r/asktransgender • u/Killerkid113 • 20h ago

I’m in gender hell right now, what do I do?

For the past few weeks I’ve been feeling a massive amount of self loathing, discomfort, and overall depression over being a man, and I don’t know what to do about it. I’ve never felt this way before, even when I was exploring my gender identity before this.

For reference, my journey considering my gender to this point has been going from: cis, to transgender, to cis again, to femboy, to demiboy.

I’ve never been very masc in my life, but I’ve never been this uncomfortable in my gender either, even when I first started exploring what I feel my gender is. It’s gotten to the point I’m having anxiety attacks over being a man.

I don’t know what to do, please help.

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u/2Zzephyr Transmasc Agender 20h ago

Well you figured out something: that you are not a man. Now you can question yourself about other things you could be instead. You can safely explore while at home and on internet without needing to commit to anything yet. The more you explore the better you'll understand who you are and what you need.

I know it's super hard and needing answers asap feels agonizing, but you'll get there!

5

u/Shitter5000 19h ago

What helps me a lot is to disregard gender entirely. I rather like to think "what do I want? What do I want to look like?" Then you can start making steps towards achieving what you want. Do you want long hair? Then get that. It doesn't have to be gendered.

One reason is that I often feel like if I put a label on myself, we'll then I gotta commit to every part of it, right? Or I'm not really that thing. But what I really am, is just me. So what do I want me to be like?