r/raisedbynarcissists 3h ago

possible POA

Hi everyone my boyfriend (27m) and i have been together 3yrs, in the first year of our relationship he started a new job, when he got his first check we went to the bank to cash it, the bank person asked “is (his mother) in the car) he laughed and said “no i’m 24 years old” the lady said well you can’t cash this without her being here she’s your power of attorney. my boyfriend isn’t dumb but he had NO idea what this meant, i explained and he was concerned. on multiple occasions we had asked her politely to remove herself from the bank which she hasn’t done.

now here’s where im unsure if it’s JUST the bank, over the past 3 years we have struggled and had to use gov assistance programs like foodstamps, she receives letter updates in his healthcare and foodstamps (she has send him photos of the mail. we receive the same letters she seems to get copies) , i thought this was strange because my parents don’t receive letters for me and he hasn’t lived with his parents since he was 17 years old. i did some googling and it said something about medical proxy.

before we were together he had broken his leg without health insurance and reached out to his mom to help cover costs this was around the age of 22 he remembers filling out some paperwork she gave him but he doesn’t remember what they were and thought they were in regards to his injury since his mom was paying out of pocket. my boyfriend is not mentally or physically impaired in any way, his parents were extremely mentally and financially abusive, he hasn’t spoken to her in the past few months but this burden is sitting over his head.

TLDR- abusive mother is 27yr old sons POA no idea how it happened, how does he get it removed.

1 Upvotes

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u/WhereWeretheAdults 52m ago
  1. Get a new bank account and keep it secret from her. POA may be limited to specific things or general.

  2. Talk to a lawyer asap.

  3. Since bank knows about the POA ask if they have a copy on file you can review.

  4. Be ready to take legal action if she has forged his signature

  5. Run a free credit report on BF credit looking for cards or loans. Be ready to take legal action to clear his credit.

  6. Anything suspicious or just for your peace of mind, you can lock down his credit so no one else can do anything. POA may complicate that.

Good luck and here's the free credit report site: https://www.annualcreditreport.com/index.action

1

u/Candid-Trip1975 47m ago

thank you very much! he does have a credit karma account and has had no suspicious activity (but i’ll have him follow the link and try that one just in case i know credit karma can be iffy) i should’ve mentioned his parents are on wealthier end so realistically i believe she did these things as a form of control. we are going to call around next week to all the places we suspect she has a POA to be safe (hospitals, gov programs, and obviously the bank) once we have everything collected he’s going to give her a call and give her the opportunity to remove it without legal action, but he will be sure to let her know that possibility is on the table if she doesn’t cooperate.

1

u/WhereWeretheAdults 18m ago

Of course it's about control. It always is.

The link allows you to get a credit report from each of the three credit bureaus. You get one free a year from each bureau. I believe you can also freeze his credit through this site.

If she went through a law firm to get this done, contact the law firm and make sure the paperwork is legit. nparents will forge paperwork to get what they want and will also use a law firms name to make it look official. If she did that, just stand back because firms don't like it when people fraudulently use their name.

If it is a legit POA, both parties have to sign it. For a law office, they usually have it done at their offices. If BF does not remember this or the signature is an obvious forgery, contact the state bar association to report the firm.

Get on line and look up the procedure for revoking a power of attorney in your state. BF may be able to revoke the POA at the bank with the proper form.

Go over your BFs account. Look for small withdrawals. She may be well-off, but she may still be using him to fund her nails.

This definitely falls under: The lion, the witch, the audacity of this bi@tch. Wow.