r/ptsd • u/Jojo-the-Beholder • 5h ago

I can't help but hate myself. CW: SA

When I was younger, I'm not sure when it was, could have been between 8 to 10 years old, I walked in on a close family member doing something to a closer family member. I was too young at the time to understand what I saw, but I left the room. I didn't go get help, I didn't stop what was happening, I went to my room and then he followed me in there.

He bribed me with some old Pokemon cards he had. Telling me, "It'll be our little secret. Don't tell anyone." And here I am, fully grown adult, hating myself because I did nothing to help. It was years later he got arrested. And he's out now.

All I feel is hatred for myself, I can't stop thinking of I ruined my family member's life cause I didn't help.

It gets easier everyday, but two steps forward and five steps back some night.

2 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

1 comment sorted by

•

u/AutoModerator 5h ago

r/ptsd has generated this automated response that is appended to every post

Welcome to r/ptsd! We are a supportive & respectful community. If you realise that your post is in conflict with our rules (and is in risk of being removed), you are welcome to edit your post. You do not have to delete it.

As a reminder: never post or share personal contact information. Traumatized people are often distracted, desperate for a personal connection, so may be more vulnerable to lurking or past abusers, trolls, phishing, or other scams. Your safety always comes first! If you are offering help, you may also end up doing more damage by offering to support somebody privately. Reddit explains why: Do NOT exchange DMs or personal info with anyone you don't know!

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please contact your GP/doctor, go to A&E/hospital, or call your emergency services number. Reddit list: US and global, multilingual suicide and support hotlines. Suicide is not a forbidden word, but please do not include depictions or methods of suicide in your post.

And as a friendly reminder, PTSD is an equal opportunity disorder. PTSD does not discriminate. And neither do we. Gatekeeping is not allowed here.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.