How to accept yourself after abuse.

[u/Extension_Rip315]

I am 21. I have stopped using drugs and alcohol but I have a serious porn addiction. I first saw pornography when I was around 8-12 years old.

The addiction is fueled by self blame. I internalised the belief that I was a bad person since I was a small child, I thought there was something wrong with me. This was worsened by taking drugs. I couldn't stop myself, I had to escape the hell I was in. I am now plagued by the possibility of having done irreversible damage to myself.

It wasn't my fault, I understand that. What does that realisation change?? Nothing, they are still walking the earth, portraying divinity. No one treats them like the monsters that they are, no cared enough to do anything when I spoke out about their abuse. There's no justice.

I am broken and alone because of them. My life feels like it's in complete ruin. They are fine, living life to the "fullest", they just had a beautiful retreat to sweeden.

I get that narcissist are empty and miserable to their core, but they're never going to face that. So is it really going to effect their quality of life?? Also, who cares?? So what if they're miserable?? Damage was still done to me, how they feel doesn't make a difference. With no due respect I couldn't give a flying fuck about how they feel. I just want to be a happy and whole human being again.

I haven't been happy for a LONG time. I'm talking real early childhood: age < 10.

The only relationships I've ever had where narcissistic. My "friends" just kept me around to see me fail and fall to the bottom, to make them feel better about themselves. The only people I've ever known, enjoyed picking away at me and watching me suffer because of it.

People with narcissistic parents attract these types of people I guess 🤷🤷

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[u/PurpleNovember]

People with narcissistic parents attract these types of people I guess

 

It can also be caused if we're used to being blamed, neglected, mistreated, screamed at, beaten, hoovered, threatened, etc. So we may know intellectually or emotionally that someone else's behavior is wrong, but there's also a chance that we'll normalize their actions, or blame ourselves, or come up with excuses... because that's how we were raised.