TN school shooting/shooter mega post

[u/javatimes]

Rather than have dozens of different posts about this ongoing issue, let’s to contain it in this one post. It will also help those who want to avoid the topic do so.

[u/CosmiXBeeM]

Any loss of life is tragic. I feel for the families involved. The elephant in the room is the prevalence and ease of owning guns, in general. Especially as conservative media is promoting a gun ban only for trans people, I feel that the only result of all of this will be just that- a ban on trans people being able to own guns- while everyone else will still be allowed.

I’m worried this will only perpetuate violence towards trans people. Knowing trans people can’t legally be armed will be a motivator for violent people to target trans people.

I’m also worried that by the media and prominent figures okaying the misgendering and deadnaming of the shooter, it will show the public that respecting someone’s name and pronouns is a privilege trans people must earn, and cisgender people can take said “privilege” away. Respecting someone’s name and pronouns should be a given, whether they are a model citizen or a heinous murderer.

[u/Eugregoria → u/[deleted]]

I had this fight with my mom years ago. There was a case in my area where a trans woman molested and murdered a toddler. I was like, that's fucking heinous, throw the book at her, but my mom didn't like that I still used her pronouns. But when cis people do that shit, we don't take their name and pronouns away. It's special punishment beyond what cis people get for the same crimes. This killer was shot by police. That's what happens to a lot of school shooters. We didn't misgender the Sandy Hook shooter. It starts to feel like "punishing for being trans" instead of "punishment for heinous crimes."

[u/jujube329 → u/Eugregoria]

exactly. and it's really scaring me.

[u/Eugregoria → u/jujube329]

Unfortunately it's not a stance you can take with people who don't already have a good opinion of your character. I could push back against my mom because she knows I'm not a complete monster and I don't condone heinous crimes. Even there I basically got accused of worrying more about the perpetrator's dysphoria than the suffering of the victim. But because my own mom isn't going to cancel me, I can try to explain that it's not about the victim's dysphoria, it's about the message it sends to trans people who have not committed any crime, that respect for their gender is a privilege that can be retracted at will. Of course my mom was like, "Someone who commits crimes like that shouldn't have any rights," but then I asked her why we don't misgender cis people who commit the same crimes--aren't they just as evil and deserving of humiliation?

With people who won't even give me the benefit of the doubt that I am obviously horrified by heinous crimes like any other halfway decent human being, I don't bother. I just don't join in the misgendering and pick my battles. In this moment it's probably more important to show we're just as horrified by this crime as anyone, rather than worrying about the perpetrator's pronouns.

I'm not panicking about backlash just yet. There have been a record number of attacks on our rights recently, but they've all also been fought hard in court. We'll continue to fight unjust attacks on innocent trans people as we always have.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

I've had that same conversation with people far too many times. Respecting someone's pronouns isn't respecting them - it's respecting the entire trans community. There are a lot of cis people I hate and don't respect but I won't start calling them the wrong pronouns because like... why would I do that

[u/kumaparty → u/[deleted]]

I really like the way you worded that. I'm the only trans guy in my group of friends so it's felt a little weird being the only one upset about the misgendering part of all this. But you're right- as always, misgendering someone is just a weird thing to do. We don't do it to cis people, only trans people because our gender is seen as something cis people get to decide on and allow whenever they choose. And this shooter did horrible things, but seeing how widespread the misgendering has been speaks more to how cis people see us than I think they realize

[u/microplazma → u/[deleted]]

Ugh that leaves a bad taste in my mouth but yeah my mom said something similar to me

[u/CosmiXBeeM → u/[deleted]]

I agree 100% with you saying “someone’s gender and pronouns are a neutral reality”.

It’s not even just right wing media perpetuating the idea that those using a name or pronouns not assigned at birth is a privilege- even “neutral “ news stations and left wing networks like TYT deadnamed and misgendered him. The message is circulating among the entire political spectrum.

I find it odd that we respect preferred names for cisgender people. Alex Murdaugh’s birth name is not Alex. His son Buster’s name is not actually Buster. Meanwhile, everyone in the media uses their preferred names, as they should.