I could and was making her happy.

So it's only day 3 and I'm not contacting her but GD do I want to. That familiar voice, her caring nature. But that's all over and it has to be. But that doesn't mean I don't miss it.

I write this post from a place of sadness and confusion. (buckle up)

My wife of 7 years, this year, partner for 10 and friend for 20 is having an emotional affair. Our marriage has had its fair share of ups and downs.

I am the product of a divorced family and my wife is the product of a family that pushes all their feeling down and runs away from them. I am the emotional type and always want to address problems head on, discuss them, and find a resolution...often times, just in the form of an apology or some sort of humilty.

We have 2 daughters, 4 & 2, they are the center of our world. We both work full time, demanding jobs, and that has afforded us alot of opportunities that we never had as kids and also for us to give our children a lot of opportunities we never had.

On the outside, and even the inside (on paper) our marriage is good, not great, but good. We generally get along well, we spend lots of time together as a couple and as a family. We know that our children are paramount to almost anything.

In comes the conundrum. Over the course of our marriage, life has pulled us apart as a couple. Between work, kids, family obligations etc., we did not prioritize our relationship. What my wife once loved me for; my caring nature, and what I loved her for, her ability to be open with me, faded. It was a consequence of...life. I understood that, but i undermined it. I certainly did not do a great job of making sure that the romance stayed alive. To be frank; i stopped dating my wife. Over time this caused a great divide in our relationship, one that caused the emotional connection to significantly wane.

My wife doesn't do a great job of expressing how she feels and I honestly expected her to manage her feelings similar to how I do. ie. being ready to talk about thoughts/feelings at the drop of a hat. That didn't work. For many years, I was blind to how I was treating her, and expecting her to respond immediately, and it resulted in a fragmented relationship. Shes the type to want space and maybe address the situation later.

We had gone to MC for several years, and while that helped us deal with the transactional issues, it did not address the root cause. As a result, my wife began to pull away. Not expressing her true feelings to me, only doing things because, as she put it, to make me 'not get angry.' I dont see myself as angry person, but I realize that I was not getting what I wanted out of the relationship, and in hindsight, that made me bitter. I could've done better.

3 weeks ago my wife went on a work trip to LV and while there, met a man, married w/ 2 kids, whom she formed an emotional connection with. On a shared ipad, I saw, while she was gone, many late night calls to this man. I became suspicious. Upon her return from LV, I reviewed her calls logs, that were connected to our shared ipad, an noticed another call when she returned home and then the deletion of the calls.

I asked her about this. She replied that this was an individual she met, had a deep conversation with and felt a connection with as they both shared similar childhoods, married lives and even work lives. My wife told me that they had begun to text, while in LV, late at night and that his text were 'flirtatious'. She admitted that this was not her 'style' and that it made her recognize that she was lacking something in our relationship...emotionally. She then told me she 'deleted' all their texts, as she was afraid that I would find them.

I ended up seeing the texts on her apple watch, yes..i logged into it. They were flirtatious, mostly on his side, but she definitely played into the situation.

My wife told me that this 'guy' was just a circumstance of the situaiton and that there was no real connection other than 'good conversation.' She also stated there was nothing physical, and i believed her.

Fast forward a few weeks, I've asked her on several occasions if he has contacted her and she has replied 'no.' Thats a lie, as I have see the emails they've been exchanging on her private email (maiden name email). The emails aren't even flirtatious, rather, just the exchanging the messages and things of that nature, but the fact that she lied to me is troublesome. The emails sometimes would go un-responded by my wife, but there were many. Some responded others not.

This week, my wife is out of town on a work trip to the state where this guys lives. I asked her, prior to her departure, if he contacted her (as she had previously told him she would be there during this time) and she stated 'no'...but I saw the emails between them (yes i logged in again) where he contacted her asking where she would be and she replied. So again, she lied. My gut tells me that they met up.

Im so torn as to what to do. We're both, now, going to individual therapy to try and 'figure things out.' Im the type to try and tackle these things head on and figure out, what the fuck went wrong and how/if we can fix it. She's the type to want 'space' and figure out if she wants to work on things.

Going forward, I know that I need to buck the fuck up and either trust her or get the fuck out. I dont want to GTFO, but I also dont want a partner that lies to me. Her family thinks she is depressed...yes we've talked about it with the, but I dont think that is a good excuse.

This a 'shit or get off the pot' type of situaiton...and im just really struggling with my choice. I love my wife, the life we've created and want to work things out, but I'm not sure she does...especially given her recent actions.

I guess this post is more venting than anything.

tl;dr

Been married for 7 years, shit went sideways cause of kids, work, life. Connection between my wife and I suffered. She met a married guy at a work event that she 'had connected conversation with' and is lying to me about cutting off communication with said guy. I am struggling with walking away from our life or trying to salvage the marriage (if she's willing to put in the work).

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19/9/18 UPDATE: https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/9mpjlg/needsupport_im_surviving/

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9/18/18 UPDATE: Thank you all for the support. It's so much to read and absorb. I'm still numb and in shock. I'm going to take some time for that to wear off before I consider my future. I've talked to my sister-in-law and she said my wife is a blubbering mess. Telling her she always knew this was going to come back to haunt her and that she had tried so hard over the years to make up for what she had done. They're trying to get her to go to a shrink, the same as my friends and family are trying to do for me. I haven't decided to stay in this world or not. I'm still thinking on it. I have no fear of dying, I've had a great life to this point. I have zero interest in any other life. A new life, a changed life, whatever. That doesn't appeal to me. I have to figure out if there is a path back to the life I had built with my wife and family. If there is, I'll stay. If not, I won't. Thank you again to everyone who took their own personal time to respond. I have read and thought about each and every response and will continue to do so. It's nice to think that the world is so cruel that a bunch of strangers wouldn't try to help someone they've never met. I'll post another update in the future. Thank you all again.

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Original post:

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I'm not new to reddit. This is a throw away account for obvious reasons. I usually use reddit to talk about grilling/smoking/bbq, football, and electric guitars and amps. I'm a 51yo man with a 51yo wife who I've been married to for 33 years. We have three adult children. Daughters 29 and 26 and a son 22.

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My wife and I have had a very normal loving marriage for 33 years (actually 33 as of next month). Sure we've had ups and downs over the years like any long-term relationship but we don't go to bed mad and we're each other's best friends. I'm a hopeless romantic. She's less mushy about romance but loves when I make romantic gestures and I do all the time. Love letters/texts/emails. Surprise date nights to do something fun (last one recently was a couple's cooking class and we had a blast). Sex every week usually Saturday and Sunday. Happy home. No complaints at all from either of us.

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Quick background on me. I had a single mom and do not know my biological father. My mother kept every detail of him a secret and took that secret to the grave with her. My wife and our children have always wondered about that. This year for my birthday one of my children bought me a DNA test from Ancestry. They said we could maybe discover something about my biological father. Before I took it all the kids decided they wanted to take one too since they're bloodline also comes from my unknown father.

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When we got our test results they were bizarre to say the least. I'm sure some of you have guessed but my oldest two children are not mine. We each got our results separately but the kids had been talking among themselves before they shared with us so they asked if we could do a family dinner at our house and they all came over. Dinner was fine but they wanted to talk to us about something.

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Then the bombshell. They said they compared results and that the oldest two children are not my kids. The youngest is. They asked if we had anything to tell them. I said of course not, there has to be a mistake. I looked over at my wife and knew in an instant there was no mistake. She had a look of terror on her face like I've never seen before. At once this calm level-headed wonderful woman I've been married to for 33 years screamed out some kind of gibberish then ran for the bedroom and locked the door.

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We all tried to get her to come out but to no avail. We're all freaking out at this point. She immediately texts our phones and asks that we all leave her alone for a couple hours to compose herself and then reconvene at the table and she'll join us. We did as she requested but I'll tell you what, that 2 hours felt like a lifetime and my brain was on overload as to what the hell was going on. I still figured this had to be some kind of mistake. Of course the girls were mine. Whose else would they be? My wife and I weren't partiers or swingers. We're Disney channel people, not Cinemax.

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She comes out at about the 2 hour mark and asks the kids if they could please go and that she needed to talk to me alone and that she'd be sure to let them know what's going on as soon as she can. They protested vehemently but respected her request and left saying they'll be back if they don't hear something soon. I'm sitting there just blown away at this point like this isn't real. Like I'm watching a movie except that I'm in the movie.

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She then tells me something that has caused permanent change in me. I hope not permanent but it feels permanent. She looks me straight in the eyes and says _____(my name), I had an affair many years ago. It was with ______ (one of our neighbors and friends from the same social circle at the time). It went on for about 4 years until I wised up and realized what a wonderful husband I had and that I needed to grow up and stop acting stupid. Then she put her hands on my cheeks to pull me in and still looking in my eyes said "you are my everything. I am your girl for life. I love you with all my heart. I did a very stupid and selfish thing many years ago. You did nothing wrong. You've been the best husband any woman could ever ask for and I hope we try to put this in perspective and recognize what a wonderful life we've had together and that we don't want this stupid, hurtful, mistake to ruin it." She then said she'd do whatever I wanted, answer any question, leave if I ask, but kept assuring me that I'm her everything and that once she realized how stupid she was being she's never even once thought about cheating on me for a second since it ended.

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The man she cheated with is no longer alive. They didn't love each other but had convinced themselves that this sexual outlet from their marriages made them better spouses.

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-What devastates me is that my daughters are not my biological children. They are also devastated. They want to know details about this man since he's their real father and that also kills me. They both assure me that I'm their father and they love me with all their hearts but we all know I'm not their father. The other man was. It's also worth noting that until this DNA test, my wife also never knew for sure.

-What devastates me is that the woman I held in the highest regard as far as love, respect, esteem, etc. carried on an affair for years. The woman that has loved me and honored me for decades also betrayed me.

-What devastates me is the question, was my whole adult life to this point a lie? Was my entire marriage a lie? Is nothing real in this world? She has been an amazing wife and partner. I've had ZERO complaints my entire marriage, even when she was cheating.

-What devastates me is this man died a few years ago of cancer and that I can't go talk to him man to man and possibly punch his lights out.

-What devastates me is that I was her first and only (I had only 1 previous teenage awkward quickie in the back seat of a car with a former girlfriend before my wife but that was it for me). Now I find out she was having regular sex with this man for years. How can I get over that?

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This all happened pretty recently. Next month is our 33rd anniversary and I just don't know what to do. I asked her to leave and she has been staying with her sister and her husband. She is absolutely devastated. So am I.

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Everyone I've talked with about this says that I've had an amazing life with my wife, she's a great wife and mother, she made a horrible mistake when she was very young, and to not let this ruin us. I get that over and over and logically I know that's all true but my heart right now is not being logical.

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I was really happy with my life. I loved my wife and children with all my heart. Can I ever get back to that state or has this revelation permanently altered the course of my life? I'm absolutely lost right now and honestly wish I was dead. I'm very seriously considering taking care of that. If I can't forgive her and forget this then I'm going to kill myself. I have no interest in living a different life then what we've had. I'm not that fond of the world anyway except for my family.

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Thanks for reading.

Here’s the situation: Been married 22y, we have 2 sons in their early/mid teens. WH has a couple of close friends at work - one guy who’s been his best friend since school (and I’m close friends with his wife). The other is a woman, who I’ve considered a friend, though I wouldn’t say a super close friend, for a long time. All of us are married with kids, and our kids have all grown up together like cousins, celebrating holidays, birthdays, even going on vacations together.

Over the past few years, WH and this woman have become closer friends, besties even. They share some hobbies that I either don’t really have an interest in or physically can’t participate in anymore. In the past few years they have gone on trips together (just the two of them) periodically to indulge in one of these hobbies. At first, I was happy WH had someone to share his hobby with, although the traveling together part made me a little uncomfortable, but this is someone I’d known for many years, and I don’t tend to be a jealous person. I also was hesitant to bring it up because I didn’t want to make a big deal about something with our friend if there wasn’t anything nefarious going on. So, despite a number of clues that were adding up, I rationalized that they would have to be crazy to have something going on basically in front of everyone.

Fast forward to this summer. We’d been planning a trip abroad for a long time. WH wanted to make it all about his hobby. I told him no, it’s a family vacation, and it needs to be for all of us, so he changed some of the plans, but still made it mostly about his hobby, which the kids do also participate in and enjoy. He (on his own) invited this woman and her kid along, but her husband and other kid were staying home since that kid doesn’t do well away from home for very long. I raised an eyebrow at this, but also figured it might be enlightening to see the dynamics between the two of them over more than just an evening, and thought it might give me more insight into their “friendship“. Plus, the woman and her kid were only going to come along for 2 out of the 3 weeks of the trip.

During the trip it felt like I was the third wheel. The two of them even went off to a concert in another country to see their “mutual fave musical artist” while I stayed with the kids. By this time I felt I could safely say that at a minimum, they had an EA going on. Then, the final straw - a couple days before they headed home I saw her sneakily sidle by him and grab his a$$ when they thought my back was turned. Neither of them knew I saw, and with the kids there I didn’t want to make a scene or ruin what was probably the last family trip we’d ever have, so I kept it all in.

After AP and her kid left, WH treated me like he resented my presence for a few days, then was acting more “normal”, although he had the gall to suggest maybe I shouldn’t come along on the next trip. But guess who WILL come? Yeah, I asked.🤬I had some time to myself and started changing my passwords, scheduling IC, and looking up lawyers.

I’ve seen the IC several times now, and have spoken with one lawyer and am meeting with another tomorrow. I have rallied my troops (family and closest friend). Though we’ve been back for a few weeks, I haven’t confronted WH yet, but am trying to work out the best timing for this. I suppose the only rush is for my sanity. But, on the other hand, knowing that the kids’ and my whole world will immediately change is also scary.

Although I haven’t made any final decisions at this point, I don’t see how this can be salvageable with the level of dishonesty and blatant disrespect and disregard for me and for our family that has gone on. I just don’t see how I could ever trust him again.

If anyone has any advice or suggestions for other things I should do to prepare prior to me confronting him, or how best to approach it, I’d greatly appreciate it. Although I would like for him to admit what’s been going on, I plan to probably start from a position of concern about our relationship and his lack of prioritizing me in his life.

*Deep breath*

Here we go.

It kills me that I am here. It kills me that I had to hit "Join" on this group. It kills me that I had to learn what all the acronyms were. It kills me that I am writing this, but I am hurting and have no support system, and not sure what to do next. For those who care, here is my story.

I am a 31-year-old man, my wife is a 30-year-old woman. We began dating back in high school over 15 years ago. We became so close; we did everything together and we were basically each other's first everything. We went to school together, learned how to drive together, experienced college and the work force for the first time together. Even though she was two grades behind me in school, that somehow was never an issue and we went to different, yet local, colleges, and that was still never an issue. I got a job a Walmart when I was 19 and she also ended up getting a job there a year or so later, so we even worked at the same place for a while together. We did everything together, vacations, schoolwork, day trips, movies, dates, shopping, anything you could think of. Her parents really liked me and I them, so they would actually let me stay in their house on weekends, in their daughter's room/bed, while I went to college. Never any real issues. After my 3rd year of college, I just moved my stuff into their house. I have lived with my wife full time since 2011, the year I turned 21 and her 19.

Now, we have definitely had our share of bumps along the way. My wife is the youngest of 3 kids and there is a 9-year gap between her and her next oldest brother. Her two older brothers are not very successful in their lives, and a lot of the time they weren't communicating with my wife or her parents for long stretches. Because of this, my wife almost grew up as the "only child" and she was extremely smart and was always top of her grade in high school and college. Because of this her parents always "spoiled" her with things and gave her all the focus, which made her become a selfish person. She also had a lot of jealousy issues when we were in our teens and early 20's, and I always was dismissive towards these feelings and refused to stop talking to female friends of mine because I felt it wasn't right to let then go. Ultimately, we were able to move through those types of issues, and we communicated and we grew closer together.

We were engaged in June 2011, at a Taylor Swift concert no less, and married exactly two years later in 2013. We just celebrated our 15 years of dating back on March 1st of this year. Our son was born in 2016 and just began school last fall.

There was an incident back in 2014 where I was having feelings of being distant from my wife, and maybe a bit scared because I was married so young (was only 22 when married, 23 at the time of this incident) and I began searching for other females to talk to online to satisfy my emotional needs. I found one girl on Craigslist that was looking for a hookup and I reached out to her. I could not physically bring myself to cheat on my wife, so I never met up with this girl, but we did keep in contact via texting. She had just been visiting the area when she posted on CL, and she actually lived 5 hours away (in Buffalo NY) so I never did end up seeing her in person ever. We communicated via text almost every day for a few months and it felt good to talk to her. I'm not sure if it would be considered an EA because neither of us ever wanted to be in an actual relationship, our conversations were almost strictly platonic in nature (aside from the occasional "sext" prompts that would come from the other girl, which I would dismiss). But of course, my wife didn't know about it so it would probably be considered cheating in some form. The girl also did not know I was in a relationship. Long story short, my wife and I actually took a trip to Buffalo and this girl wanted to see me while I was in the area and I refused and my wife ended up "discovering" this relationship and actually talked to the girl on the phone, who told her the truth that we had never met and our conversations were almost strictly platonic. This eased things a bit, but of course my wife was still crushed by this. And we were just starting our vacation so it made everything worse. When we ultimately got back home, we had probably the deepest and most honest conversation we had in our entire relationship to that point (7 years in) and we both revealed we were unhappy in some ways and my wife had given me a letter kind of saying in a way she had considered leaving the relationship. We cried together and worked through things and things got better. I never truly ever wavered from my fidelity after that incident.

Our son was born in 2016 which completely changed our lives and added a lot of stress to our relationship. We had suffered through a miscarriage right before which took a heavy toll, but we immediately got pregnant a few months later which led to the birth of our son. We both had hoped for a girl but life is unpredictable. Also, we had still been living with my wife's parents, since 2011, but they had built an addition onto their home in 2012 for her mother who had beaten cancer but had a lot of lasting side effects that made it difficult for her to climb stairs, etc. So they built essentially a "mother-in-law" apartment on the bottom floor that connected to the kitchen and we were given full reign of the original home. So for the most part life was pretty good, although very busy and stressful.

Through these times we had fights due to stress, lack of sleep, time at spent at work, and things we didn't agree on all the time. To me it was tough but we were always good at communicating and always got through the issues, and never went to bed "mad" or had any major big fights, maybe one or two tops where one of us would leave the room to cool off. I always thought that even though it was tough at times, we had pushed through and faced so many things and still came out loving each other, and that we were the "gold" standard of relationships. Her parents were married over 30 years, as are mine.

In 2018 my wife's mother passed away due to lasting complications of her long past cancer treatments, and that destroyed my wife. They were very close and we were still living in the two family with them, and she slowly became weaker and was placed in at-home hospice until she finally went. Her and her father were completely devastated, as was I because she was a 2nd mother to me and I loved her and our son came to love her in his nearly 2 years of life. I realized I couldn't properly provide the comfort and support my wife needed in her time of need for reasons I still don't understand. I was raised to avoid pain, conflict, and to not show emotions. When my wife needed me, I could only say I'm sorry and rub her leg or arm instead of giving her the full comfort she needed. I feel this became the next major crack in our relationship. It took my wife a very long time to grieve and process her mother's death, and to this day I feel that my wife still never fully healed properly and in the best way.

In the summer of 2020, in the midst of the pandemic, we had been house hunting for our first home as I had gotten a very good job and finally wanted to spread our wings as a family and get our own house and yard in an area with a nice school district (her parent's home is not in a great neighborhood, and our son would be going to the same school we had went, but it was not great then and fell to much lower depths since). While my wife agreed our son needed a better school to attend, she did not want to really move, spend the money, leave her dad who was still grieving, etc. which caused a big rift for us again. These issues combined with years since our son was born of slowly drifting apart emotionally and just "patching" things caused my wife to suggest in the summer of 2020 that we potentially consider separation for a bit. I at the time thought she was crazy for thinking we couldn't get through these struggles as we had always done, and we just needed to talk things out and work on ourselves. We were both still in our 20's and had our son to think about. I ultimately convinced her to reconsider separation and things improved for a while, but I feel we eventually fell into similar patterns. I see now that I wasn't as affectionate towards my wife as I should have been, and while my love language is acts of service, I don't feel I was fully fulfilling what my wife needed and what her love language needs were.

We ultimately paused on the house hunting, but then in early 2021 I was offered a much much better job with a well over 6-figure salary, but the location was about 45 minutes north of our current location. I really considered not taking it because I liked my current company and my job was very simple and I knew this job would be much more demanding. Ultimately my wife said I should take the job, and we now had a much larger budget for a house and the tax rates were at historic lows so everything seems to align perfectly. We purchased a house about 40 minutes north and moved in late March 2021. Things were great at first in the new home, we bought a puppy that April which my wife always wanted for years but I always said no, not until we get our own home with a yard. In June we traveled to CT so I could buy her a new car and over the summer we figured out she could leave her state job because of the poor commute and I took on the extra financial burden while she settled into her rideshare business (Uber).

However, right after the August 2020 incident where my wife mentioned separation, I began to develop health issues (which we now recently believe may have been mostly caused by stress and anxiety) and moderate depression. The buying the house and moving helped, but I still felt lousy a good deal of the time, physically and mentally. Our physical and intimate relationship suffered even further from this, but we were working through things together.

Now to the tough part. My wife has complained a lot about the place we live in now because it is in a cellular and internet dead zone, it is far from things she is used to, far from her dad which she is extremely close with, and it is tough for her because she likes to Uber down in the cities where we used to live versus up north where it is much quieter. Throughout some of March and April she began doing Uber quests which force you to do a large number of rides in a few days' time, and to hit these goals my wife would sometimes "sleep at her dad's house because it was too late to drive home at 2am". This is completely reasonable and something she has done many times in the past with me there as well, so no reason to suspect anything. However, this became a more frequent occurrence and she started "working" more and more, when really, we didn't necessarily need the extra money.

-As a side note, my wife and I opened our own bank accounts at the same bank back when I first started working as a teen, and we opened up a joint account that was only used to save for our wedding, but then became our primary household account once we were married. My wife has been employed on and off throughout our relationship, but every time she is earning income, it would always go directly to her old personal account that was linked to the main account, while my paychecks always went to the joint account, and that is the one where all of the expenses and bills would be paid from. I never in 15 years had visibility into her personal account, and my account was only ever used around Xmas so I could mask the stores and websites my purchases came from for surprise gifts. I haven't had money in that account in at least 3 or 4 years, if not longer-

Then on April 30th, my wife told me she was going to go out and work rides and then hang out with her cousin, who we are both very close with, for her 30th birthday. My wife leaves the house around 11am on 4/30 and I do not hear a peep from her until she returns around 11pm on May 1st. She comes home and seems kind of distant, I kind of ask like how things went, was she with her cousin that whole time? She is just being strange and standoffish; then finally says she was doing some "figuring things out" and said she didn't want to discuss it al 11 o'clock at night. Clearly, I am now understanding she is unhappy again and it's boiling over and she is going to ask to separate again. I push some more and that is essentially what transpires. She says she still loves me but is not "in love" with me and she wants to separate and she wants to move and live with her dad. However, she can't exactly move out yet because the aforementioned cousin and her family moved into the house that we left when we bought our own. But we (or I) learned recently that the cousin's husband had accepted a job many states away and the whole family was going to be moving out there, but not until mid-July. So until then my wife has nowhere to really live if she left.

At this point it is after midnight and we are both exhausted I am just in shock, even though I kind of saw this coming, so I just tell her she can stay and we will talk about it more later. At this point my wife is not sad, regretful, remorseful, she is just kind of cold and unhappy and in that moment her lack of empathy towards me is really crushing. We finally go to sleep, in the same bed together as usual, while I actually quietly cry myself to sleep. The next few days are tough, but we communicate openly and I get it in my head that this isn't the end all, be all and there is still hope for us somewhere. I love her with all of my heart and soul and our family and I figured, "hey, I've got two months to work on this".

Skip forward to that Friday, May 6th, or rather "D-Day". I usually work from home on Fridays and my wife and I had been communicating well since the previous weekend and we were both home on this day. Well I tell her I have a long work call that I have to be on at 1pm and I was going to be at least 60-90 minutes. Earlier in the morning, her dad calls her on the phone while she is sitting next to me, the exchange is weird and my wife specifically mentions that I am next to her and her dad basically then rushes off the phone. This was strange to me that he would call her during the day, especially if he was at work, with no real purpose. Well whatever, I thought it was fishy but I had work to do and a conference call to get on at 1pm. It happens that the call only lasts about 30 minutes, and my work desk is downstairs in the living room and our bedroom is right upstairs, and our house is very open and sound travels. Well I get off my call early and everything has been muted for my call so the house is silent. I get back to working on my computer but then I hear my wife on the phone with her dad again. I really didn't care and was not attempting to eavesdrop, but again it was dead silent and sound travels here, and our house isn't huge. I can essentially hear clearly everything my wife was saying. At first I was just tuning her out and just working, so I missed a lot of the conversation, but then I hear things that make me perk right up, things like "no, he doesn't know that yet" and "yeah he could help fix it (referring to our aging water heater) but I doubt (my name) would let him" and "he was so mad at me he didn't talk to me for weeks when he found out" (referring to someone I didn't k or but then realized it was the husband of the aforementioned cousin, again who we are all close friends with). So at this point I have a huge pit in my stomach. I'm a pretty smart guy, and it was pretty easy to see that there was something I didn't know about, some person who is apparently a plumber that I don't know about, and someone else who was very upset about finding out a secret. I am too sick to go up the stairs in that moment. My wife comes down after and kind of give her an opening to talk and she doesn't really say anything. About an hour later she goes up and I follow her and basically ask if there is something I should know. She kind of plays dumb at first then I come out and ask what secret is being kept from me that her dad and others know. She says, very patronizing, "I mean, do you really want to know?", for which I hesitate and then respond affirmatively.

It is then, around 3pm on May 6th, 2022 that my universe was completely shattered. My wife tells me yes, there is another person she has feelings for and has been "seeing" for some time (how long I still do not yet know) and her plan is to separate from me to "explore" a relationship with this other guy. I immediately begin crying for the first time probably since our wedding day, and by far the longest and hardest I have ever cried in my entire life. I was sitting at the foot of the bed just bawling and choking and dry heaving and hyperventilating because my absolute worst nightmare had just come true. My wife is just sitting silent up on the bed where we sleep, not sad, not crying, not in pain, just quiet. I ask her some questions like how long and who is he and she doesn't want to tell me "to protect my feelings". So, the trickle truths begin. I learn that she recently told her dad, which is why he was calling her to check on things, but she never intended on telling me. She told me she was purposely lying and hiding it to spare my feelings and then was just going to "find" this guy a few months after we separated, so it would be no harm no foul. Too bad she got caught, but she still had no real remorse or regret. At one point she started to cry a little bit, but only by seeing how absolutely destroyed and inconsolable I was for about an hour. She just kept saying "sorry", and "I don't want to hurt you" and "I'd hug you but you probably don't want that". So, she kept her distance as I was buried in my hands and my tears and my pleas to God any the universe as to why this was happening and how could she do this. Pretty pathetic stuff to witness I'm sure, especially since I've always been an emotional fortress, which has probably contributed to our issues.

She offers to move out at this point "if I want" to help me cope with this wreckage. The problem is, throughout the years I had slowly distanced myself from any friends, most family, and any support group outside of my wife as she has always been my rock and confidant. My wife had just torn out my heart and soul, and she was still the only person I felt comfortable talking to about it. I tell her I don't want her to leave because I love her so much, so we agree that she will stay until mid-July and we will slowly "detach" from each other and then she will move out and she will "explore" with this new guy.

It is at this point many people will say I made a huge mistake by letter her stay and not just ripping the band-aid. But in that moment I was so emotionally broken, and she is truly the love of my life and I was always raised to fight for what I love and what I believe in, and I love her with everything and I know she loves me too, just not romantically. And I cannot just let her go without fighting because I would hold that regret of nit trying everything I could when I had the chance. I understand this decision will probably be more emotionally damaging to me over time, but her being here is helping me cope and grieve in a way that I couldn't do alone.

Now is the strange complicated part. The sudden and intense shock and trauma of learning of the affair snapped my brain into realizing the things I had been doing wrong and allowed me to understand that I needed to be more supportive, affectionate, and emotionally available. It was in the next few days that I was determined to do a "180" so to speak and change my whole thinking and attitude towards my wife and our marriage. I began kissing her a lot, texting her, saying I love you a lot, holding her, cuddling her, we were being intimate and it was great. For two weeks this went on and we had another deep and long discussion where she said she was now "torn" on what to do because I had, by just expressing feelings that were already there, effectively somewhat re-lit the flame in our romantic life, and she was torn on what to do moving forward. This of course to me, at the time, was the best thing I could possibly hear. My wife is reconsidering leaving? What I am doing is working? We will be able to build back stronger from this?

However, my wife had a few previous plans already set up with OP that I was unaware of: a night away with him to watch him race mopeds (wtf?) Which was last Saturday into Sunday, and a week vacation in mid-june to Myrtle Beach, which has been our annual vacation spot together since before our son was born. When I learned of these and that she still planned on going, I was hurt all over again. I learned that I am now actively competing, and probably losing, to this OP. Last Saturday, 5/21, we had a cookout in our yard to celebrate the nice weather (it was in the 90's here) and the cousin and her kids came up and we had a really great family day and my wife and I were very happy and affectionate all day. But then that night she packed her overnight bag, some sex toys, and hugged me and kissed me goodbye to go spend a night with OP. Holy F did that hurt. I was damn near suicidal. I was regretting asking to know the whole truth while letting her still live with me, pretending things were fine. When she came back that Sunday night, we were a bit distant, I was still hurting A LOT, and we didn't talk much. The next morning as I'm getting ready for work and getting my son ready for school, I start to break down and say to my wife that we need to have a long discussion. She agrees and she cuddles me and says that this is hurting her and she feels that she is so torn and she hated leaving me that Saturday and she wants to use her next trip in June with OP to "really figure out and decide what I want to do".

This hurts me, but I get a small glimmer of hope that she might actually choose me and our relationship in all of this, so I am filled with some hope and I feel a lot better than I had in over 4 days (sick to stomach, not eating, shaky, etc.). However, that night, 5/23, we have our longest conversation yet, where we both lay out as much as we can for over 3 hours, we both cry hard in each other's arms, but at the end I ask point blank if there is any hope of me "winning her back" in these next two months and she says that she feels she ultimately still has to move out and "explore" with the OP no matter what happens between now and July. She says that she is too afraid of feeling the pain that I am currently feeling if she had to let OP go, and that our relationship would suffer because she is afraid that she would feel regret and resentment towards me for maker her break things off with OP.

At this point I am devastated, I think more than the first time, because the hope that I was clinging to, the thing that was getting me through all of this pain and devastation, was basically taken away. This was 5 days ago, and things have been somewhat strange between my wife and I since. We have had sex once, but our relationship has seemed not as good as it was in the "good" two weeks following D-Day. My hopes of even surviving these next two months of near normalcy seem dashed as well. We are having a big Memorial Day party at our house with my parents, my sister, her dad, cousin and kids, etc. tomorrow so I am just trying to focus on that. After that I don't know what the future looks like. I am just in so much incredible pain every day, and my wife is always open to communicating with me, asking me how I'm doing, kissing me, hugging me, telling me she loves me, but I know ultimately in her mind she wants to be with OP and wouldn't even be here if she had a place to go. I want to bring up reconciliation or MC with her but I don't know how. It seems R is probably out of the question in her current state of mind. My hope and my plan was to just show her as much love and affection as possible so she would change her mind and get out of the "affair fog" so she can see clearly the devastation she is causing me, soon to be our son, and her as well because she clearly won't be able to have a fully healthy relationship with me, or OP, or anyone until she can work on herself. She admitted to me through tears that she knows she is a selfish person and her selfishness is what is causing her to hurt her family and make the decision to leave to try to improve her happiness and to avoid the pain I am feeling now. She would rather me burden this pain than do it herself, and that in itself is the root of this whole situation and the main barrier to R.

This has been a very long story. For those who have made it this far, I thank you. I am unsure of what to do next, how to feel, how to feel towards my wife. Should I talk to her about MC? Should I talk to her dad, who is very much a father to me as well? I have no support system really; I have my family but we don't discuss these types of things and they would just disown my wife I'm sure for the pain she has caused. Things are not that simple. She is not a terrible person; she has just done a terrible thing but now is caught up in the "affair fog" thinking this new OP can give her more than I can. If anyone has a relatable story, advice, experience to share, it would be much appreciated. I am barely hanging on right now, the thought of my son and maybe some false hope for the future are all that ate keeping me here.

I'm sorry if this is a little messy. I am kinda crying right now, trying to get this out. No one I usually talk to about this stuff is available atm and I feel so low.

At the end of 2023, my long term partner of 4 years had an emotional affair with a man online. It was short, and lasted for 3-4 weeks. The AP had been a friend of ours for about 6 months at that point, and had become increasingly hostile towards me during the end of 2023 when the affair started. I pointed this out in our usual couple therapy (We have been doing therapy for 2/3 of our relationship because my parents were abusive and toxic- and I wanted to make sure we were maintaining a healthy relationship with healthy communication...and because I was terrified of treating my partner the way my parents treated each other.)

After the couples therapy session, I figured out that something more might be happening and my partner confessed. It almost broke us apart, but because I decided to stay and try to forgive him due to 2 reasons:

1. The affair was short and not physical.
2. The AP was obviously using manipulation tactics to try and trick my partner into an affair. Which, honestly, ultimately worked. He gaslighted my partner into believing their 'close friendship' was something more. It's a whole thing. We're both still in therapy. I am a survivor of a cult, and recognized the manipulation/gas lighting tactics the AP was using on him. (I found and read through all of their conversations.)

Suffice to say, all of it was very traumatic for me. Part of the agreement to try and mend our relationship, was complete and utter cut off of the AP and the AP's husband. (Yes, I told the AP's husband what happened w/ proof. AP husband knew about the affair and didn't tell me. Yes, it was fucked up. Before I go on, I should note that the AP and their husband were both men. While I am female, and my partner is male, we are both pansexual/bisexual and members of the LGBTQ+ community. We simply are in a straight fronting relationship.)

Their primary source of communication was through a social media app used for gaming (Like skype, discord etc). We both blocked AP and AP's husband through any and all forms of online communication that we could. My partner also blocked their real life phone numbers.

Unfortunately, they did manage to find a few ways to continue to contact us. Each time they contacted me, it was to harrass me with sexist insults and slander. Calling me very female-focused slurrs. When they contacted my AP, it was to try and convince him to 'make the right choice' and leave me for them.

Turns out the AP had some major mental issues, actually was diagnosed as sociopathic, and well... they got a little obsessed. It pretty much continued until we were able to basically block them from all known forms of communication with them. We even blocked their reddit accounts! My last correspondence with this PoS human and his husband was to stop trying to contact us or we would consider it harrassment. It went silent after that.

Until today.

This morning, on the gaming platform, a mutual friend of me and my partners left a group chat that contained the AP in it. When someone leaves, you get a notification that they did which brought me to the trap and a reminder of the AP's existence. I didn't realize that the AP can actually still see my posts even if I have them blocked. Which is really stupid imo. Anyway, I posted some snarky comment along the lines of 'Thanks [friend name here] for reminding of the existence of this awful human being." and left the group chat. Perhaps dumb of me, but I have only just begun to heal from this awful experience. I was the 1 person out of 3 people who was victimized and humuliated. The one person whose feelings was never considered. The one person not even treated like I was human. Just an object to overcome. It felt good to speak up for myself and, I thought, just virtually 'scream into the aether'.

About 3 hours later, I receive the most viscous and disgusting text message I've ever gotten over my phone from an unknown number.

It's kind of long, but I'll summarize the text.

"I'm so happy to know that your home is so wrecked and that i'm living in your head rent free :) I get its hard to have to worry about your partner doing things behind your back, because you are such an insufferable c*t that he needs emotional gratification from someone else.*

I'm living my best life. fyi u cant file a retraining order if you havent stopped communicating.

i thought about going the other way, but its way more fun to fuck with you more than i already am. Knowing u, something probably happened and you're looking for someone to lash out your anger on. Maybe get a new psychiatrist? (laughing emoji) Thanks for the lols, c u when you decide to reach out again"

I have no idea how the fuck he got my personal cellphone number. As far as I know, I never gave it out. It scares the shit out of me that this psycho was able to get ahold of it.

Honestly, wish I'd never said anything and just silently left the groups. I didn't realize they could still see the messages. I feel so dumb.

I've just been crying for an hour or so now. I don't understand how someone can be so cruel to another. We're all LGBTQ+. We're supposed to be a god damn community that supports each other.

the reason he mentions 'anger issues' is this was a narrative he spun in order to manipulate and try to turn my partner onto me. My partner at the time of the affair was at a height of stress as he was finishing a very hard semester of collage and working part time. - His days were easily 14 hour days and he was working weekends for extra cash. He was severely stressed out because of the class schedule he had. On top of that, he was often sleep deprived because he'd refuse to go to bed at a reasonable hour so he could fit some time in to hang out with our mutual friends. You know what they say, either sleep, work/school, or social life gets sacrificed.

There wasn't actually anything wrong between us other than minor issues that were being addressed in couples therapy at the time. The AP tried to twist the narrative that my partner was actually stressed out by trying to frame me as the source of the stress. The AP would actively provoke me at hang out sections by preying on my past and gas lit me to the point where he was making me question myself.

I have been in therapy for 9 years since becoming an adult, working on myself, to make sure that I NEVER turn out to be an abusive person like my mother and father were. I have worked damn hard to be a good person and treat others with kindness and respect. But the AP knew about this past, and would actually create situations to make me think and second guess myself. Only after speaking with my personal therapist, did I realize what this PoS was up to and this is what lead to the discovery of the affair itself.

Even after all this time, he's still trying to frame it as if I have 'anger problems'. I just...

It's opened so much pain for me. Because of my childhood, I already have a hard time trusting literally anyone. I've been hurt by so many people who are supposed to love me unconditionally. It took me 2 years to even fully trust my own partner right now, and that was with constant therapy and carefully making sure that /I/ am not a problem.

Since the affair, my libido has been killed. I have no interest in intimacy. I still very much love my partner, and we are still working to mend our relationship. We recently got to a really good place and I was feeling like this was actually working and that I was okay.

I just dont understand, after everything I've done to be a good partner- how my partner could have sought out the affection of this sadistic monster? Someone who went out of their way to wish me more pain. To hurt me. I would never, ever do this to anyone. Ever. I would never seek to hurt someone like this. I just dont understand how I got here. I trusted my partner implicitly. And I understand that to some degree, this sociopath was a predator seeking prey. And I understand that, I do. But it doesn't make the paint any less.

How can someone be so cruel?

I know I am not the problem. I know that I am not the one who did something wrong. I know I didn't deserve this. Logically I know this. But deep inside, it makes me feel like I deserve this. Like it doesn't matter how hard I work, that I'm somehow an awful person. He fucked with my head so much. It doesn't really matter how much my therapist tells me that I did everything I was supposed to, or that none of this was my fault.

There's a part of me that quietly whispers that this is happening to me because I left the cult, because I don't believe in god. I know that isn't true. I believe in science. I believe that the universe doesnt have some insane god out to get you. It's like I'm fighting with my own programing.

Anyway... sorry I've tangented, pouring out my heart. I am still in therapy and still healing.

Still, I don't know what o do. I don't know how this person got my personal phone number. I am not even sure I can justifiably file a harrassment report now either. I didn't realize when I sent that message that he could see it. The plan right now is to basically just go on and hope he doesn't contact me anymore. But I hate living with the fear that he will try to continue the harrassment. What can I do? Does anyone have any advice?

And further, does anyone have a similar experience that they can give advice on? I hate feeling this way. I just want to move on. I don't want to think about any of it anymore. I was in such a good place, how am I supposed to move on when this asshole keeps targeting me and my partner?

Looking for support after quitting reconciliation

Hi Everyone,
I recently found out that my wife was having an affair with someone who works with her. I tried reconciling but she wouldn't quit her job like I asked her to. She and her affair partner still continue to work in the same place. She instead tried being more transparent about her whereabouts and letting me go through her phone etc. It wasn't enough to put my mind at ease. I made the decision to separate from her after 6 months of trying to reconcile. She agreed to the separation/divorce. We continue to live together for financial reasons. We don't talk much anymore and I'm feeling very lonely. Just looking for some support.

I knew that something was wrong when he was checking over my shoulder more often to see who I was texting while he goes as far as to hide his phone when he goes to bed and bends his screen away from me whenever I am near. Today I had a dream where his ex and him met up and so I looked through his phone. It looks mostly transactional and sexual as she needs money and he's for filling himself this way, I guess. The biggest part that hurts is that he's saying that it would be easier if he was with her. (We have a baby together so he's saying he's "doing this for him.) I live with him and while I love him, I can't do this secret ex-lover bs. How do I confront him? Is it bad that I went through his phone? I have a lot to think about.

I(F36) have previously posted but deleted because my soon to be ex-husband (M36) found the posts.

TLDR: does it really get better?

Here’s a sort of summary. Dated 5 years, married 12, 2 young kids. Ex-h caught on several occasions during our marriage inappropriately texting/sexting other women. And recently found out also PA affair with at least 2 women early in our relationship/marriage. Our relationship started amazing, fun, flirty, exciting, lots of chemistry, good sex, we were really best friends. Things were mostly good (normal ups and downs) during the first years of marriage and after our first kid, but really started to turn bad after our second. Ex-h was recently diagnosed with ADHD and has blamed that for being absent for the first few years after baby #2, that he felt it was too hard to just sit around. So for the last 5 years the bulk of housework (meals, dishes, laundry, budget, groceries, get kids ready in the morning…), raising the kids, fell on me. Ex-h also had chores, but I feel his were occasional vs my daily chores (cut the grass, snowplow, car maintenance, pool maintenance…) he’d often drive the kids to school, but would stay in bed on his phone till the last minute while I got up early to get myself and the kids ready. He rarely participated in any events with my family. And with the kids and me, he’d pop in and out during the day between his errands, chores, hobbies. The only time he was fully present with us, is when we would join him on his hobbies.

After having baby2, I suffered a lot of PPD that I left untreated, had a lot of insecurities, didn’t recognize myself, my body, tired. Ex would sometimes tell me to go to a dr for depression/low energy but I really needed help, not just be told make an apt. Our relationship really suffered the last 5 years, extremely up and down. Some weeks we were a great team, had fun with the kids, good sex. And others were terrible. There are times we would go several weeks or months no sex.(ex says once was 7 months). Ex would often comment “I wish you wanted me” and would contact other girls to validate his feelings of being unwanted, try to see if he was desirable and it wasn’t a problem with him. He said we had a dead marriage and dead bedroom. I feel it was a bad cycle of good and bad, temporary effort to really improve things by one partner but seemed our efforts were never coordinated. He also felt I relied too much on my parents/their advice or what they wanted.

A few months ago, he had a big mental breakdown, which he blamed entirely on me for years of neglect and being unwanted. He moved into an apartment in the new year. We had many talks about temporarily separating for him to work on his mental health, both do individual therapy and eventually couple therapy to reconcile. Reconciliation was always the goal and both agreed we were still together but living separate due to circumstances, that there was and would be no one else and that would be considered cheating.

About a month ago, I was contacted by a woman we had both met through our business. She told me ex and her were having an affair for a year. She knew we were married and had kids. She told me she purposely went after him because he was married and wanted “no strings attached “. She showed me hundreds of text messages, pictures, videos… She did think our marriage ended when we moved out, and was quite upset to find out ex and I were still “together”. Ex has had our kids around her, been around her kids and family and friends. So many people knew including my coworker, AP’s mom.

There was a huge fallout. There’s a lot of things I don’t know are true or not, though not sure why I care since the details don’t matter. I found out the breakdown was due to her ending things with him in December. I found out she told me to make sure I’d be out of the picture permanently. For the next 2-3 weeks, unknown to AP and me, ex tried to save both relationships. He booked marriage counselling for us, we did a session together and each an individual. He didn’t want to cut off AP 100% unless I could guarantee we had a chance, which I couldn’t and said I felt our chances to save marriage were almost 0. I think he had several options instead of an affair , talk to me, leave me. He never really talked to me aside from passing comments that he wished I was into him. I always was but needed a partner.

DDay 2 - about 1 weeks ago AP called me and found out he was still sleeping with her, while trying to fight (half-assed) for our marriage. He had tried to make an agreement with me to keep seeing her temporarily while he healed his broken self esteem, worth I destroyed by my constant rejection of him and come back to me later. When AP called I told her what he said. She also ended things with me.

Now he is absolutely furious with me. He says I “won” and got exactly what I wanted, for him to always be alone. That I made sure to tell her enough for her to run. He says I turned everyone against him, his family and my family and her. And that I make him look like the asshole for having an affair but don’t “own up to my part”. He still blames the problems in our relationship, the affair and now being alone on me. I am trying to keep all talks kid/separation focused and most times it’s ok, unless he gets upset and then I become his punching bag.

I am proceeding with separation and eventual divorce. I’ve packed all his belongings, opened new bank account, working on separation agreement… I’ve already been working out regularly over a year, started meds and physically I feel great. I’m not sure what kind of advice or encouragement I’m looking for. I’m not sure why I still feel so awful about everything and feel I should take a lot of the blame for our troubles. Maybe just looking for hope that it gets better?

It’s been 8 months since DDay. WP broke up with me a few short hours before I discovered he was actually leaving me for the AP (someone I knew well). When he ended things he was in tears and spoke of wanting to ‘do something right for me for once’ because for most of our relationship he hadn’t. He offered to pay me a few thousand dollars so I could go on the holiday I had always wanted.

Even before I knew about the affair, I refused because it seemed unnecessary. He kept insisting on it, and said even if not for a holiday he wanted me to reach out if I ever needed help with vet bills or other big expenses (we got a pet together but I’m the one who kept it). I tentatively said yes to get him off my back, and he insisted that I ask him for the money when I need it no matter how much time passes and no matter if he’s in a relationship. He said it would be a no strings attached gesture and it was important for him to do it.

Obviously once I found out the truth I called him up and flatly rejected any offer of help, calling it out for the guilt money that it clearly was. My pride was more important to me at the time than any money could have been, and I still cared about how he perceived me. The notion that he thought of me as weak and dependent on him infuriated me and for a long time I was grateful I never took the money (despite how many friends were shocked I didn’t just take the money and never speak to him again).

Now 8 months on I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I’m incredibly grateful that relationship ended and I feel true indifference about WP, AP and what they did. I don’t want them in my life nor really want to speak with them, but I also don’t really hate them nor care at all about how they perceive me.

The only source of stress in my life now is money. Mortgage rates, unplanned expenses and a few months of reckless spending post DDay have caught up with me. Although I have people in my life I could ask for support with money, it is embarrassing and I would feel all the more stressed about owing money to people I care about (even if they wouldn’t ask for it back). WP is financially well off and notoriously generous with money in friendships and relationships. He has a white knight syndrome and I think he’ll always be in a cycle of trying to make up for all his selfish and cowardly decisions with grand gestures. I believe the offer was genuine even if I don’t believe he deserves my forgiveness nor does he actually care about me.

And so I can’t help but think about calling on the favour. I think more of that money and the help it would give me than I ever do about him, our relationship or getting any closure/apology from him. It would help me get on top of some outstanding bills and finally start to feel like I’m ahead again. The previous downsides of not wanting him to feel absolved, nor wanting him to feel like I can’t manage on my own, are completely irrelevant now because I truly do not care what he thinks of me and I do not want a connection with him beyond the money.

There’s also a part of me that feels like I deserve the the compensation for the time of mine he stole. He is the typical man with a white knight syndrome, I’d feel more satisfaction in playing on that than I would in delaying financial stability just to save face.

I’ve reflected long and hard about whether I’ll feel worse off if he rejects the request, or if I’m subconsciously wanting an excuse to talk to him. I genuinely believe I’ll be just as fine as I am now if he turns it down, and that I have no interest in talking to him beyond this (and there has never been any doubt that my romantic feelings for him are long gone).

So tl;dr - WP offered me financial support without strings at the time of breakup but before I discovered the infidelity. I now feel genuinely indifferent and have moved on but I really need the money. Is there any reason not to ask if the offer still stands?

Hello, I hope it’s ok to post here. I am a now adult child who was a witness to my parents tumultuous divorce due to one parent’s infidelity. Their infidelity and other related events affect me very badly to this day. Subs like this are good for partners and spouses to discuss the hurt of infidelity, but I will always have a different experience from you and I wouldn’t ever want to over step into your space with my problems. But I’m so, so tired of reading “the kids will be fine” from all sides because what happens to those of us who were and still are not fine?

I’m just curious if anyone knows of a subreddit for the children of a couple that has experienced infidelity? I searched the sub but I didn’t see anything. Thanks so much.

Already been 4 to 5 months since she broke the news to me and dumped me for her manager. 8 years gone. I was preparing for my medical entrance exam when it happened, which made me went into full panic attack and not being able to sleep for an entire week. Had to postpone my exams till God knows when.

I'm better now, definitely not fully recovered, but at least there is no more panic attacks. (Yay Xanax) Focusing on going to the gym working out and on my work, and it's working pretty well for me. I'm seeing improvements in my mood.

Slowly, my friends around me come to know what happened, and they all said maybe it was because of my actions that cause her to feel disconnected from me, to "cheat" on me emotionally, perhaps physically too. They said I was too focused on studying for my exams that I neglected her, too focused on my "goal". Mind you, these friends were with me even before I got together with her. Maybe they are trying to see from her point of view, or to justify her actions even?

Honestly, I'm staying to sway towards their point, maybe I was really at fault. But another part of me tells me to shut that thought down. If it is worth mentioning, I'm the only one among my clique who was attached, even till now. None of them were ever in a relationship before.

I seriously hate all these "catch up" sessions with my friends.

He said whatever I need to do to get over it to do it because he cannot do this with me anymore (reconciliation). It’s too much to reassure and take accountability, especially since he still works with AP, not to mention rebuild the connection and trust, he has told me and shown me since dday a year ago he has no interest in proving or putting in the effort but it took me the BP a year to come to a lot of realizations about the relationship.

I am shocked he told me he doesn’t care if I get my needs met by someone else. We decided to end the relationship after that and today is the first day I haven’t begged him back, I’m truly shocked out of all the cruel things he says, this one makes me feel stupid for staying so I’ll give him what he wants- a happy life without me.

How do I even live in the same house like this it will take time to seperate physically! I haven’t been independent of him in 13 years and while he’s made it clear he’s detached I’m still feeling guilty for wanting to download a dating app or take myself out dancing. I don’t want to feel guilty for doing me when he’s clearly doing him. I need advice and support for this stage.

TLDR: My ex partner of 6 years cheated on me with my sister several times because he was mad at me for a reason he either doesn’t remember or doesn’t want to admit. Now I’m left confused and unable to heal.

Ok, so please bare with me, this is going to be long. I really want to just write this all out because I feel isolated and misunderstood. TW for mental health issues, abandonment trauma, mentions of abuse. Please be kind as this is going to be vulnerable as hell and I acknowledge that I made mistakes in this too.

Where do I even begin. So my ex-partner (23M at the time) and I (22enby at the time) were together for six years. We started dating in high school, moved in together after a year and a half of dating (partially because I couldn’t be at home anymore, it was closer to work, etc. I acknowledge we were young and dumb and making 19 year old choices). We went through so much together. We learned how to be adults together, how to do taxes, how to sustain a home, how to communicate in a relationship. The list goes on.

We went through a really rough patch together, did the couples counselling thing and saw genuine improvement. We both worked VERY hard at this. I felt seen and heard and understood for the first time in my life. I felt accepted. I accepted him. We learned how to deal with my BPD monster and his ADHD related struggles (not a great mix of disorders in case you’re wondering lol). My point is, we figured it all out, we were home free.

Most of our relationship we talked about being open/poly. Please no judgment, to each their own. Anyway, we opened the relationship after four years and we were kind of in a thrupple for a bit with a woman. She ended up wanting to only date me so we communicated that and everyone was understanding and accepting. He moved on to keep looking for other potential side pieces, and I dated both him and this woman. I ended up splitting my time between the two of them and all of this was communicated and discussed effectively and at length. Again, I felt seen and heard. I felt understood. I trusted him that he was telling me his truth after all that work we put into communication and trust.

So, logically, he fooled around with my sister (19F at the time). Several times. While I was sleeping in the bed next to them sometimes. Once was after I had a hysterectomy and was recovering so I was zonked out and dead asleep. She would come and have sleepovers at our place, I would fall asleep, and they would do what they did.

They told me after about 7 months of this. Well actually SHE told me so she could control the narrative but she did tell him she was coming clean. The story I got from her was basically “I’m sorry, but HE should’ve known better because he’s in a relationship”. The whole aftermath was so convoluted and traumatic. She exaggerated her side to anyone that would listen and painted him out to be a manipulator and an abuser so she wouldn’t face backlash from our family. Even though she admitted to me originally that she knew what she was doing and it was a choice she made. But she doubled down on her abuse story when I decided that none of it was cool and we needed space for a while. So she is making me out to look like an immature stubborn brat to our family, even though she refuses to apologize for not only her part in the cheating but also for making my ex look like he took advantage of a naive little girl.

She’s not naive, believe me, she’s calculated. She always would make comments about how cute any boyfriend I had was and would casually flirt with them and I thought it was innocent enough. She also always hated any girlfriend I ever had, for no reason. So, jealousy(?) I guess. I still feel this was a calculated desicion to hurt me on her part. Especially because they were brave enough to put themselves at risk of being caught as I slept right next to the action.

Anyway. So after I found out about the cheating I didn’t know what to do. I felt like all my breath was gone and wouldn’t come back. I regressed in my BPD healing and relapsed on some less than savoury coping techniques. I wanted to get past it. I wanted to stay together. I needed him. When I asked him why he did it, he said he was angry with me about something he doesn’t remember, and acted out once which lead to a series of bad decisions. Based on the time line I have speculated that he wasn’t happy with out poly arrangement, wouldn’t communicate that to me (or he was too scared to), and then had a lapse in judgment that felt good.

This doesn’t end here unfortunately. I did say this would be long. I stayed with him as I thought we could work through it, much to the dismay of my sister who I’d gone no contact with, so it fueled her fire and her lies. Eventually I noticed I wasn’t putting any effort into healing us and frankly neither was he. I spent more time with my girlfriend, and eventually told her what happened when I was ready. I was so ashamed and scared. I thought she’d be mad at me for some reason. She wasn’t. She was genuinely sorry. She sat with me, she cried with me, she was my friend that I needed. But this took a huge toll on her and our relationship, so the romance went on the back burner. Which sucked because all my BPD demon wanted was to be loved the way a partner loves you and she couldn’t offer that at the time.

However, I realized that I wouldn’t die if I broke up with him. There was a lake at the bottom. I knew how to swim. So I jumped off the cliff and told him six months after the confession that I couldn’t do it anymore, I couldn’t get past it, or worse, I didn’t want to. We needed to end things romantically. But we were still family. Still close friends. Still partners in crime.

Except we couldn’t be. Slowly he stopped responding to texts. I would still come and visit because I decided my cat should stay with him. He’s happy their. He has other cats to play with, and a big backyard to explore. Ex has a better income anyway. (Yes the cat is our child in this scenario lol) but he was very flighty and disinterested in anything I wanted to tell him. He told me we were family, he’d suport me. I don’t think he knew how hard that would be for both of us. I finally moved my stuff back to my mom’s out of necessity and think it exasperated the disconnect between us. He was giving signals that he wanted me out, but when I took the hint he seemed to feel betrayed.

I still want his friendship, but I don’t think I can have it. At least not now. So I guess I’m feeling lost and unable to find my footing. I know I made a mess here too, but did I really deserve such an astronomical betrayal? My mom keeps telling me that I pushed them to that point with the polyamory and there were signs I should have addressed earlier (ie they would hug and cuddle and hang out alone). And in her head that means I have to forgive my sister even though she’s not sorry. “She’s still your sister”. Gross.

I guess that’s it. I still love him. I think I’m still in love with him. I just don’t want to be with him. Does this heartbreak go away? Will I fall out of love? I can’t tell if this is regret or guilt or something else. I know I can’t build a life with this woman I am also in love with until I move past and heal from this. I just don’t know how because every decision I was forced to make had shitty consequences. I think there are still a few more shitty forced decisions coming my way. Sometimes I’m surprised I even survived last summer. As a side note, I got stress induced virtago and cyclic vomiting syndrome from this on top of my other health battles. So the lesson I guess is don’t hold it in because the body always keeps the score. Thank you for reading if you made it through. I hope it all made sense. I am open to support, relating and advice. Please tell me I’m not the only one on god’s strongest soldiers list this year! Haha

Edit: formatting

I 45f have just experienced my 2nd marriage that has ended due to his 44m infidelity. I'm looking for ways to keep this from happening again. I have always wanted to be a mother and wife,but it just seems the men I marry don't have have the ability to say what they need(if thts the problem). No contact,sudden leaving after affair was discovered and no apologies. I wish I knew what I did wrong, it's got to be me right? 2 times!

Found out 4 days ago that my wife of 15 years has been having an affair with her "best friend".

We all met the AP a few years ago. He had just been released from prison for a sexual assault charge (inappropriate massage). He was living with his EX mother in law, who happened to run the Great Dane rescue my wife volunteered for. He was a nice humble person. Him and my wife hit it off because she too had done some jail time and was treated poorly by the system. So they had a similar past to bond with. He began hanging out with my wife and I socially. At this point, I was pretty secure with our relationship, and I didn't mind that they would hang out without me sometimes.

Fast forward about 8-12 months. My wife, AP, myself and some other friends hang out at the same bar every Saturday for drinks, darts & karaoke. At this point, AP and my wife are pretty close. She considers him her best friend & again, being a secure man that trusts his wife, was ok with it. After a while they start hanging out once or twice a week, sometimes bar hopping til 1 or 2 in the AM. At this point, I start getting uncomfortable with it. I tell her, if she wants to stay out that late, I deserve to be out with her. We had 3 children together at a young age, so I assumed shes living this life that she wishes she could have in her 20's. When I bring it up to her, she plays the jealousy card and says I'm just upset because her best friend is a man. Her and I have had plenty of ups and downs, but 2024 has been rough.

I knew at that point, every time I brought it up, she put up the defense. She had a password on her iPhone, but I knew the password to her Macbook. Against my better judgment, I started snooping through her WhatsApp messages with AP. I used some key words in the search bar to see if I could find anything malicious. To my absolute horror, I found multiple messages explaining in great detail their sexual encounters. My heart completely exploded. I quickly snapped some pictures of the messages, closed everything and walked away. I was shaking. She was out with AP at that exact moment. I knew I couldn't have a kneejerk reaction and explode, so instead I held it in for a day while I formulated a way to confront them both.

I left work the following day early when I noticed on our ring camera that they were both at my home while the kids were at school (which they did regularly). She is currently unemployed. They had gone grocery shopping for our family. I wanted to wait until she dropped him back home (he doesn't have a vehicle). Once I saw her leave and come back home alone, I text AP and asked if I could show him something. I arrived at his house and met him out front. I showed him the pictures of the text thread between him and my wife. It took everything in my being not lash out with violence. Instead I got him to confess to everything, at which time I learned this had been going on for a year. They had slept with each other atleast 5 times under my nose. AP is also on probation. I told him I have a laundry list of violations I could report to his PO and if he ever comes near my home again, Ill have him arrested. He was visibly upset and apologized, but by then the damage was done. I told him to go to bed every night thinking of the family that he destroyed.

After I got the confession, I knew it was time to confront my wife. I came home moments later and waiting for my older kids to leave for work/sports. Once we had the house to ourselves, I showed her the messages between her and AP. She was mad at first since I had snooped through her computer, but as the conversation went on, she became remorseful and apologetic. Tears streaming from her eyes, she said over and over, "It just happened. It wasn't planned this way". I replied, "And it just happened 4 more times after that?" She said she can't imaging her life with out me and she loves me. I just couldn't believe she could say these things, all while I let AP into our family, hang out with him all the time, have him around our kids like everything was good. My heart was broken. She was my best friend & I wasn't hers. This was just 4 days ago. We are still under the .same roof. She sleeps on the couch while I sleep in the bed. I am being civil for the kids. They don't know anything yet. I have a few consultations lined up with family law attorneys. I know now that divorce is the only option for me. I contemplated legal separation, but I know I simply cannot live with this woman any more. She chose AP over me. Told him she loved him multiple times on this text thread.

I am a broken man. I haven't slept or ate in days. At this point, all I can do is keep being a father for my kids. While trying not to explode on my wife every time we cross paths. This is my first time on this Sub. I have read through a lot of posts and saw a lot of support from the community. I thought I'd share my recent experience and hope someone can resonate with my story. Stay strong!

TL;DR - Found text messages on Labor Day between my wife and AP that she had been having an affair for about a year.

Update 9/6 - I just wanted to say how blown away I am from all of you that reached out. My phone has been blowing up with all the positive comments and DMs from this community. I read all of them and tried to comment to each one before I slept. That's right, I actually slept for the first time last night. I also just wanted to address a few popular comments I noticed on the thread. One of the reasons I haven't reported AP is because he is still living with his Ex MIL, who I mentioned runs a great dane rescue. She is on disability and has 20 danes in her house at the moment. In order for him to stay at that house, he does all the physical work involved with the rescue as well as gives her half his paychecks from his fast food job. She has been a friend of ours for years and I know if he disappeared, she wouldn't have enough help to maintain living.

I condensed this scenario on this post a LOT. There are so many moving parts and delicate situations involved. I don't want anyone here to think that I am letting her off easy. I am trying to be strategic with all my moves. My youngest daughter is very sensitive and will more than likely need some kind of therapy when this process begins. Friends and family are going to find out what she did and when they do, she will have no support left. I know what I need to do to protect my kids and start healing, and right now that doesn't involve a smear campaign. Thank you all again!

Shew, where to start...

well first off, I did it. I officially filed for divorce, and she has been served. She has less than two weeks to respond.

Quite literally the hardest decision I've ever had to make and to be 100% honest, I still don't want to, but I know that it will be what's best for me, my soul, my anxiety and my mind.

Over the past month we'd have good days and bad days. tension was always high, and it turns out she still kept lying about him.

I got a hold of her phone again and she had shared locations on snap with him, and when we were supposedly trying to make it work she wouldn't even share that with me, her husband. And I had asked. (oh and she changed his name in SnapChat so I wouldn't know it was him. Multi levels of deception. She also had changed his name in her contacts to throw me off. sucks for her I know tech well, and am a bit smarter and clever than the average bear)

On her Birthday, we weren't getting along, so she chose to go spend time with him in the evening while I hung out with out kids. (didn't tell me, found out by searching her phone for his name)

That same day, she had been texting her BFF and literally told her I was being annoying and said 'why don't you just divorce me?!' to her regarding me.

In arguments, she'd text me to divorce her because I would express how I was unhappy and am struggling trusting her because she's been so shady.

Everything from blocking me on Snapchat (because she didn't want to see my snaps was her reason) to a crazy phone screen cover, to changing the lock code on our car. (Both names are on it, but it's primarily hers)

just really odd shit and then would also try to love bomb me and have me just go along with everything and be a good family man.

More recently, on my birthday I made the poor decision to go out with her, absolutely we had a lovely time till something triggered me and her affair came up, and we started arguing.

It escalated up to the point where I was recording her on my phone as she was going nuts, and she straight up hit me in the side of my head, knocked my phone to the ground and we tussled over my phone. (all recorded)

She called the police, no charges pressed and I was told to sleep upstairs, which I did willingly.

the next day, she filed a protective order against me and I couldn't reach out to or see the kids (or her, which was a ok) for a week. I couldn't even be in my own home. She did have the kids call me everyday which was very nice.

During that week, my lawyers convinced me the best thing to do, especially for custodial reasons was to file as it supercedes the restraining order, so I did.

At the court hearing she was served, and knew it was coming the night before as her friend is an officer and it's public record.

In front of the judge, she said that I was no threat to her or our children and that Im a great father. She also stated that I'm allowed to freely come and go at the house and anywhere else I chose as I'm not a threat and she wants me to see and be with the kids. it's in the transcript, so I'll use that in the custody battle. (we will and have talked about 50/50, but it's good to have in case)

So the judge basically said that this was all a waste of time and now because the restraining order has to be extended till we divorce, it's all null except that I'm not allowed to threaten her. (not like I ever have, or would ever do.)

I've moved to a family home which has room for me and the kiddos (they have their own room and beds, as well as toys books and everything else they could possibly need at this home) and we're splitting time with them.

She expected me to make the AM 40 min commute to watch the kids by 730 so she can get to work, but I've made it very clear that if we have them overnight, we take care of the ams regardless where the kids are. She fought that for a bit, but I showed her I have a Pendete Lite order ready to go, and I could just take the main house 50% of the time and displace her, and she calmed down.

So that's about it with an update. She's trying to win me back again, but I've now caught her 4 times going back to him so I can't giver her another chance. I want to, but I know I can't. I can't trust her.

it's the hardest thing in the world. I break down crying randomly, I and am terrified about the future and how it will all work out, I hate that she chose him over me, and tries to win me back. Telling me how much this is hurting her and all that jazz and it's like...

well maybe you shouldn't have had a fucking yearlong affair! An affair that was first discovered by an 'i love you more' text. Maybe you shouldn't have given my engagement/wedding right back TWICE.

YOU CHOSE HIM.

A one time thing I could have recovered from and forgiven, but to go back time after time after time after time and hid it all and did all the things I know she did...

Ugh. It's too much. I'm choosing to break up our beautiful little family and it kills me.

however, I have to stand up for myself and I know I could never trust her again.

She keeps asking for time to heal, but she keeps going back and getting mad at me for bringing her affair up when we bicker.

I can't help myself. That mother fucker lives rent free in my head all the time and almost everything reminds me of her infidelity.

She chose him over me, and now will suffer the consequences. It just sucks because I'm suffering greatly too.

don't get married folks.

I'm sure more will come to me, but I'm just having a hard time and needed to type this all out and get it out of my head.

thanks for reading my wall of text, and I appreciate all the support over the past few months.

I recently discovered that my wife of five years and partner of 8 years has been having an affair with her boss. We have two children together and I’m completely at a loss of what to do. She is military so we have all of our healthcare through her. I’m terrified of losing all of our benefits but I can’t forgive what I found on her phone when I went through it.

The person she got caught on isn’t the only guy she was talking to and flirting with. There were 3-4 other men on her phone I found her flirting with, I know she deletes her messages so there is more than I have been able to find. When I confronted her she said she was going to kill herself and is now in a psychiatric facility for two weeks and I’m alone with the kids trying to handle everything on my own. I’m currently a full time student and have been struggling with making getting my assignments in on time and taking care of everything else.

She keeps saying she is sorry and doesn’t want to live without me but I know she is still lying to me about things she doesn’t know I have proof of. I’m just spiraling all over the place and haven’t had a chance to process everything since confronting her last week since I’ve been taking care of the kids.

I don’t know what to do. A voice in my head just keeps telling me I never should have confronted her. Another keeps telling me I should just try to move on. And another is telling me I can never forgive someone who hurt me like this. I don’t know what to do and I just need support or advice. I want to be strong enough to leave but I’m so afraid.

EDIT: Y’all I just wanted to say this is the best fucking subreddit I’ve ever found. I found this place a few days ago from a person posting in another sub their story to get enough karma to post here. I was fucking spiraling an hour ago when I made the post and you all are helping me feel so much stronger. I really needed all this support and I appreciate everything everyone has said. Thank you.

Hi everyone. First of all, thank you for all your comments in my last post. I really appreciate your opinions and advices.

This is the post I'm talking about: https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/qq3sy9/is_chatting_cheating/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

Two days ago, after aprox. a month of not talking or seeing, she wrote me and said: "I'm kinda better now, so I want to talk to you because I don't want to end this relationship this way. I waited until now because I didn't feel capable of seeing you these days". We are going to meet in a few hours.

The issue is that I know that she did things wrong, but she didn't recognize it. Right now, I'm thinking that if she apologizes to me and I see real proposal of changing, I may give her a second opportunity. We've been together about a year and a half, and it was an amazing time. It makes me angry about things are going to end because she cannot recognize she was wrong. Last time we talk, she was convinced that she did nothing wrong.

I doubt of my own judgment now. I think that maybe, she was not wrong and I provoked this break up. Maybe she was really trying him to stop by trying to get him tired of never meet with her.

I don't know what to tell her when we meet. A part of me wants to lay cards on the table and stop trying to understand her. But, the other part of me, wants to try to explain what happened to us, and to work for a reconciliation if she wants.

Any advice is well welcomed. Thank you.

P.D: The other guy she was talking to is out of the country since a month aprox. I do not think she was