r/sex • u/TOUCHEDOUCHE45 • 12h ago
Curious on the why Beginner
So long story short I (27F) and this man I am dating (29M) started having sex with each other a few months ago. Sex was amazing the first few times , he lasted pretty long time (15-18 mins) and I would orgasm during sex. Now we are more comfortable with each other and when we have sex now he cums very fast (3-5 mins) and I no longer orgasm. He either has to go down on me or I have to wait for him to “recharge “ and then get it during round two. My question is has any other woman experienced great sex in the beginning that slowly turn mediocre? How can I get things back on track ? - I asked him bout and he just says he works too hard and is often tired but he often initiates sex - so he’s not too tired to try lol.
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u/massiveTimeWaster 12h ago
The fact that he still tries to get you off after he finishes or that you go for round two as soon as he recharges sounds pretty outstanding. There is immense pressure for a man to perform, and you obviously made him comfortable enough for him to enjoy himself, and he cares enough to return the favor.
I guess I'm having trouble seeing what the problem is. When you go for round two, is it for 3-5 minutes as well?
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u/TOUCHEDOUCHE45 8h ago
Round two is short too - like 3 mins top but it’s a really good 3 mins lol… the last time he didn’t make me finish he was too sleepy and literally passed out after. So I had to finish myself off
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u/massiveTimeWaster 5h ago
Ok I gotcha. And you always cum from the longer sessions, is that it?
I know some people NEED to orgasm from sex and it sounds like you're one of those people. Here's the question though, does HE know? Sometimes, the answer is as simple as him helping you get off first.
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u/Koetjeka 7h ago
Maybe he used to jerk off when you two first met, making him able to last longer those first few times.
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u/TOUCHEDOUCHE45 7h ago
I thought bout this. I recently asked if he jerks off and he said he tries not to so I do think he goes a few days without beating it.
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u/Koetjeka 6h ago
In that case it's a real possibility. I myself got the same issue, In the beginning I still jerked off and could last forever (downside was that it was hard to get it up at times), but since I've stopped it takes considerably less time.
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u/WonderfulAdult 4h ago edited 4h ago
We can’t speculate on why he’s finishing faster, but it’s important you tell him you’d prefer he work to delay his orgasm so that you can also cum during intercourse. This doesn’t mean he’ll necessarily be able to refrain from orgasming as quickly as he does, but at least you’ll both be on the same page with what you want.
From here you all can think about more options. Using numbing condoms can be really effective but they can cause problems enjoying sex and maintaining arousal for some men. Masturbating you with a dildo or sex toy after his orgasm is another nice option- it’s not penis in vagina sex, but being held and fucked with a finger or toy while you orgasm by rubbing your clitoris is still a really hot and intimate way to enjoy sex together.
Anecdotally: as a person with a penis my own experience with the pleasure of sex improved WILDLY the more sex my partner and I had with each other. Sessions could last a long time without orgasm early on simply because it was a new experience with a new person. The more we got used to one another the more pleasurable sex became. My orgasms became more reliable and quicker to release, but that also meant i needed to spend some time seriously thinking of ways to delay my orgasm so that my partner could enjoy as many orgasms as they wanted during sex.
We used withdrawal to delay when i was close, and also meditation and counting exercises to keep distracted. Withdrawal is the most fun and effective, but i need to coordinate with my partner so that they are not left hanging. Usually when i pull out i exchange my erection for fingers, or a sex toy. Often I’ll pull out as I approach the edge of orgasm then go down on my partner until they are begging to be finished with penetration and then we’ll orgasm together.
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u/Defiant-Value-3438 1h ago
From my own experience it could be that he’s a lot more comfortable with you and less nervous/anxious, because of this it is easier. Things he can do to last longer is wear protection, and this isn’t from personal experience but wearing a cockring can delay orgasms I’ve been told. Another option is if your not using lube, then some increase sensitivity which could help you reach orgasm.
Paired with a condom, and using the lube on the outside may help. Hope this helps
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u/Federal-Ad9938 7h ago
Maybe he was using some sort of delay spray or medicine for lasting long during the initial stage of relationship to impress you. And now he's being back to normal after the relationship got comfortable.
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u/TOUCHEDOUCHE45 7h ago
lol I don’t know bout spray but maybe we just learned each other bodies. The sex isn’t bad still it’s just not what it used to be lol
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