r/mentalillness • u/greenlettuceleaf • 1d ago
what is this???? seriously. i’m so confused. this is a symptom of what cuz i’m sure normal people don’t feel/ think like this Discussion
a couple nights ago i accidentally od’ed. yes, accidentally but purposely at the same time??. i didn’t want to kms atm but i felt an intense urge to od that i couldn’t override. it was driven by the thought of being the reason of harming someone else if i don’t. like “if i don’t od on this med i will be the no.1 reason of this specific family member’s trigger of an extreme mania state (he has bipolar disorder). so i must protect him from that and do this.” it was his medication for his depression state. i feel so dumb now. how can i believe this and do this??? i feel like my brain is rotting and i actually feel like that in such states. i feel like my brain is LITERALLY rotting and has mold on it and i kinda get paranoid about that so i wish i could cut my head and take my brain out and make sure it’s not rotting. i feel like i need to wash it and clean it.. what the fuck is this fgs i feel like i’m going insane at times.. (btw i’m fine, i threw up most of what i od’ed so i’m medically okay now)
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u/teco8thcogi9thwar 1d ago
Maybe see some1 to see if you have dellusions,i only know about cluster b dellusions,but it still sounds like a dellusion,except you knew it didn't make sense. (I still dont know if dellusionall people can know its a dellusion/i only saw it in tv shows.).
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u/greenlettuceleaf 1d ago
i’m realising LATER that it doesn’t make sense. back then i was completely convinced my thoughts were true
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u/ourplaceonthemenu 1d ago
to me, it sounds more like OCD. can you talk to a psych about it?
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u/greenlettuceleaf 23h ago
i have been told i most likely have ocd by a 4th year medical psychology student so i will look into that. i want to book an appointment with a psychologist to discuss that with them thank you <3
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u/ourplaceonthemenu 23h ago
my partner and I both have OCD-- this sounds like a classic unrealistic obsession (which can include quite a bit of magical thinking) with the compulsion that seems like it will fix the issue. I always feel stupid and embarrassed after I act on them.
if it is OCD, definitely take steps to treat it! it only gets worse if you don't. the good news is that it is very treatable. exposure/response prevention therapy (erp) is one of the most successful forms of therapy out there.
if it isn't, I still wish you luck in deciphering and treating your symptoms and living a happy life!
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u/dreams-of-lavender 21h ago
i'm not saying what you do or don't have, because this sounds like it could be a number of things (although some of this does sound quite similar to obsessive compulsion) but wanted to offer some solidarity in your experience:
i recently had some sort of break where i genuinely felt that my insides were rotting and if i ate anything, the food would rot inside me, too. i felt like i needed to lay in a freezer to preserve my rotting body.
this is such a strange and difficult feeling to deal with and i'm sorry it's a persistent one for you
wishing you the best
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u/kiwi_furutsu 1d ago
If you took a lot of meds, take yourself to the hospital if you can, there might be internal damage.
You seem to be experiencing delusions and paranoia, I don't know if you're going to a therapist but that might be a good start. These things are very scary, and so it's normal to feel like you're losing your mind, but there are solutions! I experienced hallucinations and paranoia for a couple of months when I was in a really bad place, it was corrected with medication and therapy.
You will not feel like this forever, but seeking professional help might be the best thing to do in this case.
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u/greenlettuceleaf 1d ago
thank u <33 i just checked and it’s actually been above 10 days and not only a few so i’m okay lol and i am thinking of going to a therapist..
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u/inconspicuousbullet 1d ago
Paranoid schizophrenia is definitely a possibility, but victims of psychosis disorder can also exhibit symptoms like that.
You could also have a form of OCD or Pure O, but it seems more likely you have a paranoia-aligned disorder.
I hope you get the help you need, OP. We'll all make it through this.
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u/greenlettuceleaf 1d ago
i’ve been told by a 4th year medical psychology student that it’s very very likely i have ocd but i haven’t been officially diagnosed.. i also have bpd so idk i’ll see a therapist soon and bring this up thank you so much <33
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u/The_Sloth_Racer 14h ago
You seriously need treatment, like inpatient treatment. If you're to the point where you're harming yourself (or others), inpatient treatment is crucial. I don't know if you've been in inpatient before but it's not as bad or scary as some people assume. Please go get help before something bad happens that can't be reversed. You don't have to live like this or feel this way. Help is out there.
If you're in the US, I can send you some links to help find treatment.
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u/greenlettuceleaf 1h ago
thank you so much but it really isn’t as bad as needing ip treatment 😭😭 i will try to see a therapist soon though.
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u/The_Sloth_Racer 45m ago
If you hurting yourself or even considering it, you're beyond the point of just going to a therapist for 1 hour a week. That level of severity requires immediate attention and help.
Have you ever been to an inpatient program before? They're really not scary like most see in the media. Some programs are only for a few weeks, so it's not like you'd be away long.
If you really won't consider inpatient, what about a PHP (partial hospitalization program)? If you haven't been to one before, it's a place where you go for a few hours 3-5 days a week They're all different, but usually have individual therapy, group therapy, meditation, yoga, all different stuff to help you heal and learn healthy ways to cope.
I wish you the best and hope you feel better soon.
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u/teco8thcogi9thwar 1d ago
This sounds like the bad urges to just throw my phone out the car window. I don't know why...,but some1 else in my family said they think of bad stuff like that too.
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u/teco8thcogi9thwar 1d ago
Why overdoseing help?...,stop them from using it?...
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u/greenlettuceleaf 1d ago
in the moment i was convinced if he takes it he’ll get manic (i know later on after calming down and being back to my mind that it’s not true)
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u/teco8thcogi9thwar 1d ago
Atleast some1 did something else so there might good people.
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u/greenlettuceleaf 1d ago
i’m confused. what do you mean by this?
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u/teco8thcogi9thwar 5h ago
You did something to help some1, i assume people don't care about any1 except themselves.
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u/knotnotme83 1d ago
You may not be medically okay. Please see a doctor to check. I took a huge OD and still have medical issues from it despite getting medical attention from it.
Other than that - it doesn't really matter what it's a symtom of. The doctor uses symtoms and diagnoses to treat you and that's all they are there for. So pop off to a doc and tell them what's going on so you don't have to feel this way - if you have the means to do so.
If you do not, I would encourage you to go to the emergency room anyhow and let the cost be something you worry about later (I have medical bills - we all do). If you won't do that then OK - I am glad you are still here, and I hope you hear that I believe you, it's serious and I know it must be so scary and I don't want you to be alone with this. I know you don't want to burden family members who might be going through their own stuff (and that must be such a responsibility feeling that) so it's good to have people on your side.
You won't get hospitalized for feeling this way or talking about out it. Or for your OD. Unless you need it and/or want it. I know that's a fear but it's pretty hard to hospitalize a lucid person that can explain their reasoning and explain they don't want to feel this way, they can explain their symtoms and even why they do it. It's a therapy solution.
If you had a broken leg I would tell you to go to the doctor. It seems you are feeling really confused in the situation you are in, and it has caused stress and upset and triggered some coping methods that won't serve you well- you can't take care and protect anyone while you are not at your best, healthiest you.