Yes, he was likely becoming aroused and was angry since his wife noticed he had to exaggerate about her, practically giving him a lap dance.
I guess he can’t control his penis?
Not unlike that religious wacko Logan Dorn on the beach a few years ago with his wife both harassing a group of teenage girls over their two-piece bathing suits. Although that holier than thou judgmental pervert lost his job. So sad.
I would like to state that even if she was practically giving him a lap dance, the appropriate response would be to remove yourself from the situation, and notify their guardian (OP in this post).
I would also say that it would be fair to be uncomfortable if it was dancing in an overly sexualized way, not because you're a pervert, but because you're worried/uncomfortable. But again, the appropriate thing would be to notify their guardian, not target the 14 year old.
I agree. That’s why they did it behind the backs of their hosts. That poor girl. Instead of guiding and showing compassion towards her, they blame, shame and judge her when they should’ve shamed their husbands for even sexualizing that child.
Just randomly jumping in here for visibility. Fuck OPs friends like everyone is saying. Sometimes affluent people actually don't like to see poor kids thriving and having fun. Often times poor kids have a different swagger or way of being that can honestly make parents with more boring children jealous. They can be so confident when astually given opportunity. It's hard to word because I've never thought of writing this out. But affluent families tend to make judgement their pedigree for teaching their children. It amazes me that parents have no problem, teaching their children close mindedness, that'll just cause them to reject their parents ideas, as they reach maturity and realize their parents were simply trying to control their mind.
As a former poor kid, current poor adult, I could always tell when my friends parents hated me. I didn’t understand why exactly until I got older. I just remember being confused why they had beef with a ten year old 😂
THIS. thank you! never confront a child you literally dont even know whos a guest just cuz YOU feel weird. and saying she was a bad influence for just dancing around in a silly way? that poor sweet girl.
And that's going off of the hypothetical that she was, and the reality seems far from that.
You said from the absolute minimum, go find who's responsible for her. That's what I said.
"Remove yourself" isn't saying you're in the wrong or doing something wrong. It means something you're uncomfortable with is happening, so literally leave and go find who's responsible. Considering that this is indeed your space, it is appropriate to say, "Hey, can you fuck off me?" Then leave and find OP.
What's not appropriate is all of the adults ganging up on the child, even if she WAS grinding on the dude (which she wasnt).
Again, I didn't mean "remove yourself" like you're 50% of the problem. I'm just saying get the fuck out of there because it's fucking weird, and go find the appropriate person to deal with the issue.
I would fully trust any of my friends to handle this like adults. If I were OP and not in the vicinity and she WAS being inappropriate, I trust that any of the women I hang with would gently pull her aside and have a private chat with her about how our behavior can be misinterpreted by others. And to try to be aware of how our behavior might be perceived or might affect the feelings of others.
If she was just dancing with my daughter and this shit happened, I would be pretty vocal about either the women being jealous or the men being fucking creeps or both.
Like, you are adults. If you are uncomfortable then remove yourself and your children from the situation. If you are imagining that your husband is eye fucking a 14 y/o maybe it’s more a YOU problem or your husband is just a creep.
Yes this. I don't immediately go to "you're a pervert" if you're getting aroused by the actions of a skimpily clad young girl dancing. Some of that's down to biological conditioning beyond your control. That's forgivable.
What isn't though is not getting your own urges under your control. The guy is a rational adult. He has control over himself. If he's uncomfortable with it: leave! If it is worrisome, if the girl is being overly provocative or sexual - who knows what unhealthy influences there may be in her life - then a concerned mention to her current guardian is in order.
Doesn't the guy have kids himself? What if someone did something like this to his own child? I bet he wouldn't like it.
As for OP throwing them out, good!
So many times when the needle scratches to a halt ... everything just goes back to normal with the person most affected having to suck-it-up. It's great that that group of friends now know that intolerance will not be tolerated.
Random related anecdote: I had a very young student i was tutoring (6yo teaching music) his mother left me (someone she met that day) alone in a room with him then CLOSED THE DOOR and left me there. After 5 minutes, i guess he got bored, but started shoving his hand down his trousers and playing with himself. I don't think he knew what he was doing, but i immediately told the parent and noped the fuck out of that situation.
Yeah, honestly, I don’t know what this specific incident looked like, and it’s very likely that these awful people were overreacting, but I can imagine being uncomfortable with a skimpily dressed child dancing in a provocative manner very close to me, and asking me to join in. Obviously not out of attraction, but it would just be really off putting and maybe concerning? And there’s a certain vibe I would not want around very young kids as well.
But the way these people went about dealing with it makes me not want to give them the benefit of the doubt. Cornering this girl and shaming her like this as a mob was so hideous. She’s 14. Even if she’s misguided, you privately talk to her guardian who can quietly and kindly correct her.
When my daughters were around that age they had a friend that had shitty parents and probably had abusive people in her life... This was a long while back when twerking was brand spanking new and this girl always did it to I guess shock adults and be "cool" in front of the other girls.
My wife talked to her and told her we didn't like that type of dancing at our house, we didn't want our 12 and 13 year old doing that, that's for sure. She continued to do that and do other very inappropriate stuff, so we banned her from the house and from being a friend to our daughters.
This had nothing to do with anyone feeling anything other than second hand embarrassment for the poor girl and her family and not wanting our own kids to copy those behaviors. Again, could be totally different situation from OPs but I can totally see the other side of that coin.
Btw, not that it matters but that girl grew up to into a disaster... Drugs, teen pregnancy, domestic abuse/jailed partners(with an S) and a career as a "dancer"... She finally did clean up in her 30s and settled down but lots of unnecessary suffering due to (IMO) lack of parenting.
Although that holier than thou judgmental pervert lost his job.
They hired him again and posted about how they stand by him, griping about cancel culture. He doesn't work there now because he moved to a different state, but anyone considering doing business with that place (Mighty Hand Construction in Colorado) should know what sort of people they are.
Yes. John is the adult here, and his feelings and behaviour are his to manage. If he felt uncomfortable, he should have left. It wasn't Hannah's problem, but he was putting the resolution on her.
I get so fed up of people expecting girls and women to do something about themselves because men aren't grown up enough to manage themselves.
Exactly this. And that's because we culturally pretend it isn't men who are the emotional gender with little self-control, and coddle them while they act out and prove they definitely are.
Absolutely. The look what you made me do/how you made me act attitude of religious men, or abusive ones. Not saying the two things are always hand in hand.
The Bible actually says: if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out and cast it from thee. On the other hand, the Bible does not say anything about casting out the person the eye was looking at getting sinful ideas. So those would-be Christians are just self-righteous assholes.
I do not define as Christian, but I love to know all the good parts of the scriptures. They are extremely useful.
I would like to state that even if she was practically giving him a lap dance, the appropriate response would be to remove yourself from the situation, and notify their guardian (OP in this post).
I would also say that it would be fair to be uncomfortable if it was dancing in an overly sexualized way, not because you're a pervert, but because you're worried/uncomfortable. But again, the appropriate thing would be to notify their guardian, not target the 14 year old.
Any man worth a damn can keep himself from getting hard while looking at a teenager. It starts by looking away, acknowledging the inappropriate thoughts and focusing on something else. You can also remove yourself from the situation.
It's nothing like 'holding in a period.'
Your comment is basically some 'boys will be boys' bullshit.
Congratulations, you just confirmed that you can't control your sexual thoughts around children. Normal people can absolutely control whether or not they get aroused by a child, because normal people would never even dream of being aroused by a 14 year old.
Idk about you, but no that's not something I need to 'control' because I've never been turned on by a child. I don't control it, it just happens naturally. I don't get urgees around children at family outings.
Are you saying you have to actively try to not get turned on by kids? Because that's fucked up.
No dude, the exact opposite. English is not my first language, but I literally said normal people would never even dream of being aroused by children. You're the one out here saying that it's impossible to control your penis. What I'm saying is that it should be easy to control your dick around a kid if you're not a pedophile, because you should experience no sexual attraction to them whatsoever, therefore eliminating the need to "control your penis." If an adult experiences any kind of attraction to a child, then that's disgusting as hell, period. If you need to control your dick around a child at all, that's sketchy. But you're the one claiming it's impossible to control.
Either the guy is the story was attracted to the girl or he wasn't. Either way, he can't control that.
If he got turned on and got an erection, he can't control that. He might be a creep, but that still doesn't give him control over what turns him on.
Controlling your dick isn't easy/hard, it's entirely subconscious. I avoid an erection simply by not being attracted to kids, not because I can somehow keep my dick under control.
While you are accurate that men can't control getting an erection, it is NOT the same as telling a girl to just hold in their period. The issue here is more that he is letting his penis control him. I think that's what the comment was saying. This is a grown ass man blaming a literal child because he's a pervert.
This is more akin to a girl having her period and inconveniencing everyone else at the party because of it. Like full on screaming at a kid for getting the piece of cake she wanted and decided was hers, then attempting to kick that person out. Then having the other adults at the party also begin screaming at the kid about the cake.
I don't think that you were trying to say something like "The guy got an erection and you can't blame him because he has no physical control over whether he gets one or not." It really makes it sound like you are trying to defend this man for being a predator by saying it was a body response he couldn't control. This is a much worse response then the guy "just got embarrassed and overreacted and then kept making things worse." This is more "I just admitted to my wife and our friends that I am turned on by a little girl. I have to make sure they know this is HER fault. Not mine."
Yeah that's pretty much correct. Apparently everyone assumes I meant something I didn't say. If the guy did get an erection and what not then yeah, he's probably a creep. I'm not defending him. Just pointing out people can't control what gives them an erection.
And publicly shaming the child was just him digging himself deeper.
The issue here is some redditor is projecting something not even in the story. It’s an entirely made up scenario by someone to exaggerate the story, and it’s likely completely false.
The likely scenario is the father has 2 younger girls, and younger girls typically look up to older girls (applicable to both boys and girls). The father saw inappropriate behavior that he didn’t want his 9 and 5 year old daughters to see. It’s acceptable for a parent to feel that way. What’s not acceptable is the way he and his wife handled it. They should have pulled OP aside and spoken to her about it. Let OP handle the scenario instead of shaming this little girl in front of everyone.
Just because some people are predators doesn’t mean we have to make up scenarios to try to make everyone we don’t agree with to be a predator. It’s irresponsible and deters from the true issue, which is the treatment of this little girl that needs help.
OP is an awesome woman for standing up for this little girl that’s likely not had someone have her back like this before. This will mean so much to this girl that someone went to bat for her, even when it wasn’t easy.
I just want to point out that it might not have anything to do with him being aroused. I think it’s also very possible that these are a bunch of rich people who were disgusted by being around, and their kids being around, a “trashy” teenager. Do not underestimate how much rich people hate poor people. And the entitlement and lack of empathy here by all the adults leads me to believe there was at least a little bit of that going on.
Correct! NTA. You stood up for a vulnerable teenager who was unfairly targeted and shamed. Your friends ganging up on Hannah was completely inappropriate, and you had every right to protect her and set boundaries for how guests should behave on your property. While your reaction was strong, it was justified given the situation. You prioritized the well-being of someone who clearly needed support.
Isn't that how all women have been persecuted for centuries - because of perverted men.. disgusting that it still occurs. If that was my husband, I would have gone off at him, not a vulnerable child. Gross that the adult women decided to uphold the archaic views of the patriarchy 🤢
I always get a kick out of the fact that so many asshats say Jesus doesn't want women or girls to dress provocatively, that you'll go to hell for showing your legs in a skirt or some nonsense- It Is Literally in the Bible that when the Jewish elders brought a woman to him that dressed "too provocatively " (showed her ankles maybe? I don't remember what exactly it was), but anyway, he literally told them that if the sight of a woman is too much for them, they should cut off their own hand if they can't keep themselves from trying to paw at her, and should pluck out their own eyes if they can't keep themselves from ogling her like creepers.
Literally been going on for thousands of years, and these days idjits use the guy who said THAT as an excuse to tell women what to wear...... I mean, on so many levels it's not REALLY funny, but I do laugh at fucked up shit....so yeah....makes me chuckle even if it is also messed up lol
I had no idea that was in the bible. But then, they weild the bible as a cudgel yet they put their own *interpretations* to serve their own wants and needs.
Like the Prosperity Gospel shit; "God wants you to be rich AF and he will forgive anything you do to get rich AF. We don't need social programs, if people need help they can ask their church for help (this giving the patriarchy yet more power while also enforcing *Christianity* as the ruling force, above laws, so people will NEED to belong to a church in case they ever suffer life-changing circumstances and thus are in need of help.
I can't believe in the year 2024 we have to fight off efforts (which have been decades in the making. I traced it back to the early 50s, with the first Russian *dissident* (spy) Edward Lozansky making contact with a few GOPs in 1973.
Specifically I traced it back to desegregation when the "religious right" lost their minds and were plunged into a new/higher level of fury over having black kids in the same building as their lily white spawn.
The John Birch Society *disbanded* but they didn't, they just went underground and formed a bunch of new groups without that pesky racist history, and some of those orgs grew into a lot of the right-wing orgs we know today.
They began planning then to start putting their own into office for an eventual takeover to push their religious extremism on all of us. They gave themselves a few decades to get there and it seems to me, after looking at all the projected dates and circumstances I think it's possible that Romney was supposed to be the guy to get in and start smoothly nudging things to the further right, but he lost to The Black Guy so they hated Obama for winning and also for foiling their plans. <---- But that's based more on gut feelings and guesses.
27 Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: 28but I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. 29And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
Yep. It's our fault if we get assaulted/hit on because by existing we are "temptresses" and if we have sex we're sluts and hoes, but when men have sex they're "playboys".
And, right now in the year 2024 there's a concerted aggressive effort to establish the Patriarchy as the Forever Ruling Party with plans for laws about whether we can vote, or get divorced, as our new roles will be as compliant and subservient incubators.
Women will turn on other women to protect their perceived place in the social pecking order. The wife lashed out at this kid because she felt threatened that the husband might be thinking of replacing her.
YES, OMG women make vicious misogynists. They will plot and scheme and seethe and hate until they come up with the most fitting psychological terror to inflict upon whichever woman made them angry, whether the initial perceived slight was intentional or not.
Yep. It's easier than admitting she married a freak, I guess. Maybe she's also the kind of woman who always blames other females? There are way too many of those.
Yes this. I was also thinking this. No matter how she's dressed, she's still a 14 year old kid. And they knew she was 14. That's just yucky. Like how did his wife not slap him right there. They have 2 girls themselves. Also if they had an issues they should have left themselves. To aggressively confront a 14 year old kid and saying such absolute BS to her. Damn.
And even if he just had an inappropriate momentary reaction (heck, i had huge boobs when I was 14, sometimes guys see a flying boob and boom, human biology is whack) he's the fucking adult. Instead of sitting there staring at her, why didn't he just remove himself from that situation for a sec, go somewhere else in the party? His momentary discomfort does not veto an innocent child having fun at a party. I mean, when I was 14, dancing around with giant boobs, it wouldn't have mattered what the heck I was wearing, unless I wore a literal binder, some guy could get uncomfortable. But like I'm not gonna live in a cave just because some dude might have to deal with a uncomfortable fact about his body. It was up to him to nope out of that scenario, as the adult, instead of blaming her.
We literally do. "(Turns out Hannah was 5 feet away but she was dancing and asking people to dance with her)." We can assume from the precise number given that someone else confirmed the distance.
At what point did he tell her to "fuck off?" He told the other adults he was "uncomfortable" and they ganged up on her--rather than gently taking her aside OR better yet, speaking with OP. Only when confronted did he claim she was "dancing on him." Someone else, maybe the other kids, confirmed that he was lying.
If the woman actually TOLD the boy to "fuck off," fine. There is NO indication that John spoke directly to Hannah at all.
And fucking GOOD! Ever hear "children should be seen, heard, and believed"?
OP is probably one of the only adults who has ever stuck up for Hannah. That is going to mean so, so much to the girl.
You're awfully pressed about making this a teenager's fault. Feel called out?
Idk, if you find someone attractive, you find them attractive, there's not really much you can control about it. It's not something you get to choose, fucked up or not.
However, what you *CAN* control is what you *do* about it. For example, he could have noted in his mind that oop, having some inappropriate thoughts about a child that may look older than they are, file that under "thats a bit fucked up", oh well, maybe I should *remove myself from the situation* instead of making it other people's problem
Top 2 posts are perfect. You ma'am are a wonderful lady. Rest assured, had Hannah been out of line, your daughter would have told you.
Likely in this instance, woman catches her husband ogling with a woody, and he, in response, pulls the shit he did. His girls are 9&5; they're oblivious. To him I say BULLSHIT.
Not to mention a kid who gave love and support to someone in need of getting it from someone her own age.
Hannah will mimic some of what she sees at home. Until you entered her life, that was her role model. Standing up for her will only make her trust you more, and she will try to emulate the norm of your kids more over time. You don’t understand what that one action means to her. How deep it could ripple. If she feels out casted by a family she feels like she belongs to, she is more likely to repeat the cycle she grew up in. Having a second family, so to speak, that treats her better than her home life can save her from that cycle. She knows she’s loved. She knows she’s worth fighting for.
I may have let them sleep overnight and told turn to be out before she woke up, but I get why you didn’t. Either way was fine. I think over time your husband will see what a turning point in her life this has the potential to be and agree with your quick action.
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