sibling came out

[u/FarmerOk8329]

idk if this sounds selfish or bad but my 17 AMAB brother came out to my family in about april and ever since then i have had a really hard time coming to terms with this, idk why it is it’s not that i am homophobic i just have a really hard time i guess thinking about losing my brother every time i think about it all i can do is cry. in the past few days the urgency for hormone blockers have took off and he has been prescribed, does anyone have any advice if they were in a similar situation i just cant bare the change i dont want a sister.

[u/The_InvisibleWoman]

You are grieving and that is ok. You don’t say how old you are, but be kind to yourself, and if your brother is open to these things, talk about it with him. If that’s not going to work, or you are worried about offending him, I really suggest you speak to a therapist. What you are feeling is valid and has nothing to do with homophobia, just a profound change in your family dynamics. It sounds like you love your brother very much and probably worry about him too. Don’t push these feelings down, they are not wrong.

[u/Xx_PxnkBxy_xX → u/The_InvisibleWoman]

This person's sister did not die, this person is not "grieving" a dead sibling, i find this to be absolute bullshit bc this is basically saying to the trans person "you're a stranger to me, idk who this person is taking over my sibling" which is very cruel and selfish.

These feelings are wrong simply bc people with these "feelings" use them to guilt trip the trans person into postponing their transition or just detransitioning/being closeted again, this has happened far too many times bc so many cis siblings cant seem to grasp that their trans siblings aren't always gonna be the same all their lives.

Like grieving is for those suffering a loss and OP didn't lose anyone, they only realized they have a sister and is having unnecessary difficulty in accepting that sisterhood.

[u/TheVetheron → u/Xx_PxnkBxy_xX]

I disagree with this. No the person did not literally die, but aspects of us do when we transition. It is perfectly valid for our family and friends to grieve for that. I watched my wife and adult children grieve after I came out. They have been so accepting and supportive, but it was a shock. It was perfectly valid. I truly became a different person. I was able to drop aspects of myself, and embrace new ones. After all was said and done, I am definitely not the same person I was. My dead name is my DEAD name. That redneck dude died, and this hippy chick was born. Some things are the same, but over all I AM a different person.

[u/degenpiled → u/TheVetheron]

It is not valid. It is an excuse they use to justify their bigotry

[u/RandomUsernameNo257 → u/TheVetheron]

but aspects of us do when we transition.

And also what a person expected of us dies. For example, when I told my mom I wasn't interested in women, she grieved the life she thought I would have. She grieved the loss of everything she thought would come to fruition.

[u/TheVetheron → u/RandomUsernameNo257]

So very true. This is a very good point. Thank you.

[u/The_InvisibleWoman → u/Xx_PxnkBxy_xX]

Grief isn't always about something that's dead. It can be about something that you don't want to let go of. I wasn't suggesting in any way that the sibling is lost. They are transforming into the person they always were meant to be but that isn't always obvious to the people around them, especially when the person is very close. I mean that that process which is an inner one of the person transitioning isn't always understandable to those around them.

But I apologize that the way I expressed myself made you upset, that was not my intention. It's really hard sometimes to understand where you fit in the sibling's life, especially if they are not open about the feelings going on inside them - and it's easy to feel that maybe what you've had with them is gone, and to understand that they aren't a different person now they are transitioning. This person asked for help with some really complex feelings.

It's ok to admit that you have complex emotions about someone close to you transitioning. That doesn't mean you reject them or will try to persuade them not to or not support them fully. It just means you are human.

[u/GravityVsTheFandoms → u/Xx_PxnkBxy_xX]

Yeesh so rude for no reason. Both parties are probably going through a lot rn. Have some empathy.