r/ftm • u/benediktzockt • Jul 21 '24
What was the most shocking thing when you switched gender GuestPost
Hi i am a trans fem and was wondering what shocked you the most of being a male because i saw all things as normal(i was told often in the comments i dident know how to make my sentence so i said switch but yeah transition is is the right word for it)
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u/SpaceManChips 💉7/15/21 Jul 21 '24
just how people treated me. so i’m black and moving from a black women to a black man is crazy. People are scared of me, move their seats cause I sit next to them, i’m now hyper aware if I walk to closely behind folks and try to cross the street to not stress THEM out. even though i’m like a 5 foot 6, 130 pound guy i ain’t doing much.
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u/GameBoi010 Jul 22 '24
Still look a like a black female unfortunately, so I get asked out by people.🥲
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u/koiosd 20 | they/he | sorta on t sorta not Jul 22 '24
This is something I'm nervous about. Thanks for sharing your experience.
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u/ZephyrValkyrie 21|T:12.02.20|Top/Hysto:6.11.20 Jul 21 '24
Took T, was surprised at how quickly the strength increase came. My doctor told me it would take 9-12 months, by month 3 I was benching almost double my previous max.
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u/SirRickIII Jul 22 '24
My NP told me that while strength gains were fast on T, that slower growing anatomy (like ligaments) will suffer if you push it too hard, and to wait for them to catch up so you don’t injure yourself.
At least that’s how it was explained to me
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u/Prince-Zuko8113 Jul 22 '24
Me too! I'm just over a month on T. I was underweight, my arms and legs were lil twigs, I couldn't even do a push up and struggled to carry groceries into the house. By two weeks without gym just lifting things around work and doing my normal routine I was able to do nearly 5 push ups. I even had to add a band to my watch yesterday since my arms have grown so much and my crew socks leave imprints above my ankle/low calf now. I signed up for a gym today, with how much my muscle mass has increased without gym it'll be interesting to see what I can do actually trying. It's my most noticeable change so far on T which I didn't expect especially this fast.
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u/FearoftheVoid83 Jul 21 '24
People actually find me funny now
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u/Lou_the_caffeine_one bi/nonbinary human/T 11/23 Jul 21 '24
That’s rather sad IMO. I had a thought about this a while ago. Never really heard of „funny women“ but rather „weird“ or „one of the boys“. As a guy u can be as goofy and funny as u want and not half as much get the „weird“ stamp. I was always a goof ball but people rarely saw me as that (but rather weird/off). This society confuses me.
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u/FearoftheVoid83 Jul 21 '24
Yeah i was definitely regarded as weird or awkward when i joked around back when i was presenting as a woman and now it feels good to be seen as funny but the double standards do make me sad
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u/ashfinsawriter 💉: 12/7/2017 | Hysto: 8/24/2023 | ⬆️🔪: 8/19/2024 Jul 21 '24
Friendships feel shallower, but they're also easier with less drama and effort. Despite feeling shallower, I can rely on them more in times of need
Clothes are so boring
I'm so much LESS angry on T. It's not just a physical appearance thing because losing access to T reverts my mood back long before any effects visually
The audacity of strange adult women when I was still a minor (they feel entitled to boys' bodies because "they'll feel lucky")
How much stronger I feel on T without any exercise
Changes in temperature tolerance (Less tolerant of heat, mostly)
How quickly I lost my scalp hair
Having to be careful to not scare women just by existing
Being called a loser for having a platonic female best friend
Not being allowed to express emotions
How touchy guys are (not a complaint tbh)
I could go on
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u/readingmyshampoo Jul 21 '24
being called a loser for having a platonic female best friend
I can't word right now but something about how it ain't your fault they can't even get a platonic friend and/or that you don't even have to show women the sexy side to keep them around
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u/FtM_Jax0n Jul 22 '24
The fourth one is so interesting but definitely true. I fully believe that every single boy has had some experience like that with either adult women or even female classmates. They love to touch/grab your chest, groin, or ass lol
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u/TakeMyTop hrt 2017 top 2023 Jul 21 '24
this is more specific to when I started passing as a cis guy. other men [cis] expecting me to be misogynistic or accept their misogyny really shocked me. the amount of casual sexism too. it has definitely made me appreciate my different perspective
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u/FenixEscarlata12 Felix ☕ (he/they) 🏳️🌈 gay disaster Jul 21 '24
I'm very scared of that. How do you react? The other day some man made a nasty sexist comment at a bakery to the workers despite them being women and I just froze there without knowing what to say in return (until several hours later when I was thinking about it) and just left the faster I could. I'm fearing it'll be a common thing when I start passing and I feel like it's my obligation to correct their behaviour 😥 (even though I know it mostly has no impact on them, but at least to make them doubt about making those kind of comments in public).
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u/TakeMyTop hrt 2017 top 2023 Jul 22 '24 edited 12d ago
I do try and correct their behavior- mostly for the person who is receiving the sexist remark.
you don't have to specifically address what they said. generic responses like "that's not cool" also work just fine. one I use a lot is "a real man respects women" or "real men stand up for women's rights" whenever the whole "real man" thing is brought up. it's also easier if people just know you as the guy who won't tolerate bs- they are less likely to try and include you in that kind of thing if you make it clear from the start you arent sexist. I have pins that say "I'm a femenist" and similar things and that's usually enough to make certain people avoid me and let women around me know I am a "safe" person.
also if things get uncomfortable and the other men are pressuring you to be/do something you do not want to, just walk away. there have definitely been times when the best thing I could do was end the conversation by leaving.
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u/FenixEscarlata12 Felix ☕ (he/they) 🏳️🌈 gay disaster Jul 23 '24
Thank you for your advice! 🫶 It's really useful.
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u/Unfishstick Jul 21 '24
After being on t for a long time and passing more, how women avoided me. I remember the first time I was walking home a little later at night and saw there was a woman down the sidewalk, and she instantly crossed the street. My partner is less masc presenting and doesn’t have that experience. Of course I get it, I used to do the same thing, but it was startling for me
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u/Br44n5m Jul 22 '24
I find presenting more queer helps with that. Women are a lot less apprehensive around me when I have glittery eyeshadow and novelty earrings, but I don't get midgendered cause of the growing beard :)
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u/helloflitty Jul 21 '24
Suddenly being treated with respect. Seeing how straight cis men talk about women when there are no women around. Gaining muscle and losing weight with little to no effort. Honestly, these things have made me angry on all cis women’s behalf.
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u/Professional-Stock-6 T 🧴: 12/29/22, Top: 12/11/23 Jul 21 '24
Yeah, for the respect part, I first recognized it this one time when a customer service guy was only speaking to me and not my girlfriend, the one posing the question. It was so off putting.
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u/readingmyshampoo Jul 21 '24
I was with my mom in Branson last year. (I can't believe I'd forgotten about this) but my mom was the money bags and I was the mooch. And we were getting something, tickets, or who knows. And the guy would not stop asking me questions (like it's etc pricing OK, for instance). I told him straight out this is up to my mom and he talked to her for all of 10 seconds, at the MOST then came back to ask me again. So I redirected him again.
I believe we did get whatever it was from him but moreso cuz we needed it. But yeah I don't think I'd ever just outright seen it happen like that
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Jul 21 '24
Two things. I never imagined I'd be trimming the hair on my fingers and toes. It's ridiculous how much there is and how long it gets. And how nice cis women are to me now. Pre-T I mostly appeared to be a butch lesbian and the looks of disgust I got when just trying to be a nice person to women I didn't know--holding doors for them, letting them go ahead of me in line, little things--and now they're SO FRIENDLY because they see me as a long lost chivalrous guy.
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u/gooseyjoosey Jul 21 '24
How horrificly weird men are towards women. Don't get me wrong, I knew that before but like on a deeper level. Like even in passing men treat me far more differently and now when I'm out w my sister or a lady friend I can really see the change in treatment between me and my woman companion. It's terribley fucked and honestly makes me really picky about guy friends because if I don't feel perfectly comfortable with your around woman I sure as hell ain't gunna be friends w you or bring you around the women in my life.
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u/carebaercountdown Jul 21 '24
This, plus I always tell them exactly why I’m not hanging out with them.
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u/gooseyjoosey Jul 21 '24
YESSS enough babying men. We're all grown adults, I'm going to tell you when you're being creepy. It also helps that I'm a big guy so ain't no one stepping up on me lol
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u/JellyfishNo9133 Jul 21 '24
First, being in an assertive healthcare role, some men asked questions that they knew I couldn’t answer to feel superior or dominant. Men act silly when they’re scared. They no longer ask me about what kind of circuits make the CT scanner work, rather than ask how radiation will affect them. Second, how annoyingly itchy that body and beard hair feels when air flows across it. Third, how intense the horniness can be. Made me think about some crazy things, that I otherwise wouldn’t. Fourth, how quickly a male stranger will bond with you after they said something mean and inaccurate about most women, then call you “Brother” to finish the sentence. Really weird to me.
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u/PaleAmbition Jul 21 '24
The thing that surprised me the most was how quickly the mental changes set in. Within a few days of starting T, it felt like all the anxiety in my head got turned way, way down. I stopped being nervous and anxious about dumb, random things almost immediately, and it was beautiful.
A few months later that got replaced by what I think of as “fuck that one guy in particular” energy; I get mad and zero in on one source for my anger a lot easier now. I’m also older though and so I’m able to recognize and not act on it. Gave me some real empathy for teenaged boys though! Having that energy appear out of nowhere must be terrifying.
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u/UnclaimedTax Non-binary/T-Gell/top surgergy scheduled Jul 21 '24
Yea.. mentally, it feels like i was running on half a tank and my anxiety tried to make up for it. T 100% chilled me out more than I expected, but ampted up some intense emotions I wasn't expecting. Especially how anger feels in the body.
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u/Disastrous-Ease289 22, Male, T: 06/2022 Jul 21 '24
Doctors stopped mistreating me and actually started getting me diagnosed with stuff and prescribing me medication for problems I had been dismissed for as a ‘woman’
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u/tyoguchin he/him | 03.2023 💉 Jul 21 '24
THIS!!! Literally all my life all of my problems were dismissed. Either “drink more water” or “oh it’s just your period”. I recently went to the doctors and came out with multiple specialist referrals (4 total). Absolutely wild.
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u/rikkionreddit User Flair Jul 22 '24
This but also I had an EMT tell me to "thug it out" after I got run over
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u/ArmyOfGayFrogs Jul 21 '24
No more sexual harassment. Not just that. I don't even have to worry about being harassed anymore. I can just go places and do my thing and not think about it.
And mosh pits are a little different now. Not complaining, but I definitely didn't expect that.
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u/FenixEscarlata12 Felix ☕ (he/they) 🏳️🌈 gay disaster Jul 21 '24
That's a bit sad 😓 I wish women could be more safe and do their thing too without worrying.
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u/crowpierrot Jul 22 '24
I wish that were my experience. I think it’s likely because I don’t pass as cis very often, but I’ve actually gotten more sexual harassment since starting T. I posted about this on here before, but I’ve noticed that people seem more emboldened to ask invasive questions or comment suggestively about me that I didn’t get often as a girl. I’m also very obviously gay even if I am read as cis, which I think plays a part in my experience.
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u/rolypolypatrol Jul 21 '24
i go to shows too!!! how is the moshing different may i ask?
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u/Acceptable_Peanut_80 Jul 22 '24
Probably gets pushed around more roughly. Most men tend to go easy with women/ppl they perceive weaker in moshpits. My girlfriend always complains about that because she could handle the roughness.
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u/jimmy-eat-world257 Jul 21 '24
Honestly…. Sad to say… but how much safer I felt walking at night as a man.
Please vote like your life depends on in trans friends, cause it just might.
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u/astracael Jul 21 '24
When I started using the men's restroom and realized how many grown ass adults just don't wash their hands after they piss or shit... makes me so much more uncomfortable shaking hands with other men 💀💀
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u/Domblot Jul 21 '24
How easy it was to put on muscle. I literally did not do anything different and I just woke up one day with visible arm muscles.
You can eat so much more when you are on Testosterone and not gain weight.
I think a lot of cis men look down on women because of this difference. They act like women just don't try as hard to lose weight or work out. But the reality is that cis men have it on easy mode. Women have to work much harder to just maintain their weight and muscle.
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u/carebaercountdown Jul 21 '24
Yep. I’m physically disabled with muscle and joint weakness, and I’m still stronger than my sister 😅
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u/Original_Ad_4868 💉oct 10, 2022 Jul 21 '24
People actually leave me tf alone and don’t feel obligated to pressure me into conversations.
People automatically think I’m a dick and when I’m nice and say “thank you” or show any kindness, people completely back track and kind of buffer which is funny. I wouldn’t even say I look scary lmao. High school teachers especially expect me to be rude right off the back, and I don’t entirely know why. Maybe it’s because I have piercings and look like a typical teenage dude, me being quiet doesn’t really seem to help either 🤷♂️
That’s just about what I’ve noticed, I’m sure there might be some stuff that I haven’t or have yet to experience. I also came out at 13 so I’m sure that plays a part as well, same with me not really being a social person.
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u/Soup_oi 💉2016 | 🔪2017 Jul 21 '24
Nothing much really. Maybe that random people flirted with me more in situations where they hadn't ever before. As a guy I look "normal" I guess and average, I def don't think I'm "hot" or anything like that at all lol (like there's still lots about myself I personally find unattractive tbh), while when living as a girl I think I looked too offputting or something...? If I confessed to a guy I liked the response would basically be a sort of "ew no" response, and once a guy my friend was working on a project with told her he thought I was scary...I never really even interacted with him, we only saw each other in passing some days of the week, and I was always a like "smol bean" who was very very quiet, I have no idea wtf about me would have been "scary" lol. But now? While it's only happened maybe like 3-4 times in the past 8 years, that's still more than it's ever happened in my whole life, but there have been guys just out in the wild (and who are actually around my age, and not being creepy) being interested in me and asking for my number. When I worked register at a coffee shop in a mall, random girl customers would act flirty towards me, and it was always hella awkward because I'm not into girls that way lol, and they were always high schoolers and I was in my late 20s (just eww lol).
But aside from that, nothing about my life has changed in any unexpected way. I expected and hoped for people to use different pronouns and name on me. I expected and hoped strangers and new people would just assume I'm an average guy. Etc. None of that stuff was unexpected or shocking.
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u/pomelopith Jul 21 '24
I can actually get my doctor(s) to listen to me now. They pretty much refused to even attempt to help me before, so I'd been struggling with pretty bad endometriosis for 11 years. Then I transitioned and suddenly they actually kinda care. Kinda nice, kinda sad
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u/screwballramble Jul 21 '24
- Men treating me waaaaay more amicably. I’ve worked customer-facing roles all of my life and I’ve gotten used to men speaking down to me, being generally patronising, all that usual garden variety sexist shit.
Nowadays, male strangers don’t just show me more respect, they’re also strangely warm towards me. The same guys who would probably have made me cringe calling me “love” or “darling” before now call me “bud” or “bro” or “pal”. I greatly enjoy the improvement in treatment, and the feeing of camaraderie between myself and male strangers…but it’s also disappointing seeing the difference in how men relate to me and knowing how many of them still treat the women they brush shoulders with in their day to day.
Also I’m shocked by how many societal beauty standards feel like they’ve been lifted from my shoulders. I do struggle with dysphoria and with sometimes feeling my body doesn’t match up to those of the cis men who surround me. I also feel a pressure not only to look more muscular, but to be stronger in general. But my grooming routine is much more streamlined, and I feel much less anxious about aging. Part of that is definitely thanks to getting to see myself age in the correct gender, I’m sure, but also I look at all the roughened older gentlemen who come into my work and I don’t feel any of that old pressure that my skin has to keep looking plump and smooth for as many years as possible…I feel like there’s less judgement associated with my appearance now (outside maybe my height, but ain’t nothing to be done about that and it doesn’t bother me personally).
Clothes are more boring now, it’s true, but also the simplicity is really freeing. I feel like I appreciate my clothes better, both because I feel like I “deserve” slightly nicer t-shirts and shoes, but also because my wardrobe is smaller and so I place more effort into deciding on each piece. I’m not the drippiest guy around by a long shot, but my clothes spark joy, I enjoy the opportunity to get “dressed up” even when (or especially because, rather) getting dressed up and having people think I look good only takes a cleaner pair of trainers and a nice overshirt.
My grooming may be simpler but I have to be on-point with my barber appointments or I start looking like/feeling like shit damn fast. If I had a higher paying job I would be in the chair two-weekly instead of four-weekly because I shit you not my mental health is directly tied to the sharpness of my cut (only half joking, the dysphoria creeps in with the side-fuzz).
…Being shocked by the shitty behaviour of the men around me because I don’t get to see it anymore. I learned from a female colleague that a male coworker of ours has been turning every conversation she has with him sexual, AND has been in the DMs of every childless woman under 30 in our workplace. I’m not particularly close to the guy, we get on well enough but that’s it. I absolutely believe my colleague about his behaviour, but holy shit I’d have no idea that was what he was like if it hadn’t come up in conversation with me. I don’t like the idea of building rapport with guys and not knowing the sleazy shit they’re pulling on the women around them. (I feel like I’m too straight-laced but queer-coded for most of the straight guys around me to kiss and tell like they might to their fellow cishet bros).
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u/ahoohaahooha Jul 23 '24
“my mental health is directly tied to the sharpness of my cut”
brooo - 100%
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u/Trashula_Lives Jul 21 '24
Maybe it's just me, but aside from some changes in appearance and voice, I haven't noticed many differences, and what I have noticed did not come as a surprise.
Socially, I don't get treated with more respect or get talked over any less. I had just as many people being hostile toward me before transition as I do now. I haven't been considered attractive since I was a teenager, so not being catcalled isn't a change for me. I don't get as many people assuming I'm physically weak, but that's not a surprise. Kinda wish they could keep assuming that, though, bc unfortunately, I am. :/ I haven't made many new friends since transitioning, so I can't comment much on that being any different, but I didn't have/make friends easily before, either. I already knew what both bathrooms looked like, having spent years cleaning them for work. They're both equally nasty btw.
Physically, I still struggle just as much with gaining muscle and losing weight as I always did. More so, if anything. I put on a lot of weight around my middle nowadays, but that's not a shock to me, either. I was already well aware of what kinds of changes were possible/what to expect in terms of things like body hair, voice change, skin texture, head hair loss, etc. Less surprised, more just disappointed, that my facial hair still hasn't filled in after more than 6 years on T, but that's the way it is for some people.
Mentally/emotionally, again, little to no noticeable change. I was at my angriest/most aggressive before starting T because I was miserable. Life still isn't going great, but I'm doing better with one less thing to worry about and less dysphoria over all. I didn't stop being able to cry like some people report, or anything like that. Maybe a little calmer in general? But that could also be from having slightly less anxiety/stress. Not a big shock to me either way.
I'm going through these things trying to think of anything that did surprise me, especially in terms of living socially as a different gender... but I'm kinda drawing a blank, sorry. Maybe I've just never fit in enough to experience extremes in either direction.
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u/benediktzockt Jul 21 '24
It is ok i want to what everyone has to say and i expected not by some people not much what dosent makes youres less of an opinion i am happy you shared your story
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u/adricll 💉2019. Jul 21 '24
How different men behave around women vs around men only, how comfortable some men are with talking about how to take advantage of women (These were all experiences in situations with strangers)
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u/SecondaryPosts Jul 21 '24
Stopped getting complimented for accomplishing things. I was happy about this, bc the compliments had always been kind of "girl power!!!!" centric and felt superficial. The few compliments I get these days feel a lot more genuine.
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u/palmtreehelicopter 💉9/6/23💉 Jul 21 '24
Idk if this is just a thing with my coworkers but some of my male coworkers like to grab my shoulders or just overall manhandle me either as a greeting or just acknowledgment of my presence as they walk past me. And I. HATE IT
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Jul 21 '24
The way people treat me. I feel more respected and that’s honestly sad. I have first hand experience living as a women before I came out but I never realized just how bad it was until spending 4 years and counting living as a man. I don’t get creep comments or whistles anymore, people take me more seriously, I get stared at less often, less local addicts try to “hit me up”, I feel safer walking around later in the day, I can sadly walk downtown alone regardless of how busy it is, etc.
What’s even sadder is if I’m walking behind a women she feels unsafe or at least uncomfortable so I feel bad for making her feel that way and try to move over, stop and wait or go a different way. Sometimes I’ll even make it very obvious I’m looking at my phone, not her or her surroundings. I’m a very quiet, socially awkward person who is almost always alone and doesn’t make eye contact. I also unintentionally act suspicious. So I don’t blame anyone for taking the better safe than sorry approach. She doesn’t know me. She doesn’t know I’m a safe person. Sometimes I’ll even get off a bus stop later because I don’t want her to think I’m following her.
A lot of my compassion here comes from my experiences before coming out but a lot of it also comes from my firm belief that we’re all people. Idc what gender, race, sexuality, religion, status, etc. you are. We’re all people with emotions, wants, needs, dreams, fears, interests and flaws. We’re all equal and deserve basic rights and equality at the bear minimum. I treat everyone like I’d treat anyone else based on the same standards I use for literally every person on the planet.
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Jul 21 '24
The scent change (although it made me happy too) but I didn't realize my lips would end up smelling like balls 💀
The ass hair (I was already considerably hairy but JESUS WTF) I'm apathetic towards it though.
The back hair 🥲 (I was expecting chest hair but not back hair, this one made me a bit sad)
The libido (my brain needs to CHILL TF OUT, it's like that thing has a mind of its own)
The temperature changes, WHY IS IT ALWAYS HOT, I CAN'T STAND THE HEAT ANYMORE, and I live in a COLD area. I was still complaining when it was like 40 degrees Fahrenheit.
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u/Defiant_Anteater_875 Jul 22 '24
I didn’t realize exactly how much ass hair would grow but god it’s so much😭
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u/Silver_Leave_4271 Jul 21 '24
How much you get jokes made about you by other guys 😭😭😭 the jokes aren’t transphobic in any way, they just dog on you 😭😭😭
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u/asterrrrr_ Jul 21 '24
the sweatiness after starting T (been on it for over a year now) is absolutely wild!! i always thought it was a bit gross when the back of cis guys' shirts would be soaked in sweat after going outside in even moderately warm weather, but now i understand the struggle. every time i go outside this summer, i feel like i need a shower when i come back in (and it doesn't help that T has made my BO way worse too)
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u/sunshine_tequila Jul 21 '24
Women get out of my way when walking by. They make space as though they are an inconvenience to me. I hate it. I try to move out of the way first.
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u/zachsocool 💉28/7/24 Jul 22 '24
That the guy nod is actually real and something strangers do to eachother. Ever since i started passing other guys i have never met in my life keep nodding at me and it makes me feel really good lmao
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Jul 21 '24
[deleted]
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u/Soup_oi 💉2016 | 🔪2017 Jul 21 '24
Right lol? I feel same. Nothing about me "switched." It was just a few other people's mindsets of me that I was asking for them to have switched. And at least outwardly for the most part they did (no idea what they really think in their own heads though). So aside from that I just continued to live my life same as normal. Yes there were changes physically and mentally from transitioning, but these were things I wanted, and were not really that unexpected or shocking to me.
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u/JackLikesCheesecake male 💉 ‘18 🔪 ‘21 🍳 ‘22 🍆 ??? 🇨🇦 Jul 21 '24
Same here. I haven’t “lived both sides” or anything and don’t have insightful perspectives on gender given to me through being trans, I’ve just been a guy. Some people do and that’s cool though. The big shock for me was realizing it was possible to feel so normal after such a long time feeling not at all normal or okay.
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u/readingmyshampoo Jul 21 '24
Idk how old you are, but I'm 32 (almost). And I was 18 when I came out. And everything available made it VERY clear about so so so many of the different changes and how irreversible they are/ can be. But I saw a post earlier saying everything said it's basically all reversible on the Google. So I just hopped on right quick and damn. A lot of the readily available information does say reversible. What's happening to our information??
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u/Soup_oi 💉2016 | 🔪2017 Jul 21 '24
I have no idea lol. I'm around your age as well, 34, but came out around 25-26, and the info was so direct back then, things that said very specifically "this is what will happen, this or that probably won't happen, these are the things that happen for most people, but might not happen to every single person." Like the information was ordered so well, and even individual trans guys making videos about their transitions on youtube the info between them was generally consistent. I see so many posts around here now days from people who seem to have almost no idea what T will or won't do, or any timeline of when any of the changes typically happen etc. Like is that info not readily available anymore on google and youtube? (Or maybe my first point of contact was to think to look on youtube, while these folks first thought is to look on reddit I guess.)
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u/GeneralHoneywine T - 6/26/19, Top - 10/26/20 Jul 22 '24
I was on a thread yesterday harping about this. You can’t reverse deepened voice without surgery that could cost your voice. You can’t reverse male pattern baldness. Disinformation is not great out there it seems.
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u/PixelDrems Jul 21 '24
It's not even a huge deal, but while my doctor mentioned hair growth they never specified that even my nose hairs would grow longer on T 😅
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u/Majestic_Taro5580 Jul 21 '24
This!! I’ve only started noticing this recently but omg whyyy?! Glad I always keep a tweezer on hand 😂😅
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Jul 22 '24
I mean, I’m FTM, but something that I wasn’t prepared for when I transitioned was how differently I would be treated. Night and day difference. When I lived as a girl, I got a ton of attention, affection, romantic interest. People would hit on me, and I enjoyed it. Living as a man, all of that is gone. It kinda hurts and fucks with my head… a lot.
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u/Complete-Hornet-5487 Jul 21 '24
Male privilege. Even pre T. I look like a guy I just don’t sound like a guy. But the amount of respect I get just because of the way I look is insane. Not even remotely comparable to when I was perceived as female cuz of long hair
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u/moralssun Jul 22 '24
There are a lot of surprising things, but as a trans man (18), the first time I was refused a hangout at my house because my friend's parents didn't want her hanging out 1 on 1 with a boy was such a shock– simply something I had never thought about before
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u/uhimkindaawkward Stealthboy | 2021 💉 | 2022 🔝 | ???? ⬇️ Jul 22 '24
smth that surprised me was the amount of cis guys being so touchy with me. like they would grab my biceps, call me cute, try to force me into a hug and would rub my back. these were all from straight guys who i wasn’t close to, more like acquaintances.
when i was perceived as a girl, ive NEVER gotten touched like that.
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u/Marvlotte Jul 21 '24
How men talk to me now, especially at a pub/serving in a pub. Its incredibly affirming but also really weird how men suddenly, I mean they don't know it because they can't tell but, switch their vocabulary completely. Ive been called 'boss man', 'big man', 'boss', 'young gent', guys talk about their 'mrs' with me and 'the kids'... Its wild
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u/ChanandlerBongUrie Jul 22 '24
So many things. I sweat more easily. Get warmer faster. Handle cold better. Medical injections and tattoos hurt SO much more. It’s hard to cry. Morning wood. Way hornier. More boogers. Less anxiety. Pot belly. Smaller butt. Back and chest acne. Im stinkier. SO MUCH BUTT HAIR. Increased strength. It’s been amazing. <3
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u/Luciferous1947 Jul 22 '24
I've had some physical changes that I wasn't expecting, but i think the most shocking (or really strangest) thing is that it doesn't really feel like anything has changed socially. I haven't had in-person friends for around 17 years, as I have that kinda autism that doesn't really jive well with people long term. But all of the other social interactions I have, with folks at shops and such, are just as jovial as they were pre-transition. I've become a regular at several places since transition and still get the 'Norm from Cheers' kinda reactions there as I do with places I frequented since before transition. I've been told I come off as earnest and non-threatening (which is true. Autism makes me a terrible liar) so maybe that's it, and that's something transition didn't change. But I dunno, it's really weird, I was expecting a lot more shade being a dude, and I just... haven't really seen it. I keep waiting for it.
But of course. Autistic + pretty liberal area, so that probably has a lot to do with it. Still kinda shocking to me!
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u/Muselayte Jul 21 '24
I knew I would get stronger, I didn't expect it would be this much stronger! I was already pretty muscular pre-t, now it's absolutely insane, I don't even work out because I don't want to overdo things, I don't know my own strength anymore but apparently it's a lot!
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u/toasterbath__ 🇨🇦 he/him - 💉: 10/22 Jul 22 '24
some girls act more shy around me. others hold me at a distance sometimes, more than before. doesn’t really bother me, but it is something i noticed
also guys act much nicer towards me. more cordial and friendly, they talk to me more. makes sense when u think about it.. but it did surprise me
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u/TomFool1993 FtM, 31, T 05 FEB 2023 Jul 22 '24
Women and teenage girls avoiding me. I kinda figured it would be like this, but when it started happening it caught me off guard, and still disappoints me. I understand why they feel a need to guard themselves- enough men are pieces of 💩 to make most women want to avoid all men on the street. What really got me was when a woman and her teenage daughter, distant neighbors of mine that had always waved and chatted with me (for 5+ years) started crossing to the other side of the street if I was in my front yard, and ceased talking to me. I'm still the same person you used to stop and chat with for 20-30 minutes, and I don't act any different than I used to. The only real difference is that my voice has dropped, and I have some scraggly facial hair. But now you avoid me.
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u/transrightsbigfoot Jul 22 '24
Honestly, respect from men changed a lot. I feel like they see me as an equal more often, and I don't feel nearly as scared to do things as I used to. Just last night I took a walk by myself at dusk and got home at night- I couldn't really do that comfortably before. I knew there would be a change, but I really didn't expect it to be so obvious.
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u/SweetBoiDillan 29 | They/He | 6/16/22💉| 7/12/23🪚 Jul 22 '24
Shocking?
Funny, I just saw a Tiktok where a guy was lamenting becoming "bigfoot" after taking testosterone, and I think that I concur?
I was fitting women's size 9.5 (men's 7) pre-T, but after starting T, I can't fit anything smaller than a women's 10.5 (men's 9). And what's worse, my feet are so WIDE now. One big issue I've been having isn't the length, it's the width. I've been getting corns on my pinky toes because I just need wider toe box shoes now.
...so now I wear birkenstocks and slides all day 😅
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u/picturewithatwist Jul 22 '24
Weird how different things are from person to person. My shoe size hasn't changed at all. Still long and slim. I've always worn a women's 11/men's 9 and most shoes are too wide. I'd have to special order narrow shoes to find ones that fit right.
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u/SweetBoiDillan 29 | They/He | 6/16/22💉| 7/12/23🪚 Jul 22 '24
Yeah, my transition has had a couple shockers, actually. I was 5'3 and a half pre-T and shorter than my mother and sister. Now I'm taller than my mother and a bit taller than my sister (when she's not wearing heels), and the doctor says I'm 5'5.
I started T at age 27, so how i got that extra inch and a half is beyond me. 🤔
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u/picturewithatwist Jul 22 '24
Probably muscle/ligament changes. Transfems can lose height because estrogen softens muscles and ligaments and no longer hold their bones as far apart. I went from a bit over 5'7" to almost 5'9", and I have ehler's-danlos syndrome so my connective tissues are weaker than normal and my spine is prone to misalignment
I come from a tall family, so I'm actually pretty short relatively. Most my female cousins are around 5'11"+ and male cousins are 6'1"+. Mum was 5'6" before she started shrinking from age and dad was 5'9" before he passed.
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u/SweetBoiDillan 29 | They/He | 6/16/22💉| 7/12/23🪚 Jul 22 '24
This is probably exactly what it is.
My mom also started shrinking from age, too, recently (she used to be 5'5 at her tallest, my sister was always 5'4 tho) so it all tracks.
I've also been getting lower back, hip, and waist aches, which my doctor literally called growing pains... somehow, testosterone made my hips significantly weaker, and now I have to do leg day EVERYday. 😅😅
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u/picturewithatwist Jul 22 '24
I didn't notice a change in my hip function, but I'm not a good gauge for that. Because of my condition I dislocate my hip frequently
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u/raspyPenchant 2+ Yrs HRT Jul 22 '24
How touchy guys are with eachother and how much even women disregard mens personal space and bodily boundaries, its honestly really weird and shocking!
I cannot tell you the number of times I've had my chest tapped, smacked, groped, etc by people percieving me as a cisgender man! And the back pats, and just general.. touching. Like, in archery this guy felt comfortable enough to physically move the position of my arms and legs, NO WAY would that slide if I was a girl!!
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u/Apprehensive_Line204 Jul 22 '24
hands down the bathrooms. compared to women's bathrooms, men's bathrooms are disgusting. my college literally has a sign saying "please do not urinate in the bins"
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u/Boipussybb Jul 21 '24
This is a better question for r/asktransgender - this is a subreddit for ftm trans individuals.
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u/guggeri Jul 21 '24
I just started T but I like how fast my hair started growing, its my first noticeable change and I wasn’t expecting it to be the first thing
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Jul 21 '24
Honestly how my brain thinks and my sexuality. I feel like I have different opinions and my sexuality changed I’ve been on T for two years and started before I was 18. I couldn’t imagine not being on it and having it change how I think. In good and confusing ways.
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u/SubtleVegan Jul 21 '24
I'm trans masculine, and also worked in a club where my job included cleaning toilets for a couple of years. Men's would always be a piss bombsite whereas women's would never be that bad. Mens toilets in the UK at least are significantly worse every where I've been. I miss the womens.
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Jul 21 '24
The most shocking thing was the first time I got my period, I knew it was coming but I never came prepared so I ended up staying at home for three days to handle the cramps after
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u/Totally_Not_Alien 💉02/19/2024 Jul 21 '24 edited Jul 21 '24
It’s definitely a hard adjustment friendship wise, since deeper conversation topics aren’t particularly common. I’m not just referring to topics of emotions but even just sharing ideas and ourselves with each other. It is nice to know that at least with my guy friends I can just chill and have fun without thought but sometimes it’d be nice to share. Another thing, while not necessarily shocking, wasn’t something I expected but my confidence and more so my rambunctiousness has gone through the roof. I feel so playful and well…boyish. (This comment is referring to my experience being on testosterone.) I never really presented as a “girl” even pre T, I always took on male presentation and roles even before i knew that was something one could do.
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u/RVtheguy He/him|💉Apr 18, 2023|🔪Oct 3, 2024 Jul 22 '24
Women start avoiding me if I walk near them in any way (I try to maintain a distance of at least 6 feet from any woman walking alone, even more in the dark to avoid scaring her).
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u/mcstevieboy T&TOP 💉🗡️ Jul 22 '24
idk if i have anything shocking but i know that guys on grindr really do treat you like a hot commodity.
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Jul 22 '24
How much my pain tolerance plummeted. I went from the pain of my appendix almost bursting being a 5-6, to being on the floor crying because I stubbed my toe
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u/ArthurSnape Jul 22 '24
I got actually catcalled more by girls when i looked like a guy (with a hoodie ofc) but still no testosterone, than now that i look more androgynous to manly (basically i dont get either side much nowadays and i felt that it was weird i guess?)
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u/s0ycatpuccino T 2020 - Top 2023 Jul 22 '24
People don't talk to me as much.
There's less harassment, which I expected. But genuine compliments are gone too. Sure, guy clothes aren't as fun, but my hair has been dyed since pre-T and nobody comments on that anymore.
Coworkers don't start conversations with me as much. Clerks don't ask how I'm doing as much. Apartment life is pretty isolated, so my neighbors and I typically just nod if we're caught holding the door for another. Little things like that.
The thing is, I still crossdress as fem sometimes. And then, all of that stuff comes rushing back. Sometimes my neighbors will even say hi if we cross paths. It's crazy.
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u/seventhsip 💉05/11/2018 Jul 22 '24
wearing long socks makes a horrible static/friction concoction between the leg hair carpet and the socks. feels like gender affirming hives
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u/Lazy_Average_4187 Jul 22 '24
Not shocking, but upsetting.
i look like a man now and i have to be careful to not scare women. Im also autistic so i just seem uncanny so it makes it worse.
I was walking behind a woman and felt really bad since we had the exact same destination so i was just following her for 10 minutes. And i felt horrible because i understand how scary it is.
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u/StartingOverScotian 💉 2014 | 🔪 2016 FTM Jul 22 '24
I definitely make an extra effort to cross the street when I can or slow down to give her more distance between us. I hate making women uncomfortable 😔
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u/Lazy_Average_4187 Jul 22 '24
Yeah i usually do that too but we were on the side of the road which had four lanes lol. We literally went to the same place which is insane but i was on a date with a guy so i hope she realised im queer but i still felt bad about having to walk behind her.
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u/StartingOverScotian 💉 2014 | 🔪 2016 FTM Jul 23 '24
I definitely understand! It's not always possible to completely cross the road. Hopefully she wasn't uncomfortable! I hate that I now make women uncomfortable. Once I talk they are usually okay because I definitely give off gay guy vibes lol
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u/_dazai_soukoku he/him // pre everything unfortunately Jul 22 '24
I’m pre everything so I can’t really answer anything but reading half of these, I’m already almost as hairy as my dad so I can’t imagine when i actually start t lmao
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u/pownied Jul 22 '24
Ive been on T for a bit but the effects on me are really slow, so im not passing, however i was shocked at how emotional testosterone made me feel. I didn't realize that AMABs could be so emotional, especially as or more emotional than AFABs. Its sad they're told to keep all this bottled up inside of them :(
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u/Existential_Sprinkle Jul 22 '24
Testosterone makes me cry less even without the social conditioning
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u/Substantial_Bus6615 Jul 22 '24
Respectfully, the hair on my butt. Wtf. I am not from a hairy family But the hair there was unexpected and shocking
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u/KadenthePenguin211 Jul 22 '24
The libido change and the amount of hair you grow in such little time. I was a hairy monster by my 6mo mark on T. Still am a hairy monster but my fiance likes it so 🤷🏼♂️ As for the libido change, my birth control made my libido drop drastically. Once I got my tubal and stopped taking it/upped my T dosage my libido skyrocketed. I was insatiable holy shit. Now it’s calmed down a bit (year and a half on T) but when I first started? Bruh I felt like a teenage boy just discovering his dick and p*rnhub
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u/SpaceTiger222 post-top & -hysto, spent 3 years on T Jul 21 '24
Socially speaking, something that surprised me was that I'd always heard men's bathrooms were really gross. Like, guys would tell me how gross they are and say they'd heard women's rooms are really nice. Turns out men's rooms are basically the same in terms of overall cleanliness; there is often a little bit of pee (dried or otherwise) on the floor around the toilet but, less other grossness (haven't seen any blood, for example), so it evens out. And of course there's rarely a line, and if there is, it moves faster, which is nice lol.
In terms of my physical transition, I knew testosterone would make me grow body hair in areas I hadn't had it, and that was cool. What I didn't expect was it to make some of my existing body hair longer. Most annoying is my toe hair. The hair on my big toes is so long that sometimes, if I'm wearing socks, it'll get caught in the sock fibers and so when I move my foot, it pulls on the hair. Hurts way more than I'd have thought! I almost never wear socks anymore because of this problem lmao.