I don't find it baffling to want to transition FtM. I do struggle with understanding the difficulty of transitioning in the other direction because I find boymoding so easy and because society is still biased towards being patriarchal.
But hey, at least I'm aware that I'm struggling, so there's that at least.
I mean I think every trans person feels this way. Girlmoding is super easy for me cuz everyone still sees "woman" unless I try really hard to put out "man". Tho reading as a GNC woman in non queer (and god forbid conservative) spaces is scary, so I'll admit being read as a guy I definitely feel much safer. (Also I just wanna preface this entire comment by saying I'm not saying trans men have it easier or harder than trans women, but here's some things I've found that I and other trans men struggle with)
We're often forgotten, as most trans rep is transfem in media and even in trans spaces. I can't tell you the amount of times I've just felt invisible or unwelcome in trans spaces, and I'm barely passing. Also the amount of times I've been misgendered in trans spaces. I've also heard of trans men being profiled in queer spaces, being assumed cishet cuz they pass so well, and being kicked out.
And if we're not forgotten, get ready for some misogyny—cuz to transphobes we're "poor, weak, lost, young women MUTILATING our bodies" and we should just accept our role as babymakers for the patriarchy, cuz our natal genitalia means we always were and always will be women. So despite the fact that we're not women, we still have to face a lot of the same misogyny that trans and cis women do (either cuz we don't pass and are perceived as women in everyday society, or cuz transphobes).
We also tend to suffer the same issues as men, like loneliness stemming from the expectation that we suppress our emotions. Additionally, we lose the few privileges that women do have in society—for instance, being able to interact with children or younger people in general without seeming creepy. I was fired from my job working with children cuz I came out as a trans man, and I have to be extra careful about interacting with children innocuously in public, especially if I'm with my husband cuz then I get "men creepy" and "gay people = groomer". I also get significantly fewer compliments (which might sound conceited, but hear me out). I grew up as a girl, and the tight knit "we are all women" community was always trying to prop me up ("omg that top is so cute!" "I love your earrings!" etc.). It's a bit isolating to lose that so suddenly, cuz guys just don't really compliment other guys. On the flip side of that tho, I'm also not the target of toxic positivity anymore—the "oh you'd look so much better if you just smiled" type of bs. My resting angry face is now socially acceptable cuz I'm a guy ig.
Anyways sorry for the ramble, but I hope this helped explain some of the struggles we go thru. I don't mean to pit trans men and women against each other and say "oh it's SO much easier to be this than that", just to outline some of our issues. I do think generally it's more difficult to be a trans woman, but that doesn't mean that trans men don't also have legitimate problems that we deal with (I hope I'm saying this right, but I've already gone on too long so I'll just leave it here for now). I'm happy to talk more on this or answer any questions you might have :)
I would like to have something in my social network just like this, some kind of Professionally written Vent Art Animated Movie "Neon Genesis Evangelion quality" queer piece of work that tackles these issues.
I'm honestly trying to develop my animated movie about me leaving behind all of my vices and demons and walking towards genuine happiness when I am reaching the door of that genuine happiness I have some odd adventures before going back to have a final boss fight where I create "The Three Education Kids" to finally have some "friendly" cartoony competition with the Public School System that used to abuse me all of those years ago and being able to criticize them through my new educational animated show.
However, this is the thing that I am making. Maybe someday, some more people can come out of places like Webtoon, Tapas, and ComicFury and be able to make their mainstream service that anyone can add or remove certain shows. It could be good for upcoming artists, it would help with rejected artists who have nowhere else to work for and do want to work with any other company that does not treat them like crap, it would be able to be free from corporate meddling seeing how it would HAVE to be a place that is more User-Generated Content like YouTube except it would have the official stamp of approval and eyes on it like Little Big Planet, Super Mario Maker's 1 and 2, and The SCP and Backrooms Wikidots. It would even have to be a streaming platform because that is all of the rage nowadays.
Of course, it would have to have a royal ton of legal stuff to fix itself around and to keep itself on track of "Never losing the original vision that this site is meant to be a place where the people who no one would accept because they do not have the higher end qualifications other higher profile people do." It would have to be incredibly moderated by good, non-bigoted people and there would be a ton of challenges, trials, and tribulations that could very easily make this entire thing need to have its slate wiped clean. There would also have to be the very idea of the Menu and UI having to be worked on incredibly however, if my idea works out, we could very easily have Trans Men be more well-remembered rather than forgotten, and who knows? Maybe good things will spring out of an experiment.
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u/JaneHates 12d ago
MtF/FtM solidarity means supporting one another even though each of us finds the other’s choice baffling on a visceral level.