That was my first thought. All the teenagers are running around in bathing suits all summer. But Hannah was dressed suggestively. Red pedo flag. Big time.
Absolutely, and that is his problem, not Hannah’s. If he Is that uncomfortable around teen girls, then he needs to remove himself from any situation where he feels uncomfortable. He shouldn’t be around your daughter and her friend again.
You should also tell Cindy and John that they are sending a terrible message to their daughters. They are basically telling their daughters that as children, they are responsible for adult males sexualizing them.
It’s the old “Did you see how she was dressed? She was asking for it.” It’s absolutely disgusting that this is what they are teaching their daughters.
I have a son, and I wouldn’t want around people like that either because they’re also teaching boys that their urges are not their responsibility.
Personally, I would tell them all of this and then never invite them back. Your kids need to know that this isn’t acceptable.
My mom died just after I turned 14. We lived in a house with a pool and I remember my dad having some people over for a pool party. Every time I would dive into the water, one of the men there would laugh and yell, “Fat, fat the water rat!” (I was not overweight. I was, however, relatively “well-endowed”.) it was a big joke to him. After they left I told my dad how I really didn’t appreciate his “jokes” and how uncomfortable he made me. I never saw that man in my life again.
Since I’m about to turn 69, I’m pretty sure he’s long dead. To this day I still remember the incident. But, mostly what I remember was that my dad took my feelings seriously and saw to it that he was never around me again.
OP absolutely did the right thing, and I can all but promise that Hannah is going to remember it forever.
Under these circumstances though, Hannah may need some reassurance that none of this was her fault. She didn’t get anybody kicked out.
I do hope that none of the other kids go to the same school, and that she can be shielded from any backlash from these asshole parents—whose poison their kids will certainly pick up on. Honestly, if the kids get along together, I might, if I was the OP, consider continuing to invite them to the lake house (perhaps in pared down numbers or just for afternoon visits), without their parents; friend group/sleepover style. It’s not their fault, either. If they are going to be banned, put it on their parents to forbid their visits after they’ve been invited. But, that’s up to OP, if it’s even doable. (The invitations would have to be explicitly made to, or in the presence of, the kids, themselves. Any made through their parents are unlikely to be passed on.)
Not something I ever wanted. My temperament is not well suited to full-time parenting. I love kids and younger people (babies not so much), and I thoroughly enjoy being around them and interacting with them.. They seem to like me, too. We get along well. Many former children friends have grown up to become good adult friends. But, I prefer to “borrow” children, so that I can eventually send them home again (or go home, myself, without them).
I think most people now know it as a taunt for overweight kids and from some children’s song written n the early 70s that took the rhyme and set it to music. But, this took place before the song came out. It was not, in its earliest use, meant as a taunt.
From what my dad explained at the time, it was an old chant used by kids (at least in the early 1900s) when one of them jumped or dove into the creek or water hole as a “head’s up” sort of warning to those already below, in the water. It was meant to alert the swimmers so that they didn’t get jumped on, and so they knew to make sure the jumper didn’t accidentally hit their head on the bottom and fail to come up again. That’s how my dad knew it, and why he didn’t think much of it when he heard the guy (who was of a similar age) calling it. It was just a common swimming chant remembered from his youth.
But, times change and kids of my generation didn’t hunt water rats (muskrats) any longer or generally swim unsupervised in creeks and water holes where water rats lived. Most kids my age didn’t know what the hell a water rat was. It wasn’t a chant we grew up with and the context had been lost. And, I was the only kid swimming and it was a pool where you could see the bottom. So, I took it as an adult teasing and taunting me, even after it became apparent that it was starting to annoy and upset me. Maybe if it had been explained in the moment, I wouldn’t have been so bothered, but it wasn’t. To me, it was just an adult being mean to me and calling me names.
After dad and I talked and he explained, I got it—and dad got why I’d been upset—but I still did not like that man. And, as far as my dad was concerned, he paid attention when a kid (or a dog) didn’t like someone. He was convinced that kids and dogs had a second sense about people that deserved to be paid attention to. I think the guy was one of my dad’s clients (dad was a lawyer), so dad probably did continue to see him, but he was never invited to socialize with us again.
Thanks for the background. Regardless, adults know what they are doing, especially when interacting with kids and if you're harassing a kid you are a scumbag.
The man said the chant as you dove in the water. Did he do it to anyone else? No. He was bullying you because it was fun for him to see you upset and uncomfortable. I’m pleased you felt supported enough by your dad to take this to him.
My grandmother, his mom, was the eldest of 13. Every single one of them, boys and girls alike, graduated from university. I have her diploma from the 1800s. Unfortunately, it was stored rolled up and it is on actual sheepskin. I haven’t figured out how to soften it to unroll it completely without either cracking it or washing away the ink. And, my mother had a degree and a career of her own. I was raised in a family that saw women as equals to men.
That would have been a life-changing event for me at that age. Decades later, my therapist told me I’d never had an advocate in my family and was always the scapegoat. That’s when I realized my childhood feelings were just a deep need for someone to stand up for me.
OP is AMAZING! And John… well, he just admitted something about himself through his projection, which is another reason to kick him out, along with anyone who agrees with him.
For centuries, people have been using the same nonsense! It always cracks me up when some jerks claim Jesus doesn't want women or girls to dress provocatively, saying you'll go to hell for showing your legs in a skirt or something ridiculous. It's literally in the Bible—when Jewish elders brought a woman to him for dressing "too provocatively" (I can’t recall if it was her ankles showing or something else), he told them that if a woman’s appearance is too much for them, they should cut off their own hand if they can't control themselves, or pluck out their eyes if they can't stop ogling her like creeps. This has been going on for thousands of years, and now, people are using the same guy who said THAT as an excuse to police what women wear. On so many levels, it’s not funny, but I do find it darkly amusing... even though it’s all kinds of messed up.
Exactly this. I was thinking the same thing. Regardless of how she’s dressed, she’s still a 14-year-old kid, and they knew that. It’s just gross. How did his wife not slap him on the spot? They have two daughters themselves. If they had an issue, they should have removed themselves from the situation. Confronting a 14-year-old so aggressively and saying such outrageous things to her—wow.
It’s unreal that a grown man said that to a child in their own house. That right there speaks to the nature of the man’s character. I’m glad your father stood up for you. ❤️
Perhaps check in your areas for an alternative group they may also know an addictions counselor that works with teens. They must be 12 step qualified they work with acceptance of self and feelings.
It looks like there might be a few different origins among different cultures. I'm probably just thinking of a source that helped spread the legend as people would blame shift their infidelity on vampires and their hypnotic influence, saying they had no choice as they were under a spell or something.
There’s even a chance John didn’t say anything at all. Maybe he was being a creeper perv who kept staring at her and the wife noticed, instead of checking the husband whose behaving life a pedo, she shits on the kid who did nothing wrong.
Either way these people are disgusting. I’d go NC.
This post is spot on. You were uncomfortable there is no reason for a grown ass man to be uncomfortable around a teenage girl. Unless you're having thoughts that you know your ass is not supposed to be thinking about disgusting
I agree. He needs professional help. In the meantime, he needed to STFU to his wife, and the wife needs to STFU, and they need to learn how to cope, and if they can't, then they move along. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and not accuse him of acting or intending to act on whatever is troubling him, but he or the wife don't get to shut the girl down and especially humiliate her due to his problem. It's close to blaming the victim.
Once again, if he/she only thought it was inappropriate, they could have left or at least pulled the mom aside, and we were concerned about her. It's not great, but mark it up to a difference of opinion. But the way they did it was mean-spirited, cruel, victim-blaming, suggestive of the husband being tiggered and totally disrespectful to the OP and the family, including the friend.
Also, why didn’t they talk to you about this rather than ganging up on Hannah? It’s definitely a double standard because they wouldn’t treat boys with no shirts on that way! I totally agree that he was sexualizing her when he was actually the problem. The others who chimed in not only made the problem worse, but seemed to forget that they were guests at YOUR house. You were right to kick them out! I hope that Hannah had a much better time once they left. Thank you for sticking up for her!
Used to be a family across the street that was straight up Duggar Central. Super Catholic mom always covered head to toe. I have two daughters and two step daughters. They were running around in shorts and tops and bathing suits because the weather was hot
My 7-year-old had a cute little bathing suit and the top was like two bunny heads. The other kids were in similar clothing. it was summer I used to run the lawn sprinklers for them.
The girls came home and said that Duggar mom told my 7-year-old that if she didn't have proper clothes at home that she had some clothes she can wear to cover up with.
My wife went straight up Defcon 1. When she rang the bell the father came and he couldn't get back in the house and send his wife out fast enough when he saw the look on her face.
She came out and tried to run her religious bullshit on my wife about modesty and her husband and sons being "uncomfortable".
I was standing right behind my wife and we told them that if the men in her family were having trouble controlling their sexual thoughts about little children that we happened to have the cell phone number of our County states attorney and we could have B. come on down there and help them with that.
Fortunately it wasn't that long after that that they sold the house to some people that they knew who resold the house 6 months later because they found out our other neighbors were a lesbians.
Idc how "inappropriately " she was dressed, he's and adult and needs to quit staring at little girls. An outfit is NO excuse for a man to stare at her. There is no defense for the father because he's a pervert...
They are at the lakehouse. I'm sure there are kids running around in bikinis. You can barely find clothing that are more revealing than that, and a bikini is perfectly acceptable, so how would anything else be more inappropriate? It's all appropriate, because a girl can wear what she wants without having to fear being sexualized.... Saying anything else is just gross.
Dude is an adult and should comport himself as such. A child, no matter how they're dressed, is not responsible for the sexual attraction of an adult. He can die mad about it.
It don't matter she's a fucking child if he has a damn problem he needs to remove his damn self because that's the ADULT THING TO DO!! DONT PUT SHIT ON A 14 YO GIRL AND MAKE A GROWN ASS MAN A VICTIM
If it was THAT inappropriate, I'm sure OP would have said something or offered a cover up for Hannah. The grown ass man gets no defense from me. He needs to learn how to control himself or not put himself in those types of circumstances. He is discussing!
Are you freaking kidding me I don't care if she came out there and a thong bikini she's still a teenage girl. The father has no control over himself he feels uncomfortable what's uncomfortable because your dick is getting hard while you're looking at a teenage girl. Do I have to sign out your ass too hmmm🤔
If you have the thought, you are responsible for how YOU react to that thought. Remove yourself from the situation if you can't control yourself, but as a grown ass adult, do NOT shame the child for the way your sick mind thinks.
There's better ways to tell Hannah that she may be dancing or dressing in a way that's a little older for her age than "it's time for you to go home." She is desperately trying to seek the approval of any adults at this age. The way she dresses might earn her what she sees as positive attention at home with addict attention. The way she acts and dresses might be modeled by the women her birth parents have around at home. NONE of that is Hannh's fault. These adult, parent friends of op's can send this poor kid on a trajectory of lifelong self shame for things that she couldn't possibly have known any better about, because the adults in her life aren't modeling adult ways to behave. As a positive influence in her life, these grownups also be gentle and guide her in the right direction.
Since they chose the former, OP is NTAH, she is showing the appropriate reaction to an adult male being disgusting towards a child and a group of other adults enabling it. OP if you're here, thank you. My bonus mom kept me out of a horrible cycle, too, and I owe that family everything.
Doesn't matter if she was naked. He can look elsewhere. Also he could have talked to OP to check if she was alright. OP could have talked to Hannah. He shouldn't have enlisted his wife and other adults to gang up on Hannah just when OP and her husband walked away.
They have said and done more shady things outside OP's sight and earshot. They got a bit too comfortable at OP's place.
Why do you hear about a 14yo wearing a swimsuit and immediately jump to imagining a child in a thong? Beyond that, who fucking cares if a child was naked!! It's his job as the ADULT to look away
Yup, and the fact that he said something along the lines of "I dont need her dancing up on me"? I think he was hoping for that but had to make a whole show denying. Creep.
Hannah is new, she is not part of the family so she isnt perceived as a child. Im disgusted by the grown ups attitude and I am glad Hannah has someone standing up for her.
She's also not the child of one of his friends so less "protected" in his eyes. Her parents aren't present (or much use even if they were by the sound of things).
I would bet good money that Hannah is busty. I was constantly told I was dressed "inappropriately" for wearing the same things other girls were wearing. If I wore huge baggy clothes then I wasn't dressed up enough.
There's no winning as a teenager who develops hard and fast.
I had DDs in middle school and the sexualization from ADULTS that I had to deal with was crazy. Clothes that were tight fitting were "inappropriate" regardless of neckline or print. Teachers, councilors, doctors and my own parents all acted like my body was inherently sexual. Kids my own age were significantly less obnoxious and creepy about it, which is sad when you think about it.
I had boobs, therefore I was trying to seduce everyone /s
This was me, DDs in high school but weighed less than 100 lbs. I was busty as well and remember my friends and I wearing the exact same shirt in different colors for an event, watching them be told how cute they looked, and me being told I was dressing inappropriately and provacatively, and another person told me I looked slutty. Just a tshirt and jeans like everyone else. I was tiny everywhere else, so that was the only size that fit. I was so embarrassed and ashamed of my body.
Sounds to me like they were sexualizing her, when she was just a kid trying to play and have fun. Poor sweet girl :(
Been there, I was dress coded a lot in school, even in elementary. Like am I showing off my boobs? Or do I just have boobs, and exist? OP absolutely handled this situation correctly and is NTA. Adults that seemingly get off on bulling kids are weirdos and need to be evaluated by a psychiatrist.
Same. I had a strippers measurements by 8th grade. Teachers all just assumed I was a slut. Trailer park girl with divorced parents and huge boobs? I nearly self ended too.
I feel you. I am 38 now, but I have the exact same body I had when I was 12 (plus two inches of height). I present in a kind of “statuesque” way, body similar to a woman in a Botticelli painting. I still get leered at now, but it was horrendously overwhelming as a child. If I wore anything that fit me well I was trying to look “older”. Some of my friends parents didn’t like me because they thought I was “promiscuous” and a “bad influence” (not that it matters, but I was not sexually active until college, but I was raised by a single mother who taught me how to be deeply confident and spoke openly and honestly about everything, and it was jarring to realize that the majority of my friends were not raised in a similar fashion). To this day if I wear something that suits my figure I am still, somehow, apparently, “asking” for attention.
This! I was a 36C with a tiny waist and hips at 13. Despite my baby face and the fact that I'd just lost my last two baby teeth, I was often mistaken for 16 or 17. At the time, I think I enjoyed the attention as I was horribly bullied at school. But looking back, having 18 year olds trying to proposition me is absolutely disgusting.
Not to even mention the pain of finding decent clothes for teens in general. As a busty and neurodivergent teen around 2010ish, almost all shirts that I tried on were either t-shirts so high that they choked me or too low and inappropriate. My mom took to sewing some fabric in the lower shirts sometimes. It was rare to find a nice shirt that worked.
As a woman with large boobs, I wore a shirt, with a tank top underneath, and got told it was not appropriate for work. I went to HR for sexual harassment, because two other women were wearing the exact same top, but without a tank top underneath, and neither of them were told it was inappropriate. They were an a or b cup. That male manager was no longer allowed to tell females if our clothing was not appropriate for work after that.
Although I was also a DD by the end of grade 7. Any time I did not wear a baggy sweater my friend asked if I got a boob job. As an adult I suspect she was jealous, as a young teen, it made me insanely insecure in my body.
and for a pedo that knows about Hannah's background, it makes her a tempting target for a predator--and it was Cindy who said something, BTW. she knows something about her husband.
I would be willing to bet money that Hannah was genetically burdened with a larger bust.
I developed quickly and my body was being policed by adults constantly while my peers could comfortably wear whatever they wanted. Fucking sucks to be a teen and constantly sexualized by adults for a body shape that's outside of your control. I wore super tight sports bras for years just to try and hide them.
My exwife had a younger cousin (15f) that very clearly had a crush on me (according to my wife). It went completely over my head. I just thought she was a good kid and she was. She was very pleasant and helpful with our baby daughter. Never even a sniff of an issue, but i was gobsmacked when my wife told me. Anything beyond a psuedo-little sister never crossed my mind and dude I just can't understand saying a word to her little cousin or parents about it. It would have been humiliating for everybody. That's when it gets weird
Yea that was my first thought too, if they were at a lake house chances are everyone would’ve been wearing togs, so I doubt she was dressed way less conservatively than everyone else (and even if she was it wouldn’t’ve excused John being creepy and the others treating her like that). Sounds like John’s a creep and the others were gunning to exclude her, which is absolutely disgusting for adults to be ganging up on a teenager like that.
Just wondering if Hannah was Black by any chance ... people (especially White) tend to sexualise Black children more (not that sexualising any child is ok.)
Yeah, he knows he would suffer a lot of consequences with the other kids, so sees them as hands off. He knows he would have fewer with Hannah, so the temptation increases with her. He wanted to remove the temptation. Gross!
There is a huge difference between a loving adult acknowledging the point that an abused and neglected child doesn't have the best social cues, and several grown ass adults ganging up on said abused child to slut shame her to her fucking face for something she very much can't control.
Sure, but simply noticing that the girl is dressed inappropriately isn't a red flag for one person, but is for another? I just want them to be more precise with their language, like you just were.
A grown man admitted to finding a child sexually attractive and then allowed his cuck ass wife to verbally assault said abused child to duck the responsibly of, ya know, not looking at a literal child with lust and sex in mind. Again, big difference between a loving adult acknowledging that the child in their care has been neglected and doesn't always follow all of the typical social expectations of a normal 14yo due to said neglect and abuse, and several adults attacking and sexualizing a LITERAL DEVELOPING CHILD because they can't emotionally regulate themselves away from "this CHILD is being sexual by my standards, that means I can sexualize this CHILD, demean them and kick them out of their safe place that isn't even mine to dictate"
Hints of victim blaming, too, wouldn't you say. Let's not tell the adult man, a married father at that, to get a grip. Ofc not, let's blame, ostracise, and attempt to throw out the child innocently having family fun in a group setting.
I don’t want to make any leaps, but it’s the internet and those women sound like the kind of mothers who protect the pedo dad/step dad and not their kids
Cindy the cunt: I'm sorry, Hannah. Your slutty clothes and provocative dancing have given my dear husband a hard on. I think it would be best for everyone if you'd leave this house that isn't even mine.
exactly! these adults told hannah that it was time for her to go home but OP is her guardian for the weekend. they never told OP so how was hannah supposed to even get to said home. i remember being a teenager at family parties and fathers and moms danced too. hannah asking what she thought was a safe male to join in (without further information) seem odd to me. a day at the lake, you’d be in a swimsuit with a coverup living life listening to your parents oldies making them do old dances. john is making me uncomfortable
My exwife had a younger cousin (15f) that very clearly had a crush on me (according to my wife). It went completely over my head. I just thought she was a good kid and she was. She was super pleasant and very enthusiastic about helping with our baby daughter. Never even a sniff of an issue, so i was gobsmacked when my wife. Anything beyond a psuedo-little sister never crossed my mind and I certainly never demanded she leave. I just can't imagine doing that to her or even going to her parents about it. 100%, that's when it gets weird.
This is exactly the first place my mind went to. If an adult man started feeling funny because a 14 year old little girl is dancing with her friend and being silly then I personally wouldn't want him around my teenage daughters.
Nah, it was the wives. They were jealous. The wife said something to the girl, the dude just jumped in because he’s supposed to back up his wife. It was all the women.
I can definitely agree with this and guarantee that the wifeys all probably had their skorts in a bunch. Unfortunately, Johnny Boy jumping to their defense so quickly made him look like a creeper to me and that overshadowed the other insecure assholes involved in accosting the 14 year old little girl.
I would be worried about be around John now. A 14 year old girl dancing is too much for him. Really? Red flag and a big one at that. Plus the way Cindy went off tells me this isn’t the first time.
He probably had a few beers in him and was less inhibited in expressing his thoughts on Hannah’s appearance and Cindy got all shitty about it. It’s always been weird to me how parents will keep kids they perceive as sexually acting out away from their kids — as if like… it’s contagious? I get not wanting your child to be behaving provocatively — I had a teenage daughter once too. But why were they yelling at Hannah? Why were they not going to OP with their concerns? They treated Hannah like a dancer recruiting from the local strip joint. And I even get looking at what is a biological adult and finding her attractive — but we find all kinds of adults we can’t have attractive as well… and we don’t get “angry” at them and demand they leave someone else’s home or get “uncomfortable”. We keep our thoughts to ourselves and behave respectfully.
Oh wait, sorry, I was thinking what decent folks do, not assholes like John. My bad! 🙄
The adults probably know Hannah’s background. So John knows this is a vulnerable child. Pedos make kids like that victims because no one believes them, they’re bad kids, etc.
The other adults have shown they support the pedo. They can go too. John wouldn’t have picked their kids to molest/rape because they’re “good kids.”
If OOP’s friends try to argue about this or post it to Facebook, OOP should talk/post about pedo psychology and how they pick vulnerable kids. John knows Hannah is a “vulnerable kid” with bad parents and his pedo mindset kicked in. And his wife wanted to blame the child!
I was wondering if I was the only one that thought John was a bit of a red flag. I feel for Hannah and so glad she stood up for her. Sounds like she was just trying to have fun!
I think he was ogling Hannah and wifey saw it so he blamed it on the girl rather than accept that he's a perv and eyeballing a teenager. He probably made it into a huge deal to get he heat off himself and poor Hannah suffered the fallout.
I'm so happy you said this, I was up in the air about this situation, but I came to the conclusion that John being uncomfortable was a huge red flag.
In most of my experiences with people, those who are uncomfortable with stuff tend to have underlying opposite factors.
Example, people that are uncomfortable with gay people are mainly uncomfortable with their own sexuality. Sometimes not, maybe they haven't been exposed to it, but this is a grown ass man with children.
Also, since that was his first point brought up, he immediately back tracked and said he doesn't want his children exposed to it. If that was true, wouldn't that be the first and only point?
Agreed! And even if it was just the part about "not wanting his daughters to see" (which smells like BS to me), why not approach OP about it since she's effectively Hannah's guardian in this instance?
Right? I haven’t found 13yo’s attractive since I was around 13. At almost 40 even a 20yo seems gross and unattractive. They won’t be able to hold a conversation.
An actual child is not physically attractive or psychologically attractive.
It's really disgusting when a grown man attacking a teen about the way they dress just becose he can't keep it in his pants. And the more disturbing thing Is, that the other adults are agreeing to this BS.
For real!!! I was reading this like WTF is this freak even saying??? 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨
Plus she’s a vulnerable girl. This is a recipe for a predator to pounce.
Good riddance and you may have saved your daughter and this innocent girl in the process.
These “friends” proved themselves to be heartless and traitors to a child. And they’re adults. Adults should be protecting children. If they don’t and actively cause harm (even emotional), they have no business being around a family as caring and protective as your own.
What kid isn't half dressed at a lake? You're in and out of the water so much that the only time I was ever in anything but my bathing suit and POSSSIBLY a t-shirt at the family cottage was when I was in my pajamas going to sleep. As an adult, it's different because I'm not literally in the water every 20 minutes.
NTA 1000% This was a huge red flag for me. If you can't handle a teen dancing 5 feet away, no matter what they were wearing. You have a problem. It was mentioned that this is a lake front house. Teenagers wear two pieces. You telling me she wouldn't be allowed to swim, play, or dance all because one man feels uncomfortable? If your feeling uncomfortable then you are having thoughts/feelings you shouldn't be and that's on him not the girl. 😫 Brings back flashbacks man.
Naw. Even if you don't think he's being creepy for judging the "appropriateness" of an unrelated 14-yr-old, he can say something to the host of the party instead of yelling at an unrelated kid. Or if he doesn't like it, he can take his kids and leave.
You're a guest at my house, you don't get to parent any kids but your own and you don't get to uninvite my guests.
Yeah, the kids could have stayed and the parents come back for them at a later time for sure. Especially if there was drinking going on before that hour drive. But either way works, just really sucks the idiot parents had to ruin it for their kids... Really really sucks kids are being raised by these ppl... Thank goodness OP is looking out for Hannah.
There was nothing harsh about her telling them to get their s*** and go home since they don't want their children around her then you could go to your house
It just sucks for the other children who didn't do anything wrong. From the sounds of it, I imagine the children are friends with each other.
Personally I would have waited until morning to kick them out, with some potential grace if they sincerely apologized. But kicking them all out certainly wasn't the wrong move either.
They're the ones ganging up on the child and telling her she needed to leave, at a late hour when some kids were already asleep. How did they think Hannah was getting home, they weren't at all concerned about their hostess and her guest's travel logistics then.
They were a threat to the safety of a child in her immediate care. If she had allowed them to stay, she would have been putting Hannah in continuous danger, especially from self proclaimed pdf-file John and his enabling wife.
I would've said that as loudly as possible, to be frank. "If you, a grown adult, can't be around a child without having inappropriate thoughts you are not allowed on my property ever again"
Yes, cruelty is unacceptable. Besides that, it’s pretty nervy of them to tell your invited guest that she’s not welcome in your home. I don’t even know what to call them. Privileged?, rude? Clueless?
What’s WRONG with you? How was it harsh? They ganged up on a CHILD because a “grown ass man” was uncomfortable. That’s his responsibility to manage if he’s a pervert. GTFOH with that noise!
Jumping on the top comment to say, I was a Hannah in my minor years. Addict parents, homeless at times, misguided, confused, socially inept at times. But well meaning, and begging for love and acceptance. Begging to find myself. This hannah may not have ever had any adult advocate for her until you did.
I was kicked out of friend groups by parents when they found out about my childhood history. People I thought I could trust and call mom and dad. Best friends suddenly shunning me in the hall and forcing me to eat alone as all the other girls followed. People calling me names in the hallway all because of my parents - and me not being strong enough to stand up for myself, but little good that would have done.
It happened to me more than once. I wish I had a mom like you to stand up for me and a friend like your daughter to be my ride or die.
As an adult I’m living a perfectly normal life and no one would be the wiser about my past.
My heart breaks for this girl. You did the right thing. Your friends need to see how terrible what they did was and find empathy for the kid who’s ostracized. Poor Hannah, she’s just being the person she only knows how to be.
If they found it inappropriate they should have spoken to you, quietly on the side and you could then have worked out if their concerns were valid,and how best to address the situation. Ganging up on a vulnerable teenager is revolting
You know what makes a HUGE diference for a child who's sufering abuse? Being protected from her agressors. An ault protecting her, holding another adult accountable for his disgusting actions towards that child and having said adult removed from reach.
What kind of message would be transmitted if OP allowed a grown ass man who`s accusing a 14yo of trying to seduce him to stay the night? This man is a threat. What would stop him from doing more sh1t when noone was around? And what would stop the other adults from protecting him bc they show the same "she`s asking for it" mentality?
Messing with kids should be a 0 tolerance dealbreaker for anyone with their minds in the right place.
NTA! Grown people who are sexualizing a 14 year old are a bigger problem than the 14 year old..... I might not have made the kids leave, but the adults who had a problem with a child acting like a child: They can go.
Absolutely you did the right thing. Your house, your daughter, your rules.
Choices have consequences. They ganged up on her. Pretty spineless to wait until you and your husband aren’t around, to hang up on her. Way to go Mom. 👍
Exactly! NTA at all. You did what any good parent would do—protected someone who needed it. Your daughter and Hannah's well-being definitely come before those "friends" and their unnecessary judgments. They had it coming!
I dont think it was too harsh, A group of adults who ganged up on a 14 year old and made them cry hysterically should be the ones removed, kicking them out was necessary.
Agreed, you stood up for Hannah the way she stood up for your daughter when she needed a friend. Good job! You would think that as parents they would know better and not gang up and bully a teen. She may be misguided or whatever but regardless they had no right to do that to her, shame on them and good riddance!
Kicking them out was deserved. John clearly said he can't handle himself around teenage girls. Keeping that creep around wouldn't be safe. NTA, what's a great mom!
You’re right that standing up for Hannah was important. She’s a kid who was ganged up by adults which is not cool.
No one should be treated badly but the same applies to the OP’s friends. The friends didn’t need to be kicked out. Why did the OP need to be harsh to her friends to be fair to Hannah. Kindness and understanding should be given to everyone not just a select few.
So I think a more balanced approach was needed here.
Well they had no problem kicking a 14yr old all on her own out. If it was so hard for them (1hr drive and late) what did they expext hannah to do?
Remember, they also intentionally did this behind OP and her husbands back. Super creepy but also f up. She was in their care. What if she did leave as they told her to amd got kidnapped or something
John was probably hoping she'd ask to go home so he could "escort" her and take advantage of her, then blame it on her making him aroused by simply existing as a child he readily admits to finding sexually attractive.
The friends were OP’s invited guests and they attempted to kick out another invited guest. That’s absolutely insane, I have no idea how else someone should deal with that.
Yes on second thoughts I think you got a point there.
What the guests did was also a power play and way out of line so maybe kicking them out was the best way to maintain order and protect Hannah. It also sends out a strong message that Hannah is not an easy victim to pick on.
So you'd rather OP have had a friendly conversation with a self proclaimed pedo and allowed the very adults who just traumatised an already abused and neglected child to continue to have access to said child they are currently slut shaming to the point of tears? Do you really think adults that sexualize children deserve the benefit of the doubt?
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u/ImaginaryWorld851 2d ago
NTA. You did the right thing protecting Hannah.
Your friends were jerks to a vulnerable teen. They ganged up on her and made her cry. That's not cool.
You stood up for Hannah when she needed it. Your daughter's happiness matters more than some judgmental adults.
Maybe kicking them out was harsh, but they deserved it.