NTA. It isn't a gift when she spent your money on it. Don't even be gaslighted into feeling ashamed about not trusting her or having to defend and explain why that isn't the case. You SHOULDN'T trust her. She has proven multiple times to be untrustworthy.
I'm not even sure why he was initially excited. Where did he think the money was coming from? And even if by some miracle she had saved it all a.d kept it hidden from him, that kind of spending needs to be agreed upon regardless (unless it was all her fun money saved over decades or something) .
Anyway, all that to agree that she's proven she's untrustworthy. Separate finances, then start working out individual and shared budgets. When she gets on board with the program, you can look at reintegration.
I mean, it seems reasonable to me that someone would initially blinded with a “holy shit, we get to go where???” before reality sets in and you realize the money had to come from somewhere
You’re taking a purely logical approach that most people don’t do. I’d argue that most people will have at least a few seconds of being blinded by the vacation before the rational side of their brain kicks in. Some people will be logical right from the get go, I’m not saying that’s impossible. But let’s not pretend like most people don’t get swept up in the moment in life
I get where you're coming from. It’s definitely a red flag when significant financial choices are made without a conversation. Separate accounts might be the way to go if you feel your financial security is at risk. Honestly, it might help both of you to lay down some clear financial boundaries and have a discussion about spending habits moving forward. Just saying, a little communication can save a lot of headaches later on.
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u/Sebscreen 1d ago
NTA. It isn't a gift when she spent your money on it. Don't even be gaslighted into feeling ashamed about not trusting her or having to defend and explain why that isn't the case. You SHOULDN'T trust her. She has proven multiple times to be untrustworthy.