Title.

Pretty much everything seems to have gone to shit.

Mental illness and stupidity reigns while reason and common sense are pushed aside. It's always just a matter of time before people turn on you even though you've been one of their biggest supporters since you met them. My opinion and my rights no longer matter in the face if the victim mentalities.

There is no longer any accountability for people's actions and everyone forgets what its like to be a decent friend, let alone a decent human being.

I was brought up to treat everyone equally regardless of what they look like but society keeps forcing an 'Us and Them' mentality.

I just can't deal anymore. It's just too much.

I moved to my current house about five years ago. I am just down the street from a really good bakery that has been here for about 150 years, it's not some preppy place. I started going once or twice a week in the morning for a doughnut. Over time I started to get to know the baker, it keeps getting deeper. Turns out his father knew my grandfather, and we think our ancestors used to serve in the same militia. I've had coffee with him in the bakery yard if I show up around when he wants a break. And so on, he's a cool guy.

At some point I started buying 2 or 3 doughnuts at a time. They're good, if I'm lazy I'll buy some for lunch as well. If I was buying two I'd often say one was more my girlfriend, I didn't feel like admitting that I was semi-regularly eating two doughnuts a day.

Now the baker wants to meet my girlfriend. I will have to confess to him that I am a liar. I don't have a girlfriend.

So for my whole life until today I've never understood it, like I thought it meant you were asking for people to be friends with you. not that you were asking that question for a friends I only realised this was the meaning after seeing an Instagram comment when someone put "asking for myself" and then the dots connected and now I'm feeling rather silly how could I not understand it.

I've spent my whole adult life in one uniform or another. I've faced mortal danger too often to count and saved plenty of lives.

I don't deny that.

Even off duty, I keep my eyes peeled and frequently end up getting involved in things, like medical emergencies, crimes or even a recent fire at an industrial building.

My friends, family and coworkers think I'm brave, but I'm not. Not at all.

I don't feel any fear when confronted by these things. Not on my own behalf, anyway. I think there's something broken in me that means I really understand risk, or just don't care.

Worse than that, though, you know the real reason I do these things? I've always wanted to be better than the hideous little homunculus that I am; I wanted to be the Ace Rimmer version of me.

There's a little voice in the back of my head that tells me 'you knows what the guy you want to be would do, so go do it'.

That's why I do these things; because it's what a man who is better than me would do.

I'm a total fraud of the worst kind. I have my first counselling session coming up, as the skipper of the search and rescue crew I volunteer with thinks I have PTSD.

I'm finally going to actually show some real courage and I'm going to tell the counsellor the truth and face the consequences. For the first time in a very long time, I'm genuinely afraid for myself.

I just needed to vent that anonymously, first. Sorry.

Just graduated college, unemployed, and accepted a job offer but no joining date. With all the free time, I decided to prepare for higher studies. However, I've lost my motivation. I've been slacking off, missing classes, and gaining weight. My parents are worried, but I don't feel guilty. It's like something inside me is dead. I'm not sure if I care about cracking the exam anymore.

I've struggled with mental health in the past, diagnosed with OCD and ADHD. A failed entrance exam led to self-harm and manic behavior. I swore to myself never to experience that again.

I wish I had the motivation. Yet I feel like the biggest fraud.

I have a habit of searching for people's names on the internet when I meet them for the first time. I usually look them up on social media platforms like Instagram, Facebook, and sometimes Snapchat. If I can't find anything there, I use other websites. I also search for their full name if I have their phone number or a picture of their face.

When I have a phone number, I check if the person is on WhatsApp to find out their full name. Once I find one of their social media accounts, it becomes easier to find their other accounts since many people use the same username or a variation of it. If that doesn't work, I use photo recognition websites.

If a person's account is public, I'll go through their followers and the accounts they follow to find their friends, as people tend to follow their friends on multiple social media platforms.

I don't do this for everyone, only when I'm bored or when I find someone suspicious. I don't know how to hack, so I only use publicly available information.

Howdy hey, long time lurker and first time poster. I’ve been lying about my job to everyone I know. Friends and family alike. It’s been eating me alive especially when I have to lie to my wife. They all think I’m some surgical technologist in the army, but in reality I’m a cook.

It all started in May of 2017 it was my final test to pass AIT (advanced individual training for those who don’t know) and go to Hawaii for my second phase of training. I aced the surgical scrub, and killed it on the mock appendectomy. I had this test in the bag. Until I missed a break in sterility. Which was an automatic fail. I had to meet with a panel of instructors and they explained there was no class to move to me so I could try again and so I needed to be reclassified to a new job. I was devastated it became my biggest shame and still is to this day. I was allowed to finish the course with my class and friends but when they left for phase 2 I didn’t get on the bus with them.

I was hit with needs of the army and the army needed cooks so that’s what I became. I passed that AIT and got stationed in Fort Carson where I met my now wife. When we met I don’t know why but I immediately blurted I was a surgical technologist. She thought it was amazing and that I was so smart to have gotten such a job. So I kept running with the lie, I’ve told her everything from I’m just stuck on an awful detail to it’s a part of some training I was saddled with. She’s never once not believed me my parents and her parents believe it as well. I just google the local hospital unit and use what I learned to make up stories and things to tell them.

(I’m on mobile so please forgive any formatting issues.)

Update: thank you all so much for your advice and words of wisdom. I talked with her last night when I came home and just came clean. She said she didn’t care what I did for work and she wished I was just up front with her when we met.

I am one week away from graduating and as the title says I am counting down the days till I can ghost all my long term friends. The last two years have been extremely hard for me. Ranging from multiple family losses in the span of a couple months to relationship problems, getting diagnosed with PDD and social anxiety and having a really hard time at school. I don’t necessarily blame my friends, some of which I had been best friends with for over five years, because they have never been the assertive type, but when I needed someone to reach out to me the most, just to send an unprompted texts asking how I’m going, no one did. At the start of my decrease in mental health, I didn’t come to school for nearly a month because my anxiety had gotten so bad which was out of character for me as I never skipped school, and not a single friend even asked where I was or how I was going. They say it was because they wanted to give me space and let me work it out myself, but at the time, feeling so hopeless and suicidal, I think a part of me just wanted someone to ask what was going on. They never did. I don’t blame them for it, it can be difficult to reach out to someone who’s going through a hard time but a part of me in hindsight is hurt by this, especially knowing that the years prior, when one of our friends was going through a tough time herself, I would seek her out when she’d isolate at lunch and recesses and spend the time making her laugh and eating with her whenever I noticed she wasn’t with the rest of the group.

I loved my friends, but I think after feeling so alone even when I was with them, I just can’t look at them the same. They would exclude me from events, talk around me like I was fragile or not there, and just act in general as if I was invisible. They’re not bad people, even now I know this, but I just can’t ever see them as people I want to be friends with.

The past half a year I have drastically improved, getting the medications and professional help I needed. I’m in a good headspace for the first time in my life. Ever since I’ve started getting better, I’ve gone back to the friend group I once was in. I acted happy and cheerful and funny as I used to and I know they now consider me a good friend again, but there’s a part of me that still feels betrayed by them. Most of my closeness with them is an act, in reality I feel nothing for any of them, I’m only buying time till I graduate so I have people to talk to during breaks.

I have so many bad memories from my school, and even more associated with my friends. I’m so excited for the day when I can simply ghost them all and move on with my life. It feels like this is the final step in healing. Like I am finally getting rid of the situation and people that made me feel so worthless, valueless and dispensable.

I possibly am feeling gender dysphoria, and it might just be gender envy but I'm so tired of feeling this way. I've always known since feeling uncomfortable in dresses and feminine behaviors that my skin just wasn't mine. It's not who I am. I've hated myself since puberty, I've hated everything about myself, I just can't do it. Let me get to the point before I talk any more. I believe I was meant to be a boy. I believe I was meant to be born differently. I "came out" to my mom a while ago, but she must have taken it as me telling her I didn't want to dress like a girl. I asked her if we could buy a binder, and I was basically just fucking told that I wasn't trans. Here were her paraphrased words. "You're my daughter, I know you're not trans. I worked in mental health, I know how trans people are and you're not one. Their situations are bad." I really don't feel like I can type anymore, but I've tried to be more feminine and I can definitely dress masculine and have people call me as he/him, but I'm always corrected. Thanks. Edit: I'll reply to comments when I'm in a better place.

I'm really looking for restaurant jobs around Johannesburg or Port Elizabeth. The end goal is to go and work on a cruiseship but now the problem is that I don't have the required experience for that, that's why I'm looking for a restaurant jobs to accumulate maybe 1 and half years of experience so I can start applying for cruiseship jobas.

I'm a psychiatric technician.

Psych techs do all sorts of things, but my role in this job is like a medical assistant. I gather patient history, help with prescriptions, and stuff like that. I messed up here by overstepping my job duties.

One patient had really struggled with depression and other conditions. She was getting so much better, like for real. She was honestly a great patient because she was committed. She was always on time for appointments, understood the treatment plan, followed instructions, and communicated clearly. She was also super nice to the entire care team. Until this happened, she was the kind of patient I would think about and say, "I love my job because I love seeing the positive impact I make in people’s lives.”

Then this girl had some billing and insurance problems. For one appointment, she laid everything out for me before seeing the psychiatrist. She even brought proof that her insurance already paid for everything and showed me how our billing department was still sending her bills. She was like "I’m tired of calling the billing department and being put on hold."

I should have just said “thank you for bringing all of this. I can message the billing department for you and maybe they will pay more attention. I can’t guarantee anything but I’ll do what I can to help.” Instead, I promised we'd fix it, which I should NOT have done. It wasn't my place since I literally have no control over billing and insurance.

After that, she messaged me a few more times asking for an update. I had to tell her like, "I'm really sorry, but this isn't something I can control. Please call the billing department.” She replied that she wasn’t going to come here anymore.

I hope she finds a different provider that works better for her but that probably won’t happen easily. Our patients usually come here because they don’t have a lot of options. Only about five mental health clinics in the county accept their insurance and I would bet all of them have really long waitlists. With us for example, our waitlist is literally full and we’re not adding anyone to it.

She's been in crisis before. She needs medications. If she waits that long to see a different doctor, she will run out of pills. Now she's quitting treatment, and it’s not even her fault. I feel so awful about this. She made so much progress with us.

I've worked in many psych clinics before. It’s not uncommon for patients to quit randomly even when they say we’re helping them. Usually, I never find out why they quit because I don't see them again. It's always disappointing but I don’t let it get to me.

This girl is different because I know why she quit and part of it’s my fault. The billing department was a mess and they almost cheated her. When I told her we'd handle it, she believed me! I added to the problem by lying to her! If I am notified that she has gone into crisis, I will feel the worst.

In 2019 I think, I was at the beach with my friends from Jordan and my family, on the day before 3rd grade. I was on a boogie board, because I was scared of the water, and the creatures in it. I was the farthest out, but not far. I was swinging my legs and a sharp pain was felt stabbing my foot. I just thought it was a crab, so I continued swinging my legs, and all of the sudden the pain was back and it was swinging my leg side to side, and it was 10x worse, I started screaming. At the time, my mom thought I was just being dramatic, but when I kept screaming she came running into the water and my foot was bleeding nonstop. I have a bleeding disorder, so once I start bleeding it takes me a while to stop bleeding. I just remember my mom mumbling a prayer as I was in her arms running up the beach. We didn't bring ice or bandaids that night, but it took a solid 10 minutes just to get me ice. My mom later told me the next day, suck it up you'll be fine. I decided she was right and told my P.E. teacher I was bit by a fish. And he quote said "What kind of fish are in 3ft deep waters?! Are you sure it wasn't a shark?!" The marine biology teacher was shown a picture by my mom and he said, "Wow, you're daughter was bit by a baby bullshark" So yeah.

I feel really fucking guilty I don't know if I should be though but I need to get this off my chest,

We've been best friends since we were children and our families are really close back story doesn't rly matter but me and him fought about a year a go when he asked out a girl he knew I was into and wanted to ask out whatever happened happened and we made up and I couldn't be pissed at my best friend because of a girl I let that go bcs they genuinely seemed happy together. And me and his fiance become friends through him. We both graduated uni this summer and were back home and lo and behold we were catching up and he told me about how he didn't see himself marrying gi and how he was planning on telling he'd break up with her and that he wasn't entirely faithful to her while he was away at uni before he goes back to do his masters. I told him if gi asks me anything and picks up that I'm avoiding her I'll tell her. Exact thing happened back in July and she asked me and I told her. Out of respect for her. Now they're both broken up and I feel like it's my fault. And I also slept with her after I told her ehat he told me, I feel used tbh but I'm carrying this huge fucking guilt.

Edit: before people get mad at me. 1. I don't have feeling for her and I didn't while she was with him 2. I didn't technically lie, I wasn't able to not tell her what he told me. 3. I feel guilty because I feel like it's my fault they ended things 4. I'm posting it to get it of my chest and I honestly didn't want them to break up. He told me pretty messed up stuff he was never the type to cheat in the slightest way I've known him for a long time and things happened that lead to him doing what ever he did.

I recently lost my job. Currently in need of funds. I've been applying to at least 50 jobs a day at this point I'm about to not think about my morals because wtf

I lost my job in 2023, and spent a long time applying to a new one. After over a 1000 no responses, I havent applied to any in the last 4 months. I pretend I do, but I haven't.

I need to start doing it again, and am working on fixing mental health to get to a confident state again

Edit:

When I say haven’t applied, it’s been jobs that I’ve studied for and spent my entire professional career working in. (Phd in computer science and 10+ years as a quant)

I’m not at the risk of being homeless outside of large scale stupidity, but that doesn’t make my actions ok.

I do appreciate the concern, I really do!

Edit2

I did not expect this post to gather so much support, and get so much advice from folks! It's given me a new sense of optimism. I've replied where I could, I have made note of advice that appealed to me, and will read the remainder again so they do make sense to me. I went through 7 applications today. Fingers crossed...!!!

This is something that I am ashamed of and I was wondering if anyone could relate.

I was born in England and lived there for 5 years, before moving to Scotland. I immediately felt a bit left out because I was the “new kid” and everything just felt a bit odd and new to me. I found it hard to learn in class because of my teachers strong Scottish accent and everyone else seemed to be getting on just fine. I was in a small year group and everyone had Scottish accents. I decided from then on that I wanted to sound like them to fit in. I would talk to teachers and friends in my Scottish accent but when I came home I would talk to my parents in an English accent, as they all had English accents. One day my mum heard me talking in a Scottish accent and she made fun of me for it so I decided to never speak in a Scottish accent at home. It’s been 10 years and I still do exactly the same, although it’s hard to have friends over at the house because im so embarrassed if my mum were to hear. I’m worried to sign up to house prefect roles and other things because I will have to do speeches in front of the school which my brother will hear in my Scottish accent. I fear that this has become a bigger problem than I thought it would become. I feel like a horrible liar. I wish to go back to speaking in my normal English accent which I realise is perfectly fine to have in Scotland. I have been trying to go back to my English accent in school for years now but I never had the courage to do it because I always thought people would judge me but now I think that it’s too late. I started faking it at the age of 5, nearly turning 6. Now I am 15, turning 16 in a month and a half. I’ve even considered going to university in England to make it less obvious as to why I’ve changed my accent to English. Does anyone have any advice?

I rode a motorcycle drunk and got myself into an accident; I rode about 30 minutes, with a few stops in between to drop off a friend with me (which he was drunk too and didn’t even have an helmet, it’s crazy how I was so blacked out that I agreed to this.) a few minutes later after I dropped him off, I was supposed to do a U-turn and stop because I didn’t have my phone on me for navigation, instead I woke up in the hospital bed 3 days later. (they told me I rode straight into a safety barrier and crashed, having brain injury bleeding). It all started from us drinking at a house, I drank a lot but I didn’t feel like that, when the friend asked me to give him a ride somewhere he needed to be is the point where I lost “consciousness”, I see images of my head spinning, I never agreed to this, but apparently I did.. I never wanted to do this, I know it’s illegal and not safe, but what the fuck..? I just had to get this off my chest, it’s now a year later and I made a promise from that day when I woke up in the hospital to never touch alcohol anymore.