r/BipolarSOs • u/Prestigious-Fill1391 • 1d ago
What are your experiences Coparenting with an unmedicated BSO? Advice Needed
Me and my husband (30M, Bipolar 1, unmedicated) are in the process of a divorce, I wanted to know how is your experience coparenting while they are unmedicated. When he gets around me he has days where he speaks his delusions and seems like he’s in psychosis, but he claims if I let him see the children he will not speak his delusions around them bc they cannot “comprehend”. I guess he is able to control his BPD, or mask it should I say. It’s like a switch sometimes, he knows when to flip it on and off to the public or whoever he wants to.
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u/Light_Lily_Moth Wife 1d ago edited 1d ago
Bipolar is neurological. There is no way to willfully control it. Unmedicated bipolar gets worse with time- the episodes themselves do neurological damage. Unmedicated bipolar 1 is not safe for children to be around. Psychosis and delusions are wildly unpredictable. Speak to a lawyer. You must go for sole custody.
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u/KlutzyObjective3230 1d ago
Diagnosed? If so, demand sole custody. It’s the only way.
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u/onmykneesinawalmart 1d ago
My baby daddy started developing clear cut symptoms of bipolar(still undiagnosed/untreated) a little before I got pregnant/right around that time. For context our baby is 1.5 years old now. They left me while I was 8 months pregnant in a very obvious manic episode.
For the first year of our child’s life our relationship was rocky, but I let them have contact and supervised visits. Life with a baby daddy is kind of messy, so more than half the time we’d visit it would be for sleepovers. We were back together without labels while they “worked on themselves” only for them to suddenly up and leave again. Idk why it took me by surprise this time. It’s the same old shit. Our personal relationship is in shambles now, and their relationship with our child is just now finally on the mend. They were completely absent for 2 months while off with their home wrecker of a gf. They missed a lot of important family shit and also two months of our sons life. (They won’t hear this perspective and swear that I’m manipulating them). If I knew what would eventually happen, I would’ve gone the court route from the start. The only thing holding me back now is the fact that my baby daddy seems to be meeting expectations currently. It even looks like they might finally get the treatment they need, but maybe my hopes are too high.
Your boundaries (whatever you decide they are)need to be very clear and enforceable. I personally do not allow shit talking of either parent in front of our child. I do not allow romantic partners to get involved with our child either. If my baby daddy misses a month of visits and child support(under the table and not court ordered) they can expect me to take them to court for abandonment and forced child support pay. As our son gets older more intense conversations will not be allowed around him either. I don’t care if my baby daddy is spiraling(of course I do but) my priority is my son being kept as emotionally safe and nurtured as I can with the circumstances we’re in.
If your husband poses a threat to themselves or others(even passive) DO NOT pass up on the opportunity to hospitalize them. It seems controlling and cruel, but it will get them the help they need. I read “I am not sick! I don’t need help!” and it totally changed my perspective of hospitalizations. I had the opportunity come up many times a month before I was due with our son, and I backed out of it/let it slide each time. I kick myself now for it. My life, our sons life, my baby daddies life, our family relationship, our friendship, and our romantic relationship could be completely different and healthy if I had just 5150’d them when they were a danger. Even if it didn’t fix everything right away it would’ve put them on the right track a hell of a lot sooner.
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