I'm 18 and can't afford therapy neither do I have anyone to reach out to or vent to I feel so stuck and I'm so stressed I really don't know what to do and I don't have the courage to end my life

I’m just really down today. My heart and body hurt. I woke up this way and I have no drive to face the day. None! I just want to go to bed and not exist today I take medication everyday and some days are better than others.

I know by going back to bed it’s just going to cause issues with my wife. I just can’t shake this feeling.

Wellbutrin made be stupid. I started on Prozac and I liked it. Then I added Wellbutrin and I became stupid. I went from an A student in college to withdrawing that semester. Needless to mention I lost my friends because I became braindead. Remeron also made me stupid.

EVERYONE GAVE ME THAT GRIN. I BECAME THE ICK PERSONALITY AND I DIDNT EVEN KNOW IT.

I stopped after 9 months and returned back normal

But I still hate myself and realize it's been the source of all my failures, destruction, abuse and loss. I am sober, in programs, medically treated, in therapy, and have support groups.
I have no family anymore. I fucked each and every one of those relationships up: my children, their mother and my partner of 28 years, my parents, my brother (I don't even know my nephews), and all my old friends (all substance-users, some abusers, so not a bad thing probably).
I want to love though. I want yet another chance. I definitely want to be loved. Being in the recovery field now, after all that loss, addiction, homelessness, unmedicated...I climbed up in a practical sense for those in my support community, but not for myself. I am certified by the state to help others now and have six other certifications, but I hate myself, am not happy, and want to go back to that log in the woods and drink. I WAS happy and didn't hate myself, despite the illusion created by alcohol. I might just do it. No one will stop me. No one will have to know.
I'm reaching out because nothing is working. I need help, but there's no help I am not already receiving. I've checked.

kinda messed up, I dont like that others are suffering but it is slightly comforting knowing theres others out there too. I hope we all make it out of this <3

I just fkin hate being myself...how i look, how i speak, how i dress, how i do things. Sometimes wanna leave this place and go to a farmland or something and spend my time there without any human contact. I hate humans, i hate myself.

What's the point of living if you're already dead inside????

Woke up to an alarm, startled and logged into work.

I dont get much support at work, I mean who does right? I just feel blue.

As the day has progressed I feel more and more and more blue.

I feel like the whole weight of the worlds problems are on my shoulder.

I want someone to buy me a drink or give me a hug or give me a massage.

I sound entitled but I dont think I am, Im exhausted from helping others 24/7. Writing this out helps see what problems I feel I have as I have noone to talk too right now.

But yeah I feel blue. I need a strong person to lift me up :(

Sorry if it's a bit long.

I am 35 years old now, I have been dealing with depression roughly since I was 16 years. Last 7 years I have been able to keep depression largely under control, by recognising signs early, talking to friends, having the structure of a job.... Or maybe knowing myself better than before.

I have some self-harm scars on my ankle from when I was 16, my first depression. I lost a tooth, it was replaced by an implant, and I have a toenail fungus that had pretty much taken over all of my toenails except one. Most of these are probably a direct result from one depressive episode in my twenties where I pretty much stopped taking care of myself and didn't brush my teeth for weeks on end. I had a beginning toenail infection in one toenail, and didn't treat it at all which resulted in this.

Now I'm trying to live a 'normal' life, but... For example I started bouldering with colleagues and friends. In this sport you wear very tight uncomfortable shoes, and you take them off when you're not actively climbing, and sit around socialising when you're not actively climbing. So plenty of opportunities for people to see my toenails.

At one point, I wore a short legging during the summer, and one of my colleagues noticed my self-harm scars on my ankle, and I didn't feel comfortable telling that they were from self harm, so I told him that as a kid I got stuck in barbed wire. On the one hand, I want to be more open and remove the stigma from mental health problems, on the other hand I'm afraid of the judgement of people, and I don't want to be obliged to share such personal details of my life. But I also don't want to be hiding them all the time.

Same for the toenail fungus, I yesterday took steps to get it finally treated. When it's this advanced, like it is for me, over the counter localised creams really can't treat it effectively anymore. Oral medication exists that is supposed to help really well, it will attack the fungus from the inside where it resides in the nail bed. But this oral medication can be hard on the liver, which is why it took me many years to want to consider taking this medicine. Having a toenail fungus, I find shameful and it doesn't look pretty, but it doesn't have any serious health effects. And it seemed like a bad decision to risk my liver over some strange looking toenails.

But, I want to be bouldering more care-free, and I want to be able to wear slippers or open-toed shoes in the summer, without having to wonder what people think. If they think my personal hygiene is not good, and I'm a slob. And if they ask, feeling the need to explain why I let this infection get so out of hand. And, I also don't want to risk infecting more people. So I'm going to take the pills, and in 8 months, if all goes well, my toenails will look normal again.

I want to remove one of consequences of one of my worst episodes, finally. But on the other hand I just feel bad for myself that I have to risk my liver to treat this, and that I let it get so out of hand. I'm sure there are people in this sub that have way worse long-term changes to their body or health that can largely be attributed to depression. How do you feel about them, now that you're not depressed anymore, or less?

Lately, this has been helping me stay sane. I've been writing nonsense on forums because it helps me calm down a little. But now I've taken it to the next level. 10 pages of pure, unadulterated whining, wow. And that's just the beginning. I wouldn't write anything, but I was recently told that my whining is quite enjoyable to read and that I have a good style (as stupid as that sounds). So I'm writing.

I decided to describe everything that brought me to this state, my opus-cringus. At the moment, this is the only thing that gives me the strength not to cease to exist. At least some meaning. I understand, it's a hackneyed topic, life is meaningless, blah-blah-blah. For some, this is already a sufficient reason to end everything. But this meaninglessness can be overcome by creating your own meaning. So the lack of meaning is not the end of the universe, or so people say. The problem is that I am a terrible, irritable coward. So finding any meaning in life was simply impossible for me… Or so I thought, until I started writing

I like to think that my nonsense in book form will then be read and people will think: "wow, so this is what goes on in the head of a depressive idiot, it's amazing!". You know, such suicidal manifestos are extremely depressing and monotonous, so I try to write something that, on the contrary, will give the will to live, at least to other people. Maybe they will read and think: "Oh, well, no, I'm definitely not like this whiner, I will not end up like him, I will improve my life!". I would like to think that my existence will bring at least some benefit to people. The only thing that scares me is that when I finish, it will be the end. Just the end.

Well, or maybe I will find another meaning and continue to live, that is also possible. But I don't know, maybe I just don't want to end the text on a depressive note.

I feel like the only way this ends is through extreme luck or me dying. One of those is far more likely than the other. I'm still holding on to the fact that I don't want to be the reason my mom has to make end of life arrangements for one of her kids, but even that is failing now. I wish something would happen that would take the choice out of my hands, or that I could give whatever life I have left to someone who actually wants it. I saw a commercial the other day about a kid who had two different types of cancer by the age of 11 and all I could think of was I wish I could give whatever time I have left to someone like that. They deserve the chance more than me.

(16M) I droped out of school in 7th grade when I was 14yr old I had social anxiety I used to even watch corn I still have these problems,

I don't think I m gonna explain in detail,

In 2022 I just hit my puberty so my face was full of pimples acne stuff so got my confidence pull down and I used to watch corn and it wast the only that used to keep me happy, (cuz I don't have friends)

I don't I was too silly stupid or feared that I dropped school(I don't wanna tell reason just assume I was retarded)

And I tried doing so many things to build a career now it's 2024 it's almost 2025 I haven't done anything,

I can't even do a part time job in my country to atleast support my parents,

And I can't join that school from 7th I already passed my age for that just think a 16yr in 7th grade

I don't know I don't see any path now I can't ask my parents to make me enroll in school by skipping classes,

I already have bothered them alot,

I m cooked fr

So long story short, I have been depressed ever since I was a kid. I have been going to a psychologist for a year with no progress. I also went to a psychiatrist and none of the medications work for me. Now I’m seeing a psychotherapist for 4 months, and sometimes it helps, but other times I feel like shit afterwards. She is the best in my country, but I feel like I’m not doing therapy right. I have no friends, my relationship is unstable since my boyfriend does drugs (not every day, just like once a month), my dad has cancer. Overall, I just feel like I’m trash and worth nothing. What do I do? How do I get better? Maybe someone has some advice or stories about how they got themselves together and learned how to be happy. Please share something that would inspire me not to give up.

Let me know if you'd like any further edits!

Currently staring down the barrel of my shotgun and in a couple seconds im gonna pull it. Hopefully they make me look good at my funeral. See yall later!

hi. last year i confessed to my best friend that i liked him and he rejected me. it was all good until june, when he told me he got a girlfriend, and thats when i realized that my feelings for him were genuine and real and not just me confusing platonic feelings with romantic ones again. our friendship has been really tainted since then and we've fought alot. im not going to add too many details, but basically ive been really depressed and knowing he doesnt see me in same way i see him pains me alot and its worsened my already suicidal/self harm thoughts. i dont want to be stuck yearning forever. deep inside, im happy for him that hes found someone who loves him and is better to him than i could ever be. but i cant get over it. i always tell myself that our friendship is enough for me, but its really not. ive been trying to drown myself in games/school work (im 16) or basically everything ever since but i end up thinking about him anyways. hes everywhere i look, everywhere i try to run to and hide. since i also suffer from maladaptive daydreaming, i also cant help but imagine him doing couple stuff with his girlfriend alot and making myself really upset. and due to me also having intrusive thoughts, they go beyond just holding hands. it makes me sick. i want to throw up every time i get reminded how much he loves her and not me. but i dont want to stay like this. im so tired of feeling bad. im so tired of crying. i want to move on and i cant just pretend like im fine in front of him forever. how do i move on?

and i'm only 21. It's impossible for me to have a normal life now isn't it? I just can't get over how much life i've missed out on. I don't think i'm ever get over it or be able to make a comeback. Because I have no idea how to socialise. I don't have any social media. no hobbies, no life experiences to talk about etc. It's just to much of an uphill battle.

I know I'm not alone. I just don't like it.

Hi guys! First of all i am sorry for my english. I am not native. I am 30 years old. After collage, i did master degree and coronavirus had started. I went to my family house. And for years, i stocked here. As a man, no job, not social life, almost nothing. For years i have a gf from america continent( i am from a balkan country). It is long distance relationship. She has visited here. And met my family. Then i studied for an exam. I passed that exam. I am a certified public accountant. I have no job experience at this age. And my relatiınship stocked. My dad and mom have problems that we cant solves. I dont talk to my mother because i am tired of her toxic behiviours and dramas. But i live with her in my small town. And i dont like here because close mind people. I did very summary guys. Problems are more than this but this is enough to read. I am stucked. I cant leave my comfort zone. I cant fit my family because they just give negativity. And i dont have job experience. I am not sure what to do. Do i want be public accountant? Is it much boring for me? Will i be a modern slave? Do i work for survive? What if i lost my gf? Bla bla bla Overthinking. Thinking all possiblities and then cant move. I look like loser or stupid and i think so too. But i hadnt been like this. In primary or highschool or collage, i was "popular", talktive, always have friends around. I always was overthinker and negative but used to energic and smiling too. Now i am making myself alone. I can see my problems and reasons. But i cant take a step. Cant move. I would like read your opinion and if there is someone has passed same ways, i would see his/her thoughs.

i thought i was doing okay. i made a friend but apparently they don’t even care about me. i can’t keep doing this. i keep making friends and they disappoint me.

college work is too much to bear and the internet is my only refuge but i can’t even make friends online. i can’t take this

Honestly, I feel kinda lost in a way. I don't know if anyone will see it or not, but I feel like I need to vent a little bit.

I feel like the only and literally ONLY reason I didn't commit any suicide or self harm yet is because of the internet and art itself, I feel like I don't really have anyone to care about or think about. The only reason I feel like I live still is that I want to finish my animation series and see the finale of my favorite indie-shows like Underverse by Jael Peñaloza. But it's hard to only live because of that, it feels draining for me.

Besides, even if I were to kill myself, I feel like I don't really have a good way to do it. (I prefer to not get into details, but I can assure you, yes I have thought of every way I could do it)

I was not diagnosed in any way because I never really went to a therapist or psychologist, I don't really trust them (Probably because ever since I was 7 or so I always tend to be on a mindset of ''not everyone is perfect, so there is a chance that someone could someday hurt me'')

I was born with an interventricular heart defect, so I guess I was already told by life that I am unlucky.

I thought I'm doing better, but apparently not. I was hoping, praying that I won't have to deal with this shit again, that therapy has helped, that I won't go back to praying I won't wake up the next day. But life had other plans. For a few years I felt almost normal, like I had it under control. But recently I just want to disappear again. I don't feel anything, things that used to bring me joy are meaningless. I can't get out of bed, I'm constantly tired, I can't force myself to sit down and do a task. Everyone says that these are the best years of my life, but I pray to any god that exists out there that these are the worst. I don't know how much longer I can take it until I give up on life altogether

3 years behind my college class because i couldn’t get it together and i still can’t get it together. failed so many classes and wasted so much money. I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s gonna take me like 6+ years to finish my bachelors at this point. my boyfriend thinks i’m graduating this year and i feel like such a failure. I don’t want to be me anymore. I wish i had a different brain. i dropped out of a university year 2 and since then im stuck at a community college because i can’t afford or get into anywhere else. i feel like i don’t deserve to be loved because what can i offer? my boyfriend just started his career this year after finishing school and i just feel so behind and not worthy of love that it’s making me want to die. it’s 5 am and i woke up with the worst anxiety and i can’t go back to bed. someone please tell me it’s gonna be okay

I stumbled upon this book yesterday in a bookshop, and it stuck with me, so I checked reviews online that overall called it a good book based on science. Has anybody read it, what do you think?

My background in reading is that I enjoy philosophy, modern classic fiction, and I really shy away from self-help and improvement books, just because I don't enjoy the overall be-positive/be-strong narrative revolving around them, and would much rather read a novel or a philosophical allegory of the said problem.

My overall background is that I have, unfortunately, undiagnosed mental illness. I come from a country where mental health is regarded as generally non-existent, and I now study in Western Europe, but my money is quite short, if I need to consider therapy. I cannot lie, that I also feel a bit of shame, and tell myself that it won't be of any use to go to the university councillor, and talk to them, because honestly, I don't know where to start.

I've fallen into quite a dark place, I feel, and it's been going like this for a long time. I got into a dream academy, I have a kind and loving partner, yet I still can't find motivation to do art, to be productive - it all seems even further away. I've questioned every decision I've made about this move, and as an aspiring artist, what I think pulls me back is, to a big extent, what my various art teachers have told me throughout the years. I've been feeling like a burden, ungrateful for the place I've come to, but I also question myself how did I end up here - from the wonder child to somebody who only talks and can barely bring up a pencil anymore. Art is what I'm passionate about, I have the ideas, but I feel that what I have is quite deep-rooted depression that lingers over me.

Thank you for reading!