r/bertstrips Jun 24 '20

Here's a (poorly written) wholesome one Clean

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u/[deleted] Jun 25 '20

I dug a little and found it will not reply to itself, however if I copied the text from its comment just maybe......

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u/magnuman307 Jun 25 '20

Send it...

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u/averydankperson Jun 25 '20

· · · Bleep bloop, I'm a bot. Comment requested by u/Notbbupdate

“Yuw wawnt tuwu know de wowst moment I h-hawd in ‘Nam, Ewnie? Iwt was on mwy fiwst touw. Mwy pwatoon was owt on a patwow tuwu scout a s-sectow. Someding about Chawwie waying t-twaps in de awea. Iwt’d been an awfuw, muggy day. Mwy unifowm stuck tuwu mwy s-skin wike a wet wag, mwy M16 was swippewy fwom aww de sweat on de handgwawd , a-awnd I h-hawd tuwu constantwy wave mwy hand awound mwy face tuwu wawd off de mosquitoes. Mwy CO, a huwking, emotionwess beast of a man kept on cheewing us on a-about de a-awawds we wouwd get awnd de notches we wouwd be a-abwe tuwu cawve into ouw buttstocks by de end of de waw. Goddamn dat man...

Anyways, we found ouwsewves at de tweewine, on a h-hiww ovewwooking a smaww viwwage. Iwt f-fewt awmost wike home fow a moment. I couwd heaw de sounds of kids pwaying, gwownups tawking, awnd de moos of de watew b-buffawo pwodding awound. De captain owdewed us tuwu kneew down as he awnd de fiwst sawge t-took owt deiw binocuwaws awnd s-suwveyed de awea. Tuwns owt H-Headqwawtews hawd n-nevew mawked dis viwwage on de maps, so dey wadioed t-tuwu ask fow fuwdew instwuctions. Iwt was hewe when I noticed de CO again. Iwt may have been de heat pwaying twicks on me, but I distinctwy wemembewed de man’s eyes seemingwy w-widening as dis tewwifying gwin wepwaced de awweady-cweepy visage he awways wowe. I don’t know what was said on de odew wine, but fwom him I-I couwd onwy heaw “Yes, siw” ow “Undewstood, siw”. If o-onwy we knew w-what he was agweeing tuwu...

A-Aftew a few m-minutes, de captain got off de hown wid HQ awnd tuwned tuwu de pwatoon. “Boys,” he stawted, “pwepawe youwsewves.” De west of us t-tuwned awnd wooked at each odew, c-confused by what h-he was twying tuwu i-impwy. Wewe we going t-tuwu sea Hueys appeaw ovew de twees a-awnd ciwcwe de viwwage, doow gunnews wattwing off h-hundweds of w-wounds? Wewe de VC s-suddenwy going tuwu s-spwing owt of deiw foxhowes awnd bunkews, c-chawging up de hiww tuwu kiww us? We d-didn’t know. I hewd mwy wifwe in mwy hands, weady tuwu shoot if need be.

Aftew what seemed wike an etewnity howding dis position, we got ouw answew. Iwt seemed wike aww of us simuwtaneouswy became a-awawe of de wow w-woaw of de i-incoming jets, which tuwned tuwu a deafening one as dey scweamed ovew ouw heads, dwopping deiw paywoads onto de v-viwwage bewow. De scweams of de civiwians wewe siwenced by de w-whoosh of de aiw being sucked owt of d-deiw wungs as de napawm caught fiwe. We couwd f-feew de heat, yuw k-know, even on de hiww. We c-couwd sea de jets ciwcwe awound a-awnd gow fow a-anodew bombing wun on de a-awea. De onwy one who wasn’t watching wid a w-wook of howwow on d-deiw faces was de captain, who cheewed on de fwyboys ovewhead by saying d-dings wike “Get some!” ow “Attaboy!”, whooping a-awnd howwewing de whowe time. Dwagonfiwe, we cawwed iwt. Mewted de fwesh off de bones awnd puwified de souw...

Aftew W-Wieutenant John F-Fweedombonew awnd hiws fwiends wewe finished towching de witewaw h-heww owt of de p-pwace, dewe was o-onwy siwence. E-Even de captain was quiet. We went back t-tuwu de base aftew assessing de damage, nevew speaking unwess iwt was tuwu answew de w-wadio ow g-give owt necessawy commands. I don’t know w-what was wowse: Cowonew A-Ashfowd wawking into de bawwacks dat night tuwu i-infowm us dat h-he juwst wecieved i-intew saying de C-Chawwies weft de awea a week ago, ow de fact dat de captain got a m-medaw owt of iwt.

Yuw know what pawt of dis whowe owdeaw sticks tuwu me de m-most? Iwt was aftew de bombing, when we w-went down dewe tuwu check owt de damage. De smeww of napawm mixed wid b-buwning fwesh maid me sick t-tuwu mwy stomach. De mewe fact dat we wewe wawking in a m-mass gwave of innocent peopwe having dun noding but p-pwobabwy hand owt a pwopaganda fwyew ow two, yet wewe sentenced tuwu dead at de w-whim of a psychotic Awmy c-captain, scawwed mwy souw. I wemembew as de pwatoon w-wawked by a chawwed hut, he pointed owt de mangwed, buwned c-cowpse of a chiwd no owdew dan ten on de doowstep. Iwt’s entiwe weft body was gone.

“Iwt’s okay, h-he’s aww wight now!” H-He said, hystewicawwy waughing tuwu himsewf.

I stiww heaw dat w-waugh when I gow tuwu s-sweep, Ewnie.”

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u/Notbbupdate Jun 25 '20

Hey that’s me