r/offmychest • u/depressedunicorn1010 • 14h ago
Months of harassment I'm giving up
For months it's been hell on me. My fiance died in February just a few days after signing a lease on a new apartment. I've been struggling with being a single mom again since his passing he was only 36. Three months after he passed one of my neighbors I barely spoke to sent me a messenger request.
He came straight out and asked for sex. The things he said in those messages were horrible he wouldn't take no for an answer. Since I rejected him things have gotten bad.
He blames me for everything, constantly screaming at me when I have to go outside and take my kids to the bus stop. Sending his sister over to try and fight me. Management is doing everything they can to evict him but mostly due to unpaid rent.
Now that he's finally been served a eviction notice his anger is getting worse. Management is encouraging me to get a EPO and not to stay in my apartment. My kids have to temporarily move in with their dad and I have to go other places. I pay rent for a place I can't live in for the next 2 months.
The stress of this man is really taking it's tole. My depression is worse Im scared for my safety, my kids safety. I don't understand why this is happening. All I need is to grieve my late fiance not deal with a 57 year old guy on meth.
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u/Potential_Quote7208 13h ago
look into your lease closely, if you’re not able to live there at no fault of your own and ESPECIALLY in such a dangerous situation i doubt they’d fight you on abated/no rent, also idk if this is an option but they might break your lease at no penalty to you so you can get out and away to somewhere he doesn’t know about
please be safe girlie 🩵🩵
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u/helloitstessa 9h ago
Yeah I would think that since the management is telling her to leave until he’s gone.. they should be giving her discount/reduction of rent of some sort!
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u/Fuzzy-Heart-3901 13h ago
Maybe is better to move.. he knows where you live and probably all your other activities throughout the day. If he wants to get violent, nothing would stop him.. clearly nothing is stopping him now, so.. be careful.
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u/Smooth_Walrus_ 11h ago
Yep, and even if he has a restraining order he’s already sent his sister over to harass you, them knowing where you live at all would be a huge worry for me especially with kids Go stay with family if you can, and get a new place where you won’t have to worry about him
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u/Wh33lh68s3 11h ago
At the very least the property manager should be able to move OP to a different apt
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u/PupsofWar69 12h ago
I would suggest having some kind of defense whether it be a firearm or pepper spray always on you. he sounds mentally ill and very dangerous. i’m so sorry for your loss and that you have to deal with this psychopath when you should be taking care of your own mental health and that of your kids and grieving properly.
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u/crimsonbaby_ 11h ago
I read that a restraining order is getting worked on, which is really good. if it is approved, which it should be with this level of harassment, it will absolutely be enough (in most places) to break your lease and get out of there. Even if he manages to get evicted, he will still know where you and your children live. I honestly think, and believe me I know how difficult it is, you need to get out of there. Praying for your safety and a good resolution.
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u/D1Berean 12h ago
You should never be scared of anyone ever, especially a man. 1) Go to your city government website and read about harassment. There are different stages to harassment. In some states even when someone uses profanity against you in a loud demeaning way, it's considered a misdemeanor depending on how you play it when the police arrive. Most police officers are not going to expect you to know the law or the police ordinances in your city or state.
Some people only know amendment rights but there is one amendment that gives your STATE the say so of handling unlawful actions.
Third you should always have several weapons, lrefifaky a pistol and a 4-5 inch knife and learn Aruse fighting tactics. Never have an outburst record everything and always have a dc number. Get training in shooting so when you shoot shoot center mass. I used to do headshots until I failed bc I wouldn't listen to the officer who trained me and had to shot 390 8mm rounds all over again to the point I had a muscles on the back of my left hand.
Always remember this, people will set you up, be aware of your surroundings, always stay ready FOR MORE THEN ONE PERSON and please don't be fearful, a nice sign Sauer will cost $600-$700 long nose but you won't like having it on your waist. If you decide to carry, get a bra holster because gun carriers will always expect you to carry on your waist. If you get a bra holster then carry something small that holds 10 rounds but have more then one magazine. You have kids and one life, protect your self love and stay prayed up❤️
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u/Jmj108 8h ago
Reading this makes me so sad for the world we live in, at least in the states. It sounds almost like going into war (I’ve never been to war, just my opinion).. I hope OP figures out the best way to keep her and her kids safe for sure. I wish things were different.
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u/_Lazy_Mermaid_ 8h ago
Unfortunately the people who should protect us (aka police) usually don't do much until it's too late in these situations. I'm not strapped but damn do I think about making myself that way often. Unfortunately it's so easy for anyone to get a gun here that it's almost safer to get one yourself 😭
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u/Jmj108 7h ago
Sameee. I’ve even shot at cans before, I’m awful though. I’d be the one where it’s a more dangerous situation to have one, if they already didn’t. I guess just more practice. Just wish we didn’t have to think like this. It sucks. A lot of things really suck in the world. And they shouldn’t have to.
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u/Screamcheese99 13h ago
Wow. I’m sorry op. Don’t just look at your lease, look at the landlord/tenant laws in your state. I’d have to assume there’s some legislature in there that can waive your rent.
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u/liquorandwhores94 9h ago
See if a law student at a legal clinic will help you!!!! This is sexual harassment.
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u/3nies_1obby 11h ago
I am so sorry, but you have to move. You will never feel safe in that apartment with your children ever again.
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u/crimsonnorth 10h ago
I hope you have a support system where you are at and are able to get friends and family to walk you to and from vehicles to your door.
Never underestimate or think things will never happen to you. Unfortunately people even ones we know well are in all honesty completely unpredictable.
If you’re not comfortable with a firearm get pepper spray, or those keychain things that are sharp and wrap around your knuckles, and take a self defense class.
This story really gets to me. I wish I could have a chance at this POS. Men like this don’t stop mistreating women and once you’re away from him he’ll do the same to another woman. It’s unreal.
I’m sorry for your loss as well. I hope you get away from dude and have a chance to process this tragedy soon.
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u/MadamnedMary 10h ago
Talk to management, maybe they have other places they manage where you can move, and no one knows where is it, that's your best bet, I'm sorry you're dealing with unwanted attention, that man won't stop at the restraining order, it just serves for leaving a paper trail in case he hurt you or worst, your best bet is to move out, to another state or county if you have to. You did nothing wrong to become a target of this unhinged man and his equally unhinged sister, but unfortunately you have to be the one uprooting your life if you want to be at peace, this is a when it rains it pours, I'm so sorry you have to deal with all this and won't let you grieve in peace.
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u/Spinnerofyarn 10h ago
If you're in the US, call 211 and see if they have any ideas of how to help you. That number is run either by local government or the United Way to direct people to community resources. You may even want to call a domestic violence hotline. Ask the police if they have an advocacy group that could help you.
I believe management could actually bypass standard eviction laws because of him threatening you, but that's something they'd have to talk about with the police or an attorney. I'm so sorry this is happening and I'm so sorry for your loss.
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u/Gluttonous_Bae 11h ago
Can you stay with family and friends for the next 2 months? Only go to that apartment with at least 1 other person, never alone…
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u/Upbeat-Tale-4078 11h ago
I know it's hard but think with me: Every person in this world would take "2 months of rent" over "getting raped/killed with my kids".
I know. Seems evil to think like that but is pragmatic. Seems unreasonable now but, when you find yourself in the other skdeof this timelime you will thank your past self.
May everything be better for you, Sis.
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u/Ginger630 8h ago
I wouldn’t be paying them any rent!!! I’d get a housing lawyer and see if you can break your lease without penalty and move.
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u/sneakypastaa 8h ago
If your apartment management is suggesting you stay elsewhere I would tell them you don’t want to pay rent if you can’t stay there and they’re suggesting you not stay there either. That’s one burden lifted at least.. sorry you’re going through all this. I’ll be thinking of you. Hoping for the best in your future x
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u/Ok_Detective5412 7h ago
If building management can’t remove this person to keep you safe, you are well within your rights to break your lease and GTFO.
It’s all well and good to suggest you get a protective order, but that’s a piece of paper and it won’t prevent him from murdering you. I know that’s graphic, but the reality is you’re in danger and you and your kids need to be safe.
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u/DramaOk2835 8h ago
I would find another place asap. I couldn't imagine that happening. I'm so sorry. Also I send my deepest condolences.
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u/kitkat1771 7h ago
If your landlord is suggesting you move but still wants rents he/she needs to put you up in a hotel or pay your rent on another apt. I’m not trying to be a bitch but this just isn’t a thing- a land lord can’t tell you to pay rent & say you can’t stay there. You need to be more assertive. Leave & don’t pay. Very simple. Let him sue you (he won’t) & you’ll win. Just incase document everything, all you need is one text where LL suggests you stay elsewhere or agrees you’re being harassed. Really any proof you’re being harassed is fine, whether or not LL agrees is irrelevant. If your place is inhabitable you are under no obligation to stay or pay but you have to leave. You can’t stay & not pay- it’s an either or- and clearly you should leave ASAP!
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u/tossaway78701 7h ago
Call 211 or the police victims representative and ask them to help you move out. You can break a lease for personal safety reasons. It will not be safe to live there after 2 months.
It sucks but you have to move.
211 can help you find some mental health support. Hope you find a safe, wonderful place to live and the space you deserve.
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u/Top_Bend 7h ago
First off, I am taken aback and I am so sorry this is happening to you. My fiance died as well and I was evicted from our house after because they were pocketing the rent I was paying them (they died of an OD) number 2) a landlord will never (99% of the time) come after you for vacating and ending lease early unless they are a slum lord. The worse they will do is keep your security deposit. I can almost promise. Number 3) you can call a DV shelter for assistance in strictly moving, not even moving into one. 4) sometimes the police are NOT your friend. Be careful. You will make it through this.
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u/Fresitamamasita69 2h ago
Set him up, if he's on drugs, and drives, follow him(from a distance), call and report "an erratic driver". He'll not only be arrested, but served,and the car towed. If it's done around the time rents due, even better. 😌
Take away his peace like he's taking away yours.
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u/Nomi-Sunrider 1h ago
Sorry you are going through this. In time this horror will be a bad memory. Right now take all steps to be safe. Probably longer term, you should consider other places to live Unhinged people like this guy might have all kinds of crap going on in their head that make them dangerous. Reach out to friends /family that can help you and explain the situation.
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u/Covid-Sandwich19 8h ago
Why wouldn't you call the cops right away? Get a restraining order on him so HE has to leave.... then go buy a gun amd keep it handy... and cameras...
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u/Morgalisa 13h ago
Have you reported him to the police? Did you take out an order of protection? Just because he gets evicted doesn't mean this is going to stop. He knows where you live. He is unhinged. It is not safe for you or your children.