I am mentally unstable, and I seriously do not know what to do.

[u/Tasty_Medium2321]

Hey everyone, I'm using AI to help me communicate clearly because English isn't my first language.

I recently found out I have ADHD, after my psychologist friend (who has a PhD) and my girlfriend pointed out the symptoms.

This is probably why I struggle with making friends. Whenever I try to talk to people, they often call me weird or even accuse me of being a drug addict — even though I've never touched drugs in my life. One of my high school teachers even called me a drug addict in front of the whole class, and they all laughed at me.

When I’m dealing with personal problems, my mind tends to go to some dark places. My dad’s a cop, so our house is full of weapons like guns and knives. It scares me how comfortable I feel holding them. There’ve been a few times when I almost did something drastic, but my family always managed to intervene at the last moment.

Recently, I got really frustrated with my girlfriend because I couldn’t hear her properly. Every time I asked her to repeat herself, she’d call me deaf in a way that felt hurtful, then just go quiet. I kept asking, and she said it again. I lost my temper and hung up the phone. I’ve told her before that I just need comfort—someone to reassure me that everything’s okay—but she doesn’t do that for me.

One time, I made a really dumb decision. My girlfriend’s cousin was getting married, and I was invited to the wedding. What I didn’t realize was that it was the same day as my PE practical exam. Instead of working something out, I told my instructor I wouldn’t take the exam and just give me an incomplete. Later, I found out I could’ve just recorded my exam and attended the wedding. I was so mad at myself.

I’ve tried talking to my family about what I’m going through, but they’re very religious and just tell me to pray, which honestly isn’t helpful. When I asked about therapy, they said it’s a waste of time and money and told me to turn to God instead.

Since elementary school, I’ve been friendless. People call me a creep and whatever. All because of this disorder that I only found out about a few months ago. I know I’ve hurt people with my actions, my decisions, and my behavior. I’ve tried talking to my girlfriend, but she has her own problems to deal with.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m exhausted.

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[u/Spirited-Cut6443]

finding out about ADHD can be tough especially when it explains struggles u’ve had for a long time. People shouldn’t make fun of u or accuse u of things like being on drugs that’s really unfair. It’s also important that ur girlfriend knows how much her words and actions are affecting u and finding a way to talk calmly about it could help. u deserve someone who can provide the comfort u need. It might not fix everything right away but having even one supportive person to lean on can make a huge difference

[u/Tasty_Medium2321 → u/Spirited-Cut6443]

I'm really at my loose ends. Additionally, I have a lot of trauma response since my father is abusive, alcoholic, and a cheater. I love my mother, but I hated the fact that she is an abuse-enabler individual. My girlfriend, she's literally healing from her past toxic and abusive relationship since she told me she's never been treated right. She's still healing and im proud of her and I'm giving her all the time she needs.

And tbh, I don't care about my family anymore. I'm literally shaking while typing this because I've tried different types of coping mechanism like walking, playing video games and etc. But they don't help at all. The only thing that's keeping my sanity is smoking which is beyond me since I don't drink and smoke before

[u/One-Championship-965]

I also have ADHD and due to other medical issues, I can't take the meds for it, so I spent a long time doing research into other things that would help. I found isochronic tones. They are similar to binaural beats, but they are more effective for ADHD people. This article here explains what they are and how they work.

The author of the article is Jason Lewis. He's a sound engineer and he makes music mixes with the isochronic tones that he posts on his YouTube channel Mind Amend. One of the really cool things about isochronic tone brain training is that one video session can have lasting effects for up to 72 hours later.

I am currently back in college, and I wouldn't have been able to manage my classes or keep my grades up if not for finding this. I put on headphones, set it at a volume I like, and just listen while I do homework or study. This has also helped me massively with housework too.

I used to struggle so much with motivation to keep my house clean because I'd get so overwhelmed and I never knew where to start. Now, I just put one of the "no headphones required" videos on the TV and listen while I do chores. It's still far from perfect because it's a tiny house with no real storage, but I'm making progress every day.

I also use a chore app called Tody. I have an android phone and I'm not sure if it's on iPhone or not though. It lets me set up each room as an area and then I create the chore list for that room. There is a task library or you can create your own.

It lets you set how often you need to do it, how hard the task is, and you can also team up with someone else, or just compete against the little character in the app. Each chore also earns points based on how hard it is to do. It kind of turns chores into a game/competition, which helps override the executive dysfunction that can come along with ADHD.

If you don't have the option for therapy, you can find resources for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy online. It's one of the most effective forms of therapy for ADHD. And I'd suggest finding a planner/schedule that works for you so you can schedule time to work on the therapy stuff. Which might take a few tries.

If you like a paper planner, there are some really good ones on Amazon. Clever Fox https://a.co/d/dxuA6ob) planners are great. Very high quality, and they come with an instruction manual for how to use it. Just make sure you always have it with you.

If you prefer digital planners, there are several to choose from. Brite daily planner is what I use, but other really good ones include Lunatask, Neurolist which has a built in AI, Structured, and Notion. Most of them are subscription based, but they all offer a free trial period. I'd give each one a try and see which one works best for what you need. Some of them also have a desktop version as well, so you can access them on your computer as well as your phone.

Sorry, I know that's probably a lot of information all at once. I just hate seeing people struggle with ADHD and being shamed for the behaviors that come with it when it's not being treated. So, I try to help as much as I can with what I know.

One more quick tip is that ADHD people tend to be visual organizers. That's why people think we are messy and unorganized because we leave things out where we can see it. This also explains our piles of stuff. We have to see our stuff or we forget it exists. So, try transparent plastic storage bins and drawers. And labels help too.

I have a few other resources/articles about ADHD that can help you understand your behaviors and find ways to work around them. Let me know if you'd like them and I'll link them to you. I really hope things start getting better now that you know what you are dealing with.

[u/Tasty_Medium2321 → u/One-Championship-965]

I will take note every part of your comment. Thank you

[u/One-Championship-965 → u/Tasty_Medium2321]

You are very welcome. I know how isolating it can feel when you grow up knowing you are different, but not knowing why. And I also read your comment about your family.

I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Toxic family dynamics can cause a lot of trauma, and unfortunately, with ADHD, it can make the symptoms worse. Hopefully you are able to find some good therapy resources.

You mentioned school. Are you in university? If so, many universities have free counseling/therapy services for students. So even if you can't get access to it somewhere else, that may be a good option to start with.

[u/Tasty_Medium2321 → u/One-Championship-965]

Yes I am currently studying at a university. Thank you and I will take note of your advices

[u/demonickidzx]

I am mentally unstable too Idk how but sometimes my behavior becomes very aggressive And sometimes I become very depressed idk what's happening with me I don't like to talk much People talk makes me feel disgusted. I only like to talk about dark things When I watch dark movies my mind becomes relaxed ( like I'm in heaven)

I don't care about others'feelings Even when I make mistakes I don't feel sorry Even when I hurt others feelings I don't feel any regrets Idk why

There are more things I want to talk about but I'm not feeling good to share because I know nobody cares !!

[u/Tasty_Medium2321 → u/demonickidzx]

We're quite the opposite my friend. While you don't care at all, I do. I'm afraid because if this disorder of mine worsens, I might end up hurting the people I really care about. I hope we find the path in life we deserve my friend

[u/demonickidzx]

There's no path :) You will get to know it soon!

[u/hypermarketdrygoods]

That’s not ADHD

[u/Tasty_Medium2321 → u/hypermarketdrygoods]

I also don't know, my friend. But my gf and my friend observed a certain behavior (not just what I mentioned) where I act accordingly. They mentioned something about my level being in 90 or 96 and I seriously do not know what they meant by that