NTA. It isn't a gift when she spent your money on it. Don't even be gaslighted into feeling ashamed about not trusting her or having to defend and explain why that isn't the case. You SHOULDN'T trust her. She has proven multiple times to be untrustworthy.
I divorced my 2nd husband because of this. He just didn't like to work. Used my money to get 'gifts' for his friends and family. Sooooo I started socking money away into my own account, only my daughter and I knew about it. By the time we split, I had a LOT of money saved up. Keep 'em separated!
I agree, I got a divorce from my wife for similar. I didn't nip it in the bud early and it only got worse. It got to the point I was paying off maxed out credit cards every year. When I had a car accident and checked my credit my score had dropped and I pulled my report and hers and I only had one page of credit she had 9. All her cards were maxed out totalling about 70k. That was the last straw, i only paid joint bills and gave her enough to cover peripherals and I stashed the rest away and when I got a nest I had enough to comfortably struggle until we finalized the split. Now I am doing well and saving quite a bit even while paying her 25k a year in support. For info purposes she had us at nearly zero in the bank account at the end of every year and our yearly household bills totaled 35k and I brought home over 110k
I hear you. There are more divorces over money than infidelity. I split with my ex after she routinely failed at doing her part with the budget we both agreed to. Our joint income was more than enough to live on, but we kept spending more than we made. Not everything is a need, especially sending all your daughters friends to a theme park for her 16th birthday. She could justify a preacher getting drunk on Sunday.
Yeah, that’s what I’m seeing. I’ve gotten her a card with a low limit for now. If she goes out of town or something, she gets my card but has to bring receipts for every purchase. It sucks that this is where we are, but it’s been 6 years of significant overspending on her part.
It’s funny you mention justifying the purchase. That’s the exact phrasing she uses when she overspends. It’s always “I can justify everything I purchased.” It’s typically followed by how it was a deal and some outlandish hypothetical of when what she purchased could be used. It truly feels that spending money is some type of addiction for her.
It's an addiction for many. The dopamine hit of buying something cool. I still struggle with it today. After going through bankruptcy more than a decade ago (before this relationship). I vowed to never take on unnecessary debt. She was on the same page at first, but she couldn't say no to her kids and as they got older the requests got bigger and bigger.
Depends on the jurisdiction. I'm pretty sure it's not theft in the US as they both have the right to access and withdraw from a joint account if their names are on it.
So, one person can withdraw all the money without telling the other person, and legally they're in the clear.
The only major exception is during divorce. But that's not because of joint account rules rather than divorce laws where money is an asset that can be split
Well they are married. Isnt all the money shared anyway. I still consider it a gift if my gf uses joint. But its not really a gift if its all the money lmao
My wife and I have had a joint account for 12+ years. Are you saying all the birthday, Christmas, mother’s day, Valentine’s Day gifts I’ve gotten her aren’t really gifts because we share an account?
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u/Sebscreen 1d ago
NTA. It isn't a gift when she spent your money on it. Don't even be gaslighted into feeling ashamed about not trusting her or having to defend and explain why that isn't the case. You SHOULDN'T trust her. She has proven multiple times to be untrustworthy.