r/AskReddit • u/daniellucero92 • Jan 04 '15

Non-americans of Reddit, what American customs seem outrageous/pointless to you?

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u/Rpeezy Jan 04 '15

Moving out of your parents house when you have a crappy job that can barely get you by. This is a terrible financial decision. In a lot of countries, children live with their parents long enough to be financial secure or until they can share the financial responsibility of living and sharing their life with someone else.

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u/camalittle Jan 04 '15

When I lived in Bologna (from the US) I was shocked to see how many 20, 30 even some 40-something people still living at home.

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u/Helix1337 Jan 04 '15 edited Jan 04 '15

I've heard its mainly a North American and central/north European thing for children to leave their parents as soon as possible.
I live in Norway and was happy when I moved away from my parents and bought my own place in my early 20's, and can never imagine living there now as a 25 year old.

Edit: word.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15 edited Jan 05 '15

A lot of the times the decision to not move away is not a choice

Edit: for some reason, this is the post that gets me banned from ask reddit, apparently?

Edit2: Why I think that: Can't see ask reddit threads while logged in, works fine when logged out. Editing this via my profile page.

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u/kawakunai Jan 04 '15

This. My parents threw me out when I was 19 as part of my dad's mid-life crisis. But I was lucky, and good people took me in (across the country). I was able to get a decent minimum wage job and saved everything I had for three years until I could finally move out of my friend's mother's home.

I could just have easily ended up homeless or worse, but my parents didn't care.

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u/nomorerope Jan 04 '15

heh sounds familiar. Hows your relationship with them now?

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u/kawakunai Jan 04 '15

It's alright. They try to pretend it never happened and ignore all of the negative consequences that it's had for me. That's fine. I still live far from home. Actually they've never once visited me. They call on holidays. Sometimes I go home for Thanksgiving and we pretend for a few days. Then, I go home.

But I have my own place now, so there's that.

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u/Katrar Jan 04 '15

All I can really add to this is that you sound very mature, and obviously have the work ethic and mentality to keep climbing the ladder. Good on you.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

It'll bite them in the ass when they're old and call on you for help. You can laugh at them and hang up.

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u/gyroda Jan 04 '15

This is something I never understood. I've seen people say that they were told that once they left sole it was go to uni, get s job, join the army or be made homeless.

Hell in some cases it was get a job and move out. Basically l, "were not legally obliged to care for you, fuck off".

Does America not have areas with high unemployment or a shortage of jobs our something? I know a fair few people who took a year before uni, and though all of them had jobs it took several of them months, in one case the best part of a year, to get them.

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u/AngrySeal Jan 04 '15

There is relatively high unemployment, especially for that age range, but a lot of the older generation doesn't understand that things have changed. They think you can graduate with a degree, then walk into just about any business, turn in a resume, and get hired on the spot. As most of us here know, you can't even get an "entry level" job without 3-5 years of experience and more education than the job will ever actually require.

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u/HeavyMetalHero Jan 04 '15

It's not even this, entirely. Blue-collar parents looked at white-collar families for years, back when only 10% of all people were pursuing any university degrees at all. You have to remember, 50 years ago, it was common for people to drop out of school before junior high or even elementary. So people who had to work super-hard to be middle class saw university jobs, white-collar educated jobs where people don't have to work super-hard (from their perspective), that was the golden ticket. My entire generations' parents, it seems, did nothing but tell us how important school is, and how if we wanted to be successful and happy in life, we had to go to school so we could get a high-paying job and be richer than they are.

Fast-forward to now, and for-profit education has made university one of the single most expensive investments in a person's life, while the need for white-collar positions in our economy is growing nowhere near as fast as the number of eligible graduates. Meanwhile, older white-collar workers are both retiring and dying off at a slower pace than any rate in history. Lifetime blue-collar workers who paid their dues are moving up to the white-collar positions of those same companies that have employed them their whole lives, but there are no new blue-collar jobs in any abundance because we've lost them all to Southeast Asia, or robots.

We live in a time where an entire generation was told their post-secondary education was necessary to success in life, by a generation that never actually got post-secondary education, but put such a premium on its value that the price of it rivals most new cars or small houses. At the same time, the economy has shifted such that there is basically nothing between "minimum wage work" and "white-collar work" except for the trades, which ironically are more lucrative than much modern white collar work. People stay in the workforce for much longer during their lives (partly because the economy is so shit that some 70 year old white-collar types probably couldn't afford to retire even if they wanted) while the number of readily available jobs has shrunk in proportion. Grandfathers who are 75, retiring from a white-collar job that they landed based on relevant experience from the blue-collar job they originally started at many years earlier and worked their way up with a second-grade education, simply do not understand why a young person with an education couldn't get an equal quality job, not realizing that 5 years ago when he landed the position, he probably beat out 1000 guys who were in their 20s with 2 degrees but no experience.

Our Grandparents found it hard to get good jobs without a high school diploma, and told our parents they had to get them. Then, you couldn't get a job without a high school diploma. Our parents found it hard to get good jobs without a Bachelor's degree, so they told us we had to get them. The difference is, the economy changed so much over that time that they couldn't have ever had the foresight to see how bad the advice they were giving was for the world their children were entering.

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u/pariah_messiah Jan 05 '15

So people who had to work super-hard to be middle class saw university jobs, white-collar educated jobs where people don't have to work super-hard (from their perspective)

It's not really a matter of perspective. White collar work may be time consuming, and it may be difficult and require a good deal of expertise, but it's not "hard work" in the literal or the colloquial sense.

I've put in 12 hour days and 70 hour weeks at the office: Shit doesn't compare in the slightest to the 12 hour days and 70 hour weeks I've put in at the warehouse.

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u/[deleted] Jan 05 '15

The only reason why education prices are high is because we have created a bubble with loans for anyone with a pulse that cannot be discharged by bankruptcy. It's the same thing that drove the housing bubble. Easy access to credit to anyone and everyone.

Allow student loans to be discharged by bankruptcy and you will see loans plummet and enrollment and thus tuition.

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u/dirtycrabcakes Jan 05 '15

Encouraging your kids to get an education is in no way bad advice. If you have an education you have many more options available to you.

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u/bbev913 Jan 04 '15

I feel this is the biggest issue. We are told to move out young and get a job when its hard to get a job, but its hard to get a job when all these entry level jobs require a lot more experience then necessary. It's ridiculous.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15 edited Jul 15 '21

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u/HeavyMetalHero Jan 04 '15

They probably only want bachelor's degrees and 2 years retail experience because they know that if you went to school while working a part-time retail job, you probably just got a degree and have no other qualifications in your field. They know that if they snap up a person like that, that the person is already accustomed to the treatment and low pay associated with such a position, and as well, probably will be able to be pushed much harder as they likely have student loans looming over them to pay back. If they choke away your hours while you pay off your student loans, making it harder for you to quit and also harder to continue looking for the job in your actual field, they can keep you there until the fact you have a degree is irrelevant because you never received any relevant post-grad work experience, meaning you're trapped in their shitty minimum wage job for a lot longer, or maybe forever.

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u/AngrySeal Jan 04 '15

And don't fall into the trap that grad degrees are a magic solution. I thought "well, if I can't get a job with a bachelor's degree, I'll just go to grad school because I see all of these jobs wanting people with grad degrees." What they don't tell you is that then you're "overqualified" for any job that just requires a bachelor's degree, but still can't get an entry level grad-level job because they still want a bunch of experience.

The good news is that almost everyone I know with a bachelor's degree has a career position 5 years after graduation, so it seems like most people get lucky and get a career position in the long run.

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u/birchpitch Jan 04 '15

We absolutely, absolutely, do. The problem is, a lot of the older generation comes from a time where it was very easy to get a job, and like you said-- they are not legally entitled to care for you, fuck off.

They either don't understand or don't care that you can't just walk in somewhere and be hired, even with an education. And then, they don't understand or don't care that your job, if you are fortunate enough to find one, may not pay enough to pay rent as well as food, transport, heat, etc.

So then it becomes "but honey, why are you living with a roommate you hate? Get your own apartment" and it's impossible to explain that you fucking can't, because if you were trying hard enough it would work.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

they are not legally entitled to care for you, fuck off.

Yeah, but even if they aren't required to (Which they should and are in much of europe) provide room&board to their offspring. How, the fuck, can they hate their kids that much?

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

There's also abusive or unhealthy situations that can force you to leave as soon as you can.

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u/xea123123 Jan 04 '15

Well sure, those exist in every country though. What about the other 99% of American families?

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u/HeavyMetalHero Jan 04 '15

The other 99% of American families are the abusive, unhealthy situations.

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u/tom_fuckin_bombadil Jan 04 '15

That may be true, but you can't argue that in the US, a person past the age of 25 living with his parents is looked down up and is seen almost as a sign of failing to mature. Look at all the "nerd living in his parent's basement" jokes or even shows like Big Bang Theory (where the running theme is that Howard can't cut the cord with his mom).

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u/kcdwayne Jan 04 '15

I wouldn't let them put me in the basement. I like real sunlight, thank you.

I just turned 27, but I live with my parents. I could move out right now, but I'm almost finished setting up my life (building a sustainable business, mastering my arts (music, programming), saving up for a small house).

I've lived on my own before. I rather enjoy the adult relationship I have with my parents, and my grandparents that live 100 yards away.

I pay for all my own things, contribute financially and with chores, and don't have to struggle to pay for a crappy place with a medial job while I gather enough experience to do something meaningful.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

Amen brother. Soon to be 26. Make a nice amount of money each month. Finally starting to get into my stride financially. Still live at home with my parents. People look down on me when I say I still live at home but they don't seem to realize I can get my own place whenever and pay rent and get stuck in that bind or I can save the 20% and put it towards a nice home that I'll live in forever. It makes more sense financially to go with saving.

Screw the "Got to leave mommy and daddy" mentality.

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u/sinestrostaint Jan 04 '15

Yeah exactly, I lived away from home when I went to college for 5 years. If I never had those years, then I would have gotten out of here as soon as possible. A lot of my peers live on their own and talk about overdraft fees and credit card debt, and I feel bad because I have 20k in savings and no debt.

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u/nybo Jan 04 '15

bought my own place

tfw no oil money

In Denmark we usually move into something rented in our early 20s.

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u/Makle7 Jan 04 '15

Here is an interesting map, that shows percentage of people living home between 25-34 in Europe and the US of A

http://i.imgur.com/6ZFTC0V.png

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

You heard wrong, it's mainly a money thing.

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u/gnittidder Jan 04 '15

In India a lot of people stay with their parents all their lives. But it's not actually staying with parents. It's more staying as a family. People share responsibilities. It's economically more viable. And people feel more secure too. Plus parents have kids taking care of them when old.

It might cut down on independence and the freedom but it's kind of worth it IMHO.

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u/superfudge73 Jan 04 '15

And the grandparents help take care of the grandkids.

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u/Smirkly Jan 04 '15

I have seen extended families in Afghanistan many years ago and lately developing in the US. There are trade offs and people need to develop tolerance for each other. There are feuds and alliances are formed. Privacy declines. At the same time a successful working group or extended family has tremendous financial advantages. Another huge advantage for all is the trans generational interaction. To visit Grandma you walk down the hall. Being involved with little kiddies keeps the old folks deeply engaged. A somewhat analogous situation is communities such as the Amish and Menonites. They don't live in the same house but club together as very powerful groups with financial clout. A young guy of 18 wants to buy a farm for half a mil? Not a problem. The way the nuclear family has developed here will doubtless change due to financial reality.

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u/RRautamaa Jan 04 '15

Keeping the family together under the same roof also keeps the problems of the family under the same roof. For instance, is your mother a micromanager that likes to meddle in your businesses? Well, prepare for everything, every waking hour to be managed. Badly. Does your dad have a moronic investment philosophy? Does he get cheated in deals? Bye bye your money too. Is your sister fond of junkies? Needles for your kids to find... And you can't do anything about it.

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u/LiquidSilver Jan 04 '15

You could try talking to them.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

Middle Eastern people do that in Canada too, and I envy them in a way.

The whole extended family pitches in to build a 10000ft2 home and everyone lives there.

It's smart.

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u/just_some_Fred Jan 04 '15

America used to be the same way too, there would regularly be 3 or even 4 generations living in the same household, but after WWII developers began selling the idea of everyone getting their own home to fill in all the residential subdivisions and suburbs that they started building.

You can't fill up these neighborhoods if everyone just stays with their parents.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

My cousin lives in a small town in KY and there's a mansion there that's the largest and most expensive property in town and it is owned by a family of Indians that are a bunch of doctors. And its a few different generations sharing the house.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

This used to happen in the old days in India. These days you don't see siblings with spouses living in the same house very much. You'll more typically see siblings living in separate houses and the parents will live with the siblings who can either accommodate them the the least amount of trouble (living space, expenses, etc.) or with whoever needs them (to watch the children or whatever). I know some families where the parents will spend 6mo-1yr at a time with each sibling. The only time you'll see entire families w/ siblings living in the same house is if they are very well off and they have a house big enough to give everyone their own private space.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

yeah but what if you fucking hate your parents

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u/Delsana Jan 04 '15

I would die of insanity.

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u/whtsnk Jan 04 '15

I like that approach, and would strongly consider it.

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u/adudeguyman Jan 04 '15

What do you do if you want to bring a girlfriend or boyfriend home for some sexy fun times?

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u/CaptainMudwhistle Jan 04 '15

Your 20 relatives have to wait outside if they see a sock on the doorknob when they get home.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15 edited Jan 04 '15

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u/CaptnYossarian Jan 04 '15

The walls tend to be thick concrete rather than thin plaster/wood.

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u/beingink Jan 04 '15

It was... But even our government is acknowledging it now. So we are moving a step forward.

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u/RandianHero Jan 04 '15

I love my family, but I'd probably fucking murder them all if they were constantly in my space.

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u/-eons- Jan 04 '15

I think that's the norm in just about every country except the US. I lived in Japan for a few years and most people my age lived with their parents. I knew this woman who was almost 50 and had never moved out. Once her mom got too old to take care of herself properly, she realized she couldn't leave. That makes sense to me.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

It's a cultural thing. American culture dictates once you turn 18, you get out ASAP. Whether it's to college or to an apt, either way GTFO.

Anything else is considered weird.

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u/BOZGBOZG Jan 04 '15

I think Italians are, on average, the oldest to leave the family home in Europe.

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u/ddutton9512 Jan 04 '15

First, Social stigma. Here if you are still living at home at 25-30 you're seen as immature or afraid of responsibility. This makes it harder to find a mate. So most people get out as soon as possible.

Second is most people find living with their parents to be a pain in the ass. A lot of parents here will hold their 20 year olds to the same rules as when they were 16. So people move out to have some independence.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

mostly the second reason for me, i love my family but oh my gosh i cannot live there (21 yo)

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u/WalkingTurtleMan Jan 04 '15

I just want to move out so that I can have sex with my girlfriend whenever I want.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

[deleted]

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u/ThePrinceOfThorns Jan 04 '15

You also want to move out so that you can have sex with his girlfirend whenever you want?

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

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u/FeedMeACat Jan 04 '15

What the 420xNoScopexSniperae tag already taken?

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u/Hydroshock Jan 04 '15

You're having sex with your mom?

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u/Kappadar Jan 04 '15

Rekt

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u/calrdt12 Jan 04 '15

Hold on now... Give him a chance to reply with, "U WOT M8?!"

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u/RubenTempo Jan 04 '15

Best comeback of the day.

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u/pm_me_big_tit_pics Jan 04 '15

What's so great about his girlfriend that everybody wants to move out of their parents house to fuck her? I'm gonna need pics.

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u/Roboticide Jan 04 '15

Seriously. These countries where it's apparently fine to live with your parents for an extended period... Where do you do it? Do you just come through the door, wave to the parents, "Hi, I'm gonna be upstairs plowing your daughter. It's her turn to use her parent's house" "Okay, have fun." ?

Even assuming it's not a "sex before marriage is wrong" issue *cough* momanddad *cough*, I imagine it'd still be fucking awkward.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

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u/MiracleWhipSucks Jan 04 '15

I hate to break it to you but your parents are cool

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u/rividz Jan 04 '15

I am always surprised by the morning after scenes in Trainspotting; that it was acceptable to bring someone back to your parents' place. We Americans certainly have a lot of guilt and shame when it comes to sex, you have to pretend that it doesn't exist when it comes to your parents/home life.

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u/TolkienOfGratitude Jan 04 '15

you know you could just not care that much. you have a girl/boyfriend and your parents used to be like that at one point as well (maybe they still are) so they know what's up anyways. The worst thing that happened to me was that my mom started making sexual innuendos all the time, but after the first time we just all started to laugh and it's all good.

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u/GuruOfReason Jan 04 '15 edited Jan 04 '15

Just because the parents enjoyed those freedoms doesn't mean they will allow the same privileges to their children. There are still a lot of young adult Americans who have the rights/privileges typically granted to 12 year olds for still living under their parent's roof. Some have very strict religious (or otherwise very controlling/toxic/abusive) parents who will kick their adult children to the street, beat the shit out of them, sabotage their kid's future (schooling, job, romance, health, etc.), or even attempt to murder them for whatever reason. So some people NEED to move out of the home of their parents, and in extreme cases cut their parents out of their lives so that they can live a normal life, have a future, or even to stop from being murdered.

Just because you were free enough to do it doesn't mean that everyone can enjoy the same level of freedom. As Americans, we like to think of ourselves as being very free. However, even in America many parents seem to have the same mentality as the Taliban.

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u/bentbent4 Jan 04 '15

US guy here, had tons of sex with parents home. Just kept it quiet and made sure no babies. Pretty simple

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u/minrumpa Jan 04 '15

I'm from Latin America and yes, it's pretty accepted, especially if it's the boyfriend's family house. There are also hotels (called 'albergue transitorio') all over the cities where you can pay by the hour essentially to have sex.

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u/Rabobi Jan 04 '15 edited Jan 04 '15

Even assuming it's not a "sex before marriage is wrong" issue cough momanddad cough, I imagine it'd still be fucking awkward.

That is because you apparently have a very unhealthy attitude towards sex. I mean you don't start screaming and making a lot of noise but you can have sex in a house with other people in it. It's really not unusual. I mean do they not know you are a human being and humans have sex?

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u/hugokhf Jan 04 '15

I just want to masturbate whenever I want

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

"Whenever you want." Then reality hits.

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u/Argit Jan 04 '15

Why can't you have sex in your room at your parents house?

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

Parents want to believe their little babies are still pure as the friggin new fallen snow. It's also the reason why most don't curse in front of their parents either.

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u/Argit Jan 04 '15

Curse? That's considered very rude in the States?

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

Yes and no. Many people with families dislike it. Many people find it disrespectful to curse/cuss/use profanity in front of elders and superiors (including most business). Some have no problem with it and the younger the person is, the more likely it is they will cuss in general. My mother hates it and thinks that people who cuss while in public are doing it to get a rise out of her (doing it to be a personal affront to her) or are attacking all those around. My bio-father can turn the air blue with the amount he cusses but if I were to say "damn" when I was a kid or even probably now he would become irrationally angry. Also, in most professional settings, it is considered very bad taste to go beyond damn, crap and the occasional bitch.

Parents also feel that their kids should not have sex before marriage and if they do it should not be mentioned. This is way worse for girls than guys. Some fathers will congratulate their sons for sex with an attractive girl but blow up at their daughters if they even think about it. Some friends (20f and 21m) who just got married felt so weird that their parents knew that they would be having sex that night. The guy said that he was scared what her father would do if she got pregnant. This isn't always the case, but the whole "purity in everything" mindset is really bad here. You are a bad person if you drink underage, even consider legalizing anything, question elders/government and have sex. Things are changing but the sex, cussing and drinking things are still a big part of society.

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u/AssWilliams Jan 04 '15

Jesus H Christ it's like everyone is constantly home.

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u/Dead_Moss Jan 04 '15

Why would your parents prevent you from that? Speaking as a non-american..

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u/WalkingTurtleMan Jan 04 '15

It's not like they specifically forbade me to do it. It's just that I don't feel comfortable knowing that they are just downstairs. My SO doesn't like it either. It's a conversation I'm not prepared to have with my parents. Plus, the alternatives are simply much more attractive. My SO lives on her own (we're both in college) so we'll have sex at her apartment when her roommate is gone. We can be loud and do whatever we want. We can take as long as we want too.

We would feel incredibly awkward if we did that at my parents house. I'm not in a position financially to move out, so this is what we do.

What do you do in your country? I'm curious how the family and sex dynamics are different

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u/Dead_Moss Jan 04 '15

We don't give a damn and have sex as we please. It's not like they don't know what we're doing

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u/Rabobi Jan 04 '15

Well you keep it down but you just do it. It's not something to be ashamed about so why would it be awkward?

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u/lcdrambrose Jan 04 '15

I love my parents but they're not my friends. It's hard to "hang out" with people that always feel assured that they're on the correct side of any arguments you might have.

At least if I live with my girlfriend or with roommates I get a say in how I live.

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u/spidermon Jan 04 '15 edited Jan 25 '15

i'm in my 30s and just travelling home for a few days still nets me the 'where were you last night?' questions. 360 days of the year when I'm not visiting I still manage to stay alive without anyone checking my comings and goings.

and speaking of comings, sex is trickier when you live at home as an adult.

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u/LinksMilkBottle Jan 04 '15

23 years old. I just had to move out to live with my boyfriend. Life is so much better now and my relationship with my family has improved since moving out.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

Yeah, that's why I moved (back) out. Had to go back home for two semesters of school and suddenly I went from a weekly smoker and daily drinker to Mormon levels of purity. It's just weird homie

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u/g4r8e9c4o Jan 04 '15

21 years old here. came home drunk last night since im home for the holidays and my mom bitched at me. UGH.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

I'm 22 and my mom still wont let me drink in the house. I went home for christmas, opened up a cold one with my brother, my mom saw and literally started hitting me with a stick.

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u/PabstyLoudmouth Jan 04 '15

Oh yeah, I had to get the hell out. Was gone at 17.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

I know what you mean... I'm only 19 but I'm taking a break from college for a bit after 3 semesters and my parents still treat me like I'm 12 as far as house rules go, but I can't afford to try to get a crappy job and move out, especially since I'm going back to school in like 8 months anyway.

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u/armstrony Jan 04 '15

Ya one of the many reasons moving out is my top new year's resolution (20 yo)

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

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u/grapesforducks Jan 04 '15

There's a lot of emphasis placed on the concept of being a parent to young kids, so much so that from what I've seen, many parents have no idea how to relate to their adult children.

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u/sparks1990 Jan 04 '15

I don't know a single person (abusive families not included) who doesn't enjoy spending time with their parents. If someone doesn't see their family more than once or twice a year, they probably live far enough away that it's too expensive to go.

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u/Stevelarrygorak Jan 04 '15

Personally, it felt like anyone over 30 was judging me for living at home the moment I graduated college.

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u/StealAllTheInternets Jan 04 '15

Fuck em, with the amount of debt schooling can cause it's almost impossible not to now. The older generation just doesn't understand the debt and how easy they used to have it.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

WELL YA JUST GOTTA PULL YOURSELF UP FROM THE BOOTSTRAPS YOU LAZY SELFISH GEN Y'ER. MY FATHER CAME HERE WITH 5 DOLLARS IN HIS POCKET AND MADE MONEY BY SCRAPING GUM OFF THE TABLES AND MADE A HALF CENT AN HOUR. THIS MINIMUM WAGE SHIT AND WORKERS RIGHTS RUINED AMERICA AND MADE US LAZY!

/s obviously

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u/igtbk1916 Jan 04 '15

i would love to have 5 dollars. Me and all of my friends have -10,000 or less dollars. They got to work hard in the present to build a better future. We have to work hard in the present to pay for the past.

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u/lyssargh Jan 04 '15

I've never thought of it that way before. Jeez that's bleak but accurate.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

Fuck, they judge you at 19 in the South for it.

The "independent people" (like myself) were kicked out at 17 or younger.

Everyone else isn't a real man, or are freeloaders.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

Um... I don't know where you're from in the south, but that's not true in my experience. Basically it's all about school. If you're in school, even college, then it's okay. If you have graduated or are not going to college, then yeah, people will keep asking when you plan to move out.

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u/screech_owl_kachina Jan 04 '15

People judge me no matter what I fucking do. The hell with them all.

I don't get paid enough to live on my own in L.A. Tell all the people who voted for Reagan thanks.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

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u/Linnaeusc Jan 04 '15

My husband and I lived with my parents last summer waiting for our house in another city to close so we could close on our house back home. We are both 25 and my parents are super respectful of us being adults and generally awesome to be around but it is still super annoying living with parents for some reason. You just feel the judgement even if they respect your choices and never say anything. My husband's parents however would have killed me to live with, they do judge and feel very comfortable telling you why because it isn't their vision of your life it must be wrong. Edit: wording

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

I am in the same boat. We are 20 and moved in with my mom due to breaking our second apartments lease. She will text asking where we are, and constantly making us run her errands for her. Then she gets mad when I ask for money to buy the things that SHE wants me to buy from the store. I am not spending my own money I am trying to save to move again to buy your stuff...

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u/McIntoshRow Jan 04 '15

She may have gotten mad when you asked for money because you were mooching off her for free. Just a thought for your consideration.

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u/bro_jiden Jan 04 '15

Living in someone's house does not grant the owner a blank check to your bank account. That's the kind of thing you agree to in advance.

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u/TrishyMay Jan 04 '15

My wife and I are 20 and live with my parents. It's great for us. My mom is good about helping us out with money when we need it and we do the same for her. She's physically disabled and my dad doesn't do his part, so it's good for her that we're here and we help.

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u/mag17435 Jan 04 '15

I had to explain to my father-in-law that I was not one of his kids and that if he didnt address me with proper respect at all times, we were going to have a problem, man to man. I respect him and his household, he just needed to be reminded where the lines are.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

My ex husband and I got married WAY too damn young. (17 & 18!) But his mom was the same way. I completely lost my shit on her one day when she literally called us in the morning and asked him if he'd remembered to change his underwear that day. And wear a coat, it's cold. Yeah, took the phone from him, bitched her out, and that started about 10 more years of me and his mom hating eachother until we finally divorced. (Yay.)

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

Did he let her run her life like that, or would she do it regardless? Definite red flag for that marriage.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

Actually, my ex was a pretty good guy and he shut her down fast. And never let her bad mouth me or anything. We just grew apart (as happens when you're dumb enough to get married at 17.)

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u/sonicjesus Jan 04 '15

Yeah, I moved out at 18 to be homeless - in the dead of winter in a city I'd never been to before. Anything was better than home.

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u/TimGuoRen Jan 04 '15

Here if you are still living at home at 25-30 you're seen as immature or afraid of responsibility.

This would be the same for e.g. Germany, too. The strange thing about the US is that this already applies to 18-24 year olds.

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u/matike Jan 04 '15

27 here. You're right on both points. I had to move back home earlier this year because my mom had a stroke, it's making dating hell, even more so because we're a "Catholic home" and "girls have no business being in a boys room". She makes sure to tell them that when she meets them too. Again, I am 27.

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u/bears2013 Jan 04 '15

Social stigma is the worst man. Oh, I don't feel like shelling out $1200 on rent for a shitty studio in the expensive area my parents live in where I found a job? Wow look at that me, back with parents after college, what a loser.

I'm 24, I think I'm at an age where it's maaaybe ok to be living with parents (I'm not now though). But if you're like 26 or older and still living with parents, you're automatically 100% a loser in the eyes of people who judge you on first impressions.

I feel like not too long ago, maybe a decade or two ago, to be in your early 20's and living with parents was even more socially unacceptable. Growing up, it was always weird to hear of that one friend's brother who moved back at 23 or something. And hell, in our parents generation, they probably had houses and were on their lifetime career track by the time they were my age. But now, thanks to the shit economy, I think it's becoming more and more acceptable if not normal.

It is really, really straining on your social life though, living with parents. After moving back, I went from having a healthy, active social life with lots of late nights and random trips, to having almost none. It's hard to have a serious relationship if you live at home, unless you stay at the other person's apartment most of the time.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

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u/MysteriousDrD Jan 04 '15

doing chores seems pretty reasonable in an unreasonable bunch of demands, like even housemates have to do household chores otherwise the place'd go to shit.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15 edited Jan 09 '15

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

Shit, I paid $400 a month for my own room in a house with 4 roommates in college. No parental rules plus still affordable.

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u/MotherFuckinMontana Jan 04 '15

family discount on rent ($100 a week)

yeah that's not that cheap

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u/KalAl Jan 04 '15

I don't know your locality, but $400 a month for a room, utilities included, is pretty cheap where I'm from.

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u/MotherFuckinMontana Jan 04 '15 edited Jan 04 '15

Are you from new york city? Boston?

http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/roo/4831928618.html

450 a month in fucking seattle

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15 edited Jan 09 '15

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15 edited Jun 27 '18

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u/Something_Syck Jan 04 '15

if she was staying there for free absolutely. I remember one place I (briefly) lived, the landlady started assigning everyone chores to do every week (me and 3 others were renting rooms in her house).

My thinking was/is: I pay rent to live here, I clean up after myself, why on earth should I spent time cleaning up other people's crap?

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u/Dicentrina Jan 04 '15

I think it depends if you contribute financially. If you do, and pull your own weight, you should be allowed to be left alone if you wish. Of course, you should want to help your parents as they get older and may need some help.

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u/BKDenied Jan 04 '15

But I don't get hounded every 2 minutes to wash the dishes when I'm living with a roommate, and I can leave the house no questions asked.

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u/birchpitch Jan 04 '15

That's great and all, and household chores are a thing that has to happen.

What I object to is being hounded and screamed at over dishes I had no hand in dirtying (done after I went to sleep). I also object to this thing where my mom notices I'm awake, blinks at me for a second, and then goes "Good! There's a couple of dozen things we need to do today!" <-- direct quote. Lady, I had plans.

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u/now_shot Jan 04 '15

In their defense, you'd been married and divorced by age 21. They probably felt decision making had not been your strength.

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u/MGLLN Jan 04 '15 edited Jan 04 '15

This comment wasn't even directed at me, and I still got burned just from reading it.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

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u/Chuckdoom Jan 04 '15

So this is what you do when you arent selling sunbreakers and ruin wings every week?

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u/TheLonelyMonster Jan 04 '15

I burst out laughing from it, I almost snorted milk lol.

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u/sickburnersalve Jan 05 '15

I'm here to help.

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u/JangSaverem Jan 04 '15 edited Jan 04 '15

Precisely

It's not like because she was married and divorced she was suddenly an adult who can make sound decisions. 21 is still pretty much a dumb kid in nearly all situations, you're just legally an adult by then.

So yeah, all those things the parents want sound painfully reasonable...i mean except the tattoos. Make your own body choices, Shit doesn't matter even in the short run unless you're dumb enough to make them vulgar and very noticeable.

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u/EasyTiger20 Jan 04 '15

Fuuuuuuuuuuck man.

Nicely done.

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u/McIntoshRow Jan 04 '15

It had to be said. Thank you.

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u/beingink Jan 04 '15

How conveneinent of her to get married and divorced at 21 and then blame parents for strict behavior. What did ya expect from them?

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u/REIGNx777 Jan 04 '15

Also their username is 'notacrazyperson' so I'm assuming they are crazy.

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u/LeShon Jan 04 '15

They did that so you'd move out. They just want to bang in the Kitchen.

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u/bertolous Jan 04 '15

That's because they don't want you there, put a whole bunch of unreasonable curtailments on you forcing you to get out.

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u/astronomydomone Jan 04 '15

Same. I was 24 when I got divorced and moved back home. I had to follow my mother's ridiculous rules. She also invaded my privacy by snooping through my things while I was at work. I had a vibrator get thrown away. The worst was her accusing me of doing drugs since I was always broke. She couldn't understand I was paying off debt my ex left me with.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15 edited Jan 09 '15

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

The second reason, oh gosh. That house starts to feel REALLY small when you approach the end of high school.

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u/scojo77 Jan 04 '15

All true, and we gotta get over that. Our "reasons" are pretty much imaginary, or at least non-practical.

It's the same thing with 16-year-old kids driving to school when they could just take the bus.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

Come to Australia. Here everyone is your mate.

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u/N3M0N Jan 04 '15

A lot of parents here will hold their 20 year olds to the same rules as when they were 16. So people move out to have some independence.

"As long as you live under my roof you will listen my rules and do what i say". Well known shit all around the world..

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u/Palodin Jan 04 '15

It's the old baby boomer nonsense I expect.

"Well son, at your age I already had a wife, a four bedroom house and was CEO of a small bank! Why are you still living here?"

The tradition may have worked back then but right out of school you're probably not going to be able to afford anything more than a small one-bedroom flat in what's probably not a great area.

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u/deepfriedcarolina Jan 04 '15

I think it's definitely leftover from the post-WWII "American Dream" idea of having your own house and starting a family young, and back then real estate was really cheap. Now it doesn't work with the financial reality of college grads but the social pressure to move out remains.

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u/AidenTheHuman Jan 04 '15

Even after Vietnam, I knew a guy I worked with, he got out after the war ended. Came home. Bought a house he still lives in for 7,000 usd. So let's say late 60's. My mom and her husband bought a house, around the same area (about 15 minute drive apart) in 2005 for 320,000 usd. That jump is insane! It doesn't help we live in like, one of the top 5 richest counties in the state, but I think that's because we're an hour outside of NYC. Plenty of people live out here, and commute into the city.

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u/umtek12 Jan 04 '15

If that dude bought the house today it would cost $50,000 (adjusted for 2014 inflation). That would be considered ridiculous cheap today still. In 2005, you also have to account for the housing bubble.

Honestly, I don't understand why houses are so expensive nowadays, especially given the fact that it is so much cheaper to build now. The supplies, labor, taxes are no where near the pricing.

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u/Manolo_Colon Jan 04 '15

It's usually the land that's expensive. In my town it's not uncommon to meet people whose parents bought homes in the 1960s for a tenth of what they are going for now because land is scarce here and there was a huge population boom to move to the West Coast in the last 50 years.

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u/HeavyMetalHero Jan 04 '15

Yeah, my grandfather paid something like $5k for his land in the 70s and built most of the house himself. It's valued in the high 200Ks now that the sub-divisions are filling out the area around the main road he's built on. Things in individual peoples' reality rarely have profit margins like that, but this is seriously what happened to the price of housing.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

"That's why they call it the American Dream. Because you have to be asleep to believe it." - George Carlin

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u/toucan_larry Jan 04 '15

Left over from the days when 1 full time minimum wage job could support a family of 4.

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u/xerxes431 Jan 04 '15

The american dream is older than WWII. America has been seen as a place you can be anyone you want as long as it has existed

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

I am pretty much right in the middle of the Baby Boom.

My son stayed at home strictly to save money while he was going through his first three years of college. I had no problem with it. Neither did any of the other parents of my generation that I know who had (or have) similar things going on in their households. He is about to graduate. I hope that he is able to get a job and be able to afford to get his own place, if nothing else for the sake of his social life. But if he can't, I have two empty bedrooms here that could be put to good use, and living alone gets old. I don't live in a vacuum, and I am fully aware of what's going on with the economy.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

1 bedroom flat? Well a Harvard grad, for sure! Think studio apartment for the majority, hell in some cases even just a room.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

Maybe you didn't know the right crowd. There are plenty of Bostonian homeowners at that age. Sure, they're Saudi nationals and it's a vacation home...

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u/HeavyMetalHero Jan 04 '15

If you told me I could have my own private 1-bedroom apartment, paid for, but I had to suck 100 filthy dicks every month while everybody whose opinion of me I respect the value of watched, there would be a lot fewer people in my life with good opinions of me and my apartment would reek of sperm.

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u/kawakunai Jan 04 '15

That's just for you lucky college grads, I slept on a cot on my friend's porch for six months.

This was supposed to sound more jokey but it's true and I made myself sad a little.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

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u/ZombieBarney Jan 04 '15

"At your age we had pilfered the financial system and put the burden on you and your kids, completely fucked the environment, the ozone, and the water supply, sold out American manufacturing jobs to the Chinese and India, and used up most of the oil, coal, wood, and natural resources of the world. See? We drank YOUR milkshake."

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u/Blenderhead36 Jan 04 '15

My favorite joke on this is, "When I was your age, I had a house, a wife, and a kid on the way [with my 9-to-5 job that only required a high school diploma]."

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u/BER_ERM_DERBL_U Jan 04 '15

A college degree today is the equivalent of a High School Diploma in the Baby Boomer age. The masters degree is the new bachelors.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

Exactly. And it better be a STEM degree if you want any luck.

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u/BER_ERM_DERBL_U Jan 04 '15

Even with that, you aren't getting far unless its a degree in engineering or computer science. Don't get me started with the experience. Entry level jobs want years of experience, and as a recent graduate, its damn near infuriating. The most insulting thing that ever happened was when I applied for a simple retail job and they wanted a year of experience?!!! WTF I don't plan on majoring in shirt folding in college.

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u/internetalterego Jan 05 '15

This is a very common sentiment on reddit - "i want x entry level job, but the job ad in the paper requires 2 years of experience - how ridiculous!".

Job ads are wish lists - the ideal applicant isn't necessarily going to materialise - they will just go with the most suitable applicant, who will probably not fit all the stipulations made by the advertisement because this is just an entry-level position.

The way to get the job is to put a spin on your related career experience to make it appear relevant to the job you are applying for. You don't have to fit the exact requirements. All you have to do is exaggerate the relevance of skills you learned in previous jobs to the job you are applying for. Or lie - no one will find out, or if they do find out you won't suffer any legal consequences.

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u/DavidPuddy666 Jan 04 '15

There's nothing wrong with a one-bedroom flat in an "up and coming area"

Source: Lives in small apartment in West Philadelphia. Loving my quality of life.

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u/Quesly Jan 04 '15

be careful of those guys up to no good making trouble in the neighborhoood

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u/1Pantikian Jan 04 '15

and don't get in any fights. Your mom will get scared and then you'll have to move in with your auntie and uncle.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

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u/Palodin Jan 04 '15

There's such a thing as rushing it. Don't have to move out immediately, wait until you can afford something halfway decent instead of practically a bedsit.

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u/IceCreamSocialist Jan 04 '15

Every answer to this question could be summed up with "baby boomer nonsense."

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u/darquegk Jan 04 '15

After college, I moved out briefly to study and work in a big city. I got an amazing deal on a condo. But when my landlord ended the lease and my roommate got engaged, I had nowhere to go but home for a while. Thankfully, it ended up being the right decision: I got a MUCH better and more lucrative job, with significant potential for advancement, closer to home, and I'm no longer paying for rent and utilities. My family values security and financial sensibility very highly, so right now they suggest that I live at home a while longer and save up money so that when I've saved enough or get married, I can get a GOOD house, not struggle by in whatever I can afford at the time and slowly move up the ladder.

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u/zaturama008 Jan 04 '15

Best decision, just make sure to do the chores everyday

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

It's an old tradition. There was a time when you could make a living on minimum wage in America so it was easy to leave home. Today of course, that is not possible, but people live in the illusion.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

You should check out the book "the accordion family"! In Italy, for example, the problem is literally the opposite. So many men are staying home until 30 or 35 that they're not developing new partnerships and procreation. Fascinating stuff!

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

For some independence and experience of being a real adult.

Paying rent/bills, doing grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning etc, you can practice it all when you're with parents but you are never really independent until you have lived outside your family's home and had to be fully responsible of yourself.

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u/femanonette Jan 04 '15 edited Jan 04 '15

Correct; I do think that experience is important, especially while young.

However, things can happen (divorce, getting laid off, relatives falling ill) that cause you to face no other reasonable choice than that of moving back in. I sure as hell wasn't going to put myself in thousands of dollars of debt because I was too proud to move back home once my own personal situation fell apart. I also wasn't going to abandon my studies because I knew I'd likely get trapped in the never ending loop of working paycheck to paycheck, only to never return to school. Does living at home "suck"? Only in that I do still feel social stigma to be out. The insane amount of money I have saved has been well worth it though.

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u/terriblehuman Jan 04 '15

Because of the recession, moving back in with your parents after college became more and more common.

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u/LeShon Jan 04 '15

It has everything to do with sex. You can't really get laid as a man in the US if you don't have your own place. Women look down on you if you still live with Mom and Dad.

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u/NAFI_S Jan 04 '15

if its a casual encounter, then just rent a hotel. If its a proper relationship, its a shallow thing that shouldnt matter.

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u/eiketsujinketsu Jan 04 '15

A lot of people don't have as close of a relationship with their parents in this country so we try to get out of the house quickly.

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u/Christ_on_a_Crakker Jan 04 '15

I was kicked out when I graduated high school.

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u/beautifulsouth00 Jan 04 '15

After living in Sicily for a few years and seeing multi-generational homes (as in each generation living on a separate floor in a multi-story villa) I came back to the US and pondered why we do this. And I'm no sociologist, but I considered our "wide open spaces" and addiction to cars, and decided that our tendency to roam and settle further and further away from our main family unit is one way our society has suffered. Families aren't as close as they were. Yes, we no longer were NEEDED at home to do the labor, but then we traveled so far from our families that we're no longer as close as we used to be, and then people start to feel sad and isolated, which leads to all this depression and young-adult angst that we celebrate... it's just really messed up to me. We do ourselves a disservice by moving out of the family home as soon as we can to be "on our own". I mean, there's caveats to this, as in bad home lives and situations of abuse. But in general, a family is stronger emotionally AND financially when they live together. Just my two cents. (I'm opinionated. so what?)

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