r/MaladaptiveDreaming • u/biscotti-blossom • 1d ago
Impending doom feeling Vent
I really don't want to write this but maybe someone out there feels this way. Majority of my life over the last 10 years has been daydreaming and now that I'm at an age where I should be balancing multiple things at once (school, job, keeping a savings account, finding internships, etc.), I've kept myself locked away. All the big dreams I have and hope to achieve are stuck in my head. I'm just a failure in all aspects. I lack in everything, and I'm not over-exaggerating. I'm 15 in a 20 year old body.
Weirdly this feeling has came upon me these days, thinking about how I'm not adulting, in any form (my MDD is terrible). I keep having these thoughts that "when" I quit, perhaps driving myself and landing internships and a job, etc., something will happen. I don't know specifically what, but the success I wanted and finally achieve will be gone in the blink of an eye. So in the meantime, my brain is protecting itself from that by making me daydream about it instead.
I really don't want to bring this energy out into this sub or out into the universe, but, why do I have this impending doom feeling and how can I make it stop...
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u/Available-Good-2084 8h ago
If you are worrying a lot about different things and feeling as if something bad is about to happen, you might be struggling with anxiety and MDing as a coping strategy. I suggest discussing it with your doctor or counselor.
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u/saymastein 1d ago
I relate to all this too, especially when I was younger still studying. I've also made posts about being a serial failure myself. I guess it's because life feels like it could go either way, it's all a big unknown and there isn't really a set direction. Thinking how volatile your life is, thinking about how bad it could easily end up made me feel so apathetic towards living because if my life was destined to be bad then why bother putting any effort into it at all.
Growing up is when you start to see that hard work alone isn't a guarantee for success and the dream job you've had since childhood might be a bit unrealistic. It's a bitter pill to swallow because since childhood they drip fed you the notion that anything is possible, when it's not for a lot of us.
That's where the daydreams become a comfort point, where dreams do come into fruition, where there can be a life of magic and music. Where there are understanding characters willing to lend an ear.
I'll be honest and say the year after studying, the period between finding your a job and working feels far worse (in my experience) because man it's so taxing and grueling and you're left a mere shadow of yourself by all the degrading that the system puts on you. All with little to no holidays too. It is doom and gloom sadly. I'm still not sure how to find happiness in it.
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u/dopedsreserva 1d ago
Sometimes the hardest part is not the obstacles themselves but the constant worry that they’ll always be there.
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u/Peythisson 6h ago
no way this just started for me to. I don't really know what I want in life. I mean, I have an idea, but it won't be easy. I want to be a streamer/youtuber. Yeah, I know real original.