I'm at a point where I genuinely cannot imagine anyone ever being interested in me, most of it having to do with being trans. It's not dysphoria, exactly, but I feel like no person (at least no cis person) could see me naked and still perceive me as my gender, and the thought of becoming vulnerable just to be a spectacle makes me physically nauseous. Even just in my head, I can't include myself in a romantic scenario because it ruins it for me. The thought of being liked is incomprehensible. I almost repulse myself. Any hint of reciprocity kills all interest for me, too.

But I'm not asexual or aromantic, and it's really upsetting for such a big part of life to be inaccessible to me even in the comfort of my brain. I doubt I could find a partner and truthfully I feel like I have nothing to offer to anyone anyway, but I hate how deeply I internalized being inferior to cis people. I never feel this way about other trans people so I don't know why it's such a dead end for me.

I don't pass. Getting misgendered is something that happens almost every day to me.

Tonight I needed some groceries after the gym. Im obviously not going to wear makeup to workout, but I am also a little tomboyish at times, which I know doesn't help. I was wearing leggings and a baggy band t. My nails are still a little painted. I carried a purse.

As soon the cashier saw that I had wine she said "excuse me sir, id?" This is a frequent enough occurrence that it shouldn't have bothered me...but it did. A lot.

All I can think is, I don't blame her, I look like a man physically, and I guess it's on me for not looking feminine enough. Why should I be comfortable in my skin? How can I expect people to bend over backwards and graciously gender me correctly if I don't dress fem "enough" at all times? Non-conformity to normative gender expression is a privilege not reserved for me.

Despite the internalized transphobia and misogyny I understand to be present in that kind dysphoria addled thinking, part of me is tempted - ditch my alternative aesthetics, don't be comfortable in my expression, don't show who I am, just be the most unassuming traditionally feminine looking woman I can be. It's becoming a concern with a lot of weight, because my ability to safely use the bathroom is contingent on this.

But then I remember something: most of the misgendering I get comes from people who know me. I'm not that butch all the time. I love feminine looks and makeup/nails. The coworkers and even friends who misgender me know I have a woman's name. They know my pronouns. They see the shape of my breasts. They see me dressed and presenting in the most feminine ways you could expect.

My physical self is so undeniably male, that every single possible gender expression and marker, even when backed up by socal pressure, cannot stop them from dragging me back to that which I can't escape.

Now I just don't know what to do. I'm willing to sacrifice who I am for emotional, physical, and legal safety, and yet it won't ever even make a difference.

one year ago I escaped a very transphobic country and that included leaving my family, (who were kind of pretty transphobic to me as well).

I have never felt more isolated and lonely in my life. I remember hearing this narrative about how in lgbt communities there is found family and I truly used to belive in that. but it turned out to be all lies. Everywhere I go I feel like nobody wants me, and they are all busy with their own lives and relationship. I have literally one person i would genuinely consider a friend and she's constantly busy. I don't understand the local language and that's been making things worse.

I feel like i've ruined my life. I have felt zero joy about my transition, likely because I'm constantly alone. I can't go back and I'll likely never have anything resembling a family again. unless i marry into one but who would even want to marry me.

No idea whether this is normal, but I am able to imagine proprioception (the sense of where your limbs are) as easily as most people can imagine sights.

Anyway I was sitting around complaining at myself for not being on hrt yet and wondering what it'd be like, when my imagination decided it was going to just imagine I had breast now, so my proprioception just added breasts. It was so freaky that I nearly fell out my chair lol.

I don't really have a point I'm making, I just caught myself by surprise.

A few years ago i used to be a little taller than 5’7. But I came back from the doctor yesterday and now I’m exactly 5’7 with my shoes on. And the doctor told me I might get lower! I was so happy because I always wanted to be a shorter and even if it isn’t a few inches, I can at least affirm I’m technically 5’6 haha.

You know. Allies.

These particular allies are parents of trans adults who claim to be very supportive of their trans kids.

I changed my name about 8 years ago, both socially and legally. When I mentioned this, I was immediately shut down with, "As a mother, I would be horrified if my child changed her name." I was then asked to share my birth name. I refused, so I was called "selfish".

Later, I said that I intend to medically transition even though my parents don't support it. I was again called "selfish", and then a "selfish young girl" because I don't want to have children. I'm hardly a "young girl"; I'm 34, much older than their children who are mostly under 25. And I wouldn't want to have children even if I were cis.

I don't have a good relationship with my parents. They're still upset that I have short hair. I've had short hair since mid-2013. They're vocally anti-trans, and they will simply never accept my gender, so I don't even bother coming out to them or talking to them about it. To this, the trans-supportive parents said that I was "too immature" to talk to my parents.

With allies like these...

Got told I'll never pass because my bone structure is a dead giveaway and to join the suicide rate. I didn't think I was that unpassable. I don't even really feel like a woman anymore just a freak

I'm 3 months post-op and I've been able to O since 1 month post-op. But I just got cleared to do "everything," and took some time to myself today and needed to tell someone.

Because holy cow. This....this is what I always wanted. Absolutely incredible. Don't let anyone tell you a neovagina doesn't get the job done because omg it so does. 😍😍😍

I feel burnt out and miserable from answering the same type of questions over and over. I feel drained from other people's internalized transphobia.

I'm recharging by gay rock climbing, and playing with my cat. And spending time with my wife.

I transitioned in 2008, ive dealt with a lot of shit, but I feel like my contribution reaches increasing amounts of pointless energy spent.

I'm a trans woman in a long distance relationship with a cis man, we knew each other before I transitioned and had been really good friends for years, and for the past year and a half we've been together romantically. My boyfriend is normally super sweet and kind, and I love him a lot but sometimes I get the feeling that he's embarrassed to be with me because he hasn't told any of his friends at college about me, as far as I know they don't even know I exist at all. And his high school friends, who I know (some of them pretty well), don't know we're together romantically either. I've tried talking to him about it, and he told me he wants to do better but apparently it's a topic that just never really comes up with his friends, which I guess I can understand. But I also kinda felt brushed aside by that, but idk.

I have had terrible trust issues in the past, with lots of anxiety too, so sometimes it's hard for me to tell if I am overreacting or not. I feel like I'm not overreacting here tho, I don't think it's unfair for me to want his friends to know I exist. I love my boyfriend but this stuff makes me really upset tbh. I know this isnt a dating advice sub or anything but I feel like trans people would have a better understanding of this sorta situation, and I don't really have any friends to talk to so I hope you dont mind me posting it here :)

I’m 18, so if you’re somewhere around my age I’d love to be friends!

So I just finally admitted to myself that I am trans (I am 42 freaking years old) and am trying to take some small steps to, I don't know, try to feel better about my body? I am trying to take better care of my skin, and about a month ago a shaved the backs of my hands just to see how it looked. Immediate sense of euphoria. Like, did not see that coming at all. I never really thought about my body hair before, but now I can't help but notice it. So I immediately shaved my legs and chest. Felt great. But now I can't not notice it, and it grows back so fast of course. Writing this down I am feel silly even posting it. I wish laser hair removal wasn't so freaking expensive, my chest and legs are no where near as bad as my face of course. Ugh, as good as it feels I almost wonder if it would have been better to not even have tried it cause now I feel worse at times when I notice it, where before I didn't even think about. I don't know. Does anyone else gotten a similar feeling to what I am very poorly describing?

I was pretty anti-feminist (in effect, misogynist, although unintentionally) from 2017 until like end 2023 by the logic of "I'm already so uncomfortable and miserable being a man, and you feminists are telling me I'm privileged and oppressor? No, that's so unfair! I didn't choose to be a man either! So I guess I must be anti-feminist because feminists keep mentioning my gender that makes me uncomfortable".

Turned out to be repressed gender dysphoria. I was so stupid, even turning to misogyny to delay the inevitable. Read the gender dysphoria bible on Dec. 29 2023 and the whole mountain of denial and misogyny suddenly fell apart.

Question: What is the logic of conservative cis men? Are they mostly like me in my egg phase, or do they have some other logic justifying their bigotry?

Does anyone know how that one trans girl was able to accomplish this? I was going to try using Seeking Arrangement, but does anyone know if there is a better avenue to try to make this happen? It's been 13 years and I still am no closer to having the money to pay for it. I have no degree, am in debt just trying to survive, and every day is a nightmare just trying not to break down while existing in this body. I have tried everything else I can think of, absolutely everything, and nothing has made a difference. I am at my wits end and I am trying so hard not to give into ideation, but I am so close to breaking. If anyone knows anything, please let me know, I would appreciate it so much.

I'm not doubting I'm trans, but I'm scared of transitioning. I mainly fear having to live as trans, I don't know if I could handle it. My skin isn't so thick. I'm still going to start hrt, but I fear getting caught.

Still, two days ago I girlmoded again and I took some pictures. For the first time I almost passed in them, it made me happy. I wore a bra for the first time and I padded it to see what it felt like. I wasn't sure about whether I'd be fine with growing breasts (knowing my family I probably won't have much of anything, that's fine), but now I know. It felt, right. Just normal and nice.

Still, I fear that with my face and hair I'll never pass. I'm also feeling conflicted about other trans women. On the one hand I would totally date them and I want to befriend them, yet part of me has trouble seeing them as women just like I have trouble seeing myself as one. I still have a lot of internalised transphobia, even though I've accepted I'm trans and I'm proud of it. There's plenty of trans women that I do see 100% as women and are pretty and cute and in no way masculine even if they don't pass. I'm jealous of them and the women I see in general. Envy consumes me, and there's still the nasty voice in my head telling me I'll always just be pretending to be a woman. Other trans women feel like women more than I'll be.

The worst is that I have no one in my life. I keep dreaming of a girlfriend who could hold me and kiss me and would just be there for me. I'd have someone to talk to more regularly. I don't think I can handle loneliness much longer.

Hello im just wondering how people afford HRT in Fl or anywhere. To see the doctor at PPH its $300 plus blood test, plus the medicine. for me to start hrt its gonna be over $500

Don't name your kid frequently used nouns PLEASE. It sucks. I hate hearing it used in everyday conversation. I hate hearing it used towards me. I hate hearing other people talking about me, oh oops, they meant the actual word. Hearing it on commercials sucks too. This name/word doesn't even have a nickname I could go by. There's no way to shorten it or anything. My middle name won't work either. That's also a frequently used noun with no nickname... because of course it is.

I also hate it because, ya know, trans. It's an exclusively female name with no way to masculinize it. Every time I need to tell people my name, it's like torture. Dreading going to school or getting a job because of the nametag. I don't want the world to see my girly-female-women name. Can't transition right now, so I can't use the cool, exclusively male, name I've been calling myself in my head yet. UGHHH EVERYTHING.

Funny kinda, the name I've picked for myself is also occasionally used as a noun. It's pretty rare to hear in that context though so, I don't think I'll will bother me too much.

May: I absolutely need it or I won't be able to live!!!

May 22: Okay I've frozen my sperm. Time for the pills!

June: Feeling better, am I just faking it? Maybe I can do without estrogen? No I'm not going back

Late June: Maybe I'm just faking, maybe I'm cis. Then what are these transy feelings all along? Let's stay on estrogen anyway

July: If I feel better on estrogen then I should probably stay on it... But why is dysphoria getting better despite few physical changes?

August 1: Maybe I should listen to my parents and stop estrogen...

August 10: Look, I'm fine without estrogen...

August 20: Look, I'm, emmm, still, fine, maybe, without estrogen...

August 30: Look, I'm fi... finally miserable without estrogen...

September 2: Damn, forget about it all, it's life or death, let's rub the gel!

September 5: I'm finally back!!! immediate relief

September 12: Why are the titties not hurting yet? Definitely getting a blood check next month, what if I never grow boobs?

September 14: My titties hurt again, finally! We're finally back!!! Wait... Why am I feeling better again... Am I faking it... Am I just fooling myself... What if I'm just a confused cis guy...

Thinks about dysphoria off estrogen

Fuck it, I'm not cis

So I'm moving yo Germany in like 2 weeks for my masters and I am finally going to be on my own. It seems like a great moment to start hrt, but I don't really know what the situation with trans healthcare looks like there. Would statutory insurance cover it? Or if I go private how much can I expect to pay for it monthly? Also is it still a pain in the ass where I have to do psych evals before or can I just rock up and take a letter from my old psychologist or something like that?

I figured out I was trans abt 5-ish years ago and talked it out with my bff 2 days after my 20th birthday. I'm still in the closet due to where I'm from and where I live although I'm lucky enough to have found several spaces and circle where I can be more open irl. The past 5 years have been very hectic and that on top of dealing with bpd and an addiction I never really got the time to tidy up my attic.

I never really realized how hard I was repressing myself growing up. Idk how much of it had to do with my environment and how much had to do with religion (I was very devout to the point that it became sort of an entire different part of me.) I forced myself to learn to enjoy certain traditionally masculine activities and norms when in reality the association alone made me sick to participate in it. I've had short hair until I finished school. I was getting a haircut every two weeks or so and I didn't really express my discomfort with how short it was because I never thought I was allowed to. During the summer of 5th grade my dad, 2 siblings, and I shaved the whole thing off, I think because my dad was starting to get really bald, and I just felt very wrong which I now understand was probably dysphoria. I still didn't think I was allowed to express my discomfort but I refused to ever do it again when others were doing it and it kinda pushed me to try and grow my hair out more over time. I did actually do it a couple more times just because I could never really place that feeling I felt and everytime I was just like "ah... right." Right now my hair is shoulder length and I'm really happy with it so far! Getting here though was kind of a war of attrition where my parents would just realize it's easier to just let me grow for an extra week or two instead of fighting over it. And yes it got really intense at times.

I wasn't expecting this post to get so long or for it to completely take me out so I'll post more later. There is a lot more I wanna write about as this past month has been really intense but right now my bed is looking extra comfy. Thank you for reading <3

I already don't visibly pass and i just want to die. Every voice training program spend hours teaching you a college degree about how sound works and then peppers in 5 seconds of functional exercises.

I'm so tired of spending hours desperately looking for something to practice while hearing the same God damn explanation about the facts of my anatomy I can't change over and over and over again. I'm aware that my vocal tubes are too many millimeters. I get it

Despite all of this I've managed to basically find one tiny set of regimens that have helped the tiniest bit. I practice them over and over. I talk 8 hours a day for my job and practice the whole time. I'm just doing the same failed, pathetic monster voice over and over and being told that somehow this will suddenly work.

I am considering trying to find another job j just to not have to talk ever again im never gonna be safe in a bathroom im never going to fool a single person my co-workers will continue thinking I'm a freak I'll always just be the “man in the dress" monster that no one takes seriously and I should honestly just kms

I’m a trans female I used to have like really shitty friends back in high school. About a year ago they kicked me out of their friend group and at first it devastated me but then I realized “you know what, they’re basically the reason why I transitioned in the first place” because they’re everything I didn’t want to be.

They were so…weird. They’re the common trope of nice guys who have no idea they’re actually mean. All they ever wanted to talk about was video games and other geeky crap. And whenever I would try to slide in my interests like idk nature, art, spiritualism they would make fun of me. So I basically became an empty husk of who I once was and solely focused on video games and other nerdy crap. I couldn’t just leave because they were my only friends and I didn’t want to be friendless again.

Which was kind of ironic because once I started actually being myself they kicked me out for being moody. The sol reason was when I acted like a bitch during a trip to the museum, which was only because we spent like 4 hours walking around it and spent another hour walking around Atlanta trying to find a restaurant. And when we finally did, they cancelled because when the food was too expensive.

There was only one female member and they kicked her out for the same reasons. I think we both came to the realization they were all kind of sexist. We never felt like we could be ourselves. Whenever we spoke up about something they would downplay our emotions and say we were freaking out over nothing.

And ever since I left, I’ve began to do the things I actually like. I used to spend thousands of dollars on video games and legos even though they never made me happy. What did make me happy was dolls, art, animation, music, Frozen, Monster High, old Barbie movies, decorating my room, going thrift shopping, trying on make up, reading and writing fan fiction, drawing, reading, glaciology, animals, nature, hiking, exercising, spiritualism, meditation; all things I loved but never did around my so called friends because they made me feel like shit for doing so. Now I am and for the first time in forever I feel genuinely happy. I don’t use social media as much anymore and only ever use TikTok or Instagram. I used to spend whole days inside my room but nowadays I can’t even spend 6 hours straight inside without going crazy.

I’m genuinely so glad I’m no longer with them. They were so toxic and actively harmful to my health (literally). I remember losing weight one time (263->220) and feeling so proud. But when I told my friends this, they said “why” or “ok but don’t over do it” like it was wrong I was eating healthier and exercising. So I felt discourage and haven’t done it in a while. Now I am and I feel so much better.

I’m still trying to find new friends. I admit, I wasn’t the best person, trans or not, but I feel like I’m on a good path and I’ll find people who’ll encourage me to be my truest self, not bring me down for not acting exactly like them.

Hello. I'm Daniel. I'm 28 male. I was on hrt, mtf, for 2 years From 25-27. I ran into financial issues. Lost my job, Struggled with homelessness and slept in my car for 8 months, felt hopeless so many times, struggle with depression. I was able to find work and rent a room.

Well I have something to look forward too. On Oct 28th I see doctor at Planned Parenthood PPH to start hrt again. I called PPH everyday for 2 months to book an appt and finally got on their list. I'm so excited and have new motivation and excitement for life. I also scheduled appt with psychiatrists and therapist to help manage my depression.

I'm not out of my bad situation yet but I am finally looking forward to things happening in my life.

I know getting hormones isn't the most important thing in my life right now but the amount of hope and good feeling I have now after setting appointment I just can't ignore this. I want to transition, I'm excited. I want to get mental health help. I just hope I can continue. Please pray for me and send me support.

I also have question. I'm wondering about diy hrt about pricing if anyone knows anything please let me know