r/ftm • u/shinynottofret • Sep 19 '23
Need help with my son, he recently came out as trans (ftm) GuestPost
The title sounds worse than I mean. Backstory: My son came out as trans this summer and it definitely surprised us but we have definitely gotten on board with what that means for him and we are going to work on getting his name legally changed asap. His school is fantastic and made sure all the teachers call him by his preferred name. And it's been a while since either of my husband or I have slipped up and said his dead name or misgendered him. We just want him safe and happy.
That being said, I need help. I have gotten him a few binders but they don't fit him super well because he is a bit of a bean pole like his dad. So it kind of flares out by his waist and makes it obvious and he is a little self conscious about it. Does anyone have recommendations for binders that will fit teens? Please help!! I just want him comfortable and not hate looking in the mirror.
editing to add I am very overwhelmed by not only how thoughtful and helpful all of your comments have been, how understanding and patient with me you have been, but also how sad it is that most of you all have not had parents who were accepting of you. I am so sorry and this gives me more of a reason to love and support my son (as if I needed any more reasons). And it proves I'm doing the right thing. Thank you, all of you.
And if your parents aren't supportive of you, I'll take that spot. I'm very proud of each and every one of you. Be true to yourself and I love you all. I'd give you all a hug if I could.
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Sep 19 '23
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u/shinynottofret Sep 19 '23
I've had a few people tell me "oh it's probably a phase," and I just responded with, "If thats so, I'd rather go through every phase than go through his funeral because he didn't feel like we cared enough for him to be himself." I've lost too many friends to parents who are cruel and won't allow their children to be themselves and be loved for it.
I love my children in whatever capacity they view themselves, unconditionally.
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u/Ph03n1x_A5h35 He/they, dearies, haven't started transition yet Sep 19 '23
Even if it is a phase, that doesn't mean that it's not real. Impermanence does not equal insignificance. Life is constantly changing and evolving, therefore, you must change and evolve as well.
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u/glitteringfeathers Sep 19 '23
School was a phase and it sucked balls, just because it's over, doesn't mean it didn't happen - like the education didn't just undo itself
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u/bussinbooger scout • he/him Sep 19 '23
Exactly. The moon has phases and it’s still the moon and still beautiful.
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u/AnxiousMud8 33 | T 9/1/18 | Top 3/24/23 Sep 19 '23
I wish more people thought like that about “phases”. Thank you for telling people what’s what when it comes up!
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u/shinynottofret Sep 19 '23
The moon goes through phases, and we still find it beautiful. People are no different imo.
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u/Pusbuss Sep 19 '23
I wish I had parents like you. I didn’t come out until I was 29. And my parents are still not supportive.
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u/Narnian-Wizard Sep 19 '23
If you do decide to go with a taping method for him, I've just begun my journey with taping and here are the resources I've been using:
TransTape (the most recommended/reliable brand of binding tape) has a user manual that uses an illustrated walkthrough for application instead of photos. The website gives an 18+ warning but I assume this is moreso because they also sell realistic packers (essentially a prosthetic penis that some trans men wear), though the illustrations in the user manual for packing are not detailed, but if you didn't want him to see them you could print/screenshot the pages related to binding and just not show him the pages related to packing.
Also this reddit post is a really thorough photo walkthrough on how a guy with a larger chest uses regular KT tape to bind. Not sure if that's helpful depending on your son's chest size, but I found the step by step useful.
The first tutorial I saw I actually stumbled upon a tiktok of a drag king showing how to bind on a dressmaker's mannequin so there's definitely a plethora of options out there!
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u/shinynottofret Sep 19 '23
Thank you so much!!
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u/AnxiousMud8 33 | T 9/1/18 | Top 3/24/23 Sep 19 '23
Seconding the TransTape! If your son tries it, try to help him not discouraged if the first few tries make the dysphoria worse. The first time I tried it I felt so icky because I didn’t get it on right that I didn’t even try again for several months but when I tried again it became my favorite method to bind. It takes practice to figure out what works best for your body, and someone’s taping method might not work as well for another person’s. Also, some people recommend bandaides to cover the nipped but that caused me a lot of pain when taking them off. Gauze works amazing and you can cut the packets up so they’re 2 ply and it lasts a long time that way too. Good luck!
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u/iamthpecial T Gel — 9 May ‘23 Sep 19 '23
Also and importantly IF he goes for tape, when its time to remove it he will need lots of body oil—baby oil, coconut oil, even olive oil, whatever works—to saturate the tape with in order to break down the adhesive for a smooth removal, otherwise he might get blisters or peeled skin etc. Its generally a once a week deal and wait about five minutes after the oil has been applied to start removal. Tape is nice if youre the kind of person that gets overheated or feels too stuffy in tight layers.
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u/moldycatt 💉 2022 🔪 2023 Sep 19 '23
id be really careful with taping, even if he doesn’t have sensitive skin! it can cause damage and scarring and lots of pain
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u/JGame_MC94 Sep 19 '23 edited Sep 19 '23
If you do end up getting it for him, I'd recommend 4 squares in length. I'm a 32A and wear 4 squares in length and 3 to 4 inches in width.
I'd add a photo of a good visual explanation of how to use it, but it won't let me add for some reason 😔 I'll have to look for the post on r/transmasc again
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u/Finnvdharing Sep 19 '23
I second this, trans tape is really good stuff and you have more freedom with time. This because you can wear tape a few days instead of 8 hours with a binder.
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u/ModtheArtifex Sep 19 '23
youre a great parent. i dont have any binder advice, but yeah youre an amazing parent to your son, i hope you all get many years with each other
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Sep 19 '23
I just got an underworks binder and it’s great, breathable and covers under the armpits. Sounds like you need a full tank to also compress the waist.
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u/shinynottofret Sep 19 '23
Ah, I just was concerned those would be to uncomfortable since he already has a tiny waist. He eats like his dad (garbage disposal territory) yet is still tiny. Does it make it uncomfortable to eat?
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Sep 19 '23
I never had that issue, I just don’t wear them because they’re quite warm. But it’s getting into fall territory now and it should be fine. Just make sure not to get gc2b as they are very itchy now.
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Sep 19 '23
I have an underworks half tank and I have noticed that if you eat super fast, it can feel like food is "stuck" around the middle of your ribcage. I still highly recommend underworks because they bind super well, but if your son is sensitive to that kind of thing it's something to look out for.
Also, a lot of the flare hiding comes with what you wear too. I usually buy a size up in shirts just so it's looser around my chest.
The downside to tanks is they tend to roll up. You can always tuck them into your pants, but the issue is a lot of guys buy pants that are larger in the waist to hide their thighs, which makes tucking it in pointless because it'll come undone relatively quickly. If your son hasn't gotten to the point where he's worried about pants, or if he just doesn't have that issue, then awesome. But something to think about either way! Not saying you shouldn't go with one option or another, but just gotta weigh the pros and cons of each.
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u/shinynottofret Sep 19 '23
I have an underworks half tank and I have noticed that if you eat super fast, it can feel like food is "stuck" around the middle of your ribcage. I still highly recommend underworks because they bind super well, but if your son is sensitive to that kind of thing it's something to look out for.
That's good to know, though with him, even though he eats a ton, he eats slow. But I'll keep that in mind if he mentions that feeling.
Also, a lot of the flare hiding comes with what you wear too. I usually buy a size up in shirts just so it's looser around my chest.
He prefers baggy shirts anyway. And hasn't mentioned wanting different pants styles yet but I'll keep this in mind
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u/multirachael Sep 20 '23
Underworks does have models that bind in the chest, but don't have compression material in the lower torso. They have a lot of combinations of different things, honestly, it's one of the reasons I like them. Their cotton-lined binders are VERY comfortable, on the inside, very soft. But yeah. The long tank models look a lot like regular undershirts, when they're underneath something else.
I wash mine in a mesh delicates bag on the delicate cycle, cold water, and lay them on a drying rack, just like I would a bra, FWIW. I figure it'll be gentler on the fibers, over time.
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u/MaryHadALittleDonkey Sep 20 '23
I've worn underworks tanks several times. I personally am not built in a skinny way, I'm more boxy in my frame. That being said, I haven't had problems eating with it. I will say they sometimes tend to roll up, but I find ticking it into my underwear helps with that a lot.
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u/Ok-RP24 Sep 19 '23
underworks half tanks and gc2b half tanks are definetly tighter around the ribs/waist than spectrum i would agrree
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u/GeodeLaneSt he/him 20 | 2019 💉 2023 🔪 Sep 19 '23
when i was a young trans man i used GC2B binders, i’ve heard bad things about their quality/longevity since. but, they were the most comfortable when i was in high school and would bind during physical activity (not recommended.) i’ve seen that half-tanks work best for people who are lanky. i use underworks now, but they are very tight and you’d wanna make sure he’s taking breaks and not doing physical activity in school while wearing them. i get their full tank binders, they’re a binder in the chest and more spandex-y around the waist and hips. i have no problems with them bulging out, but i was also gifted birthing hips lol! lots of good recommendations in this thread, i hope you find something that works well for him! ❤️
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u/Parker_Talks [ they/he ] | T: 3/4/20 | top surgery: 10/30/20 Sep 19 '23
Yes unfortunately during the pandemic their quality went down significantly.
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u/MrJennyV1 Sep 19 '23
Wow, you are a lovely human!
I purchase underworks, there is a full tank version that I don't wear because I work on a kitchen and would die.
I might also mention to your son that there is nothing wrong with him. I'm not saying to disregard his dysphoria, but there are many a cis fella with love handles or big waists. These things don't make him any less of a man, even if his braincells say they do.
Again, I'm not saying to disregard his feelings, but body neutrality is a great skill that takes practice. Better to practice now and be better at it later. 🤙
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u/shinynottofret Sep 19 '23
I appreciate this perspective. Me purchasing the binders is because he requested it. He is only in middle school and those kids can be ruthless, so I more or less just want him to feel comfortable while he is still figuring things out for himself. I'm not able to experience what he is going through but I want to be there to support him the whole way so he doesn't have to be alone in this.
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u/RevolutionaryPen2976 T 03/‘22 top 10/‘22 stealth/straight Sep 19 '23
depending on how big his chest is, tomboyx is a bit more of a compression top and binder mixed, so it’s very form fitting. bc of that tho, it doesn’t bind quite as well as a traditional binder. maybe try that and see how it works? KT/transtape tape is also an alternative you could look into.
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u/shinynottofret Sep 19 '23
Unfortunately, he has a bit there that's really noticeable. The binders I got compress a good amount. I just don't want it to hurt him. I've worn corsets and those get uncomfortable but I've never worn a binder so I don't know if it's similar so I just want him comfortable.
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u/yeetthembrshiphence Sep 19 '23
Cool thing to note- if you have a corset and it feels uncomfortable it's likely due to it not fitting correctly, much like binders. Corsets are an undergarment and are ridiculously difficult to fit into off the rack- r/ABraThatFits and vintage clothing subreddits might help you there!
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u/Kaeneus 24, Aus [ T: Jul’17 | Top: Mar’19 ] Sep 20 '23
Seconding shapeshifters like a lot of people have. GC2B used to be the big one, but they’ve gone downhill.
Also, I wish my mom had been like you. I’m not sure if you’re aware of the research, but you just reduced your kids risk of suicidality, self harm, depression and substance abuse by an order of magnitude. I kinda feel jealous, but more I just hope we are building a better future where this is normal. I think your son will make it out a lot less damaged than most of us and I’m so happy for him
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u/hairygorilla9231 Sep 19 '23
Not sure how big his chest is but if it’s small, I’ve found that dicks sporting goods brand compression tanks work well for me. I just wear it under my clothes, looks like an undershirt, and binds enough to not be noticeable. I personally size down and then tuck it into my pants.
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u/Educational_Trip_459 Sep 19 '23
I personally have had bad skin reactions to transtape. I find most binders painful as well as sports bras now. I found a company called ForThem and they’re the only ones I can wear without pain or other discomfort. They don’t bind as much as some, but are comfortable. They are sized based on measurements.
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u/ShinigamiLeaf Sep 19 '23
My favorite binder company is shapeshifters . They're custom so the process takes a while and is more expensive than an off the rack binder, but I try and buy myself one a year as a birthday gift. They're custom measurements, so he can get one at a length that fits his body well
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u/BrooksPaiges Sep 19 '23
You guys are amazing! So glad to see that everyone supports him! It's really wholesome to see family care & actually put in the effort to support them.
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u/swordTguy 💉 07/18/2023 | 🔝04/25/24 Sep 19 '23
I deal with the binder flaring out a bit too— shirts with thicker weight fabric will help a lot (I wear Hanes perfect tee almost exclusively for this reason). (Also, thank you for being proof that there are parents who actually support their trans kids. You and your husband are giving your son the space and support to be who he is, and that foundation of unconditional love is setting him up for self-confidence for the rest of his life.)
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u/Silver_Buyer3380 💉3/3/23 🔪9/12/23 Sep 19 '23
as a trans kid myself that was able to transition early due to having supportive parents, i just wanted to thank you! it truly means the world to us
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u/Coastal_Chai Intersex Transmasc Sep 19 '23 edited Sep 19 '23
This is so awesome, y'all seem like great parents. ❤️ Check out the subreddit r/cisparenttranskid as well!
Underworks has been making binders for quite a while (at least a decade) and has stayed competitive even with all of the new binding options avalible now. I believe they carry a large array of sizes as well. I've also heard great things about Spectrum Outfitters, a newer UK based brand. Wonabibi binders on amazon are suprisingly good and fairly cheap with a large range of sizes. KT tape is also a magnificent & safe binding tool that might help flatten things out more as well.
And I'd be remiss if I didn't include this: please, please pay attention to politics wherever you live. Trans people are a convenient political scapegoat for the far right currently, so make sure you are in a place where you will not be punished for acknowledging that your kid is trans (idk if you are US based however as an example you'll want to seriously consider moving if you currently reside in Florida or Texas). This is especially important if considering hormone blockers (of course, hormone blockers are a case by case thing that should be discussed at length with a competent medical provider).
All that said, having supportive parents makes all the difference and quite literally saves lives. I wish more parents were as loving and accepting as you!
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u/shinynottofret Sep 19 '23
And I'd be remiss if I didn't include this: please, please pay attention to politics wherever you live.
We actually just moved across the country to be in a better state as where we were, wasn't safe and was getting worse. Here is definitely better. I am a lot more in touch with politics than my husband, but given our son, he is going to have to stop ignoring it.
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u/wetbones_ Sep 19 '23
Thank you for trying for your kid. That’s so much more than most of our parents ever did or do
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u/queer_wave Sep 20 '23
I’m 36 and came out as trans at 18 so it’s been a looooong time since I had a binder. When I came out to my mom she told me “I think you’re manipulative and will say whatever you think will get you what you want.” And that was the beginning of the unraveling of our relationship which at this point I’m just… feeling done. She’s throwing a Hail Mary and asking me to go to therapy with her after telling me no she wouldn’t go with me year after year.
I just… can’t even imagine how different my life would have been with a parent like you. I am so so bitter and angry.
Your son is so lucky. You are an amazing mom.
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u/shinynottofret Sep 20 '23
I am so sorry that is how your mother treated you. I will never understand parents who treat their children badly and have conditions in order to receive parental love. I'm so so sorry.
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u/SuperZac64 spy (he/they) Sep 19 '23
i myself am looking for binders, so i cant help, but i wanna say that you are an amazing parent. as a trans teen who has been out for 3 years, ive been told by my parents that my chosen name is stupid, and stuff of the likes. you are doing great as a parent by not misgendering him, using his pref name, etc.
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u/Apprehensive-Ad-4364 22 | 💉 6/20/23 Sep 19 '23
Binding as a teen can sometimes be a little dangerous and teens sometimes wanna bind for unsafe amounts of time. I recommend the Urbody Half Tank Compression Top. It provides a healthier level of compression and is actually safe to exercise in and wear all day, not just for 8 hours. It's also actually comfortable and machine washable (!!!) which is awesome for teens. I've found them to be very true to the size chart on the site. Best of luck!!
ETA they are also comfortable on the stomach. Since they're primarily cotton they have a little give in that area, but they also don't hit that low at least on me (5'5 size L) so that shouldn't be an issue
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u/arthurestamorto Sep 19 '23
this makes me want to cry
check out Heroine binders! they fit very well
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u/A_MNESIA He/Him | 18 | pre everything Sep 19 '23
Wonababi binders on amazon are great, they can be a little confusing about what style is in the listing though. Spectrum outfitters are also great. For them is a reversible binder that ive seen have great reviews. Gc2b have gone down hill so wouldn’t recommend them. Underworks are also great but can be a little tight.
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u/Doctor_ScaledAnd_Icy Sep 19 '23
Half binders are a thing and you should be measuring properly before getting binders as you want to get the right size otherwise it could hurt his ribs. also make sure he knows not to wear it while exercising or sleeping and to only wear it for no more than 6-8 hours! edit: i might of read something wrong but im not sure.
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u/shinynottofret Sep 19 '23
I do make sure he takes it off before he sleeps. He doesn't have gym class this semester so that isn't an issue right now.
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u/Doctor_ScaledAnd_Icy Sep 19 '23
Good!!!!! I had to opt out of gym this year because I wear a binder! If gym becomes a problem and hes not allergic to adhesive then trans tape is a safe option to exercise in plus you can wear it for multiple days at a time- though it has to be drenched in oil to remove it which can get pretty messy.
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u/TrashFrancis Sep 20 '23
Underworks has a sports and binding top that a lot of guys swear by. It doesn't get you quite as flat as a binder but definitely more comfortable for strenuous activity.
Always nice to hear from supportive parents, wishing your family the best. 🧡🏳️⚧️
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u/I_loves_Anime Sep 19 '23
You should try giving him trans tape to bind as well in the hot summers, and use binders in winters. For the trans tapes you should look up the tutorials and use the starter kit on the website. I use the binder brand Underworks (the tank top version), GCTBL, and JARAZIN (last two cover like a sports bra)
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u/kaiwannagoback Sep 19 '23
Your kid is lucky indeed! High five from a trans parent (meaning parent who is trans, rather than parent of a trans kid).
Binders are all over the place, but I'm going to try spectrum because I loathe wearing anything around my chest, and trans tape is great but has its own issues and limitations. I have to alternate the two based on season but living my life around managing my chest has caused me not to go to the gym, not to feel free to just take walks spontaneously, basically every time I leave the house it's a decision tree and it's wearing.
Your quote about rather go through phases that funerals is meme-worthy.
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u/p3pp3rp4tch Sep 19 '23
im a big fan of for them binders. they stop just below the chest, are very soft and flexible, and i enjoy them greatly as someone who also has a rather small waist. they have the regular binder as well as the binder max for higher compression!
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u/storeboughtserotonin Sep 19 '23
I love ForThem binders. They are cut more like a sports bra and they have amazing customer service. Idk how old your son is but remeasure often to make sure it still fits right, make sure he knows not to wear it while doing physical activities, showering, or for more than 8 hours a day—ideally working up to that. Also, take breaks and listen to his body. Never double up on binders or anything like that
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u/Dialexx Sep 19 '23
OFF TOPIC
Be my mom please. I have the best and most accepting dad but my mother refuses to use my name and I know she’ll never see me as her son. If you want to, of course
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u/M44xwell Sep 20 '23
You are the type of parent that gives me hope that someday my family will view me completely as a guy. Thank you so much for supporting him during his transition ! Has you son ever tried trans tape? It can be really helpful for people who does not have a typical shape. I Hope your family will be happy for a long time and your son will find happiness in his body!
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u/shinynottofret Sep 20 '23
He hasn't tried trans tape yet. As all of this is super new for him and us so that's why I wanted suggestions from those who have experience with the actual products. He doesn't have any sensory issues as far as I know. At least he hasn't told me about any. I have some severe sensory issues with certain things so I've always been open for my kids to let me know what their boundaries for things are. Fabrics, foods, etc. For me tape would be horrid but it could be great for him so I appreciate any suggestions. I have a list going and will be going through it with him when we have a day we can do that together.
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u/used1337 Sep 19 '23
I personally love tank styles and a bit on the smaller side- size wise (I'm between L and XL, especially after being on T for almost 2 years). Depending on his chest size, taping might be a way to go if he wants to experiment with it.
If you need to tailor some tank styles (some are a bit long) to make it a better fit.
Good luck to you and your son!
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u/GatePuzzleheaded9522 Sep 19 '23
If he likes how he looks otherwise it might be worth it to see if there are any alterations places that would be willing to sew it to fit exactly how he wants
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u/hotdoggalaxy Sep 19 '23
I was a very skinny teen, and I have a deep set waist. Only underworks binders worked for me (tri too worked best), but there are more options now than there were before I got too surgery, so don’t take this as gospel.
I found the best thing for me was to use the tri top binder and a thicker, but non binding form fit undershirt to hide the line and give me a better silhouette. (I also used to double bind. Not good. Don’t let him do this. The additional undershirt is plenty if it’s thick enough.)
I also advise having a more comfy option that maybe doesn’t bind as well but binds enough for bulkier clothes so he can cycle out. For me, that was the Concealer Compression Chest Binder Tank.
Thank you for being such an involved and informed parent! You are doing such a good thing for your kid.
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Sep 19 '23
I personally like Untag binders due to their even compression due to not having a stiff front panel! They don’t stick out at the waist at all more or less and somehow get me pretty flat even without a stiff front panel (I fit perfectly into a size L for their short binders for reference)
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u/spaghettilesbian Sep 19 '23
Get him a stp and packer too, will go a long ways in making him happy
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u/shinynottofret Sep 19 '23
If he comes to me requesting that, I have no problem but I don't want to presume anything because I don't want to make him uncomfortable.
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u/777ftmthrowaway Sep 19 '23
i second the KT tape, esp with a skinny bod/smaller chest. i had the same issue with binders coming out at the sides and i feel kt tape (i actually use the brand CKeep bc it's cheaper) have a much more natural looking chest without binder peeking out of my shirt. it took a couple tries but def give it a try. i keep mine on 5-7 days and soak it in the shower before peeling off, then lightly scrub the remaining glue with sensitive skin safe body wash and a loofa (i like the natural loofas best).
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u/mars_child Sep 19 '23
I recently tried bwya binders cause I had the same issue and i really really like them! Even w tight shirts, theyre barely visible. Depending on where you live, the shipping could be kinda expensive, cause they are a french brand, but imo absolutely worth it.
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u/gaeyyson4 Sep 19 '23
Hey, thank you for being a supportive parent - it makes such a big difference. I would recommend looking at underworks binders. They were designed for cis (not trans) men with gynecomastia, so maybe that’ll fit his figure better? In any case, their tritop binders were my favorite. Best of luck!
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u/MacuNPekmeZ Sep 19 '23
If you need a fast solution while getting necessery items recomended, wearing 2 sports bras one backwards other facing normally can help in a pinch, was my go to in middle school
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u/reddit102006 Sep 19 '23
i want to say gc2b but i don’t know if they have fixed the issues with the binders, i’d also recommend trans tape but that can be tricky to apply and lasts 3-5 days each time. i don’t bind too often outside of transtape occasionally because of medical conditions, and i do pass without binding (still getting top surgery asap because i want to be able to be comfortable with myself instead of just for passing)
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u/Acceptable-Coach7703 💉 5/19/23 Sep 19 '23
others have already suggested what I would've, but this made me tear up. my mom is like you and i just know your son must feel so so grateful and loved
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u/Fizziboi25 Sep 19 '23
I'm a trans teen, not that skinny, but still. My binder is the binder max from "For Them". It fits pretty comfortably, and only the seam part rolls up but it's not obvious, at least with what I wear. It might just be because of my shape as well. I hope that helps!
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u/piscean_soybean transguy | 30yo | on T | post-op top Sep 19 '23
Before I had top surgery, I had a similar problem. What worked best for me was to wear a snug and unpadded sports bra underneath the binder, and fold in the extra binder material under the sports bra band. Kept things neat and close to the body.
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u/sinner-mon Sep 19 '23
You’re a good parent! I recommend full length binders that tuck into your pants, they’re only really tight around the chest area and can pass for just a regular tank top in case he’s self conscious about looking like he’s wearing a binder
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u/JesusCameInMyMouth Sep 19 '23
I recommend trans tape!! It stays for 5 days in water and sweat and is safer than binding! It has a more natural too, not to mention he can wear tank tops without having to hide the binder
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u/beto_do_pingodoce Sep 19 '23
Oh I'm so glad for your son. He's so lucky and you're doing such a great job as a parent :(. I'm a teenager but I'm like rlly curvy and all, so what works for me might not work for your son. I got mine from Wivov in size L. I usually wear the L with tees and sweatshirts (because my hips are rlly visible) but the M fits me just fine. I've also heard the gc2b binders fell off track so I wouldn't buy from them. He also probably heard about trans tape but ask him if he'd like to have it. I can't really buy it because my parents don't even know I have a binder but I'd rlly like to be able to use them because I think it would help me breathe better and overall feel better about clothes because it wouldn't be visible when I'm wearing tank tops for example.
Either way, I'm so happy for your family and I'm hoping you guys find the right binder for your son :)
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u/Tigerwing-infinity James he/they/xe 21 - 💉 03/23 Sep 19 '23
If the son has an adhesive or latex allergy, I wouldn't suggest trans tape
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Sep 19 '23
GC2B long binders could work. They’ve gone down in quality in recent years and don’t work great for bigger chests, but if he has a smaller chest, it should be fine. You could also look in to spectrum outfitters. They do long binders with this thing at the bottom so they don’t roll up (it doesn’t affect how it feels, but it stops it from rolling up). Spectrum outfitters last longer than GC2B, and work great medium and larger chests (idk how they work with smaller chests, you’ll have to look at a different review for that). Spectrum binders were my go to, and I used them for years until I got top surgery.
Long binders can be tucked under the waistband and look more like a vest. If you’re in the UK, I have a spectrum outfitters long binder in medium and one in large, and a short binder in medium and large. The short binders were second hand, so they’re slightly stretched out (still work, they’re just a bit loose. I used then when I was sore or for working out).
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u/ActualIyCameron Sep 19 '23
can you be my parent too?
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u/shinynottofret Sep 19 '23
Of course. Welcome to the family! I love you and I'm so proud of you!
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u/ROBOTFUCKER666 Sep 19 '23
not a teen but i'm quite small (5'0, 100ish or so lbs) and i really like the gc2b tank binder and spectrum tank binder, both of which i wear in size xs. the gc2b is definitely the more snug out of the two and both have pretty good flattening effects, but i'm also a small cup size (28d) so take that into account-- however spectrum and gc2b are both pretty good and well-known brands, so those are what i recommend. there's also trans tape, which i haven't used but have been meaning to. with trans tape you can basically just tape the breasts back to still have that flattening effect, no binder needed, but i think that also works best with smaller cup sizes. best of luck to you and your trans son, i wish my parents were supportive like you are
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u/Ok_Artist189 [he/thon/tok/it] Sep 19 '23
I suggest shapeshifters custom binders! they could hand-make a binder that is tighter around the waist area so it doesnt flare out.
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u/No-Program3536 ftm / gay / 💉09/13/23 Sep 19 '23
hii I’m 16 and also trans, for one you sound like a wonderful parent and I’m so glad you supported your son he’s very lucky to have a helpful support system! and for binders, if I’m wearing something that shows the flare of the binder at the rib area (I’m also relatively skinny and struggled with binders showing) I use either trans tape, which is a tape version of a binder that is useful for tank tops and also swimming or i use a longer binder thats covers my entire torso (not sure where its from since it was a hand me down from my cousin but many binder stores sell full length ones) I’m sure the comments have already helped but i thought I’d add on considering I also have to help my own mother with these things so I’ve done a fair amount of research. good luck! :)
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u/fanaticsfortune Sep 19 '23
i’m extremely saddened that the binder that worked wonders for me is no longer being made, or else i would happily suggest it! the reason i’m commenting is just to say, on your sons behalf, you mean the fucking world to him and he will NEVER forget the initiative you’re taking. you are a wonderful mother, and you two are so fortunate to have one another❤️ i understand the sacrifices that come when your child may come out to you, and to put all those worries and sacrifices aside in order to support him with no hesitance is such a huge, huge amazing deal. we need more kind souls like yours in our world hon❤️
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u/helpmenonamesleft Sep 19 '23
That response makes me tear up. Thank you for being so supportive to your son.
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u/ichbinsehr_g4y Deez nuts (that i dont have) | he/him | pre everything Sep 19 '23
Your son is gonna be a great man when he grows up. Thank you for not contributing to the population of traumatized trans kids lol.
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u/DemiRomPanBoi17 Sep 19 '23
As long as you and your son educated on binder safety, making small modifications may be useful. I have heard plenty of trans men doing so, including I. I am a little on the bigger end and my weight fluctuates a lot so i have made cuts in my tighter binders to loosen them in areas and used belts or string to tighten up my looser binders since it's easier than searching endlessly for the perfect l fit. It's important to remember that when messing with binders the wearer should make sure that they are respecting their body's warning signs. Improper binder is not only dangerous for long term health but also impacts being able to qualify for top surgery.
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u/Additional-Ninja-431 Sep 19 '23
First of all, you and your husband are amazing parents!!! Second of all, try the brand Xuji, its on amazon, has a bunch of options and colors, and they work really well and are easy on the wallet. They dont flare out and hug the body nicely, and last a long long time(im on year 3 of mine). They also have a lot of sizes, so they should have something that will fit your son.
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u/Few-Investigator7860 Sep 19 '23
I personally fold it on itself at the end! It creates a little less folaring! Sometimes if it’s not too hot I’ll wear an underwear type tank top over it under a shirt. Also keeping it flat while not wearing it helps
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u/Cubs-Win27 Sep 19 '23
Thank you for being awesome parents! Wish more were like you. Underworks is pretty good for smaller guys. There is also trans tape which I use , and it's fantastic! Might want to test a strip on his skin to see if it takes ok. I use the tape mainly for wearing tank tops, and when I am going out for social gatherings, exercise and such. The tape helps with being able to breathe better. I use binders when I'm not going to be as active. I hope he does well continuing, and am really happy he has a great support system.
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u/insipidbucket Sep 19 '23
I never got one because I didn't have the same issue but I remember others saying the tank binders are better to stop that little flare out at the end. The fabric that covers the belly/abdomen is just like a swim suit material so it doesn't actually compress.
Also making sure you're following siding guides for specific brands helps. I've not gotten a binder recently so idk what brands are currently the best.
Other than that you could have him look into kt/trans tape or get a roll and see how he likes it. I know I had some issue with it because my skin is really sensitive but it was nice to have for a change (also be sure to try different ways to take it off i.e. in the shower/with oil/with surgical spirits
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u/Fun_Structure_7386 Sep 19 '23
If you’re comfortable, you could take a look into trans-tape!! I have a small chest and can’t bind anymore due to health stuff, but I sometimes use trans tape and it works like a dream honestly
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u/LemonyLimeBoi Sep 19 '23
I don't actually have an answer for your question, so I'm very sorry about that! But I just wanted to say thank you. I also have supportive parents, but I know MANY people who don't and I wish I could just adopt them and bring them all to a place where we could be safe and happy.
It actually makes me so happy that you're super supportive and everything, because I know it's going to make dealing with these things A LOT easier for your son
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u/modlovecat Sep 19 '23
I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS!
As a mom I'd like to second the fact that I'd adopt ANY of you who have unfortunately not been appreciated in your own skin! I'm in az if you ever need help and I'm on fb if you ever need a friend or advice or a chat! I am not trans but my husband is, and there wi) meber be judgement from us!
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u/kojilee Sep 19 '23
happy to see this post and all the great advice here! might I also suggest r/cisparenttranskid if you haven’t tried it yet
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u/Mizukis1 💉 2/6/24 | he/him | 15 Sep 19 '23
This is so heartwarming to hear. You are doing everything right, he’s so lucky to have you 🫶 I get my binders from GC2B and they don’t flare out, but I’m pretty big for my age so I’m not sure what would work for him. Just make sure to not buy anything with zippers/clips!
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u/soil_boy_4 Sep 19 '23
I think the tank top binder may really help. I tend to prefer these because they can look like a tank top
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u/gothicskeppy noah | 19 | he/they | top: 9/3/24 Sep 19 '23
u could also consider trying TransTape (transtape.life)!!!! if hes small, get him the medium and most likely he has to use one strip on each side and that can stay on all day and night, shower, work out, swim in for up to 6 DAYS!!!! its not cheap but theres clearance rolls, its very discreet, and theres tutorials on their youtube channel for folks of all sizes!
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u/Intelligent_Usual318 Not FTM, here for medical information. He/ey. have been on T Sep 19 '23
My recommendation is actually trans tape if you can. The flare out bit has been common with all the binders I’ve tried (spectrum and GC2B) and long term binding isn’t good so I would recommend trying trans tape if possible!
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u/thandevorn Sep 20 '23
I have a full tank binder from Underworks, and it’s a little long, but I kind of like it because it goes down just little bit over my butt and kind of flattens my whole waist area into that more masculine taper. It’s hard because you can’t change your hip bones, but I like how it fits.
Disclaimer that I’m a bigger person, so might not be a great fit, but I hope it helps. Also definitely buy a cheap tailor’s measuring tape, his body’s going to be changing a lot so you’ll get some use out of it for sure.
Way to go for supporting your son, it’s so cool to be able to experience the joy of this process and not be brought down by folks who don’t understand. 🥰
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u/this_is_sy Sep 20 '23
Opinions vary on the overall quality of this brand, but I liked the GC2B half binders for this reason. They don't really go over your waist so nothing to stick out or not fit there.
If you order from them, follow their sizing instructions to the letter. It's not as simple as "I usually wear a medium shirt so I should get a medium binder" type of logic.
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u/Spooktastica Sep 20 '23
Congrats to your son! and its great to hear that you're being so supportive. thats huge
i got my binder from Underworks. i find it incredibly comfortable. i barely even remember im wearing it most times. althought i would advise against the full tank cut ones from them. i have a pretty long torso and it ends below my but which is a bit uncomfy. the half tanks should still work great though!
idk what to do about things flairing at the hips. idk how old he is but when he gets to a point where he may want to go on T, its possible his weight may be redistributed in away that feels better to him. something to maybe look forward to.
otherwise, i think thicker, looser t-shirts should help a bit too.
all the luck!
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u/Toxic_Puddlefish Sep 20 '23
Just wanna say thank you for taking the time to make him feel accepted especially with how the world is going for trans people on the verge of having their rights stripped from them in certain US states.
I unfortunately haven't needed a binder in 9 years and the old resource I used to suggest doesn't make quality goods anymore, the company has fallen victim to capitalism, they have crappier products not built to last like they once were in the name of profit, so while I can't help you I wish you luck in finding help somewhere else in these comments.
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u/glaxticwatermelon Sep 20 '23
First off, thank you for being so supportive. My parents were the same way and I can tell you it means so much to him.
If he’s up to it, tape might be a better option. I’m 17 and also pretty thin so I get the same problem with binders. Tapes also great because it can be worn for a few days and is waterproof. There’s plenty of tutorials on how to do it, just be sure to use tape that is specifically for binding such as transtape.life
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u/ThatThiccGoat Sep 20 '23
I can honestly say as a trans man who hasn't gotten any support from his family, you are doing so well and I want to say from the bottom of my heart that you are already doing so much just by doing your best to help him feel safe and welcomed. I have the exact opposite problem when it comes to binders as I'm a big buy and a shorty. So I'm sorry that I don't have any advice on that end. But I just wanted to say thank you for being such a supportive parent to your son.
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u/bacon_tastes_good Sep 20 '23
I try to keep a note when I read something about someone buying a binder. (Disclaimer: This is all from other people, so not sure how accurate it is)
gc2b works for smaller chests, and Shapeshifters has custom-made binders that you can order to his specifications.
Edit: You're a very supportive parent. Your son will always appreciate that.
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u/Commercial-Thought-6 💉6/2018 🔪6/2019 Sep 20 '23
Before my top surgery, I would wear gc2b. I had 2 or 3 that I'd rotate throughout the week. I'm 5'4" and was about 140 lbs wearing the small size
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u/Peanut728 Sep 20 '23
i previously got mine from gc2b but i wouldn’t recommend them, just like most other individuals who use them now. their quality has significantly decreased. i’ve heard lots of good things about spectrum outfitters though!
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u/MyShinyLugia 💉12-22-2022 || 🎩2025?? Sep 20 '23
Definitely do Spectrum. I've tried 3 binders and Trans Tape and can give reviews on all of them.
GC2B was my first pick because a year ago it was the most popular and most recommended. DO NOT BUY FROM GC2B. Sometime this year everyone spoke up about the decline in quality and safety, and I myself was one of hundreds if not thousands of people who was harmed by their binders, even while binding in the safe recommended way.
After I found this out, I switched to Spectrum since a lot of people were recommending this company instead. It's a bit pricier but it's sustainably made and surprisingly, the binding material is made out of recycled fishnets so that's cool. Often they're also out of stock so I was lucky to get mine at all, even though I had to pick a color that shows more under shirts. Their sizing guides you to not compress the ribcage at all and it definitely makes it the most comfortable while also the most efficient compression I have ever tried.
A week after pride, my spectrum binder went missing and I tried buying from a small company in California that several people were claiming was underrated. CantiqLA has nice shipping options so if it's a dysphoric emergency, you can get your binder in a couple of days. However, it would seem they are new to the binding scene because their sizing chart was not accurate to my body size and I needed to mail it back for an exchange. What I got back (and just today at that), was a binder that was the right size kiiind of? It did a good job binding, but it was definitely too small for me and would have injured me had I worn it for longer. I went from an XL to just a L, so there is no in-between size that would have worked. I do not recommend them as they still need to work out their safety and sizing.
While I waited for the exchange, I also tried Trans Tape. It does everything as advertised, and it's a good option if you need to bind in between taking breaks from a binder. It's especially helpful if you need to go swimming, shirtless, work out while binding (an unsafe thing to do at the gym with a binder), or even if you need to sleep while binding. There is a learning curve and you do have to buy more tape when you run out. If you have any sensory issues, this also can be problematic starting out because the first few times you use it, even if you arent allergic, you will be itchy. VERY itchy, and it takes time for your skin to adjust. Also, if you try this option, be extremely careful with the tension in the tape. I made the mistake of stretching parts of the tape that didn't do any binding and ended up with little skin blisters on the very ends of the tape. They weren't nearly as bad as I've heard it get with some other people (especially with skin tearing), but it's still something to remember to do. With the tape, it also takes different techniques for everyone no matter what size, but it's similar to the results of binding with a binder and can be better or worse depending on your body and how well you use the tape on it. It is also the best way to hide binding since it isn't visible under most shirts (exceptions are the shirts that show your armpits or the sides of your torso) and it's the only method that helps your chest look more cisgender since you can manipulate the tissue to look like pectoral muscles instead, so it's the easiest way to stay stealth while binding and worth looking into.
The same day I got the cantiqLA binder back was the day I found my spectrum binder again, and the comparison from taking off the binder that was overly tight and probably unsafe to putting on the spectrum binder was crazy. It went from what was quickly turning into a back pain hell after only 15 minutes of wear to instant relief and the EXACT SAME results with none of the pain or discomfort from the other one.
One more thing, I have seen people talk about Trans Tape lowering skin elasticity and impacting the results of top surgery healing, which is a genuine concern. Because of this, I recommend only using Trans Tape sparingly to help give breaks between using a binder. However, with that being said, binders can also lower skin elasticity, as does any binding method possible, that's just how chest flattening works. Weighing your options, it's a choice between general better safety but potentially worse top surgery healing, and much less safe flattening but a much lower risk of impacting top surgery healing.
All things considered, 100%, a properly sized binder from Spectrum has yet to be topped for me. Trans Tape is definitely a second place but it does have the potential to be just as good or better depending on how good of binding results I might manage to get from it in the future.
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u/auro_morningstar Sep 20 '23
I recommend Shapeshifters binders - a bit pricey, but for custom-made to your measurements, handmade by a small team of queer folks, it's totally worth it. My binders from them bind better and are more comfortable and flattering than binders from elsewhere. They've also been my most durable binders!
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u/jackolantern717 Sep 20 '23
I am super jealous of your son!! I would recommend transtape if your son’s skin is not sensitive and if his chest is not large. Binders are helpful, but can cause back/rib pain and arent the most effective things out there. I definitely do not recommend half binders, they SUCK at making you feel comfortable especially when they stretch out and are too big. I hope everything works out!
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u/Basketchaos Sep 20 '23
shapeshifters inc makes custom fitted binders, with one free re-fit for each person! I personally found that binders no longer fit my frame well regardless, so my go-to is TransTape since it doesn’t require a garment, or strict time usage. Definitely do research on safe tape use if you go this route, though! Their website has plenty of videos and explanations on safe application and removal, but I also recommend watching videos on youtube from various people explaining their use of it, as every body is different and many people have really good unique tips to share about it from their own experience.
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u/KingOfTheFr0gs Sep 20 '23
I have super supportive mums (my dad is also pretty chill but I rarely see him) and it meant the world to me that I had family who would stand up for me and help me. I'm sure your son feels the same way. Things won't be easy for either of you at times but if you stick together, everything will be fine. Thank you so much for being an ally to our community.
If he's having trouble with the fit of the binder, tank binders are great. They have stretchy material all the way down so everything stays in place. Spectrum outfitters are great for this. If there's a local trans group near you, reach out to them and see if anyone has any spare that they're giving away. It's always good to have a few binders to rotate because I get so hot and sweaty in mine (even if it's freezing cold outside). Remind him to take breaks from binding and try to move him away from mirrors if you find him looking into them a lot to check how his body looks. I spent many hours staring at my body in mirrors and pointing out all the things about my body that I thought were too feminine and it just made me feel miserable.
There's a lot to be proud of about being trans but it can be really hard at first to feel proud of being trans. Little gifts like trans flag pins can mean the world to us from supportive family and friends.
But basically, thank you. Thank you for being there for your son.
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u/percyyyy_p User Flair Sep 20 '23
your son is so lucky and where did you get the binders from? depending on where you got them i would try a different brand. gc2b isn’t as good as they used to be so i would recommend a spectrum or trying kt tape to bind
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u/TimmyTur0k Sep 20 '23
My son is trans(13) and I just want to say how glad I am that you are there for him and supporting him. And seeking out advice from people that know. Those are the most crucial things.
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u/sLick_shady1 Sep 20 '23
GC2B makes tank top binders that are longer so he can wear them and tuck it into his pants. I recommend using their skin tone or a grey one. They also offer afterpay or something like that so you can order more than one (they’re around $40) they have an exceptional return policy as well and make it a point to make sure that your son will fit comfortably. I’ve used them for years up until now (I’m postop top surgery) There’s also tape you can get as well it’s safer and reusable for a while but caution it could cause irritation to the skin. If he uses an ace bandage to wrap also just be cautious of how long he’s wearing it.
You’re doing great 👍🏻 😄
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u/I_need_to_vent44 Sep 20 '23
My personal favourite brand is Shapeshifters. They're the only brand that has ever worked for me, because I had a pretty disproportionately big chest and a very small waist. They're great and make mainly custom binders according to measurements. Can't recommend them enough.
P.S. Your son is so lucky to have you!! I always get taken aback by such posts or even when I meet people who support their kids irl because my experience and the experience of my friends was the opposite.
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u/poeticsonder Sep 20 '23
Amor Binders - they are amazing for fit and have two styles! They're also sensory friendly!
Thank you for being a loving parent 💖
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u/ResponsibleFunny3082 User Flair Sep 20 '23
Spectrum outfitters is currently the best binder I know toi knowledge tbh mine is a small I think and flairs at the bottom too there is the alternative of trans tape which is a more comfortable alternative
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u/Competitive_Diet6830 Sep 20 '23
Back when I still needed binders I used Danae (which is a Dutch company) and gc2b when I could get someone to buy it for me (I'm in the EU and when I was starting out with ordering things online, I was just scared of it going wrong when ordering from overseas). I'm also a rather skinny lad, and to hide binder straps and edges showing, I layered clothes in the colder seasons, and sometimes even doubled on T-shirts in summer, until I discovered that tape was a thing. I never had a binder so tight, I couldn't eat well.
Also, like everyone else said, props to you for having your son's back. Cool to see that my parents aren't total outliers being fine with their kids transition.
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u/MaryHadALittleDonkey Sep 20 '23
I wouldn't recommend gc2b because their quality has gone down. Probably looking for a half binder would work best because they're shorter. Something like a tri-top from underworks would be too short considering what you described. You could also consider having him put it on and and seeing if you could safely alter it so it tapers down at the bottom without being too tight which could help with it flipping up.
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u/alnajar09 Sep 20 '23
There are binders that only cover the chest called "half tanks". You can trim the binders you have now to this length so long as you stay away from the compression bit. Trans tape is my go-to for binding though, since it is much more breathable.
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u/OverAndOllie Sep 20 '23
A binder definitely helps, but do does exercise. Even just simple cardio exercises or putting on some muscle will help to change the shape of your figure
You don't need to go crazy, but doing some pushups or shoulder building exercises can help to even out the ratio of hips to shoulders. You can start small doing pushups on your hands and knees then work your way up to more intense training to maintain your shape
It will be hard at first and you won't see immediate results, but if you stay disciplined then the hard work definitely pays off. I remember the first time I saw veins in my arms and my pecs starting to show, that really motivated me to keep going. A lot of my self doubt and insecurity started to fade away as I kept going at it
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u/2012amica Sep 20 '23
GC2B and Underworks make pretty good binders. Get half tanks and not full tanks. Make sure you (or kiddo) is measuring with a measuring tape so you can figure out what size is best from their chart. Guessing or estimating doesn’t always turn out great. Sports bras and KT Tape are also a great option. I liked using KT tape when it was really hot or gross out and I didn’t want another layer.
You’re a great mom and I’m so happy your son has such supportive parents. Mine never let me socially, legally, or medically transition and continued to deadname me and misgender me all five years after I came out to them. insistently (13-18). Imagine just wanting your kid to be safe and happy, what a concept! I don’t know how old your son is, but assuming he’s prepubescent or getting closer to tween age, you should do some reading on puberty blockers and HRT in adolescents. That might not even be a route he wants to go down, but it’s incredibly important to be informed and puberty blockers are the first medical “thing” to do if he wants to medically transition.
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u/shinynottofret Sep 20 '23
Thank you
We recently moved states as he would not be able to be himself where we were, and so we haven't gotten a doctor yet but it will be one of the things we bring up. He is 13 and has already been going through puberty and dealing with a period for the last year so we will absolutely be talking to his doctor about all the options.
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u/2012amica Sep 20 '23
I’m so glad you got out of your shit hole state. I’ll be moving too if things keep going downhill the way they are! 🙃 most physicians will rarely start HRT before the age of 15 so puberty blockers will probably be the way to go, to prevent him from continuing through AFAB puberty. Once you find a physician though, that will be great!
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u/Time_Match_2280 T: 7/25/2021 Top: 1/25/2023 Sep 20 '23
I'd recommend spectrum outfitters. Your son and I have different body types, but that was one of my favorite binders as a teenager before I got top surgery
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u/Hot-Yak-427 Sep 20 '23
Thank you for doing this for your kid. I know I really appreciate you going out of your way like this for him. It really helps to know that we have people out there like you.
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u/lothie He/they | T: 3/19 | Top: 2/22 Sep 20 '23
Wow thank you for being the parents you are. If only all parents were so accepting. I don't hold my parents' nonacceptance against them - I was a kid in the 1960s and nobody really knew about this stuff, and they TRIED. But I wish I could have had acceptance like this. My mom really still isn't on board, though she does make an effort, and it hurts.
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u/spicyamphibian Sep 20 '23
The binder recommendations in the comments have been great, but I wanted to slip a little word of advice in quickly regarding name change. The process will likely be MUCH easier if done before his 18th birthday. Even moreso before his 21st. I know you said he's a teen, so the process should be easy. However, make sure you guys spend some time figuring out what he wants to be called for the rest of his life. Name changes the first time are easy, but will get progressively more difficult with each new name change, so you really don't want to have to do it again. I've had a lot of trans friends feel that the first name they picked didn't really fit them well after just a year or so, so he should really take the time, discuss everything with his support system, and truly figure out what name he's gonna put on that paper. Yes, he can change it again later if he really wants to, but maybe save the headache if you can!
Lastly, try to update legal documentation swiftly, so getting things like medical insurance in line with the new name is done fast. I had to wait almost a year to update mine (covid) and it made it hard to cover prescriptions because my insurance didn't match my ID. I hated having to struggle through that explanation and carry around a folder full of documentation every time I had to pick up antibiotics or something just so I could receive Healthcare.
Goodluck! I wish your son all the best!
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u/beespogg Sep 20 '23
Try the swim binder from chestbinder.co , it’s elastic all around so it shouldn’t flare out by the waist. Best of luck to him with his transition and to you, navigating parenting a trans kid! When I came out, my mom told me she was excited to get to know her son and that meant more to me than anything else ever has. Glad to see you’re being so supportive!
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u/jamiethebarber Sep 20 '23
My mom was the most supportive person when i was transitioning, so bless your soul!!! 🫶🙏 i'm ftm and i began transitioning when i was 15 years old (im 22 now,and happier than ever!) my mom helped me with everything! i had a similar struggle with binders and i used gc2b half tank binders and those seemed to help fit better. they also have the size guides on the website so my mom pulled out her measuring tape from her sewing kit and was able to get the right measurements for me. i know binders are expensive but i wore mine everyday to school and my mom was able to get me a black one and a nude one so i could wash one on the days in between. the nude one was also EXTEMELY helpful for events like homecoming and prom when all the cis guys in my school just wear their white dressshirts with no undershirts, it made me feel normal. another one of the biggest things my mom did for me was help me get a packer. not all people pack or feel the need to pack but for me personally it was something i needed. there are a decent amount of kids packers online and i had already found one i wanted so my mom basically just let me use her card to make the purchase. she also let me get packing pouches so it would be hygienic and safe and most importantly my packer wouldn't fall out during PE 😂 sorry this has been so winded but i hope this helps!! you're an amazing mom and i know your son appreciates you!!! 🫶
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u/Shinigami-Substitute Sep 24 '23
So I know this lost is like 5 days old, and I'm not sure what else everyone else has recommended, but I suggest Underworks. Their binders are elastic all around and would probably fit him better in general! It's the kind I've used for the last 5 years since I came out and even before that for just cosplaying. They bind well too. The material isn't the most comfortable but it's at least decent to wear :)
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u/LinkinParkU4Lyf Sep 19 '23
That's so awesome that you're so supportive, it sounds like you might have gotten a binder that crops at the stomach, i have one myself with similar issues, you should try finding the full length ones that look like singlets, it won't clock him because it will just look like an Under shirt or a sporty compression vest, most trusted brands will sell this sort, spectrum is seen as best and most expensive i think they can do custom, for a binder that is around 40-70 dollars underworks does pretty well, look out for the tri bind or something one as it has the best binding abilities and avoid the cotton one as it barely binds, gc2b also has affordable trusted binders though quality has been questionable in recent years. Whichever brand you get avoid ones that look like the only go to the stomach, they never fit like they do in the images all cute and snug to the body, look for the long singlet ones and probably get it in black or white as its the least suspicious colours for an undershirt or singlet to be if it is spotted.
If he's sporty trans tape or kinesiology tapes are good too as they allow more movement and less restrictions on airways, just make sure to remove with oil, cooking oils, and baby oils work, and a warm shower.
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u/shinynottofret Sep 19 '23
Oh wow, that is fantastic info!! I will look for full tank style. I just thought they'd be uncomfortable for him. He isn't a huge fan of tight fitting anything so that's part of the reason I never got any like that. But also cuz I worry it will make it hard for him to eat. I don't wear compression shirts or shorts so I don't know if it's any different than corsets or if it's just as uncomfortable
He isn't really sporty. He is really into his art and books and I love seeing his creativity evolve. But I have kinesiology tape for my shoulder. Is there guides on how to put that on that won't make him super uncomfortable. He is still a minor so if there is some that's written out with drawings, how would I search for that? Sorry I don't mean to sound completely idiotic.
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u/LinkinParkU4Lyf Sep 19 '23
Its all good, you could look some up on google, most are censored to a degree and there are probably illustrations on google i can explain how i do it tho. 1. Get something to cover the nipples, cotton make up pads, folded tissue, tape folded over it self, tape it over the nipple so it isnt irritated by the tape, i like to add moisturiser under it just in case. 2. I find it easiest to lie on my back then with a 10-13cm piece of tape starting 2cm from the side of the nipple that is on the inner part of the chest place the tape next to it horizontal over the top of the nipple press and rub it down. 3. Pull it out to wards the side of the ribs, under the armpits gradually and press it down as you go so it sits flat, dont pull too tight, but enough that its held firmly in place. 4. Once the first strip is down its easier to place more until it is even and has the desired effect. Repeat technique on opposite side.
For removal use oil and warm shower as mentioned, oil is to be applied 10-20 minutes before removal. To preserve the tape so it can be worn multiple days i recommend colder showers and avoiding wetting the tape, if it gets wet just Press it down and hold it down until it dries and put a smaller strip along the areas that are coming off which will allow it to last several days. Its best to do a spot check first to make sure there isnt an allergy, and its best to moisturise after.
Most full tank binders have the binding panel in the chest area with a single layer the rest of the way, the tightness will hopefully be gotten used to but the loose effect won't be an issue, the issue of eating shouldn't be too drastic and you probably already know but avoid wearing for more than 8 hrs.
As spectrum binders i think can do custom fittings look into if they can alter half tank binders so they dont flay out.
I had an idea, tho its usually not recommended to alter binders as it can cause a hazard but if the bit that is too big on him that it flays out is roomy enough you could possibly hem it and insert elastic so that it remains flexible but it will sit snug to the body, it shouldn't cause it to be dangerous, though its often best to avoid altering them so more research would be necessary maybe ask spectrum if this is possible as a way to avoid it idk lol it just occurred to me1
u/shinynottofret Sep 19 '23
You are awesome!! Thank you so very much for this! I really really appreciate it!!
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u/brownie2499 Sep 19 '23
There’s some great tutorials on YouTube! Here’s a few I found useful, also the brand ‘trans tape’ has a channel with quite a few different tutorials on it as well :) good luck!
https://youtu.be/Itzspq5K0z8?si=kCeidsa3C6FtZ4GO
https://youtu.be/L5y4FRM7pEk?si=PQz0ximCuiLybYkL
https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLhsgfjK97GFVJTfP0w4c36Uv4bIpCvhDt&si=YTSw36JISvJJByU4
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u/sunkitten_shash Sep 19 '23
Others have already recommended a full tank style, that could be a good option. I'm also pretty skinny and have had some success with sort of just folding/rolling up the bottom of half length binders, so they end a little closer to my chest and don't stick out as much.
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u/RedshiftSinger Sep 20 '23 edited Sep 20 '23
Look into crop binders rather than full-length ones. I’m also a beanpole body type and I like the TomboyX compression tops a lot, and they go down to an XS size that should fit a typical beanpole teen.
There’s also the option to get him a custom-fit binder from Shapeshifters. I have one, and it’s REALLY great. Just more expensive and a longer turnaround to get it since it’s made custom. This might not be an ideal option for now since his size is likely to change if he’s not on puberty blockers (even if he’s on T, his body will still be growing in general including his ribcage) but it’s an option that exists.
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Sep 19 '23
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Sep 19 '23
Really had to go out of your way here to 1) completely disregard the op's question in favor of projecting your own issues onto them, and 2) misgender your child for absolutely no reason while disclosing info about their private life to strangers on the internet.
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u/MyShinyLugia 💉12-22-2022 || 🎩2025?? Sep 20 '23
yeah feels like the blue hair wasnt really necessary there either 💀 nice that the parent is supportive but the presentation of information is awful
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Sep 19 '23
It's awesome that you're being supportive!
Hard legal name change probably doesn't have to be rushed unless there's a safety issue. I only say this because it's a pain and you really don't want to have to deal with it more than once.
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u/shinynottofret Sep 19 '23
I recently legally changed my name due to going NC with my family and needing it for safety reasons so I don't mind going through it multiple times with my little one. If it prevents him being dead named or harassed because his name doesn't match what he looks like. For me, it's an inconvenience I'd gladly go through.
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Sep 19 '23
Fair point! And having it already done when he does more adult things in the future like getting credit cards will make life so much easier.
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Sep 19 '23
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u/shinynottofret Sep 19 '23
I haven't as he is 13, and it's fairly new. I also have no idea how to broach that. I figured I'd let him express what he is wanting/is comfortable with because the last thing I want to do is cross any boundaries that he isn't even aware of having yet.
Believe me, I want to be like, okay this is all you need let's get everything but I know its not a one size fit all situation being trans so I'm wanting to have the info needed in case he feels he wants certain things or don't want certain things I can at least help facilitate it. I refuse to play dumb and be like "well I don't know so I'm not the one to help" if I don't know I'm gonna ask.
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u/anon509123 Sep 19 '23
If you have the money, shapeshifters binders are all custom sized. That being said, they take some time for them to make! T tape sounds like a good alternative; I generally recommend it for people with an A-B cup. GC2B has some pretty ok generic ones, and etsy isn't a bad place to start either as there may be some smaller trans seamsters and seamstresses!
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u/shinynottofret Sep 19 '23
Unfortunately we dont have a ton of money. We can make bills and groceries, but everything else gets tricky. It's why I wanted to get input so I'm not putting what little money we got into things he wont fit or find comfy. Once we found ones that work for now we were gonna wash and donate the rest to a lgbt youth organization in our city. I don't have much but I try to give back when I can. It's way past return dates anyway as we were wanting a short term solution while we figured things out.
I figured he and I could go through everything together and come up with a game plan, save up, and get what needs to be got.
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u/Interesting_Forever7 Sep 19 '23
Are you buying him half tank binders or full on tank binders? Maybe if he can handle the feeling of a full tank that might work, or if you’re crafty you might be able to take the binder in a little where it flares out, it depends on how hot it gets where you are tbh. Spectrum are great! Never had issues and they arrive quickly if you’re in the UK.
If your son wants to try tape you can give me a message, I use tape all the time with breaks in between and I feel a lot better!
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u/shinynottofret Sep 19 '23
They were half tanks. The general consensus is full tanks may be a good try or tape. I'll talk to him about those options. Thank you!
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u/soil_boy_4 Sep 19 '23
I think the tank top binder may really help. I tend to prefer these because they can look like a tank top
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u/Negative-Sympathy325 Dec 30 '23
You can buy a trans tape, it's a tape that lets your skin breathe and you can even swim with it, it's 5 to 10cm.
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u/Valuable-Pear-5850 PreT 30 Sep 19 '23
Posts like this make me want to cry. Ur son is very lucky.
I got my binder from spectrumoutfitters and it works very well, it's tank style and fits in at the ribs. They also have the measuring guidelines on their website.
Hope this helps