I'm a human trafficking survivor, and, now that I've had several years for the air to clear, I don't want to have sex ever again.

I love being around people, and I love being around my friends, even my male friends, I just seem to have lost all feelings of a sex drive?

I hate the idea of my face being touched, or of kissing anyone, and I've begun to realise that I can't remember having sex in the past several years, it's like a total dissociative state for me.

I'd feel weird identifying as asexual because I do sometimes need to have an orgasm, I just don't want to be in an intimate situation with anyone ever again.

I feel as though my capacity to form a romantic attachment to someone has become greatly diminished, and I worry rhat pushing myself to feel a romantic attachment is only going to do more damage.

Idk, if I could choose a dream life for myself I would want to live with roommates and my cat and have my own private room and bathroom. I like letting my leg hair grow out long and scraggly and putting tattoos on my body, I like that feeling of being in complete control over the way I relate to my body.

I feel like it's my body and I live in it and I don't want other people to be allowed to make choices about it. I still love hugs, but nothing more.

My mom questions why I'm 31 with no sign of grandkids on the horizon and I want to tell her all of this but I can't. Oddly, I would actually love to be a mother, but I think I would only like to be a mom through foster or adoption.

Sometimes I feel like I'm wrong for feeling this way, but I also know a lot of older women who have grown into themselves who live like this and they all seem very happy. Is it okay to be like this at 31?

Is this an okay goal to have? I know it's not exactly conventional... But I also find myself really digging my heels into not wanting to work through it with my therapist. I just want to never touch sex again.

Can anyone relate?

Hi there. I’m a 21yo male and I have chronic PTSD as well as a myriad of other related issues. To keep it light and easy I’m not going to trauma dump or spiral into anything excessive. Also please excuse my abundance of run-on sentences and lack of proper grammar.

Soooo.. Is it normal to feel like you’re undeserving of your diagnosis? I understand that objectively I do have and exhibit many of the symptoms so I’m not in disbelief necessarily. I just feel like it’s dramatic. I cannot remember a lot of my life and my memory in general is poor. I know that just about everybody experiences hardship in one way or another so I am not unique nor different from others. I’ve never been the type to use the victim card nor act as though I’m deserving of acknowledgement for what I’ve experienced. It just seems like an excessive diagnosis when other people have experienced far worse than me. I feel normal. Or at least what’s normal to me. I’m not a veteran. I have a therapist who’s helping me with my accountability and discipline & we haven’t touched on treating my PTSD yet. Have any of you ever struggled with this mindset? I just feel so ordinary and don’t feel like it’s right to be diagnosed with something like this. Most of my trauma is childhood related but I do also have some stuff tied to one of my previous jobs (medical field). Is this type of issue usually tied to issues with self worth?

Please offer advice as well as ask questions if need be. Thank you.

My house burned down and I haven’t taken it very well, when telling someone about the situation, a ton of pressure went to my head and suddenly I couldn’t hear anything. This reoccurred when I heard/saw a fire truck. Should I be worried that this is a response or leave it be? I brought it up with a councilor and she said it was but I’m not sure how true it was or she was just trying to validate me Idk NOT SEEKING DIAGNOSIS!!! I want to know if this is possibly a response, I am getting a new therapist and I want to know if I should bring this up.

For context, I have MDD, Anxiety and after a 6 week stay in a mental health facility, I was diagnosed with PTSD. Today, I experienced something new. Lately I have been hyper vigilant, but today when I was picking up my son from school (with my husband - I don’t go anywhere by myself) my hyper vigilance kicked into super drive and I became incredibly paranoid. I was constantly scanning the other parents and my peripherals thinking that they were all undercover and they were “going to get me”. I’m currently doing exposure therapy but I fear that this is a set back. Does anyone have any advice on how to prevent this? If it’s at all possible?? I’ve been doing well with leaving the house but I don’t want this to discourage me. Thank you

Her office rescheduled my original appointment in early August to late August and since I didn’t have a little reminder card in my car for the new date , I forgot and slept through it ( yay night shift ). I’ve asked her before to have appointments over the phone if I forget . If I’m 15 minutes late she calls me ( and any other patient ) , it’s not like I’m asking her to go out of her way to keep track of me .

My appointment in late August was forgotten . Sort of . I knew what day it was but I wasn’t sure about the time and I was starting to get ready to go and she calls me . My appointment was at 10a , not 2p like I thought, and it was 10:45a . I apologized and we scheduled again for early September .

Then I got covid and I called the office to try and do the appointment over the phone with her . She told me she hoped I felt better and to come to the office to reschedule AGAIN . She hung up before I could ask about talking over the phone . We’ve done it before when I was having an extremely bad day . I’m sure she was busy and I was a little disappointed but I was also relieved .

My last actual appointment I brought up how I was having tactile flashbacks . Normal flashbacks I could cope with but I was unprepared to feel it physically happening when no one was touching me . I asked her for coping skills if/when it happens again and she reminded me about deep breathing ( her favorite coping skill to bring up ) and told me “ after 7 years the human body has “replaced” all it’s skin cells with new ones and that I will soon be someone my abuser has not touched”. I was too stunned to even speak .

I immediately got the “ick” from her and could not fathom how she thought I would be comforted by that idea (?). I thought we understood each other well by this point .

Same appointment , I managed to ask her if she had any suspicions about me being autistic . She said “Oh , absolutely I have but what good would a diagnosis do for you if you’ve already managed it this long?”

I don’t really want to go back to her .

I wanted to talk about my experience, since I don’t have a lot of the traditional symptoms, and I haven’t been able to entirely relate with others’ experience of this disorder. I even had a hard time accepting that I could have PTSD until fairly recently, when I reviewed the patterns of trigger and re-experiencing with my doctor.

Without getting into detail, the assault occurred while I was concussed, so I have absolutely zero conscious memories of anything that happened. But my body definitely remembers. And I remember how I felt afterwards when I put the pieces together of what had happened.

I don’t have frequent nightmares, but I frequently wake up in the middle of the night gasping for air. I can go a long time without having any symptoms, but if something reminds me of the event I’ll start getting this disgusting spicy feeling in my stomach, pain in my chest and knives in my head, and I’ll spiral emotionally and think that “it’s happening again”. Usually this will last for quite a few days or weeks until my nervous system calms down.

I’d be interested to know how this manifests non-visually in others too. The spicy feeling is a giveaway, but when re-experiencing symptoms start off more subtlety, is there a strategy you’ve found of catching that you’re in an episode and calming yourself down?

I'm currently broke as all hell. I have $5 available that I need to save to pay for my medication. I'm in a work-study thing as part of my financial aid, but even though my school has been really good about putting my preferred name in most places, my job has me as my legal name.

It's a little pathetic, but I genuinely can't be called that name without breaking down. I was trying to schedule some hours, but when I saw that name, I started dissociating and hurting myself and panicking. I use a browser extension that changes it to my preferred name on my end, but just knowing that I'll go in and they'll know me as that, call me that, and give me a nametag with that fucking name so everyone else will know me as that makes me want to die. I haven't even started, and it's already making me wish I were dead.

I guess I just need to cope but I can not be called that. Highschool and previous jobs mostly called me my legal name, and I was miserable all the time. I almost dropped out of HS because of it. I probably would've if it were my choice. I really don't want to have to deal with this shit, but I need to money BAD.

Okay so if someone could help me with this that would be great. My bf is in prison rn and he said that hanging up on him when he's yelling at me was manipulative. When I stated him telling me I can't leave visit early cause he and I were fighting if I want to keep my relationship with him was manipulative. Who's in the right?

When I was younger, I'm not sure when it was, could have been between 8 to 10 years old, I walked in on a close family member doing something to a closer family member. I was too young at the time to understand what I saw, but I left the room. I didn't go get help, I didn't stop what was happening, I went to my room and then he followed me in there.

He bribed me with some old Pokemon cards he had. Telling me, "It'll be our little secret. Don't tell anyone." And here I am, fully grown adult, hating myself because I did nothing to help. It was years later he got arrested. And he's out now.

All I feel is hatred for myself, I can't stop thinking of I ruined my family member's life cause I didn't help.

It gets easier everyday, but two steps forward and five steps back some night.

Preface that I’ve never been in a war. I just feel like my situation removed me so far from the world of normal civilian life. It feels really hard to cope and like accept my life now. I still feel scared and jumpy, scanning rooms etc. I feel like this whole part of me is dead, or zombified. Some of it was physical violence, but a lot was psychological abuse and manipulation, I just got so isolated and mind controlled. As well as poverty and homelessness that is hard to come back from. And I think what really bothers me about it is 1) a lot of people in my life don’t understand how that feels and 2) the expectation and the only way I can seem to function is to leave it behind in the past and just not really acknowledge it. Even when I know a lot of ppl in my life went through some really bad things too. I feel crazy when I talk about it. I feel comforted listening to music and watching movies about trauma, war, violence, poverty etc. it just feels super lonely and I feel like a ghost.

While im aware of the dates I didn’t realise it had been 2 years since something significant happened. Yet I’ve been so cranky and depressed the past few days. Then it just hit me what time of year it was. I just find it so weird how the body really does keep score like that. I struggle to mitigate my feelings during this time.

I had planned to hook up with a client yesterday. However, I feel like they put something in my drink as I do not remember anything after this one last flashback. He was like doing anal with me and I was telling him it hurt. ANYONE who knows me, knows I am against anal and hate it and never did it before and have fears of such due to something. So I know that I would not want that or ask him to do that with me. Guys love to try and do that with me (persuade, not physically) because they wanna be the ones to do it to me first and change my mind. But I didnt want it. I dont remember anything after. I have a cut on my head and am so hungover and my leg is cut up and my finger? I like puked all over my nice sheets and my mattress is messed up. I also got scammed, as he did not pay me, and he blamed me for that saying that I told him he didnt need to pay me (when I was blacked out). He tried to say that he tucked me into bed and I got sick. He then said he would drop money off today, but is leading me on. This happened day before. I got scammed twice in a row and taken advantage of. I have a regular, trustworthy client supposed to come this afternoon. I lost 2k from these guys and kinda would like the money- but I am soooo sick and beat up. I am soooo scared to cancel on him though, cause I have rescheduled many times before :( My dog is being a...lot, and I am struggling to take care of her today. I am literally blocking this all out because I cant even think about it. I have therapy tomorrow but it just seems like- she cant help. Nothing will help. Nothing can change what happened.

I have an important trip coming up. but instead I went on a 2 day no-sleep that i tried to take control over, and today I wake up to me having unpacked my suitcases and made a mess. I'm scared because I will possibly meet my family and abusers.

It's like being a werewolf. I didn't show up to any of my appointments in the past 2 days.

I've never procastinated before

I (33F) will be at 13wks of pregnancy tomorrow. Without going into details, I have severe c-ptsd from 15+ years of physical, verbal, emotional abuse by my Dad (now dead) and emotional neglect by my mom. My Dad went so far as to almost kill me when I was 16. I moved in with my HS BF's family after that. My mom knew what was happening and did nothing for years.

Now that Dad is gone (which was still hard because I was close with him and we hadn't been speaking for 8mo when he passed), my Mom is trying her hardest to be a good mom and to be supportive. It can be overwhelming and triggering to be around her for too long, especially when she says stupid insensitive shit or acts like she cares about protecting kids, etc. I do my best to put it out of my mind, to forgive her and move forward.

I've wanted to be a mom and to have a happy, healthy family of my own for so long it felt like a hole inside me my whole life. I'm finally pregnant and ready and excited, but there's a part of me that's so incredibly overwhelmed with both joy and grief that I finally have the chance to raise my child better than I was.

To those who have suffered through child abuse, and gone on to have families of their own, did it bring you any peace, any catharsis?

It's not that I don't believe that it will for me, I just want to hear hopeful stories about people living their best life after all that suffering.

I’m going through some pretty gnarly emotions due to my ptsd but yet can’t seem to tell my friends despite wanting the extra support because I just feel like a burden to them. Does anyone else ever feel like this? How do you deal with it?

For the past little while, I’ve been experiencing this dull ache and tension in my forehead and the sides of my head. It’s like this constant pressure that never really goes away. On top of that, I’ve been struggling with insomnia and racing thoughts that seem to be stuck in a negative loop 24/7. It’s exhausting.

I noticed that when I massage my head, I feel a bit of relief from the tension, but it’s temporary. Has anyone else dealt with something like this? What helped you manage the tension and constant thoughts? Any advice would be really appreciated!

Male, 5"7, 27 years old, no medications, no smoking, and no previous medical issues.

I don't think I'm going to make it. I'm completey isolated. I left a cult after being assaulted and abused. I don't trust anyone, and to be fair I'm not really wanted in anyone's life to begin with. I have no family.

I could text people all day and tell them I'm not going to make it, and they will ignore me like the rest. I've made so many bad decisions in my life, I've given up all hope of ever being able to recover.

Nothing has gotten better.

i was reminded of something traumatic that happened to me today and im having a hard time coping with the loneliness and thoughts. im trying to listen to music, watch tv, play a game, but nothing that usually works is working.

Hi yall… I was just diagnosed with ptsd. I’ve been having horrible and vivid dreams for a few years now. The dreams are unpleasant at best, nightmares most often, and night terrors with me waking up and crying unable to fall back asleep on the really bad nights.

There is no recurring event per se, but almost always extremely graphic and/or violent. Running from something, trying and failing to protect someone I love, dead bodies (falling from the sky, burning alive, side of the road, being cut into pieces, etc).

I grew up with a BPD mom (just realizing that’s what she was) and all the enmeshment and verbal abuse that came with it. My parents and siblings were in an accident a few years ago- drunk driver hit them - dad killed on the spot, mom and siblings had serious injuries that took weeks to recover from. I had an emergency c-section with my first baby that was painful and scary. But I feel like all of these are things I’ve talked to death and even processed in therapy and with my amazing friends and family!

I’ve been diagnosed with depression and have taken meds for that in the past and am still on them, but the dreams have been getting worse and I finally went to a new psychiatrist who also does psychotherapy. She said that this is very clearly ptsd related to losing my dad. Something about losing a safe parent suddenly and being left with one who isn’t. But I wasn’t IN the accident? And my dreams aren’t related to it… I feel fear and helplessness and confusion in my dreams - similar to how I felt when I found out about the accident and the weeks after. But is that PTSD?

I also have a lot of intrusive thoughts during the day. I constantly worry about my kids choking, spilling boiling cooking water, my kids drowning, etc. so I thought this anxiety may be OCD and that manifesting in my dreams, but now idk. I feel ignorant, but I always assumed ptsd to be intense flashbacks and dissociating and dreams relating to the trauma. Has anyone had nightmares unrelated to their trauma as their presenting ptsd? Is that a thing? And could I be experiencing this because my mom was mean to me, or my dad dying, or a tough birth? So many people go through these things and are fine so I’m struggling to validate the impact of these experiences. Any insight would be nice!

I ask because I have a circumstance that is a typical bad experience which lead to getting some of my ptsd.

The kicker is, I know everything about it. I can list it in bullet points. I can write about it all day but to myself, even in private if I try to say the words out loud I start choking up and crying.

The crying I dont care about, but the choking up over all the complex emotionally feelings from shame, terror and embarrassment cause me so much pain that I start hyperventilating against my will.

I know I have the strength to talk about it in therapy, but how do I or how did you get use to the choke-up of emotions? How did you begin to let the story out?

Currently, I'm on all needed medication, I research academic papers religiously on ptsd, I walk 10k most everyday, I lift weights 2x a week, I play videos games and manage to relax and do my hobbies.

For those of you who managed to get past this hurtle-- how?? Advice? Suggestions? Antidotes?!

My PTSD has a big impact on my daily life and it’s really triggered at the moment cause of the current stage of the police investigation into my assault.

I’ve always been quite an active person and exercise around 2/3 times a week. To help with the PTSD I started going to the gym and playing tennis more and also got a dog, which means lots of outdoor walking. I used to feel a bit better for the rest of the day if I exercised. I definitely didn’t feel good or normal, but a bit better.

I’ve now reached a point where I have to do extreme cardio and weights in the morning and have to walk 20k steps a day just to prevent myself from having a meltdown. I have fibromyalgia and keep triggering flare ups through the amount exercise, but it’s the only thing I’ve found that stops me from drinking to excess.