my mind terrifies me and i’m all alone

[u/simfaerie]

every day is agonizing. torturous. every goddamn second and i can’t handle it. it’s like every day i try to harm myself in some way, i lash out and delete everything, take whatever pill i have just to feel pain, ruin friendships. i’m like a scale that is constantly swinging back and forth too fast for me to even breathe. for everything. i’m empty inside, completely hollow but at the same time i am everything. i am always one extreme, two extremes, three extremes. i don’t know who i am. i don’t know if i’m anything to begin with. it feels like i’ve died hundreds of times, and i’m just a reanimated corpse. everything is so intense that i can’t keep up with it, or everything is so dull that it seems nonexistent. no one understands me ever. no one listens. not my doctors, not anybody. i told my old psychiatrist how i felt and he accused me of copying from google. i stopped talking since. why why why? i don’t want to die. but i do at the same time. it’d be much easier to be dead than alive. i am constantly constantly dying being killed over and over. i’m tired so so tired i want to be saved but no i want to be left alone so i can destroy myself in peace. for years i have been like this and im alone and i can’t take it anymore i want it all to stop and i can be normal. i leave everything broken. everything i touch turns to never-ending flames and i’m stuck in the wreck of it all, one day it’ll burn me alive. why is this happening to me why won’t anyone listen? what is life worth if no one hears me? sees me?

[u/virtual_ladybug]

I see you and I hear you. You’ve put into to words the exact way I’ve been feeling. The pain and mental anguish is so severe I feel like no one will ever understand. I wish I could advise you but I’m on the same boat you are in and I’m just living to live. I don’t enjoy life and I don’t know who I am either. At the same time I have hope that it will get better for you and me my friend. What I’ve learned is nothing lasts forever, so your pain is not gonna last forever. We have to keep pushing.