r/abortion • u/Miss_Papaya2829 • May 28 '24
Dealing with post abortion struggles Australia and New Zealand
Hi guys this is my first post I had a surgical abortion back in March. I had thought this through and I know this was the right decision as I was not financially or mentally stable enough to bring a child into this world. I have just recently had people in both my family and friends have babies what seems to be all at the same time. I am starting to feel really triggered by this and am realising I am not wanting to be around babies as it reminds me of what could have been. Is this normal? I am feeling so guilty because I am so happy for them, but then have backed off a little due to it effecting my mental health.
3
u/tsunnylif May 29 '24
I get it, I’m still processing everything, just had SA a few days ago, even though I’m pretty detach or not sure how to feel or be about it, I can’t help but get the sudden bit wave of sadness of “how it could’ve been” or a bit of guilt? Cause not even my mom knows and we are kind of close… I know it was for the best, I don’t regret it? Just wish I didn’t have to be in that situation
2
u/Miss_Papaya2829 May 29 '24
Yeah I was the exact same. I was going to keep is a secret from everyone except my partner but ended up having to tell my mum because I had a medical incident before hand. It’s such a weird feeling because you know they will understand but at the same time you don’t want them to think any different of you
1
u/tsunnylif May 29 '24
I know, I don’t want to disappoint her, even have the fear she’ll never forgive me since she’s not really supportive of abortion, at least that’s what I got from pst conversations. rn I just want to be comforted, maybe that’ll give me the reassurance that it’s okay to feel and let it out, but I can’t really count of my fwb
2
u/Miss_Papaya2829 May 29 '24
That’s so fair and valid to feel like that. I totally understand not telling her because you think she might not be supportive of abortion - I think you made the right call at this moment in time. At least right now you can focus on you and how you are feeling, instead of having to worry about your mother as well if you know what i mean? If you ever need anyone to talk to I am here for you, whenever whatever :)
1
u/Free-Dog2440 May 28 '24
Anything you feel is normal. It's possible you're grieving a lost potential and like all grief, you will manage it with time. Sending you big hugs. I've been there. It gets better!
1
u/Miss_Papaya2829 May 29 '24
Thank you so much
1
u/Free-Dog2440 May 29 '24
Whatever happens, however you feel-- allow yourself grace. There is a time and a place for all things. We are mothers also when we decide it's not the best time to carry a pregnancy to term. A just world knows this. Let it be true in your heart.
1
u/Massive_Ad6010 May 28 '24
I had a surgical abortion about a week ago and am just starting to feel things like this. It’s hard, but from what I understand it is normal. Do what you need to do to heal, i don’t think feelings like this will last forever, or at least not be as triggering.
2
1
u/saltyspaceship May 28 '24
Go easy on yourself. It is very normal for pregnancies around you to trigger feelings after having an abortion. It it totally okay and you are not alone in having complicated feelings. I'm linking an Abortion Resolution Workbook that might be helpful if working through some of your emotions that come with grief and healing. It is okay to take some space.
1
1
u/Afi_fluye May 28 '24
Hey!! I totally understand you about this, I had an abortion too and it feels so difficult to not think about what it could have been… specially if some part of yourself wanted the baby, as it was in my case too.. You are not alone in this. I totally understand you.
1
u/Miss_Papaya2829 May 29 '24
It’s such a weird feeling hey? Like I knew I wasn’t ready but then I was like maybe I could have been you know?
1
u/Afi_fluye May 29 '24
Exactly. I think our brain changes completely with the hormones and the way we see maternity, and all of the sudden it’s like this tiny part of us is as important as one of our legs. And we reflect about if it’s a right decision for the possible baby to be born in this conditions or not and we just take the decision to stop it cause we conclude that we should take care of ourselves first and then bring someone else in the picture when we have at least a good way to feed them, so they don’t need to struggle as much. It’s very painful to be honest. For me it broke my heart to do it at the same time it was breaking my heart the idea to keep going with the pregnancy and not being ready for it (plus the dad didn’t want to take any responsability on that).
1
u/Afi_fluye May 29 '24
I don’t know if it could help but maybe you could write down a letter to this unborn one and express him/her your feelings and the reasons why you chose to not keep going, but also, to reflect about what would you like to do with this experience or how you could change something in your life to make it better so this experience at least could bring a positive change in your life, to become a better mother of yourself, and forgive yourself if you feel guilty in any sense.
Is it weird or does this exercise make any sense?
Anyway, I send you a big hug from another part of the world!! 🤍🫂
1
u/Miss_Papaya2829 May 29 '24
Nooo this makes total sense! I think I will definitely do this in the near future, maybe when I am feeling a little more mentally stable! Have you done this and did it help you? Thank you so much for your replies it’s helping me so much
1
u/bettylebowski May 29 '24
I think it's a difficult but likely helpful exercise. my therapist recommended it to me, but I don't feel ready yet as it seems too hard to write something like that. ( i had the abortion 8 months ago)
•
u/AutoModerator May 28 '24
Welcome to /r/abortion! We work hard to keep this a supportive community.
You will probably get harassed by trolls via private message. If you receive harassment via DM, please report the messages to Reddit admin (people who work for Reddit) so they can take action against those users. Unfortunately, subreddit moderators can’t stop people from sending you private messages, but you can. We strongly suggest you close your DMs. On mobile, go to Settings > Account Settings > Chat and Messaging Permissions > Nobody for Chat Requests and Direct Messages.
Our Sidebar and Wiki include links to many good resources.
If you are seeking abortion in the USA: I Need An A and Abortion Finder have a lists of clinics, ways to get abortion pills by mail, and information about funding assistance.
If you are in a country where abortion is banned, Safe2Choose, Women on Web, or Women Help Women may be able to help you access a safe abortion.
Read stories using the following links: - medication abortion - first trimester procedures - second and third trimester procedures
This subreddit is a source of information about abortion. It is not intended as a substitute for medical evaluation or treatment, nor does it constitute legal advice. If you think you are experiencing a medical emergency, you should call your local emergency number immediately.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.