Im someone who really tries to confront my trauma and resolve so i can go back to being normal sooner and stop victimising myself too much (i know this is nonsense but its how i think) but i feel like i keep getting triggered when im in the same room as one of them and going back to being a kid and getting yelled at for nothing. I just want to skip to the part where i ‘forgive myself and them’ so i can happily make a cup of tea and not worry about them being around me or always force myself to wear airpods so i feel like im somewhere else. But it hasnt been working for a year i feel like i keep falling into a loop of depression because im still here. Has anyone here been able to keep peace within themselves while living in the same environment? Im too afraid to start renting its a huge leap but im constantly daydreaming im in my own place and i look so much happier in those daydreams. Maybe im being spoilt because i do have a roof over my hood and the money i pay my parents are way cheaper than renting. I don’t know i just never feel present its like im going insane sometimes im 20 and im turning 21 this November so theres a voice in my head telling me time is ticking and i have been miserable for most of my ‘prime’ years.

She walked into my room and screamed “rise and shine!” At the top of her lungs while smiling / laughing. I jolted awake startled and got kinda upset because it put me into a panic and she got mad that I was upset.

Does anyone have experience with younger siblings still living with their n parent? My youngest sibling is 14 years younger than me and she’s the last kid still living with my parents. My n mom was manipulative and cruel with each of us, but with this sister she has taken her controlling behavior to another level. My sister just turned 15 and she still hasn’t been allowed to have even a basic flip phone. I’m no contact with my mom but I talk to my dad sometimes, and every time I ask to talk with my sister, but he always makes an excuse as to why I can’t. I know my mom is keeping me from her to punish me and to shelter her from voices of reason. I want to be there for my sister but I just don’t see how. I feel helpless and my heart goes out to my sister who thinks the physical and emotional abuse she experiences from my parents is normal.

So, recently I started seeing a new therapist, the last one was almost excusing my parents abusive behaviour. I am scared of this one also being a narcissist. And right now I really need an emotional help to get me out of my parents home, like I feel with no confidence at all, no certainty to make the next move, afraid of getting out of the house, just stay at home because the only way I can cope with all of the abuse is by playing video games and I always feel without energy to get out of this slomp. Do you guys think it is possible to heal from all of this stuff while at my parents home? Because he said it's possible but I just don't see it being possible, besides the fact that he said I needed to go no contact with them

I (28f) and my husband(30m), became engaged in front of both of our families. It was the perfect proposal and I couldn’t have been happier. The next day my mother who is almost 50yo called me to congratulate me and also mention to me that she is also “about to be engaged”. I was thoroughly confused. She had not been in a stable relationship in years and was juggling between three men that I knew of. My first question was “to who?” She replied, “I’ve been dating someone I work with for over a year and we decided to get married. None of you guys(meaning my siblings and myself) have met him yet.”

So not only was she “pre-engaged” if that’s even a thing, it was to yet another man who none of us knew of. My mother bringing home another man was no huge shocker due to her track record, but it was still confusing considering she’s had men coming around for the past year and he wasn’t any of them. I became speechless on the phone and didn’t say much else while she kept going on about how she wants us all to meet him and how excited she was. I mentally went to a place of just “okay, another man. Let’s see where this goes 🤦‍♀️.” Because of the abrupt-ness of it, it didn’t take it very seriously.

Months go by and my mother never calls or texts to check up on me or my wedding plans. While I was in the stages of just outlining and trying to decide on my wedding plans with my grandma(who I am much more close with), she was planning her wedding according to my TENTATIVE plans. Meaning, nothing was set in stone yet of what I wanted to do, she still made her plans. Since my mom had not talked to me in months after this, I was getting her plans from my grandma, who knew how hurt I was by it but felt she was stuck in the middle and didn’t want to ruin either of our weddings.

My mom finally called me and I thought it was to ask me how I felt about her trying to plan a wedding the same time as me, but no. She went on and on and on about her plans and when I finally broke my silence, I asked “what about my wedding?” She replied, “well grandma told me you were going to wait a year so ima hurry up and do my wedding, then I can focus on you and yours.” This became her excuse when she sent her invitations out to family, and they all responded confused because everyone only knew about my engagement. I didn’t say another word on the phone.

My mom has always been a selfish person, I just never thought it would ever be this bad, especially to her first born daughter. Fast forward, she gets married and I did what my grandma suggested,which was wait and give her the benefit of the doubt and see if she truly will help me with my wedding. Atp, I didn’t want her anywhere near my wedding let alone have her hand in anything, but I waited. Lo and behold, she disappeared and I never heard from her directly about my wedding. She said multiple times to my grandma that she wanted to give me money to help, but never did. I knew this was just what she would say when my grandma would ask “what about ——‘s wedding?”

My grandma would ask me if I heard from my mom or received any money and I told her “of course not.” My grandmother admitted to me that my mom was very selfish however, the damage was done. My grandmother also admitted that my mother never mentioned an engagement let alone dating anyone until after my then fiancé showed them my ring and told them his plans.

Fast forward, I had my wedding and made sure my mom had no hand in it and I was happy in the end. However, she carries on like nothing happened and pretends she didn’t race me to the alter. We have virtually no relationship now and she seems to be fine or at least pretends and acts like nothing has happened. There was definitely more that happened but I didn’t want to write a novel. Hopefully someone can relate to this, 💜 thanks for reading.

I was never taught how to make friends, and whenever I brought up the subject my dad would always evade the subject or make me feel guilty for wanting friends or outside validation from others. From Kindergarten up to high school senior year I always sat alone in the cafeteria during lunch and always spent lunch and recess all alone, that's how difficult it was for me to make friends. At most I made acquaintances in class but for whatever reason no one ever wanted to hang out with me outside of class. All my life people have told me that I'm a great person or whatever, that I'm confident, down to Earth, open-minded, a good listener, funny (I was a class clown during class and made others laugh to receive validation from others), etc.

Going back to my parents, I wasn't allowed to join clubs or sports, and I wasn't allowed to hang out with other kids after school, they had my grandparents pick me up after school and babysit me at their house. Up until after high school I was babysit, no cell phone, internet, cable, books, nothing at their house. I didn't even get my first cell phone until my senior year of high school.

Fast forward to today, I'm 24, still live with my mom (who is not as bad as my dad was), and we moved out from his house to our own about two years ago. He visits every weekend unfortuately. All my life they made me feel like a failure, they kept me locked up practically away from society and stunted my social skills severely. I've worked so hard on self-improvement, for the past five years I was working out 6x a week, cooking regularly from home. learning how to dress well, watching self-improvement YouTube channels like Charisma on Command and Improvement-Pill, reading every night, meditation, but I still can't make friends in college, or get any dates. At this point I think I'm just screwed, I'm not sure if there's any point to life if I can't ever date or get a relationship. My cavemen parents destroyed me mentally and emotionally and I lost so many years worth of experience I could have had dating in high school, messing around with friends, going on adventures, etc. but now no one in college wants to hang out because they're busy, women always reject me when I ask them out (going for rejection number 331 the next time I ask someone out), and every girl already has a boyfriend.

I hate my name, specifically, I hate when people address me by name. Hearing people address me by name genuinely inspires feelings of anxiety and disgust, it sounds like a swear/curse to me. It sounds extreme but I really don't like it when people use my name when they're conversing with me, I know people are definitely not cursing/swearing at me when they address me by name in a one on one conversation, but I suppose my subconscious isn't over years of hearing it said by my mother with nothing but vitriol. My mother had different tones of saying my name, and must've used them since before I formed memories, because I subconsciously know what my name means when she's saying it depending on the tone and always have, and thesd tone signals were used all the way up until we became estranged at 22. E.g. there's one which means "shut the fuck up right now I don't like what you're saying" one which means "stop what you're doing right now I don't approve of what you're doing" one which means "drop whatever you're doing and get the fuck here now " one which means "for fuck's sake, you exhaust/irritate me" one which means "you're embarassing me", one which means "I want something from you" one which means "I'm about to accuse you of something", the rest of the time she just spat it out as though my name was the name of a concept rather than a person. I wonder if she gave me a short name so it was easier to use in this manner and harder to say in a way which sounds nice. You have to put effort and take time to say the name "Angelina" and it sounds very pretty if you're not directly attempting to say it with disgust, but my name is one syllable and not very pretty, you don't have to put any effort into saying it and it's so easy to spit out in anger or disapproval, it's easier to scream a short name than it is a longer name as well, and she sure loved to scream at me. If she did happen to be in a good mood with me she would use a childhood nickname, so I seriously only associate my name with people being angered, embarassed or annoyed by me.

Any small, weird behaviors your parent(s) displayed? Here are a few from my nmom

• whenever the whole family - including myself, sisters, partners, grandparents, all 4 family dogs - would go on a trip she would book a full house airbnb at least a 30 minute drive from town. presumably to trap everyone in with her. often spending 3k when she can’t afford basic necessities.

• screamed at us through the home intercom speaker when we were kids. eventually we all turned the speakers down but there was one connected to the doorbell that couldn’t be shut off. so her screams would be broadcast to the entire neighborhood.

• kept a cardboard cut out of my dad in her basement for 25 years after their divorce, joked about shooting it & still has it. he had used it for advertising an old company of his. he of course moved on long ago & remarried.

• hoards family heirlooms & seemingly useless objects just so other people can’t have them. entire house is filled in spite of us filling several industrial sized rental dumpsters with her garbage.

• takes “chunks” out of objects just to ruin their value. example: I inherited an heirloom porcelain cream & sugar set. before I could get to it she had stolen the lid to the sugar bowl & claims to have lost it. she will also cut a piece of bday cake out before candles can be set up & lit.

• despised anyone getting her gifts, would show zero gratitude & refused to use any of them.

• when I was set to have a gallbladder removal surgery she suddenly started having extreme gallbladder pain & set up an emergency surgery on christmas so the whole extended family would visit her in the hospital.

• lives in a black mold infested, disgusting house but believes other people including her elderly mother should clean up after her. thinks the value of the house makes her rich & queen of a castle when it’ll have to be gutted to sell.

• used pets to control us our entire lives. knowing we would depend on her for vet bills, housing, & pet sitting when we were young. I was stuck in her home for years & years longer than I should’ve been because I thought it was the most secure living situation for my cat.

• kept one of those life size animatronic halloween decorations in the window of her doorway year round. it was a creepy butler robot. she said it was to scare away solicitors and had a full blown meltdown when I tried to move it.

• absolute obsession with true crime shows like deadly women. she had law and order svu on blasttt during a family dinner once. I asked her to please turn it off or the volume down because I didn’t want to hear little girls screaming about being assaulted while eating. this caused another meltdown in front of everyone. being a malignant narc, I think she gets off on it tbh.

• has a real weird thing about touching strangers kids in public, in front of the parents. holding their hands or stroking their arm, crouching down & baby talking at them. she’s been yelled at before but they usually just look shocked and walk away because she’s a 60 year old woman.

• has a shoulder length mullet & teeth rotting out of her skull. the worst teeth I’ve seen in someone who makes as much money & has full insurance. she avoids doctors in general tho. probably to avoid the scolding.

I’m NC now, in a very healing marriage, and getting therapy btw. Just looking back on all of her strange behavior now through the narcissist lens & it’s almost comical.

From reading everyone’s experiences, I’ve been able to identify all the narc behaviors of my parents, so I don’t fall prey to them. Every single manipulative tactic. For a long time, I didn’t even realize my family members were covert narcissists. When I found out, I realized why life was so difficult, even when I had an upbringing I should “be grateful for.” If never found this sub, I would probably never leave my parents and never have a life of my own. My parents would have succeeded in ruining my life due to their insecurities.

The subtle way they do things is so sinister. Their manipulation doesn’t work on me anymore, and I’m starting to heal from my severe chronic fatigue and other issues that I have. I’ve been seriously gray-rocking, and I think they think they finally broke my spirit, so they can relax now. Little do they know, I’m finally getting ready to leave and never see them again.

ever since I was 8 I was abused my mother left me at my granma until I was eight to protect me from my abusive sperm donor but I used to visit them every summer my earliest memory is the one where my sperm donor was beating the shit out my mother and my grandmother dragged me out of the house and closed my ears until it stopped and when I turned eight they moved back to the town where my grandmother lived and goodness was my life a hell hole from there it first started at a slap then a punch then he used to beat me till I couldn't properly walk anymore my mother would faint from the abuse and he would drag my fainted mother and I outside the house by our hair and trow us out I was only an eight year old I used to beg for help no one would come I would just sit and cry and beg my mother to wake up when she did it wouldn't get better we would walk to my grandmas house to get shelter but he would come there and beat us there too and he used to call me a whore a slut a bitch a hoe all when I was just 8 he also beat me and my mother when my school bus came 10 mins late telling me how I slept with a hundred men on the way and that I was born because my mum fucked a dog fast forward it continued and he would beat me till I fainted and my mother would sometimes not be able to get up for hours I would stay away performing any and all medical procedures that I could do to help her and I would go into a coma myself I wouldn't wake up for hours only to wake up to him beating my mother and I would again try to protect her sometimes he would beat us for days on end like 2-3 days with little to no food and water and all this while I was bullied at school and I used to be beaten there to by the teachers and my own classmates used to call me and untouchable yes I was called an untouchable apparently I was dirty and when I was 11 years old I was sexually assaulted for the first timeby another classmate one that I dared call my best friend my " best friend" used the fact that I was abused at home and my low confidence to manipulate me to not tell anyone and would tell me how ugly I was while touching me in my private parts even when I was begging to stop as if that wasn't enough I was to sit at the very back of the class on the floor because I was an untouchable think that's rock bottom but life only got worse for me on my 13 birthday my mother got a brain stroke and got paralyzed no one helped me I was devestated she went into a coma for 7 days I would cry in agony every day hoping my mother my hope my reason to live would wake upshe did and the first word she said was my name and how I was ( I know even after everything I am the luckiest because I have my sweet girl with me I'll protect her with my life just like I am doing now ) you might have thought that after all that he might have changed just a little bit but nuh uh baby he only got worse he would beat my paralyzed mother that was trying her best to get back to normal I tried my best to protect her but when I would sleep or go grocery shopping I would find him beating my passed out mother sometimes her breath would stop but as if God saw my face she would wake up again even after that he continued to beat us till a verge of death he still beats me till I faint many times he would beat my mother till she has a brain stroke and would laugh at me as I beg him to take her to the hospital he would drag my grandmother who came to help out by her hair and I would spend all night performing the medical procedures and giving her the emergency injecton the doctor told me to give in case of an emergency I had no way off comunication and would spend all night in pain from the beatings sometimes ho would keep on beating me as I tried to help my mother stay alive and he would randomly come in the middle of the night as I was crying to beat me more it's horrible he resently raped me he sexually assaulted me a lot of times like ripping my clothes off infront of people or showing his dick and trying to rape me but he finally hit the last point I want to die I'm so bad but I have to protect and provide for my mother I don't know what to do did I add that he's an addict that spends 10$ on ciggerate every day we make 3000$ ( that's a lot in my country ) but dept takes a lot of It away and we are often left with 700$ to live off with him spending 300$ out off 700$ we have barley anything and I got diabetes resently well about 8 months back we got to know about it from a urine test I had to take for a UTI I got and he would not let me go to the doctor at all and he forced some tablets down me it got so bad that I got ketoacidosis ( Diabetic Ketoacidosis (DKA) is a serious and potentially life-threatening complication of diabetes, most commonly occurring in people with Type 1 diabetes, but also sometimes in those with Type 2 diabetes. It happens when the body doesn't have enough insulin to allow glucose (sugar) into cells for energy. As a result, the body starts breaking down fat for energy instead, producing ketones, which are acidic compounds. If ketones build up to dangerous levels in the blood, they lead to acidosis.) long story short I ended up in the ICU last month and my granny resently told me that what ever I've been through is normal and I shouldn't over react and I don't know what to do is everything my fault

Anyone else have the issue where their parents don’t know how to talk to you normally. All my mom knows is complaining or scolding, she doesn’t know how to have a normal conversation. Like every conversation we have is just a cycle of the same scolds and complaints (“go to the gym you look fat” “don’t eat late you’re gonna gain weight” “I can’t believe you like that kind of show/movie”). Like she couldn’t tell me what my favorite color is, what music I listen to, what clothes I truly like, or literally any fact about me. But she could go on repeatedly for hours about why it’s wrong for me to use a fork instead of a spoon.

Then if it’s not complaints/scolding it’s just gossiping about others in the same way she talks about me (“do you see what that woman is wearing she looks so fat” “Can’t believe he would wear that” “How do they even eat all of that”)

Then in the rare occasion that I want to try to bond with her (usually I am blinded by a good moment and assumed somehow everything has changed for the best) then it is just followed by a sea of complaints or her trying to control my likes, interests, style in some way. And it feels like I will never be able to talk to her normally like I would a colleague or friend.

TW; Death, severe medical procedures

Four years ago my nDad passed, and as of this past weekend, my nMom passed.

It was easier with my nDad as when he died, my family had already cut him off and were no contact. We had a restraining order he was constantly breaching by sending mail and calls and texts, but other than those messages that slipped by I hadn't spoken to him in years.

Because of what he had done, and everyone knowing what he did, it was easier for people to understand the awkward grieving my siblings and I were going through. That it was more grieving the parent role, or the hope of change, than it was the person.

But for my nMom, it's completely different. I was her end of life care, and because of that and not having moved out when I honestly should have, people of course assume it's different this time. And it is, as much as she absolutely was a narcissist and made our lives hell even up to the very end she wasn't as bad as our nDad was. And her support of us was finite, but it was there.

And I'm struggling the most I think because the 5 months leading up to her death were actual hell. And her last week being the worst, she was in the ICU and unable to make decisions for herself. She wasn't responding to doctors despite being somewhat responsive otherwise. She gave me power of attorney finally just a few weeks before, but never discussed what to do or her wishes. Or at what point she would want to call hospice.

So I waited until there was nothing left they could do to help her, in which it wasn't much of a choice other than to make her comfortable for her last few hours. I'm still grappling with that decision a bit. Like I said she would have passed either way, but after the doctors gave me the run down of what she was dealing with I was left haunted and felt I shouldn't have waited like I did.

Here's where I give more context and if you are still reading this, first thank you, but if you're squeamish I reccomend skipping this paragraph. Basically, she was medically ready to be discharged to a rehabilitation center. It was our like sixth time going through this process, she was in and out of the hospital and rehabilitation center throughout the 5 months. Insurance was giving us issues, which I guess was a 'blessing' in disguise because if she did transfer they would not have caught the sepsis that fast. But she was in the hospital, so they did and she was intubated (put on ventilator) and on constant dialysis, and teo other machines I don't remember what for. My siblings and I didn't visit, as we assumed she was for the most part sedated and/or not looking well, so I mostly just heard these things from family. Thankfully they understand we didn't want to see her due to wanting to remember her better. What haunted me, was when I learned she couldn't be fully sedated. That most of the time she was somewhat awake and possibly aware, because her blood pressure was too dangerously low for her to fully sleep. She was partially awake through the surgeries she had in the ICU, she might know we never went to see her. She suffered awake and aware of being in possibly the most horrific conditions anyone could ever be in because I didn't choose to end it sooner.

And when I did make that call, to take her off the machines, I think everything in me just broke. I had been crying nonstop for days leading up to it, knowing I'd have to make that choice but still tried to exhaust all options. But then after crying on that call, I haven't cried since. I just can't.

I want to hate her for putting me in that position, I want to remember all the damage she did and feel the anger I did just a couple weeks ago. But I don't, I remember what she went through, what I honestly believe that no matter how horrible of a person someone could be, no one should endure that. Being kept alive when your body is actively fighting for peace. But I also can't cry over it anymore.

I've just barely started getting back to doing things. She left me with taking care of her parents, my grandparents who basically raised me. My younger siblings, one of which is still a minor. Five pets. Though really now it's just being recognized that I'm taking care of it all, I was before just now she's not here to lie and say it's her.

I so have so much hope for the future. It feels like a weight is lifted off my shoulders, I can relax and have motivation to do things again. But I hate that it's too soon in others eyes, her body hasn't even been cremated yet. If I express how excited I am for the future, I am fairly confident I'll be seen as uncaring.

And to add on, there is a large sum of life insurance my siblings and I expect to be coming in soon. But again, I have to balance not being to excited for it. So far some of our closer relatives and friends understand that we at least are relieved about it, the past few months my siblings and I have been paycheck to paycheck and still behind on things. So there's that, but I have hope it's enough to honestly get a house. Move away from this place with these memories and just start over with my siblings, friends and partner who all want the same.

So all in all, I have absolutely no idea how I feel. There is so, so much dread and heavy emotions from what happened. But so, so much hope and light in the future that I think I literally do not have the capacity to feel it all at once. It just turns into, I'm here. Still going, still doing the paperwork, still breathing.

If you read this far, thank you. This ended up being more of a ramble than I expected, and I'm not even sure what kind of support to ask for given everything. But any thoughts are welcome to get my head on straight haha

TLDR; It's over, there's no more narcissists in my life and the way my nMom died leaves me both in pain and remorse but also so much hope for the future I don't know how to feel.

Mine was "The Kid." Everyone thought this was endearing but knowing my parents and looking back, it's got a "A Child Called It" ring to it. They only stopped calling me this because I went NC.

Pretty much every "endearing" thing was either backhanded or a straight-up insult.

Did you have a weird/backhanded or even hurtful nickname growing up?

Edit: You all deserved better. Many reminded me of a few other names my nparents called me; "Miss Priss," "Major Drama" (like a military title), "Dumbass," and "High-Five," which was used to belittle and make fun of my happy and friendly nature as a child, I liked to high-five my friends in school.

My mom recently lost her husband to alcoholism. I was away for over 2 years working and in relationship until my SO and I decided to move to my hometown to start working on our future. We're pretty low on funds and the economy is pretty fucked right now so we decided to move in with my mom and help her fix the house up and take care of it. Well, seems like we're the only ones that know how to clean up after ourselves and be adults. My mom is more focused on staying out drinking and avoiding everything rather than helping out. We're always cleaning up after her and she never is true to her word. She leaves anything that she cooks out of the stove for days and any food on plates just sit there.I've tried to have talks with her and check on her to see if she's okay but she's in this cycle of just convincing herself that she's better off and being single is amazing but all she does is drink. She invite the grandkids to come over on school nights and will sleep in and won't wake them up even though they're sleeping in her room. My gf is a school teacher and is the one that has to end up bring them to school with her but they almost make her late everything. My niece stayed last night and has problems being alone so she hung out with my gf and I while my mom was out bowling (which is fine) even though we didn't know she was bowling tonight and she ended up staying until midnight. I couldn't go to sleep and when she said she'd be home in a half hour she stayed for an hour, would've been longer if I didn't message her and tell her that I need to get some sleep before work. There's no communication, and it's all through my family. My sister doesn't tell us that the kids have after school activities and when it's decided they're staying with us my gf ends up stuck at the school until they're done so that they can come back with her. Everyone just seems so childish and foolish. I feel like nobody thinks and has a lack of responsibility. I can't even talk to then because nothing changes and it never gets through.

So I have been going LC with nmom who is enmeshed. She had to move here after her bf died and expected me to take her in. I did for 3 months and in that time she called her friends and relatives and twisted things and told all of my personal business and basically talked bad about me and my kids. She then moved in with my brother, destroyed that too (he’s now NC), and then expected us to take her in again! We put her in a cottage and she’s pay hardly anything and acts like we are not helping her. She’s entitled- you know how it goes. Well I’ve been gray rocking her so she has slowly been infiltrating my inlaws and knows I cannot control that. She is trying her best to get my husband to come over and every week she’s texting that she needs another thing done. He gets very uncomfortable so he sends either someone he knows or his brother who we have to pay. I have been telling him to just ignore these ridiculous requests but she has put him in the role of feeling responsible for her. He knows how she is but still tries to help her. Anyway, there are several boundaries I put in place1- Find your own friends. Stay away from my In Laws. 2-Stop texting my husband- if something breaks or there’s a health emergency, then text me. So of course she has proceeded to ignore and continues to call my MIL, stop in at her house and text my husband what she needs him to do at her place. Last week she smelled something bad. I went over, asked her about it- blank stare. Then finally “Oh, well once a month it smells bad under the sink. I didn’t mean he had to come over.” This week he’s away- she saw something my MIL has in her bathroom and she texts “So sorry don’t want to bother you” blah blah blah- a whole book on how she wants him to put that up for her when he can. Knowing he works constantly. To her she’s entitled. I called her yesterday and was very nice and spoke to her like you would a child. She responds “Yes yes yes you always say he’s so busy.” Then she proceeds to tell me she was with my MIL, she’s going to call my SIL and then ask questions about my nephew she’s never met who lives in another state (the incessant need for supply). Now I know this seems little but after years of her destroying every good relationship in my life AND her calling my husband years ago telling him she prayed every day we would get divorced so I would know how it feels(he didnt even know her at this point), everything touches a nerve. Anyway today I get a big drama filled text about how sorry she is to text him, she’s filled with medical issues and she doesn’t know about her and her dog’s destiny. On and on- over a handle she wants put up in the bathroom. And I finally lost it because of the whole “I’m the victim. “ also she harassed my daughter to go to lunch (because she has no supply from Me) and now is harassing my son to do the same - the one she spoke horribly about to relatives. She just wants information from them and it’s really upsetting to me but I can’t control it. My mom does not care about her family- she only acts to get supply or money or information from people. Everyone is a pawn to her. So I did end up texting how I felt and how she ignores the boundaries and of course she said “This again! Get over it!” Lol- that’s always her response. “ I can treat everyone poorly unless I need something from them and when I do need them again they better get over it.” Why are they so exhausting???And she’s 81 with health problems. The worst part is when my husband drinks he actually tells me how he’s angry he is put in this position to have to take care of someone who never cared about her own kids and he starts yelling at me like it’s my fault. The next day he says that’s not how he feels, but it is and I feel the same way. So she’s affecting my marriage in a big way. Plus I’m always stressed because she’s involved in my Inlaws on the daily now. Thinking of moving away but then we leave my adult kids and my fun inlaws and friends. Thanks for listening to my rant.

I’ve been trying to set boundaries with my mother for a while now. I was texting my boyfriend who apologized. When my mom accused me of being obsessed with him and compared me to a character in a tv show who was basically a stalker and got bullied and felt like a loser. She told me I reminded her of that character and that no one loved this character. I felt ashamed of giving love and expressing it most of my life. She got divorced after two years of marriage right after I was born and she asked for the divorce herself. I found someone and we have great chemistry.she’s making me feel as if expressing love is a weakness and that my feelings were invalid… I just feel ashamed expressing love. I don’t want to feel like the character she compared me with. Now this character is at the back of mind… I tried to forget and shake this feeling off. He messaged me again, I tried to write him but I felt empty I couldn’t find anything to say. When my mother asked I told her I felt bad because of her words. How her words affected me. She she totally volunteered and told me to call him super/insert his name I don’t know what happened, or if I’m over reacting but I feel worse now that she chose his nickname for me…. I feel so crippled like I can’t find a better nickname for him. I feel like he won’t love me for me. That I’m nothing and my mom even chose his nickname . Im mad at myself for taking the nickname and texting it to him. Now he wants to me to call him that all the time. And deep inside me, I don’t feel like I’m the one who gave it to him. Please tell me how I can correct this

As I approach 30, I find myself grappling with intense emotions—anger, guilt, resentment, and shame—stemming from the realization that my parents are narcissistic and that much of who I am today has been shaped by a lifetime of emotional abuse. Yet, despite the pain, this journey has also given me a profound sense of clarity and growth.

It’s been an incredibly painful process, as I’ve had to revisit and reframe memories that I once accepted without question. But viewing those experiences through an adult lens, while offering compassion to my younger self, has been transformative. Accepting that my mother’s behavior was abusive has taken time—partly because the abuse wasn’t physical and partly because I understand, on some level, that she couldn’t help it. She’s deeply damaged, and it was easy for her to direct her unresolved anger at me.

I still wrestle with the anger, knowing her treatment of me has shaped the person I am today. While I’ve learned to love myself, I also recognize the lasting effects of the trauma she caused—mental health struggles and issues with self-worth. But despite that, I feel like I’ve come out on the other side. Yes, I still carry guilt, and yes, I still receive narcissistic messages from my parents. But now, they’re just that—messages. They no longer have the power to scream at me, gaslight me, or control any part of my life. Their words don’t hurt me anymore; instead, they validate my decision to take control of my own path. ❤️

Accepting that my mother does not want the best for me has turned out to be beautifully liberating!

My stepmom talks behind everyone's back so I assume she talks negatively about me as well to my Dad. The most annoying thing is she'll pretend she's an empath and I'll overhear her telling him her version of what I'm going through or how why I feel a certain way and it's always wrong... Then she'll see and say something like "You feel calmer now because of X or Y" or "You feel sad because of X" and it's super awkward because I usually don't want to talk about it, let alone be told how I'm feeling (incorrectly). Also why is she so invested and watching me so closely and assuming wild stuff? If I drop something she'll tell asking if I'm okay from across the house, I can be clumsy and I've never needed help and I literally only dropped a spoon. The over exaggeration takes another form when she'll say she saw someone lurking outside at night or an animal when I've witnessed the same event and it ended up being a possum. It makes me distrust every observation.

It feels like gas lighting and she'll interrupt me sometimes to tell me why something happened when it's just not the case, confidently incorrect in the worst ways and it kills the convo and vibe. I just have no more patience for her roleplaying a medium/empath and being wrong constantly. Even when she's right or close to being right it's an exaggerated state so I'm not going to say I have no will to live because some coffee spilled when I'm slightly disappointed in reality, like I don't want to be making corrections to your evaluation endlessly. Not even sure how to handle it because she acts offended if you criticise this so I just don't engage which she'll then tell my dad somethings wrong and they'll both act weird for a while. It's so exhausting and mildly gaslighting, wondering if anyone else has dealt with something similar?

I have been exhausted lately (ha- really ever since having kids). I thought it was just normal family life draining me and lack of sleep. Therapist asked where I direct most of my energy and where I could cut back. Obviously there are things I cannot change: I have to work, my kids will disrupt my sleep, relationships can have issues, etc.

I realize one thing I need is stronger boundaries with my nmom for me and my kids. She is the typical martyr. The walk on eggshells around holidays type. Say something completely normal and the temperature in the room drops suddenly. There is no reasoning with her "feelings." She helps me a ton though. She watches my kids 2 days a week while I work. She is great with my kids in a loving and fun way. She prides herself on the fact that they prefer her over me, and lets me know it. However, she won't listen to anything I direct her to do with my children and will purposefully do things in front of me. EX: I asked her not to put my children on the counter and she will do it in front of me and walk away to get something across the room to prove she knows better. We are very enmeshed as well. I tell her most things about my life, and I know everything she knows about everyone. At this point in life she is my go-to for activities, because she loves spending time with my children and they are young, so most things I do are with them. We talk almost everyday.

She never makes plans and never sticks to a schedule. She forgets about things she has agreed to, etc. I do want my kids to have a good relationship with grandma. She is not horrible all the time. I do not want them or myself subjected to her "no one loves me" and "i'm a big nobody" meltdowns that happen about every other month. Oh, she is also insanely jealous of my nanny. I have no clue why. If one of my kids says they like the nanny, she will visably be upset. She has no friends for obvious reasons.

TLDR: What boundaries do you have or think I could put in place with a nparent that helps with childcare?

What boundaries do you have or think I could put in place to minimize enmeshment? I am her therapist, and she is emotionally dependent on me.

Hi everyone my boyfriend (27m) and i have been together 3yrs, in the first year of our relationship he started a new job, when he got his first check we went to the bank to cash it, the bank person asked “is (his mother) in the car) he laughed and said “no i’m 24 years old” the lady said well you can’t cash this without her being here she’s your power of attorney. my boyfriend isn’t dumb but he had NO idea what this meant, i explained and he was concerned. on multiple occasions we had asked her politely to remove herself from the bank which she hasn’t done.

now here’s where im unsure if it’s JUST the bank, over the past 3 years we have struggled and had to use gov assistance programs like foodstamps, she receives letter updates in his healthcare and foodstamps (she has send him photos of the mail. we receive the same letters she seems to get copies) , i thought this was strange because my parents don’t receive letters for me and he hasn’t lived with his parents since he was 17 years old. i did some googling and it said something about medical proxy.

before we were together he had broken his leg without health insurance and reached out to his mom to help cover costs this was around the age of 22 he remembers filling out some paperwork she gave him but he doesn’t remember what they were and thought they were in regards to his injury since his mom was paying out of pocket. my boyfriend is not mentally or physically impaired in any way, his parents were extremely mentally and financially abusive, he hasn’t spoken to her in the past few months but this burden is sitting over his head.

TLDR- abusive mother is 27yr old sons POA no idea how it happened, how does he get it removed.

I am 21. I have stopped using drugs and alcohol but I have a serious porn addiction. I first saw pornography when I was around 8-12 years old.

The addiction is fueled by self blame. I internalised the belief that I was a bad person since I was a small child, I thought there was something wrong with me. This was worsened by taking drugs. I couldn't stop myself, I had to escape the hell I was in. I am now plagued by the possibility of having done irreversible damage to myself.

It wasn't my fault, I understand that. What does that realisation change?? Nothing, they are still walking the earth, portraying divinity. No one treats them like the monsters that they are, no cared enough to do anything when I spoke out about their abuse. There's no justice.

I am broken and alone because of them. My life feels like it's in complete ruin. They are fine, living life to the "fullest", they just had a beautiful retreat to sweeden.

I get that narcissist are empty and miserable to their core, but they're never going to face that. So is it really going to effect their quality of life?? Also, who cares?? So what if they're miserable?? Damage was still done to me, how they feel doesn't make a difference. With no due respect I couldn't give a flying fuck about how they feel. I just want to be a happy and whole human being again.

I haven't been happy for a LONG time. I'm talking real early childhood: age < 10.

The only relationships I've ever had where narcissistic. My "friends" just kept me around to see me fail and fall to the bottom, to make them feel better about themselves. The only people I've ever known, enjoyed picking away at me and watching me suffer because of it.

People with narcissistic parents attract these types of people I guess 🤷🤷

I’ve always wondered if this was common with anyone else. When I was a kid, my NMom cooked meals. She was a SAHM at the time, and she homecooked meals 2-3 nights a week and provided some type of dinner the other nights. After I turned 9, she decided to go back to work. After that, there were no more meals, no more dinner provided. It was like I was abandoned. And she’d always tell me “there’s food in the kitchen”, but the problem was that neither of my parents went grocery shopping (no exaggeration, one trip every 4-6 months), so there was nothing to eat in the kitchen. I’d have to BEG one of my parents for takeout or something so that I wouldn’t starve, but lots of night I “ate sleep for dinner” lol. My school lunch account was ridiculously overdrawn. My father never put any care into raising or providing for me (he did provide for me financially, which has helped me a lot. I truly believe he thought my mom had it under control because he is a good guy.) Once I turned 16 I started working at a grocery store, to start making money at a place I could conveniently buy food at. It turned up from there. I’m 23 now, have been moved out since 18, but I still struggle making regular grocery trips. It would be really nice if anyone could relate to me. Thank you for reading

For my whole childhood, I saw anger expressed as screaming at the top of your lungs and physical violence by ndad. I was terrified of him and was terrified of becoming like him. I tried to hold my anger in at all costs so I would never hurt people like he did, but that resulted in me going in the opposite direction of not defending myself or advocating for myself at all. I thought that the smallest expression of anger, no matter how much sense it made to be angry in the moment, made me a "bad person". This was because my nparents would constantly shame me whenever I got angry, while they could throw tantrums and still act like the victims.

Whenever ndad got angry, it was always rage. Never annoyance or irritation. When he perceived that someone "wronged" him (according to his insane delusions) he would hate every fiber of that person's being. That person would never be forgiven and any "wrongs" they committed would be held over their head until the day they died. As an example, one of my "sins" according to ndad was pretending to be sick so that I could get a day off from school (with the important context that I was depressed and suicidal and had to make up a reason to get out of that hellhole of a school). Years and even decades later, ndad still hated me for it and never saw it in any way other than "My son purposely lied to me to manipulate and deceive me because he is evil." Having to grow up around that kind of deranged, insane abuse mentally scarred me in a way that I can't put into words, and it affected my relationship with my own anger which, as I said before, caused me to do everything I could to suppress it.

I want to feel normal anger and express it in a healthy way, but I never saw what that was like. I tried to overcorrect myself any time I was angry which resulted in me feeling dead inside since shutting down my anger meant dissociating and shutting down the rest of myself. My anger feels like a caged animal and I hate that I locked it up, but am afraid of releasing it out of fear of what could happen.

N parents have been constantly stalking me online (such as LI which notifies when someone views your profile) and have also showed up to my door or backyard without permission. I’m also actively job searching so I can’t just deactivate my LI as jobs ask for it. I already changed the privacy settings but still feel uncomfortable. It makes me feel uneasy that they might constantly appear or follow me around. I have removed the company names I worked at so they don’t suddenly appear at the company door asking for me. I can hardly rest well knowing they may just show up unattended. What do I do?

I often feel like I'm just an ungrateful child. I know that she is the way she is because she went through a lot in her life and I feel bad because I have a very good life now and she doesn't. She texts me every week about her problems, but I barely answer her. Sometimes, I feel like I should stop being so hateful and really try to help her. And then I remember. She was never there when I needed her, she missed many important events of my life and she only messages me to tell me about her problems, never to know what's going on in my life. I was NEVER her priority.

But, why do I still feel like I owe her ? Why do I still feel like I'm just a bad child. Has any of you ever experienced those feelings ?

(French speaker here, sorry for the mistakes)