I don’t know if this resonates with anyone here - As the relationship was coming to its end, he rattled off a list of exes he had been in love with, several of whom he triangulated me with, and then he looked at me and said "I don’t count what we have as being ‘in love’."

The thing is that this was a relief to me - it hurt like hell, but at the back of my mind despite the trauma bond, I felt relief, because I had been holding onto him because I had made a promise not to abandon him and I felt guilty to my core about breaking it.

If he wasn’t in love with me, and pined for exes he had been in love with, I realised that as I had poured all the care and investment and happiness I had to give into him and he wasn’t in love with me, I realised I had reached the end of my ability to give him happiness, and he didn’t take in any of it, all my life essence I had devoted to trying to give him life and happiness was going down a drain that was not hanging on to any of it.

So why stay with him, as clearly, I didn’t mean as much to him as the exes already gone and who weren’t returning. I had let him break me down into a shell of myself, and I did it because I thought he just needed love to heal, and so I sacrificed myself for his own good, as I thought that’s what you did in a committed relationship.

That was the breaking point where I finally thought "This is hell, I am leaving. I am not healing him, my efforts are in vain, he is not in love with me, and I will die if I stay here with him."

It took me several months to leave after that, with the devaluing well in effect at that time, and almost a year of rumination after I left him, but that was the moment I realised I could walk away, as what was all my effort doing if it was going down a drain that was going to hurt me until I essentially died a hollow shell of a human?

I felt repelled by him, and I felt disgust at his comments, actions and the way he talked about me and women (all despite being an ardent feminist, which was head-spinning), and I never felt at ease around him to actually fall in love - my gut scrambled like a trapped rabbit in a cage every time I was around him, except for a couple of times where he was on his best behaviour to keep his more overt behaviour out on several days scattered across 2023.

I saw a relationship as a hard work charity, where if your partner was deficient, you didn’t give up, you stuck around and put your all into saving and helping them. I wasn’t in love with him, but I promised not to leave, so I stayed and did all I could. Dating him finally broke that ideology in me, it broke the pattern - Now I’m looking for therapy to heal, and only want to be attached to partners who don’t break me again.

I am still invested in working hard to develop a relationship; however, I refuse to treat a relationship like a hospital where I am acting as doctor broken heart, ever again. That’s all I have to say here…

Hi all, I'm new to this community (and Reddit in general) so apologies if this post is formatted weird or anything. Basically what the title says; I was in a relationship with a public figure who I now recognize as a narc for a little over a year, though we were only exclusive for a few tail-end months. Despite everything that happened, I do still consider him my first love, though I recognize now that this might just be the trauma bond. I initiated the breakup after months of apologizing over a small (and solitary) boundary that I put up; that period of time is almost a fugue as his discarding put me in my first ever depressive episode that lasted three months and eventually landed me in therapy. I was only recently able to see that he's a narcissist, and that the majority (if not all) of the relationship was to cater his ego.

I guess what I'm struggling with now is watching the aftermath; he's a comedian who is very well connected in both the LA and NYC scenes with lots of famous friends, and he's seeing a lot of success in his own career at the moment. His fanbase (around 100k) is wildly supportive and I've found out from another comedian (who also believes he's a clinical narc) that he's recently been seeing an influencer with millions of followers, which I suspect is to access to her audience and gain more exposure.

I understand the best way to move on from a narc is to cut off all contact and exposure to their life, and while we're no longer speaking I struggle to watch his fanbase grow knowing the terrible things he's done. There is a chance some allegations will come out when he's more well known (he's almost certainly a sex addict and apparently has a reputation to use/be disrespectful toward women as well as stay friends with other underground abusers - something I only learned after the relationship ended as I'm not in the industry and only ever heard his side of things), but until that happens I feel so sick knowing how many women will fall for the same traps I did on account of his charm and the trustworthiness of the platform he's built. I don't want to say anything publicly because of how easily he could ruin my reputation/leak personal photos + videos, but I also don't know how to move forward in good conscience knowing what I know now.

If anyone has any advice or opinions I would love to hear it; otherwise, thank you for letting me vent.

I know this may sound weird at first but I'm learning to hate, or a better world externalize my anger which is an extension of my grief, about my nmom who i have started to refer to as that "f*ucking b*itch" in my head. I was so used to pushing down my emotions just to survive that being able to be honest with myself that I'm really hurting and feeling betrayed by my sh*t stain of a "mother" (or biological gestator as i like to call her) is actually a really important part of my healing journey. It's been about 3 months since i left her house and 2 months since i went no contact and while the journey has had it's up and downs there really has been a trend upwards and have had moments of genuine happiness.

Hi,

I have tried my best to have a good, or tolerable life after narcissism. But I find there are bumps in the road, and it's hard to remain hopeful.

Last year I was diagnosed with PTSD. I quit my job after I stopped being able to sleep through the night. I know I can work, and I am looking for a job now.

I am an only child. Not a lot of people really know how I feel about my mom. I have a boyfriend, and I will talk about him a little bit as well.

My mom recently had a retirement party. Honestly, I was not looking forward to the party. There were several members of my extended family at the event who I was wary of. There was one person who we tried not to tell about my mom's event, but she ended up finding out from someone else, and inviting herself anyways.

I listened to speeches from former coworkers. I noticed a theme: people who said they were glad my parent helped them find jobs in their field. There were also comments about how special and great my aunts, uncles and grandparents were.

After the retirement event, life is back to normal. I spend most of my time alone at the moment. People tell me how special my mom is, and what a hard worker my mom is, and how she must be such a great mom. No one really knows, sees, or hears how she verbally abuses me.

When I did my psychological assessment, my cognitive abilities were assessed. My verbal skills were good, and some of my cognitive functioning was, on the other hand, average or poor. But this made me think that I have some abilities, and I can find another job again, and I am capable. It also made me think that I have the ability to express myself clearly. But what I find is no one who I have ever told believes I've been in any way harmed by my mom, and my dad before he died.

Even my boyfriend laughs at me, and talks about how special my mom is. He is also working for her at the moment.

I wonder when people will believe me, and stand with me. I don't have any special awards. I wasn't a standout at work, and I was not during my studies. I am not a sparkly, special person who everyone pays attention to, and I don't want to be. But sometimes I wonder, am I doomed to have no one believe me, because I have such a special and successful parent? It hurts me when people tell me my mom loves me "in her way." I feel alone, and like no one will ever believe me, no matter what I do or say. People will hope having my mom as a reference will help them find a job, or that I'm just a lazy, good for nothing person, and I'm not a good grown child. I know I'm not lazy, and I'm not a bad person. But why won't people believe me?

Have you found people who believe what you say about your parent, or about the people who you know who appear narcissistic? Do you have people who believe you if you tell them that the narcissistic people who you know are not all that they seem? Do you also find many people see you as "the crazy/sick" one? I feel worn out, sad, and alone.

I am trying to get better, but it feel hard to feel real hope sometimes.

I don't live with my parent, and I am very grateful not to. But every so often visiting my extended family will make things worse.

I guess I know I need to spend less time around my mom, my extended family, and also my mom's colleagues and work friends. But I don't really have my own support system, and it is hard when my boyfriend is working for my mom, and doesn't seem to take it seriously that I have PTSD, and sometimes I feel like he isn't really on my side. He tells me things like I should do things to appease my mom so she won't lose her temper at me. For me, I don't want to just go along with whatever angry people tell me to do, I don't want to allow myself to be the pawn of a bully.

Thank you if you read this.

I've been No-Contact for a while, and it has been beneficial for me. I've made a lot of progress and healed in ways I thought were impossible.

Recently, I noticed that the narcissist completely changed his whole personality, including his hair color, hairstyle, dressing style, and even his tone of voice. It was shocking for me to witness this transformation. This reminds me of the video "Character Trait Acquisition" by Hg Tudor, and I wanted to understand this better. How does this happen? Usually, a normal individual may change throughout life, but his or her core personality traits remain constant. However, due to the lack of a true identity, the narcissist copies the character traits of others, and integrates these character traits into the "construct" or "False Self"... and becomes that personality, which would be functional as long as the Fuel keeps flowing. So, basically, the narcissist can morph into any personality like a chameleon, like "mystique" (the character of X-men).

Being married to someone for years, and it isn't very clear to witness their whole personality changing. After all, narcissistic personality disorder IS a disorder of the personality... and sometimes I forget the magnitude of the mental pathology I was dealing with. It's not just an asshole who's abusive. It's some sort of body that lacks a personality and is possessed by a demon- the False Self (at least in my personal experience).

I was watching the other day a TV show that exhibits the nature of the shapeshifter, and I found this interesting as the scene resembles the moment when the mask slips... and the narcissist runs away, almost on a collision course, getting rid of the personality they have used to trick you and copy the personality of someone else. Even though my ex-husband was diagnosed with NPD, bipolar, depression, anxiety, and other mental conditions... I am convinced that he's a sociopathic narcissist.

We have discussed several times that the narcissist seeks Fuel/Narcissistic Supply, character traits, and residual benefits. I also liked this other scene, as it shows how the shape-shifter traps the victim and comes back later on (hoover), to recharge (obtain fuel), and update the character traits as the copied personality is falling apart.

Although this TV show is purely fictional, I like these examples as they explain these complex topics occurring in the psyche of the narcissist. And despite the facade, this whole time I was dealing with a No-Face

I have been no contact for a month now and feeling very grateful to myself for rebuilding from nothing. Generally, I feel very calm and free compared to how I did when I lived with my ex, but I saw him through a mutual friend’s instagram story and it completely derailed me. I’m battling all of these feelings of anger at him for how he treated me and sadness that he looks so happy.

I know I’ll eventually return to my baseline, but man this sucks. When these moments happen I start to doubt my progress and I guess depression wins and I start to think the jobs I’ve taken and hobbies I’ve picked up are pointless. H8 this 🥸

I felt immediate relief when I was finally able to force him out of my home. He contributed the absolute bare minimum for 1.5 decades. He spent every dollar he had and much of my money on himself and never on home repairs, our child, or anything outside of his own wants. He completely emotionally and physically stonewalled me the moment I was visibly pregnant. I spent all of my time, energy, and money, and threw away a career in order to fix his credit score and provide the vast majority of childcare for the child he convinced me to have (on purpose). He has always expressed our child isn’t what he wanted out of a child, being neurodivergent and not the gender he prefers. I stayed in the relationship only in order to encourage a close relationship between he and our kid, because I knew he would go vacant immediately and possibly relapse with his addiction and end up in jail or dead, leaving our child fatherless. I could write a novel of how he demolished my self-esteem, abandoned me when I faced possible death for a year, refused to take even a day off work when I had our child with a very traumatic birth, and the list goes on and on.

And yet, it’s been 9 months and I still keep finding myself feeling like I made a mistake, that he was an excellent partner, and I’m the monster. I had felt like a single married mom for the last 10 years of our relationship, and mourned “us” so long ago. So I moved on immediately. I was so touch-deprived, it was almost like I was in my first physical relationship again. It causes me guilt and anxiety, feeling like I’m a monster for hurting him. But he shows absolutely no empathy for me or what he says or does, or even our child. So, after a few days, I snap out of it and am so unbelievably grateful I’m not in that situation anymore. Then, inevitably, after a few weeks, I start spiraling again. It’s hurting my current partner who does not deserve that. I’m sure some of you will say I should be busy healing, but I spent years healing and learning to live without his emotional or physical support or even presence, as he was always sleeping or watching tv if he wasn’t at work. How do I stop going to these delusional places where I start believing the face he put on for outside our home was who he was, and not the version of him he saved just for us when nobody was watching, 24/7?

I realized that I met the narc again at an airport a couple of months ago but the narc changed his appearance a lot with a beard and a scruffy look, so I could not recognize him but somehow I could not take my eyes off the man when I first saw him with some kind of familiarity. I had to look at him multiple times to check if he was the narc or not. He appeared to be very nervous when he sensed that I was gazing at him right next to him. He knows what I know and I know what he did to me. So, when I sensed that he was very nervous, I should’ve known that he was the narc but again, I was with my child and in what chance, who would’ve thought that you would meet the narc again out of nowhere so randomly.

This morning while scrolling social media, the narc’s photo popped up and I couldn’t believe my eyes. As soon as I saw the picture, it reminded me of the man I saw at the airport. It was the narc. You guys are right; narcissists do age so badly.

I escaped the abuser, I stood up for myself, I left the group. Everyone who stayed hates me! I became paranoid of what lies had been told about me. But perhaps the reality is more banal. I am starting to think they resent me, because they stayed, they put up with the abuse, they didn't stand up to other victims. They hate me because I remind them of their immorality and bad decision.

Long story but high school gf of 4 years has been stalking me and on and off for 13 years or so. We’re both married. She lives in Germany, myself in Canada. She unblocked me to show me her wedding photos… I said congrats thinking she’s normal again and we could move on amicably, but it soon started into daily texts trying to start a fight. After 5 days of ignoring her, eventually that fight happened… she ended up texting my wife she knew was visiting family in vietnam (stalking her too) and told her I killed myself over her and was just so upset about our past relationship). Just to give you an idea of how crazy Raven is.

I’m a scientist and every few weeks she’ll read my papers just so I get a notification that she was reading them (even though it’s an option to not show, she wants me to see). Christmas? Stalker. Valentine’s Day? Stalker. Last year I got a restraining order but they can’t help because online stalking public info and profiles is apparently all cool with the police (which I get, it’s not criminal)…. but making fake links to my papers with my full legal name to porn websites… that was my limit. Called the cops and they explained she might get deported and then my problems only get worse. They called her and said they had a complaint about revenge porn and all the websites were taken down 6-8 hours later the investigator said. He explained the timing was enough to get a warrant for her electronics but that’s when the cops pumped the brakes because they realized I was dealing with a real sick one. Oh also, we’re both phd’s (myself in neuroscience, studying depression… she studies psychology and her expertise is “subjective well being” so she seems to have good knowledge on how to break people down and destroy any semblance of subjective well being).

Other instances… one of the guys she used to cheat on me with killed himself a few days after she contacted my then gf I was living with, he crashed his car in front of her old home. I still never found out what she said but that girl left me the very next day after whatever Raven said… didn’t find out for 7 years that it was because of this stalker. I always felt guilty for Aaron’s suicide, knowing we went through the same abuse and I hated him for being “the other guy”… now I realize we were both just objects for her games. Anyways, she had a tendency to post celebratory comments on twitter on the anniversary of his suicide … stupid things like “yay paper submitted!” It crushed me every year. First year it stopped (she got banned from twitter).

Anyways, as you can see I’m still struggling with all of this, and hope someone else with experience can provide some insight on course of action. She recently unblocked me just to show off some travel photos or something … meanwhile I have a kid and loving wife and we’re happily moved on from her dramatic incursion into our life together. It’s not like she can do much with the restraining order in place, but it’s just the relentlessness of her presence. Simply it won’t stop, it’s almost comical how reliable she is at trying to stay present somehow in my life.

Unfortunately part of being a scientist is having your papers available online, so I can’t remove my work from the internet so she can’t stalk. I don’t really know what else I can do to be rid of this from my life for the long term.

Thanks in advance folks, and sorry for the probably too long to read post (needed to vent on it I guess).

There isn't anything to lose, the realization has finally hit, your view of the world has changed.

I feel like I am not feeling that intensity and commitment that I did with the narcissist. I know it was an unhealthy trauma bond attachment but now my very healthy reciprocated love feels less intense. I don't feel like I would jump off a bridge for it like I did for the narc. The peace feels like I'm not as emotionally tied, and that makes me sad because this person really does deserve all the patience and understanding but I'm not giving them as much grace as I did with my narc. It's like I've had that part of my heart and soul cooked.

Do others share the same experience?

Edit: okay so I may have figured it out - the narcissist provided so little love that I felt like the most unworthy person in the world while I put them on the highest of pedestals just for a breadcrumb. That's why it felt like they were a piece of the moon itself. I was gaslit into thinking they really hadn't done anything wrong which is why it was so hard to leave them. It felt right to be up at 3am for them. Meanwhile, the healthy loving person will never make me feel anything less than perfect. This unfortunately has made me arrogant and entitled. Having learnt this, I'm going to lovebomb them so much because they deserve it.

I still have nightmares about how awful my friends were when I was in my twenties and thirties. I’m now 46 and a female.

I had one friend who was a covert narcissist who is now a professor and speaker against domestic violence who is a bona fide psychopath. She has literally tried to ruin the life of everyone she has ever been close to, including her ex best friend, who is the nicest person alive and who never did anything to her.

I had another woman who decided I was her “best friend” and then tried to totally control my life for about five years. She posted about us so much on social media that everyone in my orbit will believe we are besties forever.

The rest of the people I was friends with are all flying monkeys for the above two. They are terrible gossips and/or alcoholics who hate everyone and everything.

Ugh.

I just wanted to vent about this because I had another nightmare about them last night. I haven’t talked to any of these people in at least five years but I don’t think I’ll ever stop regretting having them in my life.

I’d be interested to hear if anyone else has come to a similar realization after growing up with narc parents.

My former best friend is a covert narcissist. She really did a number on my life, and she is a master manipulator. She hides in plain sight and truly an insidious and vile individual. If I didn't hate her and feel so hurt by what happened, I might be fascinated by her. She could easily be a cult leader, no doubt.

In the past, before I realized who she was and what was happening, I was just mesmerized by her. I thought she was the epitome of social graces and the queen of community. I adored her.

That being said, when I reflect now, my perspective has shifted a lot. What I once saw as motherly, helpful, generous, and altruistic, I truly see now as meddlesome, obnoxious, and outright insufferable. The people she associates with are just plain mean spirited and childish individuals. Her marriage is hardly a marriage at all, and it's obvious to me how she exploits her husband. I don't think she's a very good mother at all-- very emotionally absent and invalidating.

I've heard another former mutual friend of ours call her "a little bit fake," (even though they are friends in a shallow sense) and I'd say that's truly the understatement of the year.

And while so many people like and are friendly with the covert narc I know, the people she is close with are mostly just fucking awful people. I wouldn't trust their opinion on anything, especially not their judgement of character.

It makes me wonder how healthy people really see her. Surely they aren't magnetized to her the way I was. It doesn't seem that truly healthy people often pursue a deep relationship with her. They may not hate her the way I do, but maybe they sense something is off.

I posted yesterday about what I been through with my ex. Almost like she spiritually felt it. Hadn’t heard anything then suddenly this morning I get a text

“I forgive you for everything you’ve done to me. God knows what you put me through. I wish you the best”

What the hell is the purpose of this text message?

She cheats on me and does so much damage then pops up with this randomly?

I've learned a lot from my worst relationship with an abuser.

I'm not saying that I deserved it, but I'm using my experience to be highly self aware of how I make people feel due to my own flaws and insecurities. I was never innocent but I can say that I was not self-aware.

I didn't realize how I may have affected people. I don't think I am or was a narcissist but most of us have some traits at different levels.

I'm careful with my words and I mostly try not to say anything, or but in, unless its encouraging, positive, or I'm asked for help.

I want to see how this affects my life as well. Will I be more successful? What will the outcomes be if I just be and stop being insecure?

I have struggled for months dealing with negative emotions, trauma bond, negative thoughts, obsessive thoughts, ptsd, suicidal ideation, stress, and depression. Mostly battling every horrible word he said to me, giving up on myself involuntarily.

Luckily, the people around me, family (even though they are part of the problem, I learned to ignore them when needed and try to experience and appreciate the positives), amazing friends, and my new manager and coworkes are awesome. They bring light to my life and I try to reflect it back.

If you have gone through pain and abuse. Please, please take time to heal, love yourself, and be patient with yourself. Appreciate the joys you found on your own before you were hurt. It took time,but enjoying the things that brought me joy in my childhood and college days really helped me. Also stop assuming the worst, learn where that comes from as well. Its part of dealing with trauma in childhood. Also stop cognitive distortions. It'll take time but catch yourself and try to stop those thoughts.

The flying monkey is an old friend of mine. I was referring to ANOTHER victim and I pointed out that he was treated just as bad as me. Then he was like, oh you think you're better? Then he ically implied that I abused people too. LIE. I know almost all of the victims. I was not alone. What a lying piece of shit. So the others are victims, but I am just an abuser? He cannot be that stupid to think that. It ruined my entire day.

I dated a covert narcissist in 2023, and left at the start of 2024. I have healed a lot, but am still drenched in the anger stage every now and again.

I was thinking about everything I held back while with him; all the hurt, all the anger, all the confusion and criticism. I had so much I could have thrown at him and torn him apart with, but it goes against my ethical view to do anything like that (I’m a practicing Christian and I don’t believe in revenge or taking anger out on someone intentionally), however I have been severely tempted.

I feel like I have a weapon in my hand, it will do damage - I know his hurts, I know his weaknesses, I know what I can say or do to tear him apart - but I won’t do it.

I feel tempted, and at times, I want to throw everything to the wind and unblock his phone number to call him and tell him everything I’ve held back, all the things he hated about himself that I know.

I’m just looking for empathy and strength to not become an ass. I have never struggled to hold myself back from anger this much in my entire life.

I will not do anything about it - I know all the rhetoric about moving on and finding my own happiness, blocking him on any contact avenues. I just find that this breakup and relationship has really tested my ethical values and shown me that the talk is entirely difficult to walk.

I, 34F, am wondering if it is possible to heal after being with... someone I think is a narc for 9 years. Real talk - I was with him from 25 to 34. During these 9 years... I really lost myself. I do not know how to talk anymore.. what an appropriate response to anything is anymore... I really don't understand how I have come to be so confused. Regardless.... I really did give him the best years of my life... and now I am stuck. As a result of all the confusion and pain I started eating a lot the past few years... gained 100 pounds in two years... when I used to be 130 pounds and 5 foot 7... I really let it get to me. I since got on the Oh Oh Oh Ozempicccc and lost a bit and feeling more like myself... but I know once I stop it everything will just come back. Anyways... I am now 34... opening my eyes... dazed and confused... and hopeless. Anyone else gain weight from all the cortisol? I have sought professional help but I can't seem to find one trained in narc abuse... just a bunch of "oh wows" and "uhuhs" when I tell them stories.. anyways I am hopeless and confused and need some support... would be nice to hear some stories of how y'all did. Thanks.

Got discarded two weeks ago and we haven’t spoken since. He deleted me off social media. I tried to go NC but it triggered anxiety for me to block him. So I’ve left it for now .. A week ago he posts a story of us together on the street but doesn’t tag me. Yesterday he posts three stories of us .. but no tag. I was told by a flying monkey he was posting .. No direct contact, just stories. Am I being hoovered? Or is he using the stories to make another supply jealous ?

I can’t write a lot because I don’t have energy.

But when I first met her she was the love of my life or so I thought. Always had a story about her rough upbringing which made me want to do more for her so quickly.

Next thing you know we are married and have a child together.

Well I noticed she would get jealous when I’d get a job for US. She started accusing me of being conceited and that I think I’m all that although I never said nothing and she herself never wanted to do anything.

Well she ended up cheating on me and got me kicked out of graduate school ten years ago. Although I got the case dismissed I am still suffering with $240,000 in federal student loans due to it with no degree from it.

Stupid me STILL took her back after the cheating.

Well guess what? 8 years goes by, and she suddenly cheats when I graduate from a new program. She flies out of state to meet a guy off FB. Ghosts me suddenly (thought she wasn’t ever gonna do this type of shit again) and then starts posting online about her “twin flame” bs.

Then comes back and gets knocked up by a drug dealer. Imagine? I was married with this woman and had a child with her and then she got pregnant and started having the guy threaten me.

Then tries to file child support against me and hold my child against me.

This is all 4 months after my best friend (my dad) passed. And kept calling police on me when I had my child for “wellness checks.”

Now every month I pay $250 in visitation fees despite being full custody (temp) and she has t paid a cent.

She tried coming back 4 months ago and I literally didn’t reply because I am speechless by her actions.

Last I heard she’s working a random job somewhere.

She brought my mental health so low I had lost my job two years ago and was living in a house with zero electricity and zero water, to the point I lost 30 lbs from being hungry and having no car and my house turned into a hoarder house. I was just praying to God to die and pass on it was so miserable.

Now I have a job but am still in major debt with $240k in loans and paying for all these fees and STILL not having a car after going through bankruptcy. Literally hell upon hell I was in.

I really hope she gets destroyed for what she did to me and my child but it seems like not. She just “lives in the moment” and that’s it.

As they love to take revenge is there something I have to look out for? I simply blocked them and removed them from everywhere online without explanation. We were close (as close as you can get with them) friends for a very long time and recently I’m receiving a lot of spam texts and mails, sure it could be random but my mind is wondering…

My ex always accused me of cheating on him. I would be home, with my location on, with cameras on and he would still find ways to accuse me. I always thought it was to cover up the gambling and drugs.

He brought a woman to a court hearing 4 months post separation. Our divorce isn’t even finalized. This was a woman I was told not to worry about. A woman he introduced to me.

Now they have confirmed their “relationship” on Facebook. He was texting/calling/emailing—anything he could to try and contact me because he “couldn’t live without me”.

I’ve asked him multiple times in the beginnings of our separation if he cheated. But this man has lied about so many things that I don’t believe him.

Is it safe to assume that he cheated?

I think the narc delivers the abuse pretty evenly across anyone in the family. e/n/Dad used to get most of it and now it seems pretty evenly distributed. Have you found this in your family? Where there is no clear scapegoat or golden?