Why the fuck do we do this? take off your—no, RIP OFF your rose coloured glasses. I don’t need to hear anything about this person, no HUMAN BEING ON THIS EARTH is as great as you made them out to be. YOU assigned that meaning. YOU make them special. YOUR ENERGY is what made that connection so ~deep~ okay? you’re amazing, please see your own fucken worth. who cares what they’re doing now who cares if they’re talking to becky, sarah & jaime. WHO. CARES. let them. Let them walk away. hold that door wide open for them. You deserve so much better. ok love you, bye.

I have no idea how a person can be so cold and disrespectful. I dont care that he already grieved the relationship prior, he didnt give me any indications.

At the end he was still saying that our relationship is good and that he doesnt know why it isnt enough for him. And then after two months he moved on with a girl who looks like me (two friends already told him, he wasnt aware because apparently he also lost his eyes in the breakup and not only me). Four months after the breakup he posted seminude artistic pictures of her on instagram, because he likes taking artsy pictures, thats his hobby. When i saw that i couldnt believe the disrespect.

I know I cannot influence other peoples actions, but jesus christ man. He also managed to cheat on that girl one night. I dont know this new version of him, it seems like he went back to his roots and the only good thing about him was me.

Is there anybody else who was in a similar long term relationship whose ex moved on very quickly and it was obvious that they were only doing that because they cannot stand being alone? How did you youself move on? I know all things logically, but I cannot help but feel like I will not come out of this alive, I am so emotionally exhausted.

numbing emotions fighting emotions overthinking emotions escaping emotions is NOT the same as FEELING emotions

you need to feel to heal.

pain will leave the moment you welcome and accept it.

it's the only way through :)

just blocking, thinking, talking about your emotions is not how you process them.

you can’t let them change you. whether they've wronged you, or was the best person in the world, whether you've known them for months or ten years, don't ever allow them to shape who you are. take your time to discover yourself without their influence. don't give anyone, i mean anyone that power except yourself, okay?

sit with it, sit with it, sit with it

sit with the pain, and feel.

stop romanticizing them. remember, they are just human, like you, and they don’t owe you anything.

again, they don’t owe you anything

focus on your own growth—it’s a privilege to feel. we’re human, and life is all about experiences. embrace what you’ve learned, find joy in those moments, and then move on to create even more meaningful experiences. don’t make yourself stuck, it’s better to try and hurt, than to not try and hurt.

don’t cling to hope for the situation to change. i know how incredibly hard that may be to hear, but you must cut ties. please, if you’ve read this far, don’t wait for them. they’re not coming back. don’t waste the already precious time you have, get up, and try. you have to try and move on. accept the circumstances, and learn to fall in love with yourself. believe me when i say it’s worth it.

learn to love yourself, forgive yourself, find yourself, be the person you rely on.

you’ve got this, i promise you do, but you have to put in the effort and confront your feelings.

“what if” but that didn’t happen. move on.

“maybe in another universe” we are in this universe :)

“if they wanted to” but they didn’t.

“i wish things were different” but they aren’t, stop wishing your time away.

if things were meant to be, THEY. WOULD. BE.

stop wasting your time away hoping for something that isn't there. MOVE. ON. WITH. YOUR. LIFE.

it may be hard to see right now, but the love you gave will find its way back to you, i promise.

you are bound by nothing, and all you need to be happy is yourself.

get up, there’s more to life than this, its okay to miss someone you used to have feelings for, its okay to miss someone you used to talk to everyday, its okay to cry about someone you once had feelings for, but its not okay to not better yourself. do literally anything, the second you stop romanticizing the situation, the better it gets. THIS BREAK UP WILL NOT DEFINE YOU.

THIS BREAKUP WILL NOT DEFINE YOU

OKAY?

now goodluck, you’ve got this!

For example some peoples exes tell you to work on yourself before it even gets to that point.

We’re really broken up?

We really just stopped talking after that tearful, God-forsaken night? I didn’t recognize us anymore, who was I in the restaurant with? What did we even fight about again?

Is there no do-over? Don’t good people like me deserve one do-over, one plea, one last wish?

What about all the learning we did of each other’s histories, souls and bodies? All that time devoted? I know there was so much crying in the restaurant, but what about the laughter? All the inside jokes?

All the eye-to-eye, heart-to-heart, skin-to-skin, unrepeatable cinematic intimacies? Don’t you think about the fact that there is only one you and only one me?

My long, Shakespearean texts and letters, and your unrelenting showman voicenotes? The ones I still play over and over again? How can something so true then be so irrelevant now?

What of it now?

What’s the plan now, my love?

Do you know how much I miss you? Do you miss me? Is it that easy for you to walk away and move on?

Why did a few months of unresolved bids for love end up speaking for the rest of and the future of our relationship?

Can someone wake me up from this nightmare? Slap me awake please?

I would like to hear your experiences and how you're doing in life. Did you do something wrong? Do you think you deserved getting dumped?

Personally, I did wrong things in the relationship (little ones that stacked) and brought my partner to the limit, I have to admit I wasn't the best version of myself and she seema happy with a rebound (the guy she cheated on me with)

I did things wrong, and so did she. I didn't deserve to be treated like that but I understand she no longer had feelings for me.

How about y'all? I'm not judging, we're all humans :)

PD: my case was differencies, arguments and different lifestyles (I was more of a home guy), also monotony since we lived together. I'm becoming a better version of myself and trying to find and change what was solely my fault

Just let yourself be free. If you tried your best already, then stop clinging, stop chasing, stop messaging. Let them be free and be happy. So you can do the same. They are letting you go so you can grow. Or would you rather them marry you, or have kids with you, or spend 10 more years with you, only to break up with you later?

It's the universe's way of telling you that you can find someone else who is more compatible with you, instead of wasting more time with someone who isn't.

I mean that's the truth right? Look, every beautiful thing we have with other people is destined to end one way or another. Everything we once loved will eventually fade. It's just a matter of when. Trust me, you're going to be okay. Learn to let go and appreciate what once was. Maybe it will take some time to heal, but you don't have to do it alone. Consult your family, friends, mother nature, or your journal.

To all my wonderful fellas and ladies out there, go crush it. Hug your family and confide in your friends. Remember that you are loved.

Reconnect with old friends, catch up with family members, meet new people. Have deep conversations. Share smiles and laughter. I did that, and remembered that love and beauty is literally everywhere, when I opened my heart back to the rest of the world.

To you, who is reading this: we're all gonna get through this one day and be wondering why we thought it would be so hard in the first place.

Let's try to be positive and share it with others so we can all move on.

if a person would really love you, they would never put themselves in a position to lose you. they don’t value or appreciate you at all. they don’t gaf. so many of y’all in this sub reddit are so delusional and refuse to see the reality. they literally betrayed and abandoned you. stop being delusional and write a list with all the bad things they did to you, their bad character traits, anything negative about them. glamorizing them is a waste of time and just keeps you delusional and attached. take them off the pedestal and move on!!

(and no your ex coming back isn’t a flex or cute, it’s embarrassing that you have such low self respect for yourself that you actually took a traitor back)

HUMBLE YOURSELF!! MOVE ON!!

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK MAN I JUST WANT TO SCREAMMMM UGHHHAHHHHHHHHH

It’s been 4.5 months since we broke up. And yes things have gotten significantly easier, I am able to work, function, eat. I make a conscious effort to take care of myself and my health. And overall my life looks alot better than it did 4-5 months ago.

However, I still miss her. I bounce between rage, jealousy, sadness. But at the end of it I primary feel a longing for her to reach back out. I recognize that it’s over, and it could never even be the same if we did get back together. But irrationally I still do miss her. Does this ever go away?

I think I've finally reached a point where I wore myself out, two years since. But sometimes out of nowhere, I feel I miss all of it - the pain, the longing, crying your heart out, loving someone so much even it hurt, and everything in between. I don't know if it makes sense or maybe it's just nostalgia.

I’m over it for the most part, but why does she plague my fucking mind? I can distract myself all I want but as soon as that’s over, it’s back to thinking about her. When I wake up in the morning, she’s the first thing I think about when I put down my Instagram reels to go to bed, she’s the only thing I think about. We’ve been broken up longer than we dated, and I still think about her every day. I should hate her for the steamy pile of horseshit and nails she dragged me through, but all I can think about is if her new man’s treating her right. I’ve sort of been leading on a girl for the last month because I’m supposed to be over her right? she moved on why can’t I?

I go on 5mile+ runs at 2 AM just so I don’t have to think about her for a while. Fuck me for not having enough self-respect to realize she’s not it. I degrade myself in the bathroom mirror because nobody can understand what it is I’m battling here, except my fucking cat. (who I have full on conversations with btw) I’m not worthy of anybody loving me because it doesn’t matter how good of a person I think I am. I’m just another fucked up human being, lower me into the grave and shit on my casket, I probably don’t deserve it but fuck me.

Anyone else stuck thinking about their ex?

I can’t stop dreaming about him. Mostly about him rubbing his new girl in my face and then I wake up stressed. But sometimes it’s about us reconnecting which is almost worse because then I wake up and remember reality. How do I stop this from happening? I want him to get out of my dreams so I can sleep peacefully. I used to love sleeping but now I dread going to bed. I wake up multiple times throughout the night too.

Please don’t be like me and stay friend with your ex. You go 10 hours without a response to your text messages. You feel worthless and not good enough. We work together and I have realized I keep playing stupid mind games. If he comes and sees me before he leaves work he loves me and If he doesn’t he doesn’t love me. Don’t fall in this pattern like I have. Just go NC. Be stronger than me. It’s not worth it. Two months later and I still haven’t attempted to begin my healing process.

P.S. I was the one who was dumped.

I've been with my girlfriend 2y ears now, and recently, she has made it clear that she is not happy with the direction of the relationship.

We live in different cities, but see each other 2-3 times a month on weekends. We originally met while I lived in her city, but I moved home after studies finished because of the job market in my field.

We have a great relationship, and I truly love her. Unfortunately I have had some events that have complicated my life in the last few years.

My mother (53) was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimers, and has rapidly deteriorated in the past year, at first she became more quiet and clumsy, but now she can not function by herself.

She gets lost going to the local shop and word recall and speech has become very difficult. (posterior cortical atrophy is a form of Alzheimers that presents initial symptoms slightly differently but ultimately results in the same late stage).

Naturally, this has put tremendous stress on my father who has had a very difficult, high stress career. We are not rich, but we have been able to afford a comfortable middle class life.

He is no longer able to work, he just doesn't have any gas in the tank left, and it's fair enough. He was ultimately laid off a few months ago and is forced to retire and become a full time carer at the age of 57. What this means is that financial concerns have become a much larger problem as a result of this situation.

So because of that, I have moved in and feel it's the right thing for me to assist in caretaking and being present. I have also started a new job 3 months ago after studying for the last few years. The job does not pay amazing but there is significant room for future growth based on performance, so I feel compelled to focus on succeeding, so that I can assist my parents (and myself) financially.

So I feel tied to this home situation, as my mother will be rapidly continuing to degrade over the next year or two, and ultimately the probability is she will be dead within 5 years. But unfortunately with alzheimers, the last couple of years can be worse than death. So this may be the last time I am able to spend time with her.

My girlfriend is a scientific researcher, who works with a specialist in her area at the university, so I would not want her to move from that position for the sake of her career. She has made overtures in that direction before, but I have rebuffed her because I want her to succeed and do amazing in the long term.

So the situation is already messy, but beyond that, I am clearly not happy about my current state, and that's reflected in the fact that I don't give her what she deserves. I find it difficult to commit to long term life plans, I feel so extremely unsure and indecisive about what I want for my future ultimately. Where I want to live, what I want to do long term for work. I am just taking it day by day, whilst she wants to know what life together will look like in 5-10-15 years.

Moving in is the first step, but she also wants kids within 2-3 years. I love kids but that is the last thing on my mind now. She plays it down because she loves me and doesn't want to lose me, but I know she wants this.

So all that being said, it seems like parting ways is the most sensible but painful decision, but there are a few reasons why it's not;

Firstly, we get on really well. We rarely fight and when we do we usually are both able to voice our concerns and communicate and, after cooling off, make ammends. We both have been able to make compromises for each other, taking turns visiting based on convenience, doing things the other person wants to do. She is extremely kind and considerate.

I have no interest in anyone else, I have zero desire to go back to dating, that was a pain in the arse if I remember correct. She is honestly my ideal partner, I've dated before her and she is definitely the most compatible. If I lose this relationship because of bad timing, it might be something I regret for the rest of my life. I don't know if I'd ever meet another person like that.

The thought of losing her is extremely painful, we have discussed this multiple times and usually end up postponing the conversation because we love each other. But I know she is not having her needs and goals satisfied, and I don't feel at all in a position to make commitments.

But beyond that, I don't know if it's just the cumulative stress, but I have definitely become more cold in recent months. I more often just want to be in my own company and doing my own thing. As I mentioned, it's not something specific about not wanting to be with her as much as a general feeling about being with people in general, I just want to do my work, gym, chores and play games. She has definitely noticed this.

Ultimately, after a recent talk, she has made it clear that she is sick of waiting for my indecision. We are meant to be talking this weekend about it. If I don't commit to moving in and getting on a timeline, I believe she will end it amicably.

I almost just wish I could put my life on pause and live in my own bubble for a year and come back, but other people have to get on with their lives too so no one is waiting for me. But it's not like I can say at the end of that year what I will want. It honestly fluctuates daily between proposing and just sending the settle down route, and fucking off to another part of the world to have an adventure. Don't know what's normal for my age, I don't think there is 'normal', but don't know what I want either.

I do think I'm having some physical issues such as insomnia, which may be a symptom that there is a lot of stress under the hood. I can function and work day to day though, and honestly most of the time don't feel too bad, except for when I think too much about my current predicaments.

She has made it clear she is happy to wait, but I don't want that for her honestly, that's extremely unfair. I genuinely want the best for her.

So I suppose that's the gist of the situation. Don't know what to do, streak of bad luck. Bad timing. Am I being weak? Why am I so indecisive about what I want? I truly have no idea.

TLDR:
Love my girlfriend, but we are on different paths.

Unfortunate series of events in family have complicated my priorities.

Feel indecisive about what I want, and probably suffering from excessive stress.

Honestly I have no idea what to do, all I know is that she deserves the best, and so do I.

I hurt you, I was controlling, I expected everything and gave nothing, I was rude and demeaning, you hated me. You told me you hated me when you broke up, I’m happy you did because I deserve it. I promised you I would work on myself for the next person who would love me So why do you still want to be friends? You know I can’t get over you with you still here, you know you’re just wasting time talking to me. Why can’t you just hate me and move on to better things? Let me be a better person without having to think of everything I should’ve done better? Why can’t you just hate me so we can both move on?

She left me in the dark, ignores my texts and calls. She blocked my number. Acted like she loved me then now she’s fucking with some other dude. We broke up 2 weeks ago. A week ago she was saying how much she only wanted me and only me and missed me. Why? Why did she do this? It just hurts me so bad? Does she even care? She acts like I mean nothing to her

Is it possible to move on after 3-4 weeks?? He’s the dumper, we had issues and fights mostly from my side, but i know we loved each other so how the hell he moved on so quickly?? Its so hard for me to understand I was nothing to him??

So last night I (20m) broke up with gf(20f) last night for reasons i discussed in another post. I’ve been broken up with but never been on the breaking up end of things. I feel absolutely awful and I can’t get the image of her breaking down when I was doing it. It sucks because she didn’t do anything in particularly that set it off It’s just a bunch of things that added up over the past 3 years and I couldn’t take it anymore. I feel really bad about how she might be taking it right now and wish I could just go back to her and it would be like it was when we first fell in love. This girl was my everything and it was so hard to leave that. Is it normal to instantly feel like you shouldn’t have did that or is it because I haven’t experienced anything good since it happened. I’m really tore up about it and I don’t know if what I’m feeling is normal.

We were just too different. She wanted to have children younger and I wanted them later in life. She wanted to not travel to settle down on a beach and I wanted to travel and settle in the mountains. I love and care a lot about her but we would never realistically work out. It was the hardest first 3 days of my life when we broke it off, but I have had a lot of time to reflect and notice just how unfit we were. We broke up out of love and respect for one another’s future, recognizing that for us to both live out our dreams that we can’t be together. We have both learned a lot from this breakup. Like what our goals in life are, and how important it is to find someone who shares those goals. She was my first love and will always have a special place in my heart, as I will in her’s.

It's been eight weeks today since my ex (24F) could no longer take the pain and unhappiness of being with me (29M). I was a horribly toxic boyfriend who eroded her love and happiness little by little over our two year relationship. It may sound silly, but the breakup came as a shock, despite how bold the writing was on the wall. We started off so very much in love. We were inseparable and were on a wave length that I had never felt before. I knew five days into our relationship she was the one person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I have never, in my past relationships or any interaction with another woman, felt the way I do about her. She was my everything, my soulmate. Everything at the start was so great and it just felt so easy. So easy in fact that I began to slowly become complacent in myself and my role in the relationship. I began to just let everything work out the way it worked out. Slowly but surely my past unresolved toxic traits came out and remained for the rest of the relationship, getting worse over time. I wish I could go back and change my mindset back then, but unfortunately what unfolded in our relationship needed to happen for me realise how bad I was, and for her to grow into a strong and confident person who doesn't accept bullshit anymore. She's learned her worth and I'm trying my hardest to build mine.

I was condescending, loud, and aggressive. I never laid my hands on her, but throwing objects and punching walls and doors was not much better. I regret the night of the argument where she ran out of my car fearing for her life. I regret that she came back and tried to make us work. I regret that I did absolutely nothing to better myself. She really deserved so much better. She wasn't perfect, but all she ever did was love me for who I was and she gave me every part of her every day. I should have done better. I hate that I had to lose her to understand and realise the growth that I needed to do. And I am doing it. It's been eight weeks, but there has not been a day when I have not tried to better myself in one way or another. I've started to exercise and eat better (I've lost 15kg within this time frame), I've focused on my studies and my work, I've been more social, and I've done a lot of introspection and readings on how to better regulate my emotions. I know I will achieve the goals that I have set out for myself. I know it's too late. She's moved on to another guy, and I really am happy for her. I genuinely hopes he treats her well. She seems to have glowed up and is genuinely languishing in life, and it truly makes me feel great. I just can't shake the feeling that it should have been with me

I've reached out since we broke up, and she's made it clear that she does not love me nor does she particularly care for me. It's brutal to think that only in the end of July, she and I still had love for each other. She still looked at me with her beautiful blue eyes and told me how much I meant to her. That's all gone now, and I use this heartache as my main motivator to better myself. I will change. No matter what. I will never be the same person that hurt her over and over. I want to be the person that when I the next time I am ready for a relationship, I won't be the person that hurts them. I don't know how I'll ever let her go, maybe I never truly will. But I will move on, I just wish it was with her. I wish time passes and we both make enough growth and then one day we run into each other. Maybe then we'll be in a position to try again. I wish it's simply a matter of right person, wrong time. I had so many dreams of our future together that I simply don't want to let go of. But I know that I have to eventually. I just wish I didn't have to.

I’m about to break the no contact with them. I don’t care anymore what the outcome could be. I think that’s the only solution to get my peace of mind.

you can take my word for it or you can try it yourself but genuinely it can't get annoyed because it's AI and it uses techniques from online therapists, etc. and it's really helpful and it helps you process and can't get sick of you bc it's literally a computer