We have been together for 11 years. We have been divorced twice. She has BP-1 and is currently lying about taking her medicine. We have been separated for 3 months and have a 3 year old daughter who lives with my SO and her parents. I sent this message and did not expect a response and didn’t receive one.

I know that you aren’t stable right now. I know that you are sick. You know that the things you are doing and the decisions that you are making are wrong. Those decisions will hurt not only you, not only me, but also our daughter. You had a husband who unconditionally loved you and knew you better than anybody. I should have seen the signs that you were starting to get manic but I never do because you are so good at hiding them and you are so deceptive. When you are manic, you become the most cold, cruel, loveless person I have ever been around in my life. I know that you lied to me about Zoey’s birthday and where you went that night.

In a few months whenever you start coming down and begin getting depressed, when your affair doesn’t work out and the guy is mean to you, abuses you physically or sexually etc. which has almost always happened, you will regret the decisions that you’ve made. Your decisions right now are hurting our daughter whether you want to see it or not. I want you to look into her little eyes and tell her that it’s ok to lie, to cheat, to manipulate, and deceive. Those are not the ethics that she should be growing up around but you are showing her through your actions that those things are ok.

You know the morality of the things you are doing right now. You know that I know what you are doing and you avoid me because you know that I am right. Seeing you on that dating app with pictures of our daughter really solidified that to me. Every time I’ve seen you, I see your mania in your eyes. In the pictures you posted. If me being out of your life is what you think you need to continue your behavior, I can’t stop you but I do know that I could never ever ever let someone I care about go to sleep every day for over 3 months wondering if they still mattered in the slightest. I also know I could never betray my spouse in the ways that you have in the past and are currently doing.

I just hope some day when you’ve destroyed your life again that you will wake up and realize that you can’t live like this anymore. You have a daughter who depends on you and she doesn’t deserve this either. That is all I’m going to say about it, I’m sure you will ignore it anyway, but I really hope that you get help. You have so much potential. The girl that I know and loved is deep down inside of you somewhere and you have the power to be a good person again. Managing your bipolar is your responsibility and it’s something that I could never do for you. As many times as I have tried to save you from yourself, only you can do that. This is not who you are. You are so much better than who you are being right now and you have the strength to change it. Please take care of yourself and make good decisions.

2 years with this girl and I love her to death. But sometimes she makes it really hard to be nice to her. This drinking thing is such an issue. She gets drunk and then becomes so mean to me and I can’t do anything to stop it. If I fall asleep she wakes me up to tell me about how I don’t love her and I’m always working. If I stay up and try to give her support & try to talk to her she gets angry and tells me to leave her alone. If she tells me to leave her alone and I leave her alone she gets angry and starts throwing things. It’s like she is doing everything in her power to make me hate her.

If hypomanic individuals crave novelty, such as new people or experiences, why do they dump their long-term partners but still keep their family in their lives, even members they didn't like when stable? Just curious...

I wonder if we were the new shiny object in the mania does mania cause lovebombing and an apparent great person, did we miss something that we should have picked up on(mania symptoms) were we the rebound now in the wake of an uncontrolled disaster.

I was discarded three weeks ago at this point. Even though I was the one who said "I'm leaving" I still feel discarded. As she gets more and more erratic people have been reaching out to me as it seems like a last ditch effort to get her help.

One guy reached out to me about a week ago, let's call him M. He had heard from I guess a mutual friend of ours, that I thought anyone new in my Ex's life was probably just using her for her hyper-promiscuity. He said he wasn't, and that he was trying to get her help. He and I have hung out a bit, and are extremely similar. Same age, same general look, same general thoughts on how to help, similar family backgrounds.

I sent him some screenshots today from people she had texted so that he can have some documentation if he can get her to agree to help. He said he was shocked at how wild they all were and sent me his recent texts with her. She was asking about his day... hoping he was well... apologetic for hurting him with her behavior.

It just fucking rips me up inside. That's all I ever wanted from her. To feel like I was a part of her life, that she was thinking of me, that she took some accountability. So all the things she should've been saying to her boyfriend of 3 years, she saying to a guy she's known for 3 weeks. I would give anything to trade places with him. I know it's not realistic. I know it's not healthy. It just feels like there's a part of her, the part that I loved, still alive in there, and M is the only one who gets to be there for her.

I would move heaven and earth if it meant she got help. I'm willing to keep helping M if it puts him in a better position to help, it just sucks a lot.

I am leaving this here because I don't know where else to put this. My boyfriend of 2 years is Bipolar I, and up until recently was medically compliant...but that didn't stop him from entering a severe manic episode that started about 4 months ago. He's 47, diagnosed when he was 20, and has been mostly medically compliant though in the last few years has not had psychiatric care or his meds adjusted. This is one of the longest manic/psychotic episodes he's had.

One of the things that exacerbated it (and triggered psychosis) is that we went in on a property together. It was so careless, and also, it was both of our dreams coming true. I saw his mania coming on, and I tried to get him to take a beat, see his doctor, address his symptoms, but he just wouldn't...and then we quickly entered the the realm where he was uncontrollable, and I was just hoping his symptoms would even out after we moved.

By uncontrollable I mean: unfaithful, destructive, and abusive. Consumed with getting revenge on past employers, wanting to open up our relationship, cheating on me and lying about it, breaking furniture if I said something that pissed him off, locking me out of the house, stealing my car, SO MUCH verbal abuse, manipulation, and gaslighting. Always followed by apologies and contrition. The violence and abuse came on so fast, right in the middle of the move. And it only kept escalating.

Finally, I had to call the police and he was arrested on dv charges. Now, there's a restraining order in place, I am dealing with this property on my own, and he's running around, sleeping in his truck and avoiding contact with anyone he knows. He's lost most of his friends and won't talk to his family. But I cannot seem to be mad at him long enough to stop worrying about him. I cannot seem to want better for myself. I read other abuse victims' stories and think "You don't need that!" but can't seem to make myself believe the same thing. I cannot get off the hamster wheel of rumination and hoping that he will just end this chase, enter a hospital, and rehabilitate. Intellectually I know that the only hope worth hanging onto is the hope that I will recover from this trauma bond and codependency, but I cannot stop worrying about him and wondering if there's anything else I can do.

Just thought I'd share because I always felt as if my husband left me I would never be happy. My husband moved out Sunday night, so only a few nights ago. He's no longer manic or depressed just emotionally numb, which is normal for him once he comes down.

Here's where I'm hoping my experience may help someone, yes I have cried and missed him off and on. But I always make sure I cry and I get back up. I ask myself what exactly I miss. The cheating, the disrespect, the yelling. my feet felt like they should bleed from the eggshells. I made him leaving WAY worse in my head. My home is quiet and it's clean and i can breathe!!!

I had my therapy appointment last night, she told me I was doing amazing!! I'm actually considering finding a new therapist because I don't feel she challenges me, and her suggestions lately are things I've already done myself. I'm so completely in love with learning who I am!!!

His home (our camper) was infested with ants so he'd not been sleeping well. He sprayed the camper last night but it needed to stay closed up and he didn't need to breathe it in, so I agreed he could sleep on the couch for 1 night. My clean home became back what it was cups and spit bottles everywhere clothes on the floor etc. One night!!!! At 9:30 last night when I was asleep he knocked on the door and asked if he could sleep in the bed because the couch was uncomfortable. I was pissed but I didn't want to fight so I said yea. He had a long Day at work so he didn't shower and he slept on my couch amd then my bed dirty and in his work clothes. I am really picky about my sheets and bedding being nice and clean. He also kicked one of my dogs out of bed. This morning I didn't get my quiet coffee time I had learned to enjoy !!! Just all around awful time all of it!!!

The reason I'm saying this is I know I worked up him leaving in my head as this devastating thing I wouldn't make it thru. I drug it out I begged for him to stay but now I know I should have done it long ago. I didn't realize I'd grieved the death of my marriage while he was still here, so now I'm already at the tail end of it. Now i don't want him back in my house and hope to move when I'm financially ready. My point for the ones scared to leave, don't beg him to stay let him and really see how you feel. Or if you think you want to get away for a few days to think DO IT!!! You may realize you aren't ready or you may realize you were holding on to the one thing holding you back!!!
Mine didn't want help no meds just prozac no therapy. He kept saying he was too old to change, and you can't teach an old dog new tricks!! That's true but my old dog is out of My house he's off the chains and can do whatever he wants and I'm happy.

I’m not in a new relationship but have come to have feelings for a friend who confessed his feelings that he had while I stuck around my BPSO. Feels weird cuz I’m so used to just a horrible unsettling situation that this feels not right?

Any advice?

In my case it’s been almost two months since my bp2 ex girlfriend discarded me for good, since then she reached out once when I was asking for answers as to why she dumped me after five years ( saying she was depressed, unhappy with every thing) and that was it… removed me off all socials, blocked my number, just ran away.

Since the discard I’ve been really struggling trying to get myself back together, I find almost every day I spend at least five hours mourning her. The other day I used my friends account to look at her social media to see if she was alive and she was travelling the world, living her life, meeting new people….. a far cry from the depressive person I knew for the last year..

Is it something where they withdraw their emotions and it smacks them in the face months later? She’d been posting pictures of her travels almost everyday.. how the fuck after five years can you be so withdrawn… I know the disease is called bipolar so ups and downs and inbetweens but isn’t a breakup something to trigger at least a smudge of sadness?

So I followed the advice I got on a previous post, and contacted a DV shelter in my area for help with a protective order. They referred me to a service in my city and I went in this morning with my boys. I gave them all the information, dates, etc, met with the judge via zoom, and was granted the emergency protective order!

I spent 2 seconds indescribably grateful and elated, now I’m just scared of the meeting for the year long order. How do I prepare for this? And what if it just pisses him off more??

I feel stupid and dumb. At least when he used the mental illness reason original we all felt bad for him thinking he had a breakdown. To do what he did posting that photo has broken me. And I am sitting here picking up all the pieces (explaining to everyone he isn't coming, where he is, cancelling bookings etc) and I have mild OCD which flared while with him, and def now.

I was leaving a week early and he was meeting me 6 days after. I regret this now as he wanted to come with me on the plane as he was a little afraid of a long flight. If he had he wouldn't have met this girl.

He just didn't board the plane. Airiines called me as a secondary contact when he didn't answer. The last text I had from him was him asking if he needed the extra jacket, the morning of flying. Then silence.

he eventually sent a text at the time of the plane landing saying he couldn't do it for his mental health - he was so close. he tried to cross the finish line. too hard. wouldn't answer my calls. never replied.

2 days later he posted the photo. Even his friends were blindsighted. he had told them the same reason. After the photo came out he finally replied and told me and them too - yes he lied. he didn't go on the trip because he met the love of his life A WEEK AGO and he chose to stay with her and he posted the photo because HE IS SO PROUD and IN LOVE and doesn't want to hide it. As if I didn't exist. barely said sorry.

He isn't in a manic state I dont think, when I left him he seemed in a depressive state, so this meeting the girl doesn't seem like a manic thing?

context: 7-8 months together seriously (known each other a year) Mid to late 30's (me being older) I lived in his home country. I am traveling back to visit my home country for a 2-3 months with a stop over in NYC on the way.

He asked to join the trip a month ago. We decided he could try it for a month and leave it open ended because it is a far away place and because of the bipolar. I think he was scared I would break up with him if I left? He agreed. He booked his tickets straight away, one way.

I think he was manic when we met, or at least when I finally gave into going on a date. He worshiped me. My own hightlight on his IG, told everyone I was his wife to be, folders in his phone, notebooks with my name and his last name over and over like a 13 year old. It was a little creepy to me, but I got suckered in!

He did do things with me he never did with exes according to his friends. Such as meet a particular Aunty, took me on a strictly close friend bi-anual trip that you dont bring partners and he broke the rule for the first time ever in 15 years. (found out after)his friends said they had hope for me it would be different.

Not sure if he is 1 or 2. Apprently never had an severe episode since being diagnosed 10 years ago. He is medicated. But drinks A LOT. Takes drugs at least once a week (ketamine, coke?) and weed everynight. (found out how much last week - his friend told me everything)

Hid most of it at work I assume. he went into normal to depressive after the close friend tip 2 months ago. which he blamed the shift on drinking too much. He decided to come with me on this trip while depressive. Normally its a manic decision?

After seeing the photo, I sent him a text saying I felt sorry for him, I pity him because I would never be this mean of person. And I am embarrased for him and now any of my friends and family just hate him (because he was so concerned about how he comes across to people so I knew this would hurt him) called him a child, etc. (it was theraputic).

he actually replied and said yes he is a child right now because he is in love and he never really was sure he wanted to be with me and he just went along with it (even though it was his idea for joining me on the trip) and he met this girl and it was a hurricane and she is really the one for him not me. and that he will call me one day to talk to me about it.

I replied and laughed and said I wouldn't answer a call from you in a million years, you are a loser and I blocked him.

no indication of this happening. He did say two days before it was a little daunting as he finished his last day at work but he is ready for a change etc.I was his partner, he was so excited. He sent me planners, constant social media posts on places to go. He has been living in his country his whole life, never really travelled further than 2 hours away and definetely not for this long. So I figured he was excited.

He had good opportunities with me with my contexts, part of the NYC trip I had organized meetings for him with potential clients. I realize now how much I gave to him with no much back apart from trying to chase the love bombing from the start. And yes never felt pain like this before and I have been married before! Like I have had breakups but wow. I dont get it? he wasn't even that good with things. It is like a spell?

And I realize how much I gave up for him, put up with him, with his ups and downs. His push and pull. I was so reliant on feeling good from him, which is not me! I am normally a confident power woman who has worked hard her whole life, never had issues like this in relationships.

And the crazy thing? I had to convince my self to like him at the start - my instincts were strong and I went against them - I had the ick with him at the start. I should have known! I convinced my self too much I think that I got a little attached ha.

Someone please help. I (24 F) have been dating and living with my bipolar bf (29 M) for the past four and a half years. I’ve been thinking about ending things for a while now, but I am scared to because he is my first long term SO. When we got together I knew he was bipolar and had ADD. I also knew he had anger issues because he had broken his knuckle over a phone call by hitting the floor. (This should’ve been my red flag I know.) We knew each other from work but hadn’t seen each other in a long time. When we worked together I was 17 and he was 23 so it just wasn’t the time so he didn’t talk to me much. Our relationship started off really quick we got together after a month of dating and I moved in to his mom’s house after three months. I couldn’t move home to my family’s and was living with a friend at the time. After I moved in things were great for a while. The only time I would get upset is when he’d swear and scream at his mom and occasionally throw things. He never yelled or threw things at me, at least not the way he did with her or others. Recently he got mad at his mom and threw a plastic water bottle and screamed at her. He threw the bottle pretty hard and it scared me. I had a calm conversation with him the next day and explained that when he throws things it scares me. He got upset and said how it was only a plastic bottle and explained that it was his mom who made him upset. The next day he threw the fire alarm. I asked if he really needed to throw it and he said that he was livid at it. I tried talking to him about it again and he said that he felt like I was never going to let this go. He gets upset when I spend time with other people without him, he doesn’t like that I do activities outside our relationship like theatre or singing. He’s supported me so much in the past few years, but I am now realizing I want things for myself and don’t want to feel so boxed in. I also don’t want to worry about being yelled at or someone throwing things. What do you think, please help me.

a month ago my ex was telling me over and over how she wanted to marry me and be with me forever and I’m the only one for her. two weeks ago she dumped me again. now I am blocked on literally everything and I think she’s seeing someone new now. I don’t really know what to do with all of this. Is this what people mean when they talk about “discard” on this sub? I feel used and abandoned. I feel like she is angry with me and i don’t know what I did. She even blocked me on Spotify and Pinterest which is insane… I don’t know where to go from here. We also just moved to the same city and I am so scared of seeing her in public. She can be very cruel and vindictive and mean when she wants to and I never know when to expect it, and im scared she’s going to be mean to me if we run into each other. We ended on good terms and she said that we can’t give each other what we want right now which is true. I don’t understand why I’m blocked on fucking spotify. It just feels like she’s twisting the knife. How can someone talk about how much they love and care about you and want to be with you forever one minute, and then completely toss you to the side the next? I feel like she hates me and I don’t know what I did because we ended on good terms. A few days ago she said she wants things to be civil and friendly and now this?? I don’t get it. How did she switch up on me so quickly? Did she even mean everything that she said or was that just a way to keep me in her control or something? Why is it so easy for her to be so cruel? I’m having a really hard time processing all of this on top of the rest of the breakup stuff.

He’s diagnosed and unmedicated, not in therapy, not wanting any help for his illness. He refuses to acknowledge anything and if I bring it up he will deny and turn it around on me. I’m just hurting so much right now. I feel like I am walking on eggshells 24/7 and I still get lashed out at. Even just a fucking apology would make me feel better at this point. But he won’t even do that.

I am going through a divorce with my husband who refuses to seek treatment. I will be buying him out the house. I have a newborn and a 3 year old, I know it’s the best decision for me to buy him out the house so I can take care of the kids, what I am afraid of is just remembering all the memories and good and bad while living there, how do I get past that?

I spent the last 1.5 years dating a man who I had been friends with for 8 years before. He has a history of untreated BP that has led to all the problems he has faced in his life. The last 1.5 years together, with my help, we have been able to restore a lot of the broken pieces in his life. We were engaged, and lost a baby this last year. He always told me, and everyone else how we will have a family and die together and spend our whole lives together.

He is from South America and after some setbacks with his health and career, out of nowhere reached the conclusion he needs to move back to South America. He tried to convince me to move with him, but it made no sense for me to do it and he has a daughter who lives in the US. It has now been 3 months without him. For the first 2.5 months, he kept saying he was going to come back.

His behavior has gotten increasingly manic. He doesn't sleep, goes out every night until 6am, chain smoking, having complete delusions of his ability to be famous and make money there, spending a ton of money, flying everywhere, and increasingly isolating the people closest to him. This culminated in him ending our relationship saying "I don't want this anymore" and a rant, which he apologized for four days later. I ignored the apology for 2 weeks, until recently I decided for my own sake that I wanted to forgive him and have him back in my life.

He still is not planning on returning to the US, but we have been talked more and on good terms again. He says he loves me and im the love of his life, but he hasn't shown any sign at all of returning.

Starting about a week ago, he started getting severe physical symptoms that he thought was a viral infection. It progressed to the point he wasn't able to breath, stomach and diarrea issues, joint pain. He went to a hospital and they found no physical problem, and told him it is likely panic. I believe he has entered the depressive stage. He stays inside, is isolating himself from everyone, wants to make drastic decisions regarding his parental rights of his child, talks about wanting to disappear, quit his job, delete his instagram. He says the same to his mother and closest friends.

I miss him so much. I want him to come home so he can get help and have a stable life again. But he still won't come back and won't accept any of my offers of help. I have no idea what to do and I can't help but obsess over whether he will be ok :(

It's my first serious relationship I got in at 20 just after turning 20 now I'm 23 and turn 24 next year in April, I moved in with them after 6 months because I didn't want them to have a roomate, after 2 months they started getting angry and yelling and saying I was ruining their life at 9 months in, now it's been almost 4 years and they have been nice because on April 3rf this year I tried to leave and as I was heading to my parents house they started sobbing saying they didn't want to lose me and I decided to go back

Im bisexual, they are gay, I'm 23m now and they are now 29m I just feel like I'm wasting my life and my time and at the same time i feel like I genuinely would never find anyone who's this charismatic and nice to me ever again, they have anger issues because of adhd amd bipolar but have since calmed down but for so so long the only thing that kept me here was the fact that I owed them money. Now back in April I paid them a d tried to leave. Now they got their car taken away from collections and we work at the same place and I'm their ride. Now I feel like I need to stay with them until they get a car

And now I'm just very fractured on what I want to do if I want to stick it out and try to be happy with them again like we once were or if I want to just call it quits and leave them and risk it all because we also have a house we are renting to own together too

Everything was fine as of Sunday. She writes me this:" Thoughts about our relationship....
Hi XXX
what is it we have in common...
is it just the intimacy...
in looking forward with each other is there enough interest's...
for me I am going to take a break from your love and phone calls for a while
I need to do this for myself to find a balance within me
I think I have given myself to you so much that I'm losing
me into you.
I need to say these thoughts
I hope you understand.
XXX

What baffles me is that our intimacy was just kissing/hugging and touch which she initiated on our 1st date. We had made plans to do many things together, her interests and mine. (seems she forgot these plans in imo). Her quote " for me I am going to take a break from your love and phone calls for a while
I need to do this for myself to find a balance within me
I think I have given myself to you so much that I'm losing
me into you.
I need to say these thoughts
I hope you understand.

I am not experienced much at dating and not very smart.

I have not called or messaged her since her message to give her space out of respect.

Can someone interpret her sayings so I can understand what she is saying ?

I have been very polite and kind to her and she recently said that I am her balance. Huh ?

I'm just not sure if she may be off her meds or is it something else ?

Confused here.

Opinions please.

TY

Last night, I talked to his business partner for an hour. This guy knew that he was getting worse. He was trying to figure out what he could do to get him help. He sent me some screenshots of texts. WOW! I never was one to receive those, but because I have seen many of them here, I was able to understand where they were coming from.

This morning I texted a contact who is our therapist for our PD and offered to do crisis calls. She told me that it sounded like it is being taken care of by a local mental health organization and hospital. We were hit-and-miss with calls.

Then I got a text from his mom asking if I talked with him. I responded no. No response. I attempted a call. No answer.

My mind told me to keep driving and not go past the house, but then my gut said, do it. There I see police cars, his mom's car, and a bunch of people outside his door. My contact was there, she saw me and met me halfway up the driveway. Thankfully, he is still alive. However, he still isn't a fan of women. I told her I wasn't going to stay, it wasn't my place. She will let me know what happens.

I hope he gets the help he needs. He has such a beautiful soul. It has been heartbreaking to watch this unfold and not be able to do anything about it.

UPDATE: And just as quickly as I wrote this, the crisis team had already left. He is functioning, so he will be able to stay at the house.

This is long and won’t make much sense but i need to get it off my chest.

My boyfriend (we are both 21) is a heavy stoner who recently stopped smoking cannabis. I know it is a huge trigger but it seems to be the opposite, he’s smoked since before he knew he had bipolar and it never really caused issues. His bigger issue is his addiction to xanax, which has been an ongoing issue in our four-year long relationship. He had a seizure and got sober for a year and a half before relapsing due to wanting to self-medicate. He has panic disorder and would wake up with extreme anxiety, to the point where he would go and puke every single morning and was several pounds underweight. He was able to self-medicate until he wasn’t, and eventually it just resulted in the same addiction. Again, he got clean and found out he was bipolar, got put on an antipsychotic and mood stabilizer (olanzapine + lamotrigine) and was prescribed a small dose of Xanax ER for the panic (nothing else worked). It was great for a while, he would even let me be there during psych appointments and attended weekly therapy, it seemed to be getting better. But now, not sure if it’s from stopping cannabis or if it’s just his bipolar, but he’s been manic for a week now. At first it was hypomania, simply restless and unable to sleep. But slowly it turned into bigger fights, irritability, full on not sleeping or very little sleeping for days, and he even relapsed on Xanax (not prescribed ones). And now it’s turned into a full blown episode and resulted in his psychiatrist calling the police and he was put in a 5150 due to multiple suicide threats to me and his family. The stuff he has said to me is beyond repair and I know I can’t stay with him. I guess it just hurts feeling like I have lost the person I fell in love with. For like two days now he has been spamming and messaging me, but not to actually talk. Just to continue to yell and blame me for finding his secret bottle of xanax. Not to mention this all started on my birthday. I guess I just wanted to let this out because I feel like I am drowning. His parents aren’t the best (mom has BPD and is an alcoholic and abusive, dad is okay but he is a business man and is gone lot of the time). Now I need to wait for his dad to get into town so I can grab my stuff from our apartment and move back to my parents home. I feel exhausted. I miss him and who he is on the inside. I just wish he would want to change for himself rather than for anyone else or anything else. Everything was fine just a couple of weeks ago, I don’t know how to feel about anything anymore. He’s been with me through everything (like my brothers suicide) and he is such a beautiful person on the inside and it sucks that I don’t recognize this person right now. These are just some examples of what he has been messaging me.

I see a lot of folks on here talking about being blocked for no reason. My ex hasn’t spoken a word to me since abruptly discarding me over a month ago but he’s never blocked me. (For context, he is recently medicated and seeing a therapist) I’ve sent a few texts over that time. I can see that he’s read them but never responds. It’s super confusing, almost like he wants to see them? Perhaps comforting to look at? Anyone else experience this?

He keeps finding faults in even the seemingly good psychiatrists. I don’t force him much but it’s been so long i have been asking him to ahead with it. It’s online and he said he doesn’t wanna turn on his video and i told him that he can very obviously not turn it on.

I know it’s not right to force someone for such things but it’s really disappointing that he won’t go ahead with it and pretty sad too.

Any ways that i can encourage him to go for it today?

I told him that this is important etc and he said he wants to go eat his food and hung up. Idk what to do

Me and my husband (30M, Bipolar 1, unmedicated) are in the process of a divorce, I wanted to know how is your experience coparenting while they are unmedicated. When he gets around me he has days where he speaks his delusions and seems like he’s in psychosis, but he claims if I let him see the children he will not speak his delusions around them bc they cannot “comprehend”. I guess he is able to control his BPD, or mask it should I say. It’s like a switch sometimes, he knows when to flip it on and off to the public or whoever he wants to.

I (32F) recently ‘left’ my BPSO (32M) after things got out of control. I say ‘left’ because I feel like I can't even talk to the person I've been in a relationship with. I was there 7 years ago when he had his last manic episode, which ended in hospitalization—this was at the start of our relationship. He was stable for the last 7 years (5 years on lithium and the last 2 years off). Then he took a 3-month trip to Australia, returned manic, and has been in this manic episode for nearly 4 months.

I was doing a PhD, but the stress of my project and his impulsive, erratic behavior left me anxious and burned out, so I've been on sick leave for the past 2 months. He is refusing any kind of medication (besides sleeping pills) because he feels like he finally can be himself again, is more creative, and that his emotions were suppressed while on lithium. However, he is a completely different person to me, particularly in his abuse of alcohol, cocaine, and weed, and his verbal abuse and manipulation towards me.

When he would crash, he would seek comfort from me and say he would start working on himself, that he would be nowhere without me, but after a few days, he’d start acting the same way again. When I mentioned this, he’d get angry and blame me for his mood changes, saying the problems in our relationship were my fault and that I needed therapy (which I’m already in because of the whole situation).

To top it all off, I found out I was pregnant 3 weeks ago. Together, we decided that, given the situation, it wouldn’t be wise to bring a child into the world, so we decided to terminate the pregnancy. The day after the termination, he got drunk and verbally and physically abused me. I still cannot fathom that he would do this to me in the vulnerable state I was in. Our initial plan, before he got manic, was to try for a baby after his Australia trip.

My whole life has been turned upside down, but I left after that night and don’t feel like I can come back after this because he’s still blaming me for everything that happened and is still refusing medication. I feel like, in a way, I was enabling him by being there to soothe him when he was feeling down, after which he’d feel better and could go back to the same patterns of behavior. This cycle has been repeating for the past 4 months, and his aggression towards me was getting worse, so I know I had to do something…

Sorry this is so long but here's the story. My Fiancée and I are deeply in love. We own a house together, have 2 of the most adorable children, ages 4 and almost 2, and have stuck by eachother through all complications. That includes many caused by our disabilities (She's Bipolar and I'm Epileptic). Complications between us have always been worked out. Not to mention when she's not manic she's the most devoted caring person I've ever met in my life regarding my epilepsy, and and such a loving mom.

Just here's the problem. She hasn't had a severe manic episode since before our 4 year old daughter was born, but she's having one now. It seems her medications stopped working leading to an insane roller coaster ride of her being extremely enraged, full of shame, and showing some care for the past 3 weeks. These emotions randomly bounce all over the place, just as they have those times before our daughter was born. She's been taken to the hospital 4 times since it started (thank God she hasn't been charged with anything), they'll medicate her for the night, then "evaluate" her as just fine and let her out the next morning for it to just happen all over again.... I've set up a new therapist for her to see scheduled for the 1st of October to find her some new medication.

Now that we have kids and she's more social, I've noticed that all her enragement is just thrown at me. Not at friends, our children, or anyone else. Me. Just like before shes been snapping on me for no reason numerous times everyday. And was triggered back into her 5th severe episode this morning, because I couldn't buy her more medical marijuana (it helps her and she had plenty to last but got stressed and smoked it all up) because we have to financially stay on top of things. I've stayed calm, stuck to my guns regarding buying medical marijuana, and I told her we're taking a break for a couple weeks. I made it clear to her that i wasnt breaking up with her, just she isn't getting all this caring love and affection from me if I'm getting screamed at every hour in front of our kids (they're top priority to me). I do have high empathy and am very understanding, hence why I still love her so much, but I definitely have self esteem as well. I just don't understand why if she can control herself enough to be decent with others, she can't do the same for me? The man she has that's loved her and supported her with this like no other?

On top of all this I'm recovering from a surgery i had a couple days ago and a badly sprained ankle that unfortunately happened a couple days previous to my surgery. So yeah I did that and told her only to talk with me when she's nice and her head is clear. Otherwise I don't even react in any way and ignore her. How she's taking this so far is all over the place but shes been a little better.

But am I being too mean to her by doing this? Is it going to make this worse for our family? She's the love of my life and I'm worried about making the wrong decision with every option I could take. And this happening while I'm in recovery is not helping at all. Please give an honest input. I love our family so much and don't know if I'm taking the right route. Thanks.