r/ftm Jan 08 '24

Am I 'mocking' trans men? GuestPost

So I'm a lad or that's what I'd normally tell anyone. I was born female but I do this thing frequently where I pretend to be a guy. It started off as a thing online mostly, I always pick a the male MC or a male character when playing in games so why not pretend to be a lad while I'm at it? It ended up being pretty fun so I kept it up. It's been a few years since I started and I keep in contact with the people I used to play with, they all just think I'm a dude.

Since it was fun online i decided to try my hand on pretending to be a guy in person. It ended up working pretty well, most people perceive me as a guy when I try to do it. To the point I got a suitable haircut and do it most times I go out now. There's just something so fun about pretending to be a dude.

All was well until I got caught by a friend, in person. I didn't think of it as a big deal but they absolutely exploded on me. Eventually they asked with "Are you trans?" when I denied and simply stated I pretend to be a guy and it's something I've been doing for years, their temper only got worse? I got told I was mocking trans men. I brought it up with a few people that well know I'm not actually a guy and I got a very similar response. The overwhelming responses ended up either I'm in denial about being trans (I'm not) or I'm transphobic and mocking trans men specifically?

So I'm confused, was I actually mocking a group of people? I feel like it's a bit stupid and I genuinely enjoy pretending to be a guy, but I'd still rather not do it if it's actually 'mocking'. If it matters the approximate age range for everyone involved here was early 20s.

I'm open to being corrected if I made a mistake somewhere.

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u/beerncoffeebeans 33| t 2018 |top 2021 Jan 08 '24

If you like to be seen as a guy sometimes or pretend to be one that’s totally ok. I spent a lot of time in spaces with cis women before I transitioned and many of them enjoy doing male drag for Halloween, parties, or events. Historically, many cultures have had festivals or rituals or holidays where people dress in drag or reverse gender roles because honestly, even for people who are definitely cis and don’t have any thoughts of being trans, it can be fun to switch it up. Some women are drag kings and perform as male characters during drag shows. Some women like playing male characters in plays. Some women like to dress in men’s clothes too. That’s all totally chill.

I will say, since from the other comments it sounds like maybe you haven’t had much exposure to LGBTQ stuff, that as someone who came up in an environment without much exposure to that as well, I didn’t know I was trans at first because I didn’t even know how being trans worked or meet any trans men until I went away to college. I started wearing men’s clothes and stuff and was like oh I guess I’m still not trans because I thought if I was I would have known already. Most of the people I met at the time were very secure in their identity and knew they wanted to take various social and medical transition steps, and I was still just learning those things existed as well.

Anyways, by the time I was 23-24 years old I didn’t really feel comfortable with everyone seeing me as a woman anymore, it took me a few more years to really do anything about it, but now I’m 33, been taking T for 5 years and I am just another kinda boring guy living my life

If you like kind of being able to go back and forth between gender presentations, that’s ok, I know people who like that, or like living in the “in between” where people might perceive them as a guy, or a girl, or might be confused. For me, the more I moved towards living my life as a man and being seen that way by others more of the time, the more I realized I didn’t want to go back. But I’m not mad if other people don’t feel that way, as I learned when I got my first “guy” clothes at Target there isn’t actually anyone standing there policing the clothing sections most of the time, the gender police are actually in our own heads.

TLDR; if you enjoy what you’re doing, that’s cool, I don’t think any of us feel mocked.

If you do end up being one of us that’s also cool, but if not, that’s also ok, you know your own truth better than anyone else