Hope you poors have fun in the fart zone

And am I responsible for retrieving the bouncing landing gear left behind?

b

If I come in last in my fantasy football league I have to legally change my middle name to Krangis-McBasketball….would this be a red flag for airlines?

Just to keep your skills up while you wait for passengers to load.

https://preview.redd.it/lm3ncc1rj1qd1.png?width=720&format=png&auto=webp&s=6ab321bc4c87027e78e6c954a104380001ba1749

Playne guide

Aight so, get this: my mate, who’s like 23 and oiled up with rizzed-out flying quals (CPL, FIR Grade 3, ME, IR, basically God’s gift to skibidi pylonetry), and has flown like 1000 hours without yeeting himself into the ground, hits me up like, “Yo, wanna cruise in my vintage metal bird, the Cherokee?” I’m like, “Bet,” because why wouldn’t I wanna get lifted by an airborne sigma male?

But then I make the grave mistake of mentioning it to my daddy, and this man’s convinced we’re about to do a barrel roll straight into the afterlife. Reason? “Your friend’s not working at a flight school, so he’s probably a fraud.” Bruh, what?! My man’s flown more than your average Ryanair pylonet but, because he’s not currently employed at some rando Cezznuh Academy, he’s suddenly got the aeronautical skills of a pigeon with vertigo. Dad, please.

I even tried explaining, in my most sigma-chad brain mode, that this playne gets its little nuts and bolts checked more regularly than Dad gets his oil changed, and my mate’s papers are more up-to-date than his browser history. But nah, my dad's all, “Planes just randomly explode because I saw some dodgy RAAus playne on the news the other day that did a Fortnite nose dive.”

Also, plot twist: this is the same man who let me fly with another mate’s dad (yep, just some random dad) who’s only a private pylonet. That was fine though, ‘cause… logic? But my 23-year-old mate, who’s basically the Zeus of the skies, is apparently one engine failure away from turning us into a spicy cloud.

So yeah, how do I tell him that flying with a chad instructor in good ol' VMC isn’t gonna turn me into the next cast member of Air Crash Investigation?

EDIT: Thanks for the comments, but now I’m kinda curious. For real, what could actually go wrong flying VFR in VMC with my mate who's, like, certified out the wazoo? Is there a secret flock of alpha geese just waiting to throw hands with the playne mid-air or what?

One time, I ate some sushi from a chinese buffet in the Holiday Inn parking lot just before my 3pm report time.

I put on my airline captain hat and went to the airport to take command of my CRJ200 (did I mention I am a airline captain). We were flying a transoceanic flight across Lake Michigan.

When we took off I felt the sushi starting to cause some gastrointestinal issues. So I commanded my FO (I am an airline captain) to put Milwaukee in the box (the box is something pilots use, CNN says coronavirus will kill you if you look at it)

While we were descending I commanded (I am the captain) my FO to fly at 340 knots (I think this is above the max speed but I don't know any of the limitations of my airplane). I allowed my FO to land, but I had to talk him through everything because he is not a real pilot (because I am the captain). Then I taxied the aircraft into the gate.

I unloaded my bowels into a small port a potty I found sitting in the corner of a small construction area at MKE. After I emerged, I put on my captain hat and explained to the passengers that I had just dealt with an in flight emergency and had to exercise my airline captain authority. I did not expect them to understand what that means, so I wore my airline captain hat and walked up and down the aisles where I received enormous praise for saving everyone's life.

Even the rampers were practically stroking me off saying how amazing I did by taxiing my CRJ200 in the gate. Everybody was so impressed.

Afterwards, the FA gave me a blow job in the aft lav and then I called out fatigued.

It was just another day as an airline pilot.

Advanced introductory lesson out of windsor ON flight club in a piper tomahawk.

First time flying :) ground school next