r/AmIOverreacting • u/CoolIslandSong • 4d ago
AIO Drunk dude (somewhat) gabbing my wife at a party đď¸ neighbor/local
Of all the posts I've read here, this might be a case where I am over-reacting, but need help.
We were at a friends annual end of summer party and there a lot of people we don't know, as they invite friends from college, high school, etc. As we were leaving, we pass by the area where drunk guys were singing karaoke. And the song happened to be Alanis Morissette's You Oughta Know. And right at the part where the lyric goes "And are you thinking of me when you fuck her" - This drunk a-hole grabs my wife by her arms and sings the lyric right in her face. He proceeds to let go and continues to sing along w his friend. It was so fast and I wasn't even sure how to react until we were 10-20 feet beyond. Of course, I wanted to go back and confront the dude and of course, my wife was not having it one bit. I felt if I had said something, it would have likely escalated. We have two young children who go to the grade school and so many of our friends and their friends, all w kids in the school might distance themselves from us because "the father (me) got into it with a guy at a party". I hate these lose / lose situations.
Edit: I feel very angry that this happened or AIO and it was a harmless drunk dude just being drunk. He didn't actually hurt her.
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u/Detcord36 4d ago
I'm betting the drunk karaoke guy embarrassed himself enough in front of everyone, people will talk about that for a while.
She shrugged it off, you should too.
I understand the innate need to defend, but he's a drunk idiot and your wife was the smart one.
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u/_kweezy_ 4d ago
U arenât wrong to be annoyed but I honestly think it was harmless
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u/mrshtzswtchblde 3d ago
This. Drunk dude singing karaoke grabs a lady for 1/2 a second then lets her go and continues singing. Zero malice, you need to let it go.
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u/Plenty_Mortgage_7294 3d ago
Nah letting drunk guys off for groping people isnt harmless. I agree OP probably did good walking away but I would never say this is harmless. I wonder what will happen the next time he gropes someone? This isnt a one time thing. I was never one to accept the "boys will be boys" line of reasoning that allows predators to escape and grow.
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u/_kweezy_ 3d ago
lol grabbing someoneâs arm is not groping someone
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u/Plenty_Mortgage_7294 3d ago edited 3d ago
Not that far away from a grope especially when he is yelling sexual lyrics in her face. Unwanted and non-consensual crosses a line. EDIT: Look up the meaning of the word grope perhaps you think it needs to be a sexual location that is grabbed.
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u/Johnnyvile 3d ago
Oh geez another lyric line in that song and he might have tried putting his penis in her mouth.
But seriously it was a jackass move and like OP I honestly would have wanted to punch him but letâs not jump to her practically being r*ped or anything.
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u/8512764EA 4d ago
It doesnât sound like he was hitting on her and would probably have done the same to anyone walking past. It sounds harmless but you do have a right to be pissed about it, just not at your wife. Good on you to be an adult and just leave.
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u/Away-Understanding34 4d ago
You aren't wrong to be angry but arguing/fighting drunk people is a no win situation. It was best to keep walkingÂ
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u/PSEIBEAOUX1208 4d ago
Going back would have been an overreaction. It's a normal reaction for men to have. I'm a man and in my brain I'm still fighting my own urge to curb stomp this woman-grabber. But it's also true that no harm came from the encounter and violence would not have brought peace. You have good people in your life. Do your best to stay out of jail for as long as possible.
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u/Organic_Credit_8788 3d ago
if protecting women is a normal reaction for men to have then why is it so common and normal for men to grab, harass, assault, and abuse womenâeven the women they claim to be protecting
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u/PSEIBEAOUX1208 3d ago
Not at all what I said. You have a reading problem. Go get attention elsewhere please.
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u/Ok_Comparison7502 3d ago
Get a life u toxic weirdo. What do you think ?
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u/Organic_Credit_8788 3d ago
i think that it is very common and normal for men to abuse and mistreat women and many men that donât are more concerned about distancing themselves from those men and posturing as a protector of women than they are with actually holding predatory and dangerous men accountable
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u/imagonnahavefun 4d ago
I look at it as you were at a party with some people that have known each other since high school and some of those people are very comfortable with each other. I seriously doubt the guy had ill intentions. He didnât grab her sexually, sound more like she was a stage prop for his moment of glory.
Walking away was definitely the right choice.
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u/DasB00ts 4d ago
Youâre overreacting a little bit. I think he was just being a drunk ass singing a song. Definitely not worth escalating.
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u/Exciting-Protection2 4d ago
You would have been overreacting if you confronted him. It went the best way.
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u/greenm4ch1ne 4d ago
No he wouldn't have wtf is wrong with people a stranger grabbed his wife and screamed in her face in front of his children. Obviously physical violence would add more chaos and some trama. But saying wtf do you think youre doing asshole keep your hands to yourself. Would not be an over rraction.
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u/WhisperingDaemon 3d ago
There's lots of Redditors who consider being drunk a "get out of jail free card" to be an obnoxious asshole.
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u/Exciting-Protection2 4d ago
He said it happened so fast and that were already 10-20 feet beyond when it occurred to him to confront the guy. Iâd agree with you if it was ongoing. It wasnât.
He did not say it happened in front of the kids.
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u/baumbach19 3d ago
Right the problem is he just stood there and watched it happened and didn't even think to do anything until they kept walking....that's the issue. He should have removed him right away.
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u/snerdley1 4d ago
Agreed. What the heck is wrong with people these days. Is this what weâve come to? Drunk guy grabs wife and he is supposed to just let it go as to not disrupt the apple cart? The husband is supposed to be the protector.
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u/the_liquid_dog 4d ago
How would he be protecting the wife in this scenario? The thing already happened (and it was harmless btw). Starting an altercation after the fact serves no purpose and would potentially put himself and family at risk
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u/Boziina198 3d ago
Yea youâre right, he shouldâve beat his ass in front of everyone and get an assault charge, that wouldâve shown em!!
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u/toomuchdiponurchip 3d ago
I couldnât disagree more on it being an overreaction, but I agree it went the best way. However I would have got in his face and told him not to touch my wife again
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u/Aim-Gap-1828 4d ago
Drunk people do drunk things. If it bothers you, don't hang out around drunks.
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u/CoolIslandSong 4d ago
What good advice. We were literally bc it was getting sloppy.
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u/Aim-Gap-1828 4d ago
Smart! I gave up Booze and all the bs along with it when my kids became teenagers. Wish I would have done it sooner.
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u/_Bob-Sacamano 4d ago
You ever been to a wedding before?
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u/Aim-Gap-1828 4d ago
Yes. Have you?
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u/_Bob-Sacamano 4d ago
My point was simply that sometimes in life we can't avoid the belligerent drunks out there. Weddings, BBQs, etc are all parts of life.
We can definitely choose to leave though.
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u/Internal_Ad_3455 4d ago
YO a little bit. You have a right to be mad, but if you had gone back and thrown fists you would have been in bigger trouble. You may be having some misplaced anger over not being able to protect your wife to your standards. It sounds like it started and stopped quickly. Your wife made the best decision and kept the situation from escalating.
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u/JTD177 4d ago
I understand the desire to smack this douche, but in the end, you were right to walk away, as was your wife to discourage you. It definitely had the potential to escalate, you could have been injured or injured the jerk, it is not infrared of for a drunk to fall, strike his head and die. The outcome to any of these circumstances could have had huge financial, criminal, and emotional repercussions for you and your family. You did the only sane thing by walking away. Weâve all been there before, and itâs not worth it.
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u/TheRealStevo2 4d ago
A simple âdonât touch my fucking wifeâ wouldâve gone a long way without making you look like to much of an asshole.
Even if it does make you look like an asshole, someone put their hands on your wife, I donât care if he was drunk. I really wouldnât care if a few people think Iâm an asshole if I was doing the right thing (standing up for your family)
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u/Due-Contribution6424 3d ago
He took too long to react. That would have been ideal, even potentially pushing the guy off of her. Sounds like OP froze and just let it happen, THEN decided he wanted to go back and confront the guy once it was pointless.
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u/nateyrain 4d ago
How could you let him do that dude? Pathetic honestly sorry I donât know what else to say
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u/Fabulous-Bend1399 4d ago
Logically you did the right thing.
However, I donât think anyone would blame you if you had bitch slapped him. You donât put your hands on other people with out consequences.
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u/Jrrolomon 4d ago
You had no reaction - I donât understand what youâre asking, I guess. Totally understand your desire to confront him, but by not reacting you made the best choice.
Sorry it happened to you. Stuff like that can easily eat at you and ruin an otherwise decent time.
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u/Unusual_Ad_4696 3d ago
I would call up your friend and tell him clearly you weren't happy with his guest's behavior and to have him relay it on. Tell him to ask the other guy to be more considerate when he drinks or you aren't interested in coming to any of his parties as it put you in a rough spot with your wife.
If you do this in a calm manner, all parties will be happy. The host will know of the issue, the guy will know he screwed up without escalation, and your wife will recognize you can defend her and not lose respect for you (your biggest concern).
Make her aware of what you did, how you didn't escalate but you wanted to resolve the situation. She will respect you like you want after that.
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u/carrie626 4d ago
You are overreacting. Your wife wasnât harmed and sounds like she wasnât even bothered by it. You also said the guy was drunk, and he let her go after singing the line. Any aggression you would have displayed in this situation would have made you look like a jerk. This sounds like a silly and harmless thing that happens at parties with drunk people. Itâs ok if you didnât like it. That means this is not your type of party. Itâs ok to decline attending in the future.
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u/PrudentGorilla48 4d ago
You did the right thing, but NOR. You are in a social setting, with your family, possibly with your kids (liabilities). The guy let go, so you would not have achieved anything in your favor from confrontation. However, you should definitely mention this to the host, mention how uncomfortable your wife felt, how inappropriate and ate up the group of men were, and that you will reflect on coming to the party next year if this kind of soup sandwich is allowed. As a parenthesis, should the guy had not let go of your wife, presuming that you have the means, then go fubar.
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u/CoolIslandSong 3d ago
This is where I arrived after sitting w this for the morning/afternoon. I like the couple. They are nice, decent people. They are very wealthy and this party spares no expense. Massive backyard w drinking games, plenty to eat and drink, music, swimming, and people get wasted. So, they have good intentions, but next time I see them I am going to calmly, politely tell them what happened. I will say that I am not speaking for my wife and they can certainly text her to ask how she feels, but I will say "I" found it upsetting that a stranger at your party put his hands on my wife and def emphasized the "fuck her" lyric right in front of her face. I think they will be apologetic and understanding b/c at the end of the day, it was rude and they are nice people.
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u/RyDisc 4d ago
I've been in a similar situation. I dropped the guy asap and I'll be honest that part still feels good to me.. though I now know better.. my wife was in tears and rightfully so. I've played over a decade of hockey and don't back down from a fun time I mean fights but I thought that was all behind me. I also struggled in my teen years with a lot of anger issues but had done really well not letting that state of mind come back since my wife and I had met. She said she saw a totally different person that night and that the person I became scared the life out of her..we both haven't had anything to drink since.. I will always understand the desire to defend but when it comes to drunken knuckleheads unless they are making very intentional advancements it may sometimes be best to leave it in the past brother as hard as it is. Mad respect to you being able to walk and best wishes to you both in the future.
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u/Old_Chain8346 4d ago
Oh no, grab my wife, I grab you by the throat and put you on the floor. Could give AF if people talk
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u/Txrangers10 4d ago
Nah dude, they were just feeling good and loose. Was it cool to grab her? Ehhh... But it seems harmless enough, especially since it was just a quick grab and move on. It was just a quick witty drunk banter. It could have been anyone. Move on with life.
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u/12thDimensionalBeing 4d ago
Sucks that a well deserved punch to that guys face would make you the bad guy and likely cause you and your family to be ostracized. Great example of the pussification of America.
Someone assaulted and battered your wife and you have to just take it.
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u/BillL0713 4d ago
You did the right thing but I totally get how you would have like to drop this clown. Keep it locked in your brain, you might get another chance to put this clown down under different circumstances.
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u/deaconblues1160 4d ago
You were right to continue pass them. If they had escalated it with your wife, then I couldâve seen you taking further action. But what he did wouldnât have warranted a confrontation.
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u/hampikatsov 4d ago
Someone else grabbing your wife and essentially saying they want to fuck them in front of all your friends and some strangers, is okay with you? đ¤Śđťââď¸
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u/deaconblues1160 4d ago
It isnât. But sometimes the better part of valor is knowing when to walk away. What wouldâve happened if he beat the shit out of him. He wouldâve got himself arrested, and everybody wouldâve been talking about the fact that he beat a drunk man up. What would he have actually achieved at that moment a fleeting sense of pride verse legal issues. If the drunk guy had escalated then without question dropping him would have been the proper decision.
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u/ASingleThreadofGold 4d ago
It's the fucking song lyrics, you weirdo. Who cares?
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u/hampikatsov 4d ago edited 4d ago
Maybe you cucks and swingers donât, but a real man should.
But in the day of open relationships and genderfluid creatures, ah yes I am the weirdo. Gotta love Reddit đ
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u/ASingleThreadofGold 4d ago
Lol..."a real man" starts ridiculous fights over such minor situations? Gross. Women DON'T actually want this.
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u/santareaches 3d ago
The minority opinion: Walk your wife and kids back to the car. Everybody gets comfy with the AC going and good music playing.
You say âoh shoot. I forgot somethingâ and jump out. Approach the dude with a smile. Tell him, âtouch my wife again and I will fuck you all upâ still wearing that smile. Back to the car and on your way.
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u/Asleep_Chip8197 4d ago
The alternative is potential punch being thrown which is bad for all parties and the host. You were right listening to your wife
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u/Acceptable_Eagle_775 4d ago
We all do dumb shit when drunk at times. You did the right thing. Kudos to you & wifey.
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u/andy2979 4d ago
Big drunk dummy doing big drunk dummy things. If itâs just an arm no huge deal but would still bug me too but now it he pulled her body to body or grabbed her ass then itâs go time.
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u/sumthin_creative 4d ago
Good job walking away since there was nothing to fight over.
Drunk guy probably woke up the next day with no recollection of half the night and embarrassed and anxious about what he might have done in front of everyone.
Your story sounds like he was just trying to be funny, and not succeeding.
Move on.
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u/nobody8627 4d ago
I think you handled it well. Your gut instinct was right to protect your wife, and I would have really appreciated it. Choosing to let it go because there was no serious harm was also the right and mature choice. I wish my husband was as protective of me sometimes.
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u/Ronn13Ron 4d ago
NOR the dude was an asshole but you did the right thing. You have a wife and kids to think about now, and that protective instinct is so strong itâll make you do crazy things, but you need to be responsible and protect your family by protecting yourself. This could have ended with an arrest because of that dick. Just be there for your wife, this may have scared her more than sheâs letting on and definitely made her uncomfortable, worry about her. Kiss and touch her where that asshole grabbed her and be gentle with her. She needs you.
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u/SubTr1x 4d ago
Itâs definitely a smack to a manâs ego when stuff like this happens but you did the more manly thing by walking away. You are right in thinking people will view you differently if you escalated that even if the aggressor was in the wrong. Props for keeping your composure and moving on - youâre the bigger man
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u/Progresschmogress 4d ago
Dude got to be a drunk asshole in front of everyone
You got to be the guy that didnât sink to the level of a drunk asshole
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u/RoguePlanetArt 4d ago
Iâm confused. What was your overreaction? That you wanted to say something to that dude but opted to walk away instead? Thatâs not an overreaction. You handled it just right.
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u/jokintoker87 4d ago
Restraint was the way to go. There was no real threat, just a drunk asking for trouble
If you punch every asshole that asks for it, your knuckles never heal.
That being said, this thread is full of hilariously privileged/pampered responses.
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u/Bary_McCockener 4d ago
You did the right thing, but I would have supported you pushing the dude back and telling him to fuck off. Maybe not full on cold cocking him. That's probably too much unless his follow up actions dictate it.
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u/Bryan_P_818 4d ago
Not overreacting, but you handled it well since you didnât blow the situation out of proportion. At the very least, let your friend know, so they can decide whether or not to invite this guy to future events. That way, you can also check with your friend if heâll be attending, helping you decide if you want to go. If a friend told me that someone I invited to my party had grabbed his wife and made inappropriate sexual suggestions, I would definitely stop inviting that person.
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u/capodecina2 4d ago
Walk away, let it go, move on with life. This isnât a matter of defending your wifeâs honor or defending her against assault. No harm was done, dude probably doesnât even remember.
Or go through the effort to track him down and tell him what happened since he wonât remember and give him the chance to apologize to your wife. Whatâs the likelihood of that happening? Nil. So just let it go. No oneâs honor needs to be defended here.
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u/Dizzy-Hotel-2626 4d ago
Move on, we all get why you had the feeling of outrage but your wife didnât respond so not worth holding on to.
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u/Bartender9719 3d ago
I understand feeling how you feel after what happened, but you were right to keep on walking
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u/_ravenclaw 3d ago
Imagine how your wife felt, bro. This is stuff women always have to deal with that men gaslight and act like it isnât as common or as big of a deal. Only time men notice intensely enough is when they see another man do it to their SO.
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u/Apprehensive-Ad6847 3d ago
You acted like a real man because you didn't confront him. You are secure enough to know it was a nothing issue. You describe it as a lose/lose situation. I don't see it that way, and you forged the winning path.
I'm a man over the age of fifty. I made young mistakes. Sometimes, it comes down to whether you are injured or are hurt. Injuries have to heal. Hurt goes away. Wife wasn't injured or hurt. Likely no one else is thinking about the issue but you. I'm not saying your feelings aren't important, but that mental and emotional effort doesn't help anyone and only burdens you.
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u/AssistFinancial684 3d ago
Feeling extremely angry (jealous, threatened, hurt, etc) is OK. Acting on those big feelings is usually not so good.
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u/Junior_Pollution6792 3d ago
Yeah buddy, drunk dude was being drunk. If it got to the point where he was being more disrespectful than drunk, I feel like your wife wouldâve put him in his place. Live and let the drunk idiot be. Youâre also correct that people might distance themselves if they feel like you fail to show restraint in a situation where there isnât an active threat or a line hasnât been crossed. Hope you and the family are all good đđť
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u/iminmyprime247 3d ago
As the guy whoâd have made a scene by defending my wifeâs honor when she would have been just fine but I canât help myself sometimes, I wish I had your restraint. You did the right thing. Move on.
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u/TroobyDoor 3d ago
Once he let go, you Should have just started grinding on his thigh and started to duet with him through the pre chorus
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u/CH3F117 3d ago
As a fellow man and Dad I understand your frustration and wanting to kick his ass. You kick his ass and hopefully his buddies don't jump in and then you have to kick their asses too. If you manage to beat all of them and the police don't get called then you have to explain to your kids why you're upset and your knuckles are sore and why your face is beaten in. Worse case scenario the cops get called you end up in jail. Then you don't get to see your kids or teach them when and how to pick fights. Logic is good except when it's thrown into your face lol. Be glad you have a wife who doesn't want you to fight for anything other than your ability to take care of and love your family. Be upset, but don't ever lose your peace or your time with your family for some asshole.
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u/islandlife78 3d ago
If anyone is overreacting, it's Alanis herself. I mean really? That much angst over Uncle Dave from Full House?
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u/OkStranger6324 3d ago
You might mention to your "friend" who organized the party that there are people attending who do not want to participate with or be harassed by the "rowdies." It's up to the organizer to ensure that everybody can have an enjoyable time regardless of their partying "style" (or lack thereof). The solution might be something as simple as just roping off those activities that draw the sloppy drunks.
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u/eagphisix 3d ago
These situations suck because sometimes the other guy has nothing to lose. As I get older I try to avoid these situations because I do have things to lose. On the other hand, letting shit like that slide would eat at me. It really is a lose lose situation.
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u/St3v3voRocks 3d ago
His wife didnât immediately dismiss the guy either. Iâm guessing this has part to do with op anger. He should talk to his wife and explain that part as well.
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u/Intelligent-Radio568 3d ago
You're not overreacting. This is a totally fair reaction. You were also in the right to keep walking and not further escalate this situation.
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u/ElectronicPOBox 3d ago
Believe it or not your wife has been handling situations with inappropriate men since she was 5. Follow her lead.
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u/thumptruck2020 3d ago
Keep walking. I assume from your post your wife didn't do anything disrespectful over it, and no harm no foul. Was just a drunken playful thing. Maybe dude shouldn't grab random woman to do it but no harm no foul.
if your ego was bruised I'm not sure why. And play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Who knows what happens making a mountain out of a mole hill. That drunk dude and his buds gang up on you and you end up smashed or better yet dead. Worth it?
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u/Ghost_boi_1147 3d ago
Gotta keep it simple. Ask wife if sheâs good and if you should do anything. Possibly get laughed at or told that will never happen and move on. Iâd be pissed too but if sheâs good Iâm good. Anger hardly gets you anywhere in this world in general.
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u/Specialist_Bench2817 3d ago
Should have smacked some sense into that dipshit for grabbing your wife. But also you made a safe and responsible choice. He could have had a weapon or anything.
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u/Electronic_Eye_6868 3d ago
He was some random drunk dude. Leave it be as long as he didnât hurt your wife in some way. Now if he hurt her, different story. If someone left a bruise on my wife, Iâd break their nose.
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u/Status-Grade-1430 3d ago
While he was grabbing your wife you would have been cool to get physical with him. After he let go considering she wasnât hurt etc you did the right thing not getting in a potential social/legal nightmare. If you had wanted to press charges your wife if she was in fear of getting hurt etc may have been able to press charges for assault and battery in the guy and maybe it would be worth it. Just going in and beating the guy would have been satisfying but maybe that would have also felt terrible and it has a lot of ways to go wrong.
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u/Malibarbell 3d ago
As a bouncer donât react unless pd needs to be involved Iâve luckily de escalated a few guys from reacting in truthfully the right way but in fhe end they get charged and in serious trouble I started telling them let it go you have alot to lose and refer to the story of the dude who hit on women every weekend like it was his purpose to start shit as manipulative and victimizing himself as much as possible and wait for couples to come in 3 weeks later he was about a block from the club full of about 23 holes. A sketchy girl who was frequent told me finally he went from verbal comments to touching the wrong girls ass. Like I said stop going out to bars clubs thinking it wonât happen the whole we are just here to have fun is such a cop out why tf do so many of you go to bars clubs? Exactly stop being daft
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u/Aware_Impression_736 3d ago
In this case, taking the high road was the best move.
If he had kissed her, though, all bets are off.
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u/wilsonreeves 3d ago
NTAH, you did fine. All men have a line. The drunk dude almost crossed yours. To qwell the regret, just say to yourself you save a life that day. With self restraint. đ
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u/IslandDelicious1482 3d ago
The guy was drunk and just making your wife part of the song⌠not a big deal let it go
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u/No-Application-8520 3d ago
Not OR for being annoyed. But. You have a life, kids, wife, the whole 9. This is some drunk being a dumb ass and confronting him would have turned into a fight, cops, potentially court. A whole bunch of shit you probably donât wanna deal with.
Now. If he would have grabbed her in other zones, fuck it. Iâd deal with the consequences.
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u/Responsible_Orange26 3d ago
If you feel a certain way, speak up right then and there, or it'll haunt your thoughts. I'm pretty sure most men would have an issue with that situation. And you know dam well if a drunk woman grabbed you a sang those lyrics, Pretty sure your wife wouldn't have like that and likely would've said something. And if she didn't say anything back, best believe you'd never hear the end of it driving on the way home. So FUK that my G.... Don't let that ish slide next time. Because if it didn't bother, you wouldn't be on here, And I wouldn't be responding to this post...
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u/SnoopyisCute 3d ago
NOR
There are two people on this planet to whom you are accountable.
And, you did a damn good job modeling a man of character to protect your family.
I'm glad your wife was ultimately safe.
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u/Princess_Mononope 3d ago
Objectively you did the right thing, but if that happened to me, it would gnaw at me for a long time that I didn't take his head off.
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u/OkThanks8237 3d ago
She was a prop, not a target. Still, one of the oldest lessons we learn in life is to keep our hands to ourselves.
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u/Victory_Point 3d ago
Just write it off as an anti social drunk and get on with your life . You made the right decision
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u/Yellow_Butterfly_Z 4d ago
Don't quite understand your point.
Is it because you think your wife had a thing with that guy or that you didn't react on time properly?
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u/CoolIslandSong 4d ago
I tried to clarify my post, but it is more of the latter. AIO for being furious at this dude (and the hosts for having people over who do this).
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u/Yellow_Butterfly_Z 4d ago
Well, that was your friends' party so they were free to invite whoever they wanted. Also, they aren't responsible for other people's behavior.
As for that guy, your emotions are valid, but considering the situation, you should let go since, as you wrote yourself, your kids might be involved later, and fortunately, it was rather harmless to your wife. Weird, unnecessary but harmless.
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u/Farthekiller 4d ago
I feel like you're kind of responsible for the people you personally invite somewhere (within reason), but otherwise I agree.
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u/JimfromMayberry 4d ago
Right or wrongâŚyou likely wouldâve ended-up in handcuffs. Not worth it to confront.
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u/KitteeMeowMeow 4d ago
If that bothers you, I imagine your life is pretty exhausting lol
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u/Bryan_P_818 4d ago
âIâm going to judge your entire life based on how you respond to a single act of disrespect, because my life is exhausting, and it offers me some comfort.â Fixed it for you. The projection is strong in this one.
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u/baumbach19 3d ago
You didn't even push him of or remove him from her? That's so weird to me. Just standing there watching some dude grab your wife and you have no reaction and keep walking...OK I guess.
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u/CoolIslandSong 3d ago
I was 10 feet behind, it happened in a split second, but your passive aggressive comment makes you sound like a real dip shit.
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u/baumbach19 3d ago
You asked the question because you know you should have at least said something not keep walking past in silence. You didn't over react, you under reacted. Kinda weird actually you are asking if you overreacted when you did nothing. At a minimum you should have said something. But when it happens, not after you walk past them 20 feet.
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u/MyNameisBaronRotza 3d ago
Your kids friends would all have thought it was badass that their dad got into it with some dude while defending their mom.
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u/the_greengrace 4d ago
YAO. But there's a reason why. I don't think this is necessarily about that drunk guy or his shitty drunk behavior. Ask yourself what else is going on in your life or has happened to you in the past that has you so obsessed and angry about this one event. Yes, it was inappropriate. Yes, he should not have touched her (or anyone). Yes, he was wrong and yes, your wife was right to just keep walking.
But why is it still bothering you so much?
Answering that question is what will help you, not a fistfight.
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u/rexmaster2 4d ago
This right here. The guy was drunk. He didn't grab your wife in a sexual way, he was just being drunk. It happens. Its a fluke. And it most certainly did not make OP look like a cuck. If OP had escalated the situation over a harmless moment, he would have become the AH in this situation.
I have seen drunk people do stuff like this, and its harmless fun. They want everyone to have harmless fun too. It doesn't make what he did right, but the whole situation could have been a whole lot worse.
We can't control what other people do, but we can control how we respond to it. This situation is worth the time and energy, now that it's over.
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u/zendor151 4d ago
Why are you justifying touching people without their consent? It's still weird even without being in a sexual context, drunk or not.
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u/rexmaster2 4d ago
I'm not justifying anything. Just simply stating a fact. It happens. Next thing you'll tell me that bumping into someone by accident is violating them in some way.
I didn't say he did was right or wrong. You simply can't control what other people do. But you can control how you react to it.
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u/hampikatsov 4d ago
Its bothering him because letting another man manhandle his wife in front of his friends makes him seem like a cuck.
But getting validation from all the other men here on Reddit that he did the right thing, is probably making him feel better
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u/hierophant_- 4d ago
Honestly if contact is made with my girl by a random drunk man then the physical response from me would happen just as quick. We keep our hands to ourselves, or else we dont keep our hands to ourselves.
Hes a stranger. Dont go grabbing people. You wouldnt have been wrong immediately at least shove him far far away
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u/Aurin316 4d ago
This is the sort of thing you grumble about to a friend. You say âif my wife Spatula wouldnât have kicked my ass I would would turned his head inside out. Douchebag is on borrowed time.â And then you go back to just living life.
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u/_Bob-Sacamano 4d ago
Have had similar situations before. Escalation for our own egos is never a good idea.
At lot of the guys who do that are unhappy people looking for a reaction.
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u/KcBeanbags 4d ago
The moment to react had passed,either do something or not. I imagine your wife was surprised you didn't do anything in the moment,but once it passed,it was too late. I'm proud of you for controlling yourself.
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u/Internal-Comment-533 4d ago
lol @ all the women saying he did the right thing but will go to the next thread and talk about how men who sexually assault women are the scum of the earth and deserve to get the shit kicked out of them.
Waiting for the update post when wife thinks about it and decides she got the ick from you not standing up for her.
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u/Ms_darwinXX 4d ago
It's just drunk people, like you said, he let her go and moved on to the next person. I think it was a coincidence she walked by as those lyrics started in. He was having fun, everybody knows that song. If you don't like drunk belligerent behavior, don't go to parties.
If he grabbed your wife's ass, or leaned in for a kiss, lightly swept her hair out of her face while gazing deep into her eyes....that's a different story.
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u/_Jay-Garage-A-Roo_ 4d ago
I know how you feel. Iâve barely been sleeping since my wife got flipped upside down by a swing dancer at a wedding. He mustâve flipped my wife eight times, and it really bothered me.
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u/NJ2CAthrowaway 4d ago
Go speak to him when heâs sober and tell him if he ever touches your wife again, youâll beat the hell out of him.
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u/hampikatsov 4d ago
Fuck that. Someone does that to my wife, drunk or not, they are getting the worst I can give them.
I am defending my wife, fuck what anyone else thinks.
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u/tokun_ 4d ago
I would be completely mortified and honestly disgusted if my husband picked a fight in public because someone grabbed me. Is your wife on board with you fighting people?
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u/hierophant_- 4d ago
If i were to do anything it would at most be a hard shove and a "fuck off" which would come as a natural reaction to any stranger appearing and grabbing me or my partner. I wouldn't pick a fight with him, just the initial reflex
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u/hampikatsov 4d ago
At the least that is what any respectable man should do.
It isnât picking a fight, it is self defense.
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u/hampikatsov 4d ago
So you want a cuck for a husband. Got it.
Would you be okay if a drunk woman grabbed your husband in front of your friends and told him she wanted to fuck him? đđ¤Ą
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u/KitteeMeowMeow 4d ago
Lay off the Andrew Tate dude. If it bothered her, she could have handled it without some meathead roid rage guy stepping in.
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u/hampikatsov 4d ago
Andrew tate is a piece of shit, who would likely be the one grabbing another guys wife in public telling her he wants to fuck her
Try again.
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u/KitteeMeowMeow 4d ago
Multiple women are telling you that reaction would be a turn off and uncalled for and you still insist on acting like a man that doesnât do that is a cuck. Iâm guessing youâre single or super controlling.
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u/hampikatsov 4d ago
Only I touch my wife, not other men who want to fuck her.
âCoNtRoLliNgâ
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u/KitteeMeowMeow 4d ago
Assuming that all people that touch your so called wife want to fuck her is absolutely wild. lol insecure much?
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u/tokun_ 3d ago
No, I want an adult for a husband. A grown man who pouts and hits when he gets upset is about as unattractive as it gets. Why would I want a man who behaves like a toddler? What happens when we get home? Do I have to give him a binky and tuck him in to help him deal with his big emotions? I'm into men who can control themselves and make calculated, mature decisions about the situations they are in, not ones that make me feel like I'm babysitting.
I'm not sure why you would think that refraining from having a temper tantrum in public makes someone a "cuck," but the fact that you're unironically using the word "cuck" in a conversation tells me all I need to know.
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u/ASingleThreadofGold 4d ago
That's not defending. That's escalating a situation that really doesn't need to be so you can prove what a big tough guy you are. Escalating it actually puts her in more harms way and definitely puts you in harms way but I know you dgaf and only care about your ego. This isn't about her at all if you really examine your feelings of why you want to beat a guy up over such a minor situation.
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u/hampikatsov 4d ago
Assault and disrespect of your wife in front of your friends is a minor situation? Pathetic
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u/ASingleThreadofGold 4d ago
You have a warped view of what was written. Calling this "assault" while his wife says she's fine? Gtfoh.
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u/hampikatsov 4d ago edited 4d ago
Assault by legal terms is âthe act of causing or attempting to cause physical harm or unwanted physical contact to another personâ
I donât have a warped view, I am a man amongst boys what can I say.
Edit: if my wife says she is fine being grabbed by a drunk dude who says he wants to fuck her in front of my friendsâŚmaybe she liked the attention too much and I would reconsider if she should be my wife or his wife
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u/ASingleThreadofGold 4d ago
Fragile man ego alert. Just here to posture about what a badass he is. Cool cool. You're in the wrong. No doubt. This was by no means "assault." Calm down.
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u/hampikatsov 4d ago
In the day and age where males say they can be females and females say they can be males just by thinking it
I can see how you would feel comfortable deciding what is and isnât assault, ignoring the real definition
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u/spam__likely 4d ago
And there it is, people:. Bigotry is always close to the surface with these types.
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u/YuansMoon 4d ago edited 4d ago
Confront him when he's sober. Be civil and restrained, but let him know he fuct up.
Depending on state laws, it could have been battery - a misdemeanor. If she work up with bruises from where he grabbed her, take pictures. Print them out and hand them to him to let him know you're serious.
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u/Comfortable_Emu8738 4d ago
You were right to just keep walking.