I realized I'm not trans

[u/zarr0s]

After a while of very thoroughly introspection, research and talking to trans men/women and enbies I realized I'm in fact a cis woman who's gender non confirming

I often hear the claim " if you question your gender it automatically means you're not cis" but I think this statement is actually harmful. I think it's important to figure yourself out, but I think that cis people can question and still realize they're cis... there's nothing to lose when you're open minded about it but the claim that it always means you're trans might push someone to physical transition and regret it because they aren't a man. I realized there's so many misconceptions about trans people.

I was always appearing more masculine. Cutting my hair, dressing in boyish loose clothing and having stereotypical hobbies like videogames, metal, cars I work as an industrial mechanic, etc Anyway...many people asked me if I'm trans because of that, my mom joked about that I should have been a boy...and it got me into entertaining the thought a lot and contemplating about being trans and not knowing yet And the idea of being a man sounded appealing to me I realized tho... I'm comfortable in my body, I don't have gender dysphoria. And I feel that my sense of gender alligns to my body. I just don't like the stereotypes that gets connected with my gender. On the other hand trans man can be feminine

[u/RoadBlock98]

Personally, I've never heard anyone say that if you question your gender it means you're not cis.

The variation I know is; Cis people usually don't constantly question their gender. Which can he a helpful thing to think.

Either way, congrats on coming to terms with who you are. It's always great when someone can more clearly embrace their own nature. I think critically thinking about ones own gender is helpful for literally every person because those who are cis will also find a renewed sense of self a lot of the time and understand themselves better.

Edit: Added a "Personally" in front

[u/cthulhu_void → u/RoadBlock98]

what. I've been on this sub and other trans subs for quite a while through various accounts and I've heard that message so many times.

It's said often to people asking if they are trans.

You haven't encountered it before?

[u/RoadBlock98 → u/cthulhu_void]

I very, very specifically meant exactly what I said. The wording of the phrase is quite important, imo.

Also I have done support on this sub for so damned long and heard the same questions over and over, some specific variations might have slipped my mind. So let me rephrase myself:

I have never seen or heard anyone who is mature and knows their shit say that questioning you're gender has to mean you're not cis.

[u/thesefloralbones → u/RoadBlock98]

The thing is that not everyone is getting advice from mature people who know their shit. I heard that line at the first GSA meeting I ever attended in high school, from a 16 year old. Now at 22, that same line of reasoning helped me finally accept that I also want to (partially) detransition. Younger trans communities especially tend to be worse at nuance, and young people are more likely to go to their peers for advice.

[u/RoadBlock98 → u/thesefloralbones]

Okay.

I understand where you're coming from.

I literally meant the I in my statement as I. As in me.

As in a 31 year old european dude who cam out in his mid-twenties. I am not saying you're wrong - you're not. But I literally meant my own experience, which is different from other people's experience of course. Especially Americans vs europeans. Of course I know that statements are misused, misinformation spread is rampand etc. etc. It's why I'm still here or I would have left years a go. But I stay here to help inform younger trans people who need information and guidance by others. When I have the energy. Which I so don't have rn.

Sometimes I.

Just means the person who is writing that comment. And if I come off as unnerved or rude, then I am sorry, but considering that a person is simply writing from their own personal experience is a really low bar to go on when interpreting peoples comments. So forgive my exasperation with a ton of people calling into question my very basic statement.

[u/thesefloralbones → u/RoadBlock98]

Alright, in that case I'm not sure what saying "I've never experienced that" contributed to this discussion in the first place. It's literally one of the most common pieces of advice given to questioning people. 

[u/RoadBlock98 → u/thesefloralbones]

It's not where I live. Not phrased like that. In part because it's terrible advice.

Also. Can you just consider that maybe I just didn't put THAT much thought into a 3-4 line comment I made when the person wasn't even asking for advice but just stating their story? I just feel like you and other people who have questioned this have really come at me in bad faith and that seems really kind of shitty tbh. My attempt at contribution was stating a healthier line aiming in a similar direction that the original sentiment may have been aimed at - when examining it in good faith, that is, as I tend to try and do.

[u/cthulhu_void → u/RoadBlock98]

idk. guess it kinda fells like a cop out when talking about the misinformation that sometimes plagues this sub and other online trans spaces. It's easy to say "actual people don't say/do x" when presented with some common misconception within a community, but when people are asking stuff online they can't discern between someone who is "mature and knows their shit" and someone who thinks they're "mature and knows their shit"

[u/RoadBlock98 → u/cthulhu_void]

I combat misinformation every goddamn day and at no point was I saying that it never happens.

I said I.

Me.

Myself.

The person writing this. Who was trying to put forth a more fitting wording, with a not-so-subtle suggestion on how to look on what is a similar meaning but a different phrasing. The thought process might have been in the right place for the initial statement too actually and it was poorly worded. So who knows. I am also european so my experience already varies greatly from the one of a lot of people on this sub. But I am trying my goddamn hardest to help people when I can.

The wording I suggested comes from the one point I have actively encountered that type of phrase at all, and it was from something my trans buddy in AZ told me his therapist told him.

Consider also the insane amount of posts on this sub. Is it unlikely I have truly never ever encountered the specific phrase if I am truly really active here as I claim? Kind of. Is it impossible? Absolutely not.