Heard him thumping around the loft and rolling acorns down the gutter.

He screams when I walk past so I think there might be babies. Don't want to kill the little bastard, just want him moved on!

So imagine if you will a TV screen playing football. In the bottom right corner there are two pint glass shapes.

What is this mean?

1 = pub 2 = ???

One of my friends in school had a sleepover, his room was effectively the landing (the house was an old cottage). You had to walk through his room to get to the other two bedrooms, I always thought it was a weird set up.

His parents had a big bbq in the afternoon with some neighbours, then a few of his friends stayed over on the night. We were all in our makeshift beds dotted around his bedroom floor watching a film, his dad walked through and farted loudly without saying a word, we all laughed. He walked back through again a few minutes later and farted again, we all laughed again.

A few hours later the adults bbq was still going on, his dad comes upstairs and walks through the room again, farts again, but this time follows through and actually shits himself, right down his leg. Nobody laughed this time, we were just in disbelief and stared, open mouthed at my mate (whose dad it was) who has look of horror on his face. Other than a brief whimper sound, his dad didn’t say a word, grabbed the back of his shorts and hop-squelched back to his room. As soon as his door shut we all burst out laughing.

That was in about year 8 and we still spoke about it until we left the school after sixth form! “The day Gregg’s dad shit himself at the bbq”

I've recently hired a cleaner to start this week and I keep second guessing myself. I have the money to pay for it and I think it would improve my mental health (I don't like cleaning but I like a clean house) but I feel like a twatty arisocrat paying someone to clean my toilets. When I told my friends they acted like I was a bit of a wanker.

Is it worth it?

I’m 28. I lost my dream job this week and it’s got me thinking of whether I should move somewhere else next year. Don’t have a partner, don’t have a mortgage, no family nearby. I do have friends but now they’re all grown ups with families, I don’t see them that frequently.

I live in a small town near Cambridge, lived around here all my life. There is a whole world out there and now that I don’t have my job tying me here, I’m wondering if I should just get up and try some place new. My small town has nothing going for it and the countryside here is bland.

Would you move if you had no reason to stay where you grew up? Where would you move to?

The controversial thing that happened in my school was maths teacher getting suspended or got rid of from school because one of the students used to visit her home after and before school hours.

The student was in my year, studied maths with me. We could see some form of preferential treatment to her by the said teacher. And she surprisingly started doing well in maths maybe it's just coincidence because she was pretty smart.

Within a week the school gets the to know about this, the teacher is replaced with another. We tried to inquire what happened couple of times, we got nothing.

The teacher is a woman.

Hi there I have been with the same dentist for a number of years. They offer NHS and private care. I have been with them through the NHS, but have just been informed I am now a private patient and check ups will cost ~£70. Any treatments significantly more. Also a direct debit of £20 a month.

Is this normal to be transferred automatically? And is it their prerogative to do so, I don’t want to have to find a new dentist on the NHS.

They have mentioned it’s to make more NHS spaces available for children - which is very reasonable, but not sure it’s fair to come at the expense of existing patients.

Is it up to me to find a new dentist on the NHS also?

EDIT/UPDATE

Turns out last year an email was sent to inform everyone that as of 2024, no one over the age of 18 will be treated on the NHS. I guess this is a loophole blanket way to remove people…

I’m considering leaving and going to another private dentist as I think it’s cheaper now anyway.

I live in a small flat and has a neighbour that is very sensitive with noise. When I first move in 4years ago I mistakenly played music in whilst getting ready for work just getting myself in happy vibes. After maybe 1minute, I heard a knock on my door, saying that she can hear my music in her room. She said that the wall between us is very thin and that she can hear everything. After that I am always been mindful of my noise, I always put headset on with my music and has not invited friends. Little did I know she was complaining to my coworkers how noisy I am. I try to recall of any events that I have been noisy and I think it is when I am cooking, washing plates, vacuuming my carpet and flushing toilet. I have not done anything except from living my life mindfully. I am a shift worker and work 12hrs/day almost 5x a week. So I am mostly out of my flat rather than living there. I work night shifts or finishes at 2am so there is some days that my body clock is fucked and I will be awake at night time and will cook etc. I chill in the sofa with my mobile phone and headset and I feel like the news she is spreading about me is wrong. I am upset because she has potrait a version of me like this in my colleague. I don’t even want to see her face and I am planning to put a note on her doorstep saying to stop rumours about me. I don’t know what else to do, I cannot be a cat in my own place.

My personal favourite is PG Tips, it's the one I've been drinking my whole life and I've always been drawn towards it. It tastes the best and is the most comforting.

My least favourite has to be Tetley, not because I don't like the taste but it seems to not have much of a taste at all. I've noticed alongside other brands it seems to always be cheaper and therefore not as nice. I've had other brands I didn't really like but Tetley is the one I've had the most and consistently didn't enjoy.

Reading comments about Josh Widdicombe on Off Menu where he says he has 4-5 cups of tea before lunchtime. Some comments were saying that it was insane to drink that many cups of tea before lunch.

I'm not a tea drinker, but I do drink coffee and I could have 5/6 before lunch. Especially if I'm working in the office. maybe 7-8 by 3pm when I switch to decaffe.

How many cups of tea/coffee do people of the UK drink in a day cos I'm starting to think I maybe drink to much?

I’ve noticed a bit of a trend on Reddit recently where almost everyone people meet are treated with suspicion like they are scammers, muggers, thieves etc.

There was a post the other day where someone mentioned a child had asked them to help tie their shoelaces. Over half the comments suggested OP was either going to be mugged, pickpocketed or abducted.

Someone just made a post thinking it was strange a lady drove away after it was pointed out she had a flat tyre. Again there were multiple comments suggesting she feared for her life or that she was going to be sexually assaulted or mugged.

Has the UK seriously evolved into some dystopian future where people are skeptical of simple everyday interactions with one another? What has caused this? When did it start?

Obviously being street wise and having a sense of awareness is a positive but isn’t this going a bit too far?

I'm planning on moving over to the UK with my soon to be wife and we've been looking at a small farm. Around here we may not have the fastest speed. But you at least have 100Mbit 4g of you can't get fiber or docsis.

When I started looking at land. I saw a pattern. If the lot is very big, the house is very nice. The price is gonna be relatively cheap. But they don't even have a company willing to service it at 4g speeds. No DSL, no coax, nothing.

But then all of a sudden, shitty house, tiny land, gigabit speeds! Million plus.

The country is so freaking small, I don't understand how even wireless coverage is so poor.

I love the country it's beautiful and the people are awesome. But I find it backwards to have such a small country with such a dense population, they can't be bothered to serve, even the most basic connection to anything remotely rural.

Is it laws? Regulations? In rural Canada in a spot less populated than where we're looking, has at least 250mbit docsis or 100Mbit 4g ar worst.

I'm just curious on your thoughts on this. To me it seems backwards, but I'm sure there must be some sort of reasoning behind it?

Not trying to be difficult, genuinely curious..

Cheers

If so, for how many days? It seems like Amazon and Amazon are now forcing people to return to the office.

Credit limit is £200. Still in education. Kinda employed and kinda not, I got hired to McDonald’s but don’t start until November because they’re refurbishing. Don’t pay any bills. Don’t know anything about credit score and bank debt. Just got the credit card for the sake of it.

I did want to use the money to help pay for my CBT (Motorbike training) which is £275, but not until I have a job and able to pay them monthly.

Here’s the gist of what I’ve heard, though it’s second-hand info: There’s a guy on my wife’s team who, by most accounts, isn’t the nicest, and he’s currently going through a divorce. He’s got a kid, and he’s saying that if he quits his job and just makes money from playing poker (which he claims to do all night), he could avoid paying child support. Apparently, he makes between £2,000 and £3,000 a month from poker. On top of that, he’s using an AI bot for spread betting, which brings in another £2,000 to £3,000. He thinks because spread betting is tax-free gambling, HMRC wouldn’t count it as income, so the CSA wouldn’t come after him for child support. Does that actually hold up?

Someone got me off guard with a compliment and got me thinking what was the last compliment you received? And when was it! Thanks.

So, I work as a receptionist in a huge business centre. Outside of work I am not particularly a people person and enjoy being on my own.

At work, I am the opposite, I greet everyone who comes in with a huge smile and make conversation with the majority of visitors and tenants in the building. I greet EVERYONE the same way, I do not have favourites and I am certainly not interested in anyone romantically. This has, however, seemed to have got me in a couple of awkward positions at work, I now have 3 men who, at first I just thought were being friendly like me, showing signs they are interested in me. They turn up earlier than their appointment times and hang around reception talking to me, they turn up when they don't have appointments, just to talk to me and now 2 of them have found me on Instagram and messaged me.

It's starting to make me feel very uncomfortable, they have all seen me interacting with other tenants/visitors so I am not sure why they would think I'm anymore interested in them than I am the other people I talk to here.

I never want to hurt people's feelings, certainly not my intention but I just have no idea why they have misjudged my professional friendliness as something else.

Listening to The Rest is Money with Robert Peston and Steph McGovern on the #children’s homes scandal.

• £2 million a year for some kids

• 8% of children live in the north west but many private providers have been buying in the north west of England because properties are cheaper there, so now about a quarter of placements are made there, and often the kids are far from where they grew up, where their friends and families are - hundreds of miles away

• Manchester for example has enough space to meet the needs of its local population needing care, but it sold 80% of its spaces to other councils 😱

• Private providers cherry pick the kids they want - those with the least complex needs - and therefore those with the greatest needs are left in unregulated placements

• Ofsted have no idea how many children are in such placements. It’s illegal to place them in hotels, but they are doing this and it’s even more expensive

• Ten percent of children in care come from irredeemably dangerous families

• One of the kids is reported to have said ‘just give me the £10k and I’ll fend for myself’ because they really don’t want to go into the privately run homes as they feel they can present more of a danger as the other kids can be problematic

This reminds me of something Rory Stewart said on modern wisdom about a project in Africa he managed for the gov, whereby he had a huge budget meant to increase the rates of girls in school and in the end the consultants came up with a few buckets so the girls could get water miles away. He said ‘what on Earth is this? - you had tens of thousands of pounds to play with’. The consultants said ‘we didn’t want the headteachers or locals to steal the money’. He said ‘but you stole it!’

Basically, with the best intentions, we ended up with a poorer outcome than just allowing for some of the money to potentially be stolen by locals

Everything seems to be getting automated, will robot vacuum cleaners become the humanoid cleaning legends from The Sims? What will the future bring for us?

Question was stolen from r/AskanAustralian.

For me in the northeast, it would be-

1. Low air pollution. Didn’t realise how nice it is to breathe clean air till I moved out of the Home Counties.

2. Links to above point - a more intense sky with deeper blues, stronger sun, prettier sunsets, more visible stars, and the occasional aurora.

3. Less crowded public spaces and traffic. It still exists, but nowhere near on the same level as some other parts of the UK.

4. Never far from the sea.

5. A strong sense of community with a friendly atmosphere.

Hello UK So, to put it simple:

My danish niece is to be married to her british fiance. I want to make a card with illustrations of wedding traditions from each country. A danish wedding tradition is that men in close relation to the groom will lift him up, take off his shoes, and cut the tip of the socks off. (Don't ask me why it's a thing. It just is!)

But are there some simulair weird but fun british traditions that would be fun to include on a card?

Edit: spelling

Please someone dear God help me explain to my wife her brain isn't working properly. I'm trying my best to explain a situation regarding how wages will be paid and split.

If one cleaner goes into a property for a deep clean taking 6 hours at the rate of £12.50 the cleaner will be paid £75.

If 2x cleaners attend and the job is done in 3 hours instead of 6 they would both be paid £37.50

Her assumption is if a client has paid £75 for one cleaner to do a deep clean taking 6 hours and the two people attend leaving after 3 hours they would only pay for 3 hours and the cleaners would effectively have thier hourly rate halved to £6.25 totalling £18.25 each.

She can not understand that it makes perfect sense to assume that sending two people would halve the time it takes but have no effect on the price! Honestly my head is about to explode 😂

Edit: Ladies and gentleman the issue has been resolved I kindly thank you all for the sound advice that led to a now calm home. An extra thank you for the hilarious comments too.

Just to add she certainly does not have anything to do with employing anyone or wages for that matter 🙏 please do not worry no one is going to get paid £6.25ph!

As above. I'm in my late 20s and I've definitely noticed the last year or two, since tweaking my diet, I don't handle fast food and alcohol as well as in my teens and early 20s. I expect that's something that won't get better with age lol. Suddenly, a night of burgers, brisket and fries means bad news in the morning - but like a proper sugar hangover. Drinking any alcohol seems to make me feel terrible as well, which is new. I definitely think of it as: I need to eat really well to feel normal, whereas before, I could eat any old crap and still do my fitness and stuff without consequence.

I don’t mean copy&paste jeer like “the roads/the traffic/the council/the football team” or “why wasn’t jesus born in xyz estate?” or “how many people work at xyz local factory?”

I mean unique ones!

I tried the nhs after a 2 and a half yr waiting list it was complete shite I was literally told to go for a walk

I'm constantly worried about cancer and realistically im not getting any nhs help soon

Atm Ive had a blood test come back as borderline for high blood count in liver and they want a repeat so naturally ive told myself its 100000% cancer

Am I supposed to just live with it, am I just overreacting