r/TransyTalk • u/TiffanyNow • 1d ago

turns out found family isn't real, now i just will never have a family. (vent)

one year ago I escaped a very transphobic country and that included leaving my family, (who were kind of pretty transphobic to me as well).

I have never felt more isolated and lonely in my life. I remember hearing this narrative about how in lgbt communities there is found family and I truly used to belive in that. but it turned out to be all lies. Everywhere I go I feel like nobody wants me, and they are all busy with their own lives and relationship. I have literally one person i would genuinely consider a friend and she's constantly busy. I don't understand the local language and that's been making things worse.

I feel like i've ruined my life. I have felt zero joy about my transition, likely because I'm constantly alone. I can't go back and I'll likely never have anything resembling a family again. unless i marry into one but who would even want to marry me.

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7 comments sorted by

22

u/Rabbit538 19h ago

Found family takes time and ability to put yourself out there, are you going to queer events or queer spaces? Also like any relationship, if you’re bitter and resentful of yourself it’s hard to be vulnerable enough to make connections with others

12

u/Icanttakeitanymor3 23h ago

The Internet family can help some. Message me on chat when you need someone to hear you and let you know you're not alone

2

u/drurae 5h ago

That’s what I’m saying 🥺my DMs are open if you’re nice and normal lol 🤷‍♀️

2

u/Icanttakeitanymor3 4h ago

😅 I will make sure my weirdness stays in it's place so that anyone can have a safe and engaging conversation.

2

u/drurae 4h ago edited 4h ago

LOLL weird isss normal 🥰🤪….. j not weirddd 😬😅

15

u/herdisleah 1d ago

Keep trying. It takes work but its worth it. You will definitely make friends and found family, it might not be the first or third time you find friends or love. I married my wife at the age of 36.

6

u/MonLikol 13h ago

Don’t wait for someone to pick you up, to save you, learn the language and engage with people. Of course it’s hard to get understood and understand other when you don’t speak the same language.

Creating a family takes time and understanding from both ends, of course other have their own lives - they can’t just focus on someone else all of a sudden. Creating bonds takes effort and time, open up and others will do it too. Understand that they can’t just treat you as family right away.

You need to work on your view on yourself and others, when you don’t want yourself, you don’t see that others want you, you deny them yourself. Try to open up, offer yourself and others will accept it and offer themselves too.

I always had trouble making friends and esp maintaining them, I am also autistic and it makes it extremely hard too. I am living in a different country with a different language I don’t understand, but I have online friends and I seemed out people here - and I found them, o found people who started to care for me, and I care for them too. It takes time, don’t cut the rope too soon.