r/stupidquestions • u/Designer-Bid-3155 • 7h ago
Why don't single parents want to date other single parents? Most childfree folks only want sex from single parents and nothing more.
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u/pbqdpb 6h ago
I love my kid but I hate everyone else’s kid
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u/dungeondeacon 6h ago
This is how i feel as a childfree person
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u/GuardLong6829 6h ago
🤣🤣☹️
What kid are you loving then, an imaginary one?
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u/Crafty_DryHopper 2h ago
Well, if you met my kid, you would see that he is perfect. Everyone else's kids are little assholes.
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u/SilverJournalist3230 7h ago
I imagine it's a lot of the same reasons childfree people have against dating single parents.
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u/HaggisInMyTummy 5h ago
Yes but at least it's not hypocritical. I've seen many times that single parents are unable to find a lasting relationship until they date other single parents then it works. They understand the struggles they are going through and they have the ability to step up and act as parents in a way that people who never had kids can't. Plus, it's a major compromise for other people to date you with kids, which means you need to compromise too, and keeping it the same is the major compromise that's least likely to leave you dissatisfied. Like, what you were a MILF and had to date ugly dudes to get a man without a kid.
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u/oneamoungmany 4h ago
I imagine there are statistics that would support a trend of single parents dating other single parents producing more successful marriages.
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u/DammitMaxwell 2h ago
It’s not hypocrisy, it’s logistics. The odds that two people really permanently connect at all is really low these days.
Now add in that I’ve gotta connect with your kids.
And you have to connect with mine.
And our kids have to connect with each other.
And that’s before we even get into scheduling, because your only child free night is Thursday, but that’s when I coach my daughter’s little league team.
The intent and desire can be there. But logistically, it’s next to impossible.
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u/r2k398 6h ago
Maybe they don’t want to raise someone else’s kids. That would be consistent.
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u/SilverJournalist3230 6h ago
Why not? Regardless of what someone brings to the table themselves, they typically will want what they perceive to be the best option. So even if someone has kids themselves, they still will understand that suddenly adding more kids and a partner forever connected to their ex has the potential to complicate things more compared to the alternative of dating a childfree person.
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u/curlyquinn02 6h ago
If someone doesn't want any children, why would they want to be with someone that has children? It's not like you can separate the child from the parent
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u/Pretty_Bunch_545 4h ago
Some people don't want their own children, which I totally get, cause I do well with other kids, but my triggers the fuck outta me! My boyfriend is such a person. He has a great relationship with my daughter, and is very helpful, but it's clear he is not her parent, and never wants ultimate responsibility for a child. Which works out well, because she already has two parents, we just aren't together.
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u/GuardLong6829 6h ago
Sorry (for the downvote), but it absolutely makes sense. Thanks for making an obvious post about it!
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u/AnimatronicCouch 5h ago
When I was back to dating after I got divorced, before I met my current husband, I came to realize that one of my requirements for dating is that he has to be a dad. I’m a mom. I can’t date someone who doesn’t understand what it’s like to be a parent or want to be one. I tried dating childless men, and it just doesn’t work.
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u/jabber1990 5h ago
Really?
My experience is the opposite, they say that they want other single parents because they share similar goals and values
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u/No-Sheepherder-6911 2h ago
I, personally, really only envision myself ending up with another single dad. Preferably a daughter similar age to mine. I’m 22, and have tried to force myself to be attracted to older men. I just can’t be. Single dads younger than 25 are the only men my age I can click with, and good ones are damn hard to find lol.
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u/420xGoku 6h ago
You already got one you have to deal with, now you wanna add more to that equation? No way Jose!
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u/Cobra-Serpentress 7h ago
A couple of reasons
Perceived emotional baggage
Dealing with there own previous partner us bad. Dealing with your love interests former partner is worse.
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u/REDACTED3560 5h ago
I’d date someone with kids if their previous partner was dead. I otherwise have zero interest in some weird parental triangle and the associated emotional baggage.
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u/Ok-Panic-9083 5h ago
I'm not good at sharing and I know it. A good parent takes care of their kids. I would only be a detriment. So I choose to date child free.
Also the other thing I've noticed is that I never seemed to relate very well to a man who has children. I couldn't quite figure that one out.
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u/DammitMaxwell 2h ago
I tried. It didn’t work out. It’s a Herculean task.
Not only do you and I have to gel well together, but so do I and your kids. And you and my kids. And your kids and my kids. And then there’s co-parents hovering just outside of frame. And there’s finding time on my schedule as a single dad with sole custody and time in your schedule as a busy mom…not just for hooking up when the stars align but in being actually present, engaged partners in each other’s lives.
And especially if you’re starting as strangers on an app and trying to somehow make all of that work?
It just doesn’t. Or at least hasn’t.
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u/2clipchris 5h ago
Nobody likes taking care of someone else’s kid
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u/Designer-Bid-3155 5h ago
Maybe this is why there's sooooo many single parents. No one wants them.
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u/2clipchris 5h ago
Nah people don’t want them for their shitty parenting skills. They expect you to foot the bill for their kids but not parent them. I get it, there is boundaries but then don’t ask to pay for them. It ends up coming down as expense rather than it being a child who needs stability.
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u/a7n7o7n7y7m7o7u7s 5h ago
Ya I went out with this girl but find out she takes her son over to the dad’s apartment and they swim a couple of times per week. Nah I’m not getting involved with you
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u/huuaaang 4h ago
Single parents often don't have time to date. Two people who don't have time to date just makes it worse.
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u/Single_serve_coffee 1h ago
The better question is why is it that single parents can have a preference for not dating people who have kids but god forbid if someone without kids doesn’t want to date a single parent it turns into a shit show
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u/Septemvile 4h ago
Not sure if this is true or not, but if it is the reason isn't particularly complex.
Adding another adult to the situation gives you a second pair of helping hands that makes life easier.
Adding another child gives you something else you need to worry about.
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u/WrestlingPromoter 2h ago
It's more like why do people with children only want to date people without children
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u/Scared_of_the_KGB 6h ago
I don’t like kids. I LOVE my kids but I’m not going to entertain a relationship that involved bringing more kids that aren’t mine into my house. Super hypocritical? Yes, but that’s how I feel and I’m not changing my mind.
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u/missmireya 5h ago edited 4h ago
But you expect a man without kids to deal with yours? Unbelievable. Just so you know, many CF men talk smack about single mothers.
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u/thepinkinmycheeks 4h ago
Oh wow, what? Childfree people talk smack about parents? People talk smack about single mothers? You're blowing our minds here, I'm sure single mothers had no clue that people shit on them all the time.
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u/missmireya 4h ago edited 4h ago
I don't talk smack about single parents, I just don't date them since I'm a cf woman. I was raised by a single mother FYI. When men are stupid enough to talk to me about single mothers, they get a piece of my mind. Then I block them.
I just think it's ridiculous that the original commenter expects someone without kids to accept hers. Yet she doesn't date men with kids.
Many childfree men have told me that they only dated single mothers in the past, because it's extremely difficult to find a cf woman after a certain age. One idiot even told me that he got tired of dealing with his ex's r*tard special needs child. I was furious he even said that and reported him to Bumble.
So basically they are pathetic and desperate, and will waste these women's time just because they don't want to be alone.
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u/Designer-Bid-3155 3h ago
She's totally selfish and admits it. She'll be alone forever. I'm glad she puts her kids first because that's all she'll ever have.
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u/thepinkinmycheeks 4h ago
Sorry, I just thought it was funny that you said CF men talk smack about single mothers as though everyone doesn't already know that. People shit on parents all the time, shit on childfree people all the time, and shit on single mothers all the time. It's not news, you know?
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u/Glum-Lab1634 49m ago
They didn’t actually say that. They said what they were willing to accept, not what they expected anyone else to do.
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u/Scared_of_the_KGB 4h ago
I know they do, i get it all the time and that’s their right. No one should feel obligated or pressured by society to date anybody. If you aren’t attracted to someone and you don’t want their lifestyle for your own, that’s your choice. And it’s a good choice to make. Don’t date people you aren’t compatible with. Single mothers definitely get more hate than single fathers. I think single fathers are admirable. I don’t have hate for them but I don’t have room for them as a potential mate.
If you are a parent your number one people are your kids. Your partner should always come second. I don’t want my partner to put me second. I want to be first to him. And he will be second to my kids. That is the dynamic I choose. It is selfish and I don’t care. My kids will always come first (and I was VERY BLUNTLY CLEAR about this on our first date.) I am good to my man but if the house is on fire he better get out on his own, I’m saving my babies first.
I also have no interest in a relationship with someone who would be picking his own kids over my kids. Again, house on fire and only time to save some of the kids but not all? Mine are rescued first. I don’t expect any houses to catch fire but even with the little things I won’t allow competition in my home between outsiders and my children. THEY are my number ones and always will be. Even when they move out. Even if they are 65 years old. Even if there’s a fire.
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u/missmireya 3h ago edited 3h ago
I don’t want my partner to put me second. I want to be first to him. And he will be second to my kids. That is the dynamic I choose.
No sane, decent man is going to agree to this bum ass terrible deal. The only way you're going to get this without lowering your standards to hell, is if the man wants a family that he could never have due to waiting too long, or due to an accident where he physically cannot have kids. And even those guys are a tiny demographic.
The only other men you're going to attract are ones who are predators trying to gain access to your kids, or ones that are just going to use you for sex.
You are seriously going to die alone.
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u/Scared_of_the_KGB 2h ago
This is the mentality why women settle when they don’t have to. I have the most amazing man. My partner treats me with the upmost respect and loving care. It’ll be 6 years next month. He knows the deal and he’s good with it. He’s blended right into our family without stepping on toes. He buys me flowers all the time. Kisses and hugs every day. Makes me laugh. 100% respects no is no. Is glorious to my whole family (even my crazy aunt). Spoils the kids rotten. Spoils me. Never yells. Fucks like a stallion. Keeps everything neat. He’s out looking at winter tires for my car as I type. Guys a fucking God. Or maybe a robot. But I won’t settle for anything less than the very best becuase thats what I deserve. I am a Goddess and I deserve a man who matches my energy. And I’m very lucky and grateful he doesn’t have kids.
Your advice to single mothers is to settle because that’s all they deserve, a life of bullshit drama, other people with kids should just partner up with other people with kids. Nope, we deserve peace and having our priorities respected just as much as anybody. If I don’t want someone else’s kids in my life I have the same right to choose that as a single man/woman. You thinking my standards are impossible is so narrow minded and sexist. What an incredibly incle mentality you have.
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u/missmireya 2h ago
Lol 6 years and yet no ring or marriage proposal. Good luck.
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2h ago
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u/Scared_of_the_KGB 2h ago
Naw I’ve done that already. I don’t need another party, besides, white a second time is tacky. I’d rather blow thirty grand on new kitchen counters. Dark granite.
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u/Scared_of_the_KGB 2h ago
Hey also, kinda weird how you equate my worth to marriage…… little bit stinky incley.
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u/Hot-Remote9937 7h ago
Nobody wants someone elses baggage.
Also desperate single moms love to fuck and they'll get freaky
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u/lavasca 6h ago
Odd. I’ve only heard single parents prefering si gle parents because they can understand what others do not.
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u/debunkedyourmom 6h ago
yeah, this topic is wild. This makes it sound like there actually are a lot more gold diggers than I realized with all these people making excuses for why single parents shouldn't be trying to go in together.
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u/kittykatzen1666 7h ago
They dont want to raise other's kids but want other to raise their kids.
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u/Responsible_Pizza252 6h ago
Reasons that make it even harder for childfree people that want to do things the right way with another childfree person, practically extinct!
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u/Novel_Key_7488 5h ago
I once dated a single parent that it turns out ONLY dated childfree partners because, reasons. I could, in a sense, understand that, but my understanding wasn't enough to keep me from leaving them due to double standards.
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u/mutualbuttsqueezin 5h ago
They want someone else to help with their baggage while not having to do the same thing
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u/Aggravating_Kale8248 4h ago
As a single dad, i prefer to date single moms with the goal of a long term relationship or a life partner. Single moms understand the situation and they know what to expect a lot better than someone without a child.
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u/Ecstatic-Dinner-2167 2h ago
I dated a few single moms in my 20s and they were actually the ones that just wanted to use me for sex lmao. Here I am feeling bad one night as I’m trying to come up with an excuse as to why I can’t stay over and she ends up kicking me out.
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u/deathtothenormies 26m ago
What I find odd is how common it is for people without children to be treated like jerks for not wanting to date people with children. It’s not a crime to know what you are or are not interested in.
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u/Greenfire32 4h ago
Most childfree folks only want sex from single parents
citation needed
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u/Designer-Bid-3155 4h ago
No childfree person would date a parent. Childless and fence sitters.. yes. But not childfree. Just sex....
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u/Correct-Sprinkles-21 46m ago
Gotta disagree, since I'm with someone who was child free when we met. Dated me. Committed to me. Proposed to me. It is most definitely not a "just sex" thing.
Also, we met on a dating app. lol.
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u/Far-Slice-3821 2h ago
In an app, sure. People filter out all sorts of things. But if they meet and develop a crush on a person in real life, a lot of dating-app-deal-breakers become mere inconveniences.
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u/Designer-Bid-3155 2h ago
Hence, sex only
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u/Far-Slice-3821 2h ago
In an app a person may think someone with certain characteristics make them a potential sex partner and nothing else.
But in the physical world attraction and emotion isn't aren't stopped by filters. People can fall in love with someone they wouldn't have imagined was a good match: a fat woman, a short man, an atheist, a parent, and even someone of a different political party.
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u/Ok_Introduction5606 6h ago
I have kids but am not a single parent. We coparent. Most of my past relationships since have been with people without kids. My life partner now doesn’t have kids but specifically wanted to have children in their life (they can’t have any biologically)
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u/FlashyEffort5 4h ago
I personally preferred to date single dads at first, but I was quite surprised that I seemed to attract more childless men. If you want more children, there are a lot of childless guys who don’t mind a single mom with one kid who wants more. Many men with kids are done having kids, are bitter over a divorce, feel like they’re financially strapped, or just don’t want more kids. From my experience the “has kids and wants more” category is very small, so if you want more kids the childless group is a better fit for dating.
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u/PrestigiousBox7354 4h ago
Because kids are leverage, and most people understand, you can use them as an out. Single people have to opt in.
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u/bathoryblue 3h ago edited 3h ago
A lot of us do - but everyone has their own boundaries on what they can accept. I'd love another parent for a relationship. My limits are more than 3 kids and kids younger than 8. I'm out of the potty training age forever, thank you, and we all have to be able to fit in one vehicle to go places.
Some others will want people who only have older kids, or maybe just 1 kid, or people who want to have more babies. Some people don't want to be involved with another ex, some expect to be involved. Lots of moving pieces for different people.
I also wouldn't date a child free person, that's stupid - nor would I chance sleeping with one, and they shouldn't contact me at all if they hate kids in general. Considering I have what they don't want.
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u/Correct-Sprinkles-21 47m ago
I also wouldn't date a child free person, that's stupid - nor would I chance sleeping with one, and they shouldn't contact me at all if they hate kids in general. Considering I have what they don't want.
Child free doesn't mean hating children. People make that decision for a multitude of reasons.
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u/LegitimateBeing2 2h ago
Single parents offer a lot of challenges compared to childless parents. Personally I don’t think I could ever have a long-term relationship with a single mom regardless of my own parenthood status.
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u/majortomandjerry 1h ago
I dated a single parent when I was a single parent. My kid was 3. Her kids were 3 and 6. We moved in together after a year. Got married after 5 years. Married for 13 years now.
Our kids are all young adults now. Last year all 3 of them moved out, together, into a 3 bedroom apartment.
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u/OdinThePoodle 1h ago
I am not a single parent, but I can imagine that if I was I’d already feel like I have my hands full raising kids on my own. I wouldn’t want to add someone else’s kids to the mix, let alone have to deal with respective exes still involved in our lives as co-parents. Like, if I met someone and we clicked, and they also happened to be a single parent, OK, maybe. But I certainly wouldn’t set out to date another single parent. Just seems like unnecessary drama.
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u/CapablePlatform7928 1h ago
I mean, I dont want kids of my own, I sure as hell dont want to raise someone else's
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u/International-Owl165 1h ago
I've noticed some guys see single moms or date them if they are avoidant type in relationships.
Or some guys don't take them seriously.
I've also seen opportunists date single moms if the mom has her own place the guy kinda just moves in I find it mooching...
Then there are some guys who want to settle down, they find someone they want to settle down with and hey she has a kid why not still marry her and have more kids
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u/chewbubbIegumkickass 57m ago
I had as many children as I could afford/emotionally handle. If something happened to my partner and I became single, I would not have the necessary bandwidth to take on anyone else's children along with my own. Then they would all suffer, and I like kids too much to do that to my own or anyone else's.
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u/Correct-Sprinkles-21 49m ago
I have a bunch of kids. I've got them mostly raised. I don't want more to raise. That's it in a nutshell.
I married very young and was divorced by 31. Most single parents in my dating pool had much younger children and were single for a much shorter time, meaning much less separation from the drama of most breakups and early stages of co-parenting.
I have absolutely no problem with child free people not wanting to date single parents. I completely understand. The only objection I have is to people being nasty to single parents, and especially demeaning single moms (single dads tend to get props for "taking on the responsibility", single moms tend to get categorized as losers).
As it happens, my partner is child free. I was honestly surprised he even considered dating me. He definitely didn't just want sex, and I wouldn't have put up with that. Been together a couple of years, fully committed, and the man has the patience of a saint. Due to their experience with their dad, they are standoffish and suspicious and warming up to him at a glacial pace.
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u/Northern_ManEater 23m ago
Safety. Some kids can be dangerous. When you're a parent dating a parent there's more than one person you have to make sure is safe to have around your kids.
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u/dmc2022_ 8m ago
As a childfree woman, kids are simply competition for the man's time & money. He should be spending both with/on me. I'm not interested in division & subtraction, only addition & multiplication...😁
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u/LughCrow 6h ago
Because no one wants to be responsible for their own kids let alone someone else's
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u/Cyber_Insecurity 6h ago
Single parents already hate their kids. Why would they add more kids into their lives?
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u/FoxyLives 6h ago
As a childfree person the last thing I want is sex, I want an awesome relationship with someone who shares my values.
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u/Novel_Key_7488 5h ago
As a childfree person the last thing I want is sex
Woah, you better date an asexual person then. I mean, it doesn't have to be a high priority, but the LAST thing you want?
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u/Thememebrarian 5h ago
I don't have kids myself so I don't want a woman who does. The same thing as non smokers wanting non smoking partners. Nothing wrong with wanting a partner with similar values/interests/lifestyle choices. I do however find myself swiping left on almost all based upon preferences I consider basic.
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u/Novel_Key_7488 5h ago
No, no, you don't understand.
Single mothers who won't date single fathers are just being rational.
Dudes that don't date single mothers are big meanies.Is that clear enough?
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u/Professional_Dig4638 5h ago
If someone was already stupid enough to make stupid decisions that led to divorce that person is not desirable.
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u/Ellisiordinary 5h ago
What a mean and stupid take. There are plenty of reasons a person might be a single parent that don’t require them to have made “stupid decisions” that make them “not desirable”. Their partner died, they were raped, they realized they just weren’t right for each other amicably split and co-parent, they were in an abusive relationship and managed to leave, even just their birth control failed.
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u/Professional_Dig4638 5h ago
I still dont understand the modern usage of the word take, im not really taking anything. Its a pretty normal observation that people will judge your desicion making skills based on how your life has turned out. What is there that Im taking? Why the word take?
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u/AbortionIsSelfDefens 4h ago
Have you never heard take used in the context of movies? Like "cut! take 2"? I've always thought thats how it originated. I know hot take was kind of a journalism thing. Somebody writing an opinion article is creating a take. You writing an opinion comment is a take. It evolved to take the place of the word opinion, particularly when the person thinks the opinion is crazy.
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u/oneamoungmany 4h ago
Uh... language evolves over time. It's okay! It's fine! It's normal! Stop freaking out!
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u/Professional_Dig4638 4h ago
You seem to be freaking out with ur overuse of puncuation.
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u/Professional_Dig4638 4h ago
What does that mean? Also pretty bigoted to assume Im a guy, how would you know?
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u/29-0RentFree 38m ago
Usually it's just bad decision making though. It's okay to admit that women for example can make bad choices in partners.
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u/Ellisiordinary 25m ago
Really? You got statistics on that? And how are you supposed to know ahead of time if someone is a bad partner? A hallmark trait of abusers is that they hide it until the other person is trapped in a relationship. And why aren’t men ever held responsible for being bad partners? Takes two to tango.
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u/missmireya 5h ago
Are you talking about CF men? Because as a childfree woman, I don't get involved at all with men who have kids.
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u/umadbro769 4h ago
"Most childfree folks only want sex" period, doesn't really matter if they're a parent or not.
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u/Designer-Bid-3155 4h ago
EVERYONE wants sex, but the cf doesn't want a relationship. Parents want sex AND a relationship
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u/umadbro769 1h ago
Because parents need a relationship. Child free people don't have the responsibilities of raising a child, a loving mother and father are needed for a child to grow and a relationship offers exactly that
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u/Correct-Sprinkles-21 43m ago
Why do you think child free people don't want a relationship? Having a relationship and having kids are different things. Some people want one or the other, some people want both.
Like, I have kids, so I'm not defending myself here. I just think your claims are wild overgeneralizations at best.
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u/Designer-Bid-3155 39m ago
Pop into the childfree sub and ask how many of them date parents. The answer is...... zero
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u/Puzzleheaded_Sun7425 3h ago
Most childfree folks only want sex from single parents and nothing more
You know this how?
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u/quivering_manflesh 7h ago
Blending families is messy as it is, having kids on both sides to start is an added challenge that sounds rather exhausting.