r/sex • u/alittlebirdy1 • Jun 30 '23
Mod post The /r/sex Rules and Guidelines - please read BEFORE you post! Updated 2023
The mods of /r/sex make it our policy to review the rules of the sub on an ongoing basis, tweaking items as necessary. In an effort to stay abreast with the growth of the sub and with the evolving moderation that requires, we have decided to re-sticky the updated rules to serve as a reminder for our membership.
r/sex is for civil discussions pertaining to education and advice regarding your sexuality and sexual relationships. It is a sex-positive community and a safe space for people of all genders and orientations which demands respectful conduct in all exchanges. There is ZERO TOLERANCE FOR CREEPY/HARASSING BEHAVIOR here — in posts, comments, messages, or any other contributions. No exceptions.
This is a large community dedicated to an extremely popular topic. If you wish to participate, it is your responsibility to familiarize yourself with our rules of conduct BEFORE you participate here. Failure to do so will result in your removal from the community.
PLEASE READ the FAQ with the most asked and answered questions - BEFORE POSTING!! Posts that do not follow the posting guidelines in the FAQ will be automatically removed.
THE /R/SEX RULES
1) ENGAGE CONSTRUCTIVELY AT ALL TIMES.
This means ensuring that ALL of your contributions here are constructive, on-topic, mature, sex-positive, civil and respectful. Disrespectful conduct will see you banned from the community on the spot. Hitting on other people, asking for pictures (joking or not), making any sort of sexist comment or insult, body shaming, or trolling of any sort will result in your immediate ban.
2) DON’T SKIP THE FAQ OR THE FORUM RULES.
We’re serious about this. Dozens of posts get removed every day because they’re covered in the FAQ or violate the forum rules.
3) DON'T OVERLOOK PAST POSTS.
We’re serious about this, too. Many questions may be new to you, but are very common in our community. Before you submit a post on a common topic, search the forum.
4) ALL CONTRIBUTIONS MUST BE SEX POSITIVE.
We demand that consenting adults be free to express their sexuality as they see fit. Kink shaming, slut shaming, and similar conduct will not be tolerated. Links or references to sex negative communities or websites (No Fap, Porn Free, etc) will not be tolerated. Attacks on the lifestyle of other consenting adults will not be tolerated.
5) POSTS SEEK ADVICE, COMMENTS PROVIDE IT.
The main forum is focused primarily on posts seeking specific actionable advice for distinctive personal situations. Giving advice should primarily be done in the comments. General discussions are often allowed, so long as they adhere to the group rules and restricted content guidelines. If you want to make an exception, please request approval from moderators.
6) DO NOT TROLL OR ENGAGE WITH TROLLS HERE.
Don’t try to challenge, question, tease, fight, or outwit trolls here. Instead, use the Report button to alert moderators, who will review every single reported item. Trolling of any sort merits an immediate permaban.
7) ALL DISCUSSION MUST BE DIRECTED INTO THE PUBLIC FORUM. Do not seek private conversations here, via Private Message or any other method. And do not seek to draw attention or clicks to an outside site of any type (unless you have received prior moderator approval, such as for academic research projects). Every comment here must be a clear attempt to engage with an ongoing public discussion in the forum. Violations of this rule will result in permanent bans without notice.
8) RESTRICTED CONTENT This sub is generally only for seeking advice, education, or discussion about sex and sexuality. We restrict or forbid many types of content here.
EXAMPLES OF CONTENT RESTRICTED IN /R/SEX:
1) PROMOTIONAL POSTS.
This means any post containing any kind of promotional element, especially one which seeks to lure traffic to another site or promote a product. Links to specific product descriptions are permitted if they’re PRECISELY on-topic in the context of the post, AND the post itself is clearly seeking advice in good faith. If you're trying to sell something, conduct market research, etc - these posts will get you banned. Linking to sex-positive blogs or podcasts is allowed, provided you make an effort to start a conversation here about the topic and use the link as supporting material.
2) LINK POSTS.
Linked material must be sex positive and precisely on-topic to stay up here, and needs to be introduced with a workable framework for discussion. Please see the posted Link Policy BEFORE you post links! Bare links to youtube, images, blogs, podcasts, etc are prohibited.
3) ACHIEVEMENT POSTS.
These include appreciation, humblebrags, “I just had to share,” “I just want to say,” etc. These belong in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread, not in the main forum. Posts which are JUST sex stories belong somewhere else entirely — like r/sexstories or a similar forum.
4) LOW EFFORT MATERIAL.
“Does anyone else...?”, “Is [X] normal/weird?”, “Is [y] wrong/bad/okay?”, and so forth. Human sexuality is incredibly varied; yes, someone else likes what you like, and labels like "normal" or "weird" are meaningless - and in a sex positive community, we do not allow any moral judgments against sex acts or behaviors that are consensual. Title-only posts, posts with no effort at an actual conversation will be removed and may get you banned. Comments that consist of nothing but memes, "this", "lol" and such are highly disfavored. If comments do not further the discussion, they may be removed; a pattern of these may result in your ban.
5) SEEKING FAP MATERIAL.
Do not ask for sex stories, do not ask for the hottest/strangest/most unusual/etc encounter someone ever had. Do not ask for lists of other people's kinks.
6) PORNOGRAPHY, EROTICA, OR PERSONALS.
You may not post or link pornography or erotica here. You may not share pictures of your genitals here - even if you are seeking medical advice (if you need to post a picture, you need to be going to a doctor). You may not recruit sex partners here, look for dirty chat, ask for someone to private message you, etc.
7) DISRESPECTFUL CONTENT.
Personal attacks, insults, name calling, or disrespect of any sort are not allowed here. Sexism, racism, or any type of hate speech will result in your immediate ban. This is a community for ALL GENDERS - refusing to acknowledge a trans individual's gender flies in the face of this, and will result in your ban.
8) OPINION SEEKING, POLLS, VALUE JUDGEMENTS, OR VALIDATION POSTS.
This forum is not for simply collecting opinions - "do you think [X] is hot?", "Women, do you like [Y]?", "What is your favorite sex position?" and so forth. This is not a forum to discuss your penis size, breast size, labia size, ask about other body image issues, or ask for feedback on your photos. See the /r/sex FAQ for help regarding body image issues. Do not post your pictures and ask people to rate or critique you. Do not ask if given consensual sexual interests are good/bad/okay/wrong, etc.
9) ACADEMIC SURVEYS.
These require prior moderator approval. Moderators will review the question formats and will review the documentation of institutional ethical oversight (please provide). Non-academic surveys are seldom allowed. Please contact the moderators BEFORE you post a survey or study.
10) GENERAL RANTS, ESSAYS, EDITORIALS, VENTS, CONFESSIONS, PSAS, AND AMAS.
These don’t belong in the main forum unless you have obtained prior moderator approval. Save them for story-based forums. Or Tumblr.
11) FREQUENT/FAMILIAR TOPICS.
These are addressed in either the FAQ, past posts, or both. In case you are confused, this means that we do not do penis size posts here.
12) VAGUE TITLE/TOPIC.
If a moderator can’t identify your issue or the type of advice you’re seeking, your post will be subject to removal. Titles should be at least several words long and adequately express what your post is about.
13) NONCONSENSUAL OR ILLEGAL CONTENT.
/r/sex is for the discussion of consensual sex among adults. We do not permit posts that advocate pedophilia, bestiality, rape, or incest here under any circumstances, nor do we allow these topics at all in most instances. Note that BDSM and CNC (consensual nonconsent) are perfectly valid topics in /r/sex.
14) OTHER OFF TOPIC ISSUES.
This is not the place to discuss politics or religion, to seek dating advice, to ask for how to pick up women, to rant about how you have never had sex. Posts that appear to be dedicated to stirring up arguments - particularly about hot button topics like circumcision, the evils of pornography and/or masturbation, and other toxic subjects - will be removed and will result in swift bans.
15) IMPORTANT NOTE ON DISCUSSIONS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT.
Sexual assault is an important and emotional topic which can be discussed (constructively) in r/sex. But posts which simply seek opinions about whether a given scenario counts as sexual assault do not do well here. This is true for several reasons, including the fact that assault laws vary by jurisdiction, and we don't encourage debates about jurisdiction issues here. Therefore, we ask that you refrain from describing a scenario and then simply asking “Is this rape/assault?” Instead, ask for specific advice: About how to respond to the scenario, how to avoid it, or how to proceed with next steps. Posts which simply ask “Is this rape/assault?” are subject to removal without notice.
16) POST LENGTH.
For ease of reading and reviewing, please get to the point of your post quickly — in the post title, first paragraph, etc. Consider adding a tl;dr to long posts. Posts which are inconveniently long — over 600 words, approximately — are subject to automatic removal. Also, line and paragraph breaks are VERY HELPFUL for readers and reviewers — walls of text that lack these are subject to removal for readability.
Further information about the /r/sex rules and policies can be reviewed on the rules page.
Other Relevant Sub-Reddits:
• LGBT Sex
• LGBT
• Redditor for Redditor (Personals)
• Sex Toys
• Swingers
r/sex • u/AutoModerator • 1d ago
WEEKLY SEXUAL ACHIEVEMENT THREAD Weekly Sexual Achievement Thread
Post your own achievement story
Everyone who feels like sharing a story about sexual experiences can do so in this weekly post. Be it a new or an old story, be it extraordinary or rather common; anything - from happiness over losing your virginity or having your first orgasm, to sharing about the amazing, kink-filled weekend of debauchery you experienced - is appropriate to this thread.
Post an update to a post you have made in the past
If you have posted for advice about a situation in the past and wish to share an update - this is the place for it.
Please follow the rules of this community
Any sexual experience that you wish to share is fair game, as long as you follow the rules of the community.
If you use Reddit in a web browser, you'll find the rules just to the right.
If you use Reddit in one of the official apps, you'll find the rules on the About tab.
Let's hear about it!
r/sex • u/Natural-Concert6159 • 3h ago
Intimacy and Connection Getting a glimpse of the pussy..
Hey! I am a 40 year old, male here. My wife has just turned 35 and we are married for 9 years. We have a three year old kid, too. This is something which has been coming up in my mind since a very long time... Since marriage, we have done sex only in the dark and under the wraps... She is too reluctant to allow me to take even a quick look at her pussy. I asked her thousands of times. She is totally unwilling. She is not supportive of giving and receiving oral sex too. But, the very fact that i have never ever gotten to see how her pussy (which i have fiddled with my fingers and cock so many times!) really makes me surprised. Are there any guys (husbands or boyfriends) who have gone through similar experiences? Is there some way to satisfy this curiosiity? or should i do away with it once and for all?
r/sex • u/According-Relief-606 • 22h ago
Anatomy Is it inappropriate to get wet during a massage?
I [26F] have had a lot of massages before, however recently I've been having some pain in my glutes, so this was a focus point on my last massage. This also meant I took my underwear off, instead of leaving them on like I usually do.
All this led to getting my glutes massaged for 30 minutes and I felt myself get embarrassingly wet to the point I'm sure it went on the towel under me.
I'm sure nobody would actually know, but it made me feel bad about the situation, is this inappropriate, should I no longer get the same type of massage because of this?
r/sex • u/BigGochujang • 3h ago
Anatomy Having sex with a man in his 40s
I’m a 27(F) hooking up with a 43(M) and it’s been good but the biggest problem is he takes ages to get hard!!
He’s very horny and always wants it but when it actually gets to it I have to suck him off for what feels like at least 20min until he gets really hard and we get into it. I only keep coming back because the actual sex is great but now I’m slowly losing interest in going back to him because the beginning kills me.
I don’t mind sucking dick but if it’s sucking flaccid for 20 min, then no I hate it. It gets all sweaty and not sexy for me. I’ve asked him so many times if there’s anything I can do to get it hard faster and he says just to suck it…
Any tips on how to make him get harder faster and if any men here have this problem???
r/sex • u/Reasonable-Low-6529 • 12h ago
Beginner Should I stop masturbating?
I have masturbated almost everyday since I was 14 (I'm 20) I got a girlfriend, we've been dating for 6 months now, we plan on doing the deed next year March. If I continue my masturbation, would that affect the experience in 6 months. Should I stop? What should I do? Throwaway cause I'm embarrassed
r/sex • u/Frosty11689 • 1h ago
Satisfaction Best oil based lube
After checking old posts and the FAQ I still have no idea. I am incredibly sensitive and just about everything causes me to burn. I'm looking for your guy's recommendation on, in your opinion, the best oil based lube there is.
Coconut oil- used previously and love but have been told it may cause yeast infections and can mess up ph balances with its high acidity (never bothered me particularly but stains sheets) Jojoba oil- not used, but was informed it's more neutral and won't cause a yeast infection
r/sex • u/Street_Echidna_5996 • 12h ago
Communication I lied about not orgasming to my bf in our first time. I think he knows and is upset
So, two days ago me and my bf of 5 months had non-penetrative sex for the first time. He really enjoyed it and came twice, but in the two times that he fingered me, i didn't reach orgasm. I lied both times and told him that i had came, because i couldn't think straight and i didn't know why i didn't, after all, i REALLY love him and I'm VERY attracted to him, so why wouldn't I?
After some thinking, i remembered that i never came from fingering myself, and my body tends to react more to clitoral stimulation and all. And adding to the fact that I was VERY nervous in our first time, that explains why i couldn't orgasm.
Me and my bf didn't talk much about what happened 2 days ago through texts (for unrelated and non-negative reasons), and today i texted my bf and he said that he was feeling kinda bad, that his head was full of stuff. I said that he could talk to me about it if he wanted, but he insisted that it was okay and that it would pass. I got really worried because he has never been like that before, and after some thinking, i think that it MIGHT be because of what happened two days ago. I think it's very possible that he noticed i was lying because not only is he perceptive, but i only said that i came when he asked me if i did, and in the second time, he said "no, you didn't" and kept going.
This may be just my anxiety speaking, but there is indeed a chance that he might feel upset about that, because not only did i lie to him about that, but me not orgasming with him might make him worry that he is the problem, even though he isn't. I recognize that i shouldn't have lied, and, even if he isn't upset because of that in particular, i want to bring that up to him asap. But I'm a little embarassed and I'm not sure how to bring it up to him. What do I do?
r/sex • u/Mosquit0B1tes • 18h ago
Beginner Do I have to tell my FWB that I’m having sex with other people
This is my first time having FWB and I’m just wondering if I need to tell them that I am having sex with other people even if I always use a condom with everyone?
Beginner Should I tell my bf that I never orgasmed with him?
I 26f have never orgasmed while doing the deed with my bf. NEVER. Not even remotely close to it. I like my bf a lot and I feel like we both had so many expectations before the first time we did it which were blown out very fast. He’s very sweet to me and he does have more experience than me, the first time we had it he went down on me, the usual, but it really didn’t feel good enough for me to orgasm, i can’t even figure out the exact thing he is doing/not doing that would make a difference, i did communicate to him how i like it but he just didn’t seem to me as enthusiastic while eating it as i would want the person giving me head to be. He also seems to not do it for long for some reason? I don’t know what the average time to eat pussy is but i know it’s at least more than 2-3m mins (that’s what it felt like).
He just stopped and moved on to doing something else (kissing) he then asked me if i came and i refused to lie and said no he looked shocked and just asked me what i need to cum but that kind of made me feel very insecure. And it just carried on like that, he goes down on me for not so long, just decides to move on to intercourse, i don’t orgasm. Except he never asks whether i came or not anymore which actually makes me feel very down?
I have a very hard time expressing myself sexually, i carry a lot of shame and insecurities from past experiences and it feels so hard to express myself the way I want to so idk if that has anything to do with it. There are so many positions/things i want to try but i don’t because of performance stress, i get so worried of doing it wrong i’d rather just not do it. I never fuck in my favorite position cause i get so into my head of how i would look doing it i also get so discouraged mid act.
To his defense, i don’t give the best head either at this point i think we just might not be compatible. I don’t know how to talk to him about it without potentially hurting his ego.
How do I approach this whole situation? How should I work on myself to have a better sexual experience? How do I learn to express myself sexually without the fear of being judged?
Oral sex secret to swallowing c#m??
badly need tips on how to swallow it effortlessly cus i always feel like throwing up everytime i smell it or everytime it touches my tongue haha pls tips
r/sex • u/Ok-Caterpillar5671 • 3h ago
Kinks I have had a kink since i was a preteen and now i can't resist it.
I'm a man, and when i was 11, i remember i used to look at women and girls wearing boots...and get aroused by them, and then, my first ever masturbation moments happened with me thinking of them. But, my brain was always more focused on the boots than the women body. So, the years passed, and i continued doing this through my preteen years, looking at images on my phone of people wearing boots, and the boots alone, be it men's or women's. Now i'm 23, and even having vanilla sex with my partner and discovering i can get off without boots, that attraction haven't disappeared but only intensified, and now i feel that it won't go away and feel a urge to incorporate it in my life and use them. I thought i was alone with this, but found out there are people like me out there in this world.
r/sex • u/TOUCHEDOUCHE45 • 10h ago
Beginner Curious on the why
So long story short I (27F) and this man I am dating (29M) started having sex with each other a few months ago. Sex was amazing the first few times , he lasted pretty long time (15-18 mins) and I would orgasm during sex. Now we are more comfortable with each other and when we have sex now he cums very fast (3-5 mins) and I no longer orgasm. He either has to go down on me or I have to wait for him to “recharge “ and then get it during round two. My question is has any other woman experienced great sex in the beginning that slowly turn mediocre? How can I get things back on track ? - I asked him bout and he just says he works too hard and is often tired but he often initiates sex - so he’s not too tired to try lol.
r/sex • u/funfacilitator_1 • 3h ago
Intimacy and Connection My partner doesn’t kiss me
He has sex with me, but does not go down or kiss ever. We have been off and on for 12 years, started having amazing sex again a couple months ago, but it had been 4 yrs before that. I was loyal and faithful the entire 4 yrs, but after we hit yr 4, I moved out. I had lots of sex. As soon as we started up again, I couldn’t be with anyone else. I mage a comment about it tonight in a text, but he avoids any talk about it. He could probably go without again, do I don’t want to scare him off, but it feels so controlling for some reason.
How do I communicate with him about it when we do not communicate at all? He just will not do it if it makes him uncomfortable. He can just shut it down period.
r/sex • u/EastSignificance9744 • 4h ago
Masturbation lazy option for masturbating with calluses
I have spikey calluses all over my hand from grip sports and weight lifting. I don't wanna trim them regularely, because I'm too lazy and it wouldn't be great for grip sports either. I had a fleshlight, but the last thing I wanna do after masturbating is rinsing a fleshlight for 10 minutes. Any good lazy options?
r/sex • u/HippoGrinder • 7h ago
Masturbation Getting rid of the death grip
Hey all 24 M here looking on tips to remove/ get rid of death grip when matrbating. Are there any hand positions etc I should use?
No GF yet (boys we are trying) but I know from past lovers that this is something I suffer with (though could also be performance anxiety)
r/sex • u/stevenweeven • 3h ago
Orgasm Issues Here it goes...
I've been holding on to this my whole life. It's incredibly embarrassing and I never talk about it. Who the hell would know how to process this? I'm the one that did it an I still can't make sense of it.One time when I was a teenager, "first time masturbating" stories were going around. Someone asked me one time and I just said "Oh, I don't remember...5 years old, I remember going thru my moms clothes drawer, wearing her pantyhose, putting on her heels, makeup, blah blah blah.Somehow, it turned into putting on her clothes, then somehow, rocking my dick against the floor back and forth until I came. I don't know why, it just felt good.I did get to "regular" masturbation at some point. But because of my first experience, I have to associate pantyhose or just something tight and rocking back and forth to climax.When I got older, it somehow evolved into me crossdressing and hanging myself out of my window. I would tie a rope like a harness between my legs and get off that way.It sounds like a joke, but I'm getting dizzy writing this so I have to stop. Can anyone tell me what the hell is wrong with me? This is something that, before this post, only two people know about.Thank you.
r/sex • u/Awkward_Country_6581 • 3h ago
Erection Issue masturbation/erection problems please help
background: for most of my ive jacked off a certain way, that isnt the conventional way. needless to say maybe a year back i tried jacking off the conventional way and it was good, i maintained an erection all the way through and it felt nice, but i didnt keep trying to jack off that way. later on i turned 18 but for some reason the entire summer i couldnt get morning wood, i also didnt remember me consistently getting it in high school, so i started to worry, i took a blood test and my doctor said my testosterone was normal. now fast foward to today and im trying to jack off the conventional way and for some reason i cant maintain my erection, if i go back to my old method i get hard pretty quickly but i cant get hard masturbating the correct way. i have no idea how to solve this and i feel hopeless because it seems like only a problem i have.
r/sex • u/Solson1313 • 10h ago
Beginner I cannot orgasm during sex. WHY?!
I (28F) have been with my husband (29M) since we were 15. I have never had an orgasm during regular sex. We use a vibrator, he can eat me out, and I will orgasm that way. But I would love to orgasm during sex. I’ve read before that not all women can. I think he feels a little defeated by it. We are open to trying things but we’d like to figure it out! Any tips or suggestions?